30lb weight gain, binging, skipping class, help?

azyzzam
azyzzam Posts: 36
in Motivation and Support
Hello everyone,

I'm going to be quick and to the point, I gained 30 lbs from binge eating in the past two months. I was 116 and am now 143 lbs. all of my jeans are to too tight to wear so I've been wearing fat jeans from when I was 166 lbs. I keep skipping class (college) because I binge before and physically would not make it through class. Usually I'm so full that I have to throw up, but then I go right after and eat more.

I'm estimating 8000 cals most days, today was probably 4000. I'm not really depressed but I binge because I'm fat. I tried therapy and counseling but didn't work, actually made it worse bc I was thinking abt it more.

Maybe 3 out of the seven days I don't binge I exercise and eat healthy. Today I didn't exercise, but I will tomorrow morning. I just can't face myself though and everyone else at school. They've noticed the weight gain and I just feel so horrible when I have to talk to my professor (he was the same as last year) and it's getting worse and worse bc I'm becoming too fat and lazy to study. I am so behind in all my classes I am terrified of how much studying I need to do and how horrible the consequences will be if I don't. But at the same time I don't want ANYONE to see me bc of how fat I have gotten. I even don't want to go the gym bc the same people are there that actually talk to me and keep staring at me. The weight gain is mostly on my face thighs and stomach so it's very obvious btw.

I'm going to go to the gym tommorow or workout from home and eat 'normal' but how do face the weight gain? It's my fault for binging but any tips on how to not fat shame myself until I look normal again? I can't afford to skip anymore classes in fear of failing.

Thank you

Replies

  • acb2144
    acb2144 Posts: 34
    My heart hurts reading your post, as I know I've been there before: feeling like I can't begin to fix the problem and so continue to compound it.
    But know that people are self-interested. They are preoccupied with their own worries and self-perceptions and issues. Even if they notice your weight gain, I can guarantee you that they're not dwelling on it. Please don't let what someone else might think stand in the way of beginning to feel strong and healthy again. You are your own world, and there's so much more to your world than food and weight.
    Just on a practical note; 1) please get counseling help as soon as you can. It can be such a relief just to acknowledge feelings. 2) please talk to your professors right away. They do not care if you've gained weight; they care if you learn and complete the work, and hopefully they care if you're mentally healthy. If it's so bad that you can't catch up at this point, talk to the medical/psych staff at your university to see what your options are. I'm a professor and the worst thing is when students just disappear. leaving me no way to help or begin to address the problem.
    I wish you the best.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Please get professional help - you are on a self destructive path and you will need help to turn around.

    Your university likely has a counselling center that you can go to for free. Go today.

    Like the previous poster, I am a professor and it causes me no end of anxiety when a student just disappears. And my experience is that once they have missed a few classes, they become "pop up" students who only show up once every few weeks, UNLESS they seek professional help to support them in getting back on track.
  • sjaykay13
    sjaykay13 Posts: 74
    I am so so sorry that you are struggling this way. I had a similar experience in college, I binged whenever I could and I ballooned up. Not only did my health suffer but my grades did too. This reply is for support, that you are not the only binge eater out there, and that you can get through this. The weight is just a side effect of the real problem: binge eating. Most universities have free counseling and I REALLY encourage you to go to a few sessions. I went on and off but I wish I had utilized it more. Counselors help you talk through what's going on and help reassure you that you can do it!!! Exercising the next day is only addressing part of the problem. I think you are courageous for posting here and I think you are strong enough to find the help that you need!! I still struggle every day but I am so much healthier than I have ever been and you can get through this too!!
  • liftsforchocolate
    liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
    I'm sorry you're going through this, but I was in the same situation also. I know people will disagree but I'm going to say that professional help can help, but really its YOU who can change this.

    Instead of thinking about it, JUST DO IT. Sorry for the caps, but I really mean it. The more you think about it, the longer it will take.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
    If professional help didn't work before then try again. Given the magnitude of the problem you are describing you need to get it addressed.

    When I was at university there was an Overeaters Anonymous group that was run through the health centre, perhaps something like that would be worth looking into. I also get that thinking about it makes it worse but you have to start somewhere and perhaps it is worth things getting temporarily worse if in the long term you can get a handle on it.

    Please get help, it's heartbreaking reading your post and also such a waste of your time at college if your binge eating is affecting your ability to go to class and achieve what you want to.

    Good luck
  • Whambam087
    Whambam087 Posts: 170
    I'm just going to take a wager and bet that the food your binging on contains a lot of wheat and sugar. They have been shown to be highly addictive substances and I totally believe it because when I don't eat that stuff I simply don't crave it, but give me a little and its like I can't get enough. Even if I don't binge and exercise moderation and self-control I'm still thinking about how nice it would be to have more which makes it more of a struggle to resist. Cutting out wheat (and practically all grains for that matter-but wheat is the worst offender of them all) has made all the difference for me, and maybe going wheat free would help you too.
  • nenshali
    nenshali Posts: 331 Member
    Some general advice:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1198789-how-to-stay-motivated-while-being-depressed-after-a-relapse



    Continue with therapy. I know it's hard, but you cannot do this on your own. There is MORE behind this except "you being fat", trust me. There is more behind this.
    That you gained some weight is a side effect, but it is not the cause. And If you do not work to find out what the real cause(s) are, you can't fix the problem! And trust me, if you were magically superskinny again overnight, the problem would not just disappear!

    Try not to fix everything in one sitting, because it's too much.

    You are under a lots of stress. And I don't even think that you are too lazy to study; you are overwhelmed! And that is a difference. And do you know what the problem with this is?
    Instead of focussing on studying, you give yourself in into your binges (which is emotional eating, you are eating your feelings!) and then you, of course, cannot focus on your studies as much as you should.
    But by this you are missing more and more of your classes, there is more and more to study and the bigger this mountain of study work gets, the harder it is to go against it, because you don't really believe that you can do it.

    And if you are going to fail anyway, why try? Why give in and embarrass yourself by showing your failing? So of course, it's hard to go to school.

    I can not stress it out enough; seek professional help. There are several possibilities and sometimes, it's just the person who is not the right choice. My last therapist also did not help me, but it pressured me even more. But I'm super content and happy with my therapist right now and just now I realize that all those years that I spend by trying to get over this on my own- I HAD NO CHANCE.

    You are struggling, and that's okay. This happens. I know you are afraid, I know you are afraid to go to classes because you have this huge disadvantage that through your weight gain, people see that something changes, whereas other people can hide stuff like this better (because they don't turn to food but maybe other not- working, dysfunctional behaviour that destroys them, it's just not so easy to notice for other people). You don't need to feel ashamed, because it is not your fault.
    It is not your fault.

    It is not your fault. BUT. This does not mean that you are powerless, okay? You are not responsible for getting into this situation, but it is YOUR responsibility, to get out of this again.
    And this includes that you have to build up the courage to ask for professional help.
    You are strong and you can do this.


    Good luck ♥
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    You are not describing normal overeating, you are describing some sort of disorder and nothing you read or hear will help you. Get an appointment with a psychiatrist, you need professional help and you deserve to feel better. And needing help is nothign to be ashamed or worry about.

Categories