Food etiquette question

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just_jess7
just_jess7 Posts: 271 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?
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Replies

  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
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    No I don't think it's rude to bring a dish to a family gathering. If that dish is a nice salad, veggies or fruit, even better.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    If you know you're just going to have to take the leftovers home, take something you don't mind having leftovers of and use it for lunches etc after.
  • just_jess7
    just_jess7 Posts: 271 Member
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    It's not so much the leftovers I mind - it's the fact that so much of it ends up wasted and in the trash because people will dish themselves out some and then not eat it, etc.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I think that's just something that comes with 'bring a dish' type events, unfortunately.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    For me there's no question here. You don't have to eat something just because someone offered it to you. You have every right to say "I'm not putting this in my body", and hope people would understand. Your body isn't a waste bin.

    If you don't want to bring your own food, eat before you go there and just have some drinks and a salad if they offer it. That's what I do when I know the dinner I'm going to won't have suitable options for me. Usually no one notices.
  • 2nd_Coffee
    2nd_Coffee Posts: 10
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    I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

    By your own admission, they would be considered rude not eating what you have brought. I think the whole "it's rude not to eat food offered" was more for the time we were kids and would say " I don't want that". Just my two cents.
  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 409 Member
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    I would think if you are making a lifestyle change the best option in the long run maybe to bring a dish of what you want and let there be waste or take home if that happens.

    - people with peanut allergy kids usually bring a safe dessert
    - vegetarians usually bring a vegetarian dish
    For you, look for the base proteins (eat legit portions of the chicken, turkey or ham), eat very small portions of others, it can work if you plan your day. Just watch how you talk to yourself (like justifying things not in your plan).

    One cool thing could be an injection of healthy options to the family.
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
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    Pack your own food and bring it with you. Health first.

    Also, it's family, not the sultan of a foreing land or future in-laws you're meeting for the first time, so there's no ettiquette problem. They're family - and probably at least contributory to your not being a healthy weight at that.
  • rondaj05
    rondaj05 Posts: 497 Member
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    For me there's no question here. You don't have to eat something just because someone offered it to you. You have every right to say "I'm not putting this in my body", and hope people would understand. Your body isn't a waste bin.

    If you don't want to bring your own food, eat before you go there and just have some drinks and a salad if they offer it. That's what I do when I know the dinner I'm going to won't have suitable options for me. Usually no one notices.

    +1
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    It is hard I know, but you have the right to eat what is good for your body.

    Funny, I used to feel so guilty when I was changing my lifestyle. I'd go to a friend's party and not eat their food, and would be sure every eye was on me.

    Now that I have a medical condition which prohibits me from gluten, tomatoes, citrus, alcohol and high fats, I find that no one cares! (I don't tell people of my issues, I just go and eat what I know I can)

    So bring what you want your family to eat, dole out that food, and enjoy time with your family! That is just my humble opinion of course.:flowerforyou:
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
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    I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

    That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

    I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

    Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?


    I think the question is being slightly missed.. If I read this right your saying bring a small salad or something just for yourself to eat since you don't want to waste the big dish (veggies,etc) and you don't want to eat the food they have... then yes, it would be rude for you do to that. Just nibble at what's being offered, or continue to bring a large dish, but move it down a size or two (smaller bowls)
  • 2nd_Coffee
    2nd_Coffee Posts: 10
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    I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

    That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

    I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

    Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?


    I think the question is being slightly missed.. If I read this right your saying bring a small salad or something just for yourself to eat since you don't want to waste the big dish (veggies,etc) and you don't want to eat the food they have... then yes, it would be rude for you do to that. Just nibble at what's being offered, or continue to bring a large dish, but move it down a size or two (smaller bowls)

    Great point.
  • punkypenny
    punkypenny Posts: 99 Member
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    I hear you. My mom will sometimes make me large dishes of pasta or sweets to take home. I used to argue with her about it but now I just take it, say thank you, then bring it to work for my co-workers to enjoy.

    If you allow yourself a cheat meal during the week maybe you could save it for the family gathering and have a little of the "bad" stuff with what you bring. As far as people wasting what you bring, maybe just make or bring half as much. Take as much as you want and leave the rest for whoever wants it. If they see there isn't very much, they may be inclined to take less of it.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    I have a lot of food intolerances, and I bring my own food to family gatherings. Everyone knows about it by now, and no one thinks anything of it anymore. It shouldn't be any different because you choose to eat differently than what is being offered. You should be free to bring the kind of food you prefer to eat (and enough to share), and choose not to eat the kinds of food you don't want to. If others take the food you brought and toss it out, well, that's what happens at family gatherings. People take stuff, decide they don't like it or took too much and toss it out. Not the end of the world.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
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    I think you should keep taking enough to share (even if it's a bit less, like others here have mentioned). It sounds like the family could stand to have some healthy options around anyway. ;) It's good to keep family traditions, and it sounds like sharing is a big thing for your family! Always travel with Tupperware if you're worried about waste.
  • Ctrum69
    Ctrum69 Posts: 308 Member
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    Heheh.. take a tray of cut veggies.. and an awesome dip to go with em.

    People will eat just about anything if it gets dip in their mouths. You can just eat the veggies.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I agree that it's kind of rude to bring something for yourself unless you have an actual medical condition that doesn't allow you to partake in the food offered. Better to bring something you know you can have and still share with others. As others mentioned, waste is part of functions like this. They took it thinking it looked good but decided they didn't want it after all. Or maybe there was something they didn't like the taste of. Hard to say for sure.

    I've found a healthy pasta salad can be a big hit. Whole wheat/grain pasta, tons of different colored veggies (tomato, yellow pepper, zucchini, etc), a little low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni and fat free italian. Gets gobbled up every time.

    @ Ctrum69, good point on the dip. OP, are you providing dip/salad dressing to go with your veggies/fruit? Might get more attention that way and you can make tasty dips in a healthy manner.
  • SummerIsis
    SummerIsis Posts: 141 Member
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    Fruit on skewers might grab people's attention. Everyone loves a skewer! ;)
  • Ctrum69
    Ctrum69 Posts: 308 Member
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    I agree that it's kind of rude to bring something for yourself unless you have an actual medical condition that doesn't allow you to partake in the food offered. Better to bring something you know you can have and still share with others. As others mentioned, waste is part of functions like this. They took it thinking it looked good but decided they didn't want it after all. Or maybe there was something they didn't like the taste of. Hard to say for sure.

    I've found a healthy pasta salad can be a big hit. Whole wheat/grain pasta, tons of different colored veggies (tomato, yellow pepper, zucchini, etc), a little low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni and fat free italian. Gets gobbled up every time.

    @ Ctrum69, good point on the dip. OP, are you providing dip/salad dressing to go with your veggies/fruit? Might get more attention that way and you can make tasty dips in a healthy manner.

    Define "medical condition"

    Far as I'm concerned, I'm on a lifestyle choice of eating that is promoting weight loss, and it's just as "medical condition" as a dairy intolerance.

    I see no difference between bringing my own food, if nothing I "can eat' is offered, than bringing my own almond milk or dairy free dessert if I'm lactose intolerant.

    I can't eat artifical colors or flavors, as they are huge ADHD triggers for me. That means I pass up on just about every dessert people make. If they are offended, that's their problem, not mine.

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