I am so scared, I really need help :'( (URGENT)

I am not proud of what I've done and I really hate myself for this happening.

Last week, I went to my friends house. We like eachother and at first it was all innocent but then he started taking off my bottoms, I tried to stop him and I kept telling him to stop and that I didn't want it, but he wouldn't listen. He penetrated me and he wasn't using a condom. He only stopped when I started crying, he apologised and has been since it happened. I had to stop him from committing suicide a few days ago.

I am terrified of being pregnant, I'm only 19, I'm not ready to be a mum. When can I take a pregnancy test to find out? I need to find out ASAP :'(

If I do end up pregnant, how dangerous are abortions?

Replies

  • kymberlin
    kymberlin Posts: 113 Member
    this sounds serious. like someone else should get involved. But there is a morning after pill, check with planned parenthood. But really think you should talk to someone for help.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
    But don't I need the morning after pill the day after it happened?
  • Vivx
    Vivx Posts: 121
    72 hours is the maximum but if not u need to go to a clinic and make sure u arent pregnant !
    i hope ur ok and if u need anything mail me im 19 and im a yung mum ! its hard work so if u need anything im here !
    u shud maybe explain to ur gp what happened tho ! x
  • Caperfae
    Caperfae Posts: 433
    Eeek , I am sorry you are going through this.
    Technically a pregnancy test can be taken 2 weeks after ovulation but since you aren't planning a pregnancy you probably aren't sure when that happened. You can probably take one in another week though since it will be two weeks after intercourse. Are you sure he "finished" (if you know what I mean).

    I think you both need to speak to someone. You said you stopped him from committing suicide the other day. That's serious because there's no coming back from that if he ever tries again and succeeds.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Hi,

    The best thing you should do is see a doctor. Even if you are afraid to talk to him/.her they are sworn to confidentialty. Pregnancy is not the only issue. You also want to rule out any possible STD's. As for abortion, that is a very personal choice and one you will need to live with for the rest of your life should you ever be in a situation where you want to end a pregnancy. Make sure you have an open and honest conversation with a medical practioner. Get all your facts ( pros/ cons) before making a decision.

    And Please don't hate yourself! At least you know you are not ready to make that step.

    Best of luck
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Hi there, oh hun, I'm sorry for what has happened to you..
    I will say this though, the chances of you being pregnant are incredibly low HOWEVER...you could still be pregnant. How many days ago did this occur? If it was more than 72hours ago, I'm afraid the morning after pill wont be much use.

    You should test when your period is due..there are even some tests that can tell you a few days before you are due. If you are infact pregnant, then you need to consider your options very carefully. I am in the UK and only know how things are done over here...not through experience though. The risks of abortion increase the longer the pregnancy increases.

    However,
    1) I doubt very much you are pregnant
    2) If you are, you need to consider your options very carefully... abortions can have a great affect on your psychological well being....but so can having children after this kind of experience
    3) You need to consider whether you will be taking this further...afterall what he did was illegal..

    Only YOU can decide what will happen...
    Take Care :flowerforyou:
  • Vivx
    Vivx Posts: 121
    and as for abortions there is a few ways they can be performed !
    as soon as ur find out ur result and decide what u want to do dont leave it to late make sure u go on with ur decision !
    the longer u leaver it the harder it is on u !
    so make sure u keep ontop of things ! x
  • pamp1emousse
    pamp1emousse Posts: 282 Member
    I think you have up to 72 hours. Either way, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about all of this and I can't imagine how awful it all must be for you! All I can say is please try not to blame yourself or be ashamed of what happened because I really can't see how any of this is your fault... what happened must have been horrible for you and when you're ready maybe there's someone around you you could talk to about it? It sounds like you have way too many things going on to be able to cope with this on your own. Im sorry I can't really answer any of your questions - I'm not really sure of the answers, but if you're thinking about an abortion then I'd recommend seeing a doctor asap to try and figure out your options
    I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, just wanted to show my support. Sounds like you're a real trooper :flowerforyou:
  • Vivx
    Vivx Posts: 121
    Hi there, oh hun, I'm sorry for what has happened to you..
    I will say this though, the chances of you being pregnant are incredibly low HOWEVER...you could still be pregnant. How many days ago did this occur? If it was more than 72hours ago, I'm afraid the morning after pill wont be much use.

    You should test when your period is due..there are even some tests that can tell you a few days before you are due. If you are infact pregnant, then you need to consider your options very carefully. I am in the UK and only know how things are done over here...not through experience though. The risks of abortion increase the longer the pregnancy increases.

    However,
    1) I doubt very much you are pregnant
    2) If you are, you need to consider your options very carefully... abortions can have a great affect on your psychological well being....but so can having children after this kind of experience
    3) You need to consider whether you will be taking this further...afterall what he did was illegal..

    Only YOU can decide what will happen...
    Take Care :flowerforyou:
    you couldnt ask for beter advice than that !! xxx
  • annaoj99
    annaoj99 Posts: 5 Member
    You can take the morning after pill up to three days after unprotected sex but it does get less effective the longer you leave it.
    Please talk to someone about what happened and if your friend tried to commit suicide try to get him to seek help as well.

    Hope everything works out ok.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
    I can't thank you all enough, thank you so much for helping me :'(

    Thing is, I'm scared of going to see my doctor without my parents finding out what happened, if they find out they will kill me and I'm not even exaggeratting, THEY WILL KILL ME.

    I'll take a test today and take another one next week. It would be pointless taking the mporning after pill on the 7th day wouldn't it?
  • pamp1emousse
    pamp1emousse Posts: 282 Member
    I can't thank you all enough, thank you so much for helping me :'(

    Thing is, I'm scared of going to see my doctor without my parents finding out what happened, if they find out they will kill me and I'm not even exaggeratting, THEY WILL KILL ME.

    I'll take a test today and take another one next week. It would be pointless taking the mporning after pill on the 7th day wouldn't it?

    Your visits to your doctor should be completely confidential.. But if you're still worried do you have free sexual health clinics in the US like we have here? I'm not sure about after 7 days.. you could ask the pharmacist? They'll let you know.
  • Doctor and a blood test. You'll find out if there is ANY HCG (the pregnant hormone) in your system at any point after conception.
    The doctor will also be able to send you to a women's clinic if you need to go through the abortion process.
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    I can't thank you all enough, thank you so much for helping me :'(

    Thing is, I'm scared of going to see my doctor without my parents finding out what happened, if they find out they will kill me and I'm not even exaggeratting, THEY WILL KILL ME.

    I'll take a test today and take another one next week. It would be pointless taking the mporning after pill on the 7th day wouldn't it?

    No, you cannot take the morning after pill now. Your doctor will not be able to tell anyone! And if he does, he is breaking the law and many ethical regulations. This wasn't your fault however and therefore you have nothing to be afraid of...your parents would have no reason to be angry at you...that is however, your decision to tell them or not.

    You don't even have to see your GP if you don't want to...there are organisations out there who will guide you through your options. Take Care :flowerforyou:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    If you did not consent, you are also the victim of a crime.

    You should not be ashamed, only he should be. What he did was reprehensible.

    A doctor will not be able to tell your parents, and can test you for not only pregnancy, but STDs.
  • pamp1emousse
    pamp1emousse Posts: 282 Member
    I can't thank you all enough, thank you so much for helping me :'(

    Thing is, I'm scared of going to see my doctor without my parents finding out what happened, if they find out they will kill me and I'm not even exaggeratting, THEY WILL KILL ME.

    I'll take a test today and take another one next week. It would be pointless taking the mporning after pill on the 7th day wouldn't it?

    Your visits to your doctor should be completely confidential.. But if you're still worried do you have free sexual health clinics in the US like we have here? I'm not sure about after 7 days.. you could ask the pharmacist? They'll let you know.

    I just saw in your profile that youre from London too! If you're worried about going to your family's doctor you can go into any hospital or GUM clinic and see someone completely removed from your family. Another GP surgery may see you too if you describe your circumstances. Maybe you can share all of this with a friend so they can join you for support? This is a lot to deal with on your own
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
    IF IT IS WITHIN 5 DAYS REQUEST AN EMERGENCY COIL FITTING

    If its longer than that then speak to your Dr or a womens clinic. They will talk you thru all the options in confidence.
  • Hi, so sorry this happened to you. I'm furious.
    Talk to a doctor, find out what your situation is, urgently. NOW.
    He has big issues. From the moment he starts undressing you to the point there's a penetration, theres a lot of "no"s involved.
    You are young, probably like him very much, and he trespassed a very clear line. He must have counsel, therapy or whatever, urgently.
    Don't be ashamed, he should be.
    Don't feel responsible for his suicidal attempt. He is. Probably managed to do it so you could be there to stop him. Don't let him dragg you into that.

    AND HE SOULD BE HAVING TESTS DONE TOO, damn it.

    Hope you get over this and be ok!.
    Jane.
  • I can't thank you all enough, thank you so much for helping me :'(

    Thing is, I'm scared of going to see my doctor without my parents finding out what happened, if they find out they will kill me and I'm not even exaggeratting, THEY WILL KILL ME.

    I'll take a test today and take another one next week. It would be pointless taking the mporning after pill on the 7th day wouldn't it?

    Going to the GP is completely confidential... you are best off going to them because they will give you all the advice you could want and the help and support you will need.

    You have to wait 2-3 weeks to enable a pregnancy test to be effective as far as I'm aware... Good Luck. As it sounded from your message (and if it reassures you any) I think there's a low chance you will be pregnant. Try not to worry too much about it because the stress of the situation won't help matters.
  • diverdi
    diverdi Posts: 64 Member
    If you are in London you can attend one of the Rape Crisis Centres. These are fantastic facillities with very kind female nurses and doctors. They can talk you through your options regarding testing, treatments and offer counselling. They are free but not connected to your GP and no-one needs to know you have been.
    It sounds like you are too late for the morning after pill and coil but there is a new MAP out that has some effectiveness even after 5 days that might be an option.
  • LilynEdensmom
    LilynEdensmom Posts: 612 Member
    I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. The morning after pill is effective for up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, however the sooner you take it the better. You need to see a dr, not only for the pregnancy test, but honestly for other STD test, and they can start you on antibiotics now, as a just in case. I have been in your situation and it is scary and sad. But know that it is not your fault and if this person was any type of man he should have stopped when you said stop.

    You can message me if you ever want to talk. *gentle hugs*
  • vickiele1
    vickiele1 Posts: 394 Member
    you really need to see medical professional. You do not have to name the guy, but you should be checked out - this is rape - unfortunately, the guy's remorse is a little late. You are not responsible for him or his emotions - please seek assistance the hospital and rape/sexual assault professionals can provide direction regarding pregnancy, etc.

    Vickie
  • sutil
    sutil Posts: 3 Member
    plan b works for 72 hours...
  • I am sorry this hapened to you. I feel your pain despite the fact that I have never been raped before myself. But, I know that this a very serious situation and the first thing you must consider is yourself. I really admire you for being compasssionate to your friend, who hurt you, and being willing to care about his well being. However, he needs to be reported for what he did and even if you decide to not report for this is your choice and you have to do what is best for you. He needs counseling because he may have done this in the past or will do it in the future to others. Especially if he has some issue that is causing him to do this that obviously has not been resolved. Another thing don't hate yourself. Remember no one who is raped asked for this to happen to them. You have to understand that you were taken advantage of, violated, and you did not deserve this. Sometimes, victims, who have been raped feel like they did something to put themselves in this situation. However, you do not!!! I understand 100% you not wanting to tell your parents. I believe if I am not mistaken you have a muslim background, and I have researched and read articles about how people were raped , and still killed by their families despite this not being their fault. So, you are smart not to tell your folks. Being the fact that you are over 18 your medical information is confidential I am not sure if the HIPAA law is valid in England, but I am sure you go by something similar to that. Go to the clinic that someone else mentioned for rape victims, because these people are experts at getting you the resources u need such as pregnancy testing, std testing, and helping you make the right descision for you if are pregnant. I will be praying for you and I hope that you are not pregnant or have an std (which I am thinking u probably have neither problem). Take care of yourself and take advantage of the resources that are given to you that can help you through this process. Most important of all, have a support system even if it's friends outside your family you will definitely need them to help you through this process.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    Honestly, I know this is a difficult situation, but if it were me, I don't care how well you know the person, GO TO THE COPS!!!! Having intercourse with someone that isn't approving IS RAPE!!! I hope you can get past this, but I would avoid anyone who raped me.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    You have done nothing wrong! You were raped. Your so-called friend is the one who did something wrong. You DID NOT "let this happen". All the advice given so far is spot on. I highly recommend you go to the nearest rape crisis center and let them help you. If it were me, I'd also report this to the police. If he's done this to you, he WILL do it to someone else. Perhaps you're not his first victim.

    Don't think for a minute that you can just try to forget this ever happened. Most sexual assualts are, unfortunately, commited by someone known to the victim. The longer you wait to get help, the harder it could be on you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I could, I'd fly over there right now and stick a knife in this prick's throat, but that's not an option. Sorry to vent........

    Above all, stay away from this guy. He's a rapist and you aren't responsible for his "guilt". He is. He was more than capable of taking care of himself when he needed to fulfill his sick desires, and he can take care of himself now. Wishing you all the best.
  • kennedar
    kennedar Posts: 306 Member
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I was molested as a child, and have had a large amount of contact with the abuse clinics here for phychological help. Someone upthread mentioned a rape crisis centre. I am in Canada, but the one that I worked with here was beyond amazing. They were free, had no contact to me or my family, and were amazing at helping with all the issues that I needed to work through. I would really recommend calling one, it was the best thing I have ever done. You do not need to leave your real name or any identifying information and they will only call you if they have your permission. They are used to dealing with people in situations just like yours, where there is real risk to your safety if anyone finds out.

    Someone upthread said that in London they can provide medical testing as well? You need to have a pregnancy test and full STD test run now and another STD test in a few months because some STDs can take a long time to show up. If the pregnancy test comes back positive, you will need to make some serious decisions about what you want to do. Your therapist at the rape crisis centre will be able to help you weigh the positives and the negetives of whatever you chose.

    As to pressing charges, I completely understand why you are reluctant. Who you chose to tell and when is completely up to you. There is nothing wrong with whichever choice you make. Again, a good therapist can help you make that choice and deal with whatever fallout occurs because of it.

    If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. Lots of hugs to you, know that you did nothing wrong. There is absolutely nothing that you could do to prevent it. Good luck.
  • kennedar
    kennedar Posts: 306 Member
    One other note, HCG takes up to 7 days after conception to show up in your blood stream and conception can happen up to 5 days after intercourse. That means that you need to wait 2 weeks for a pregnancy test to be completely accurate sadly, even if it is a blood test.
  • nsueflorence
    nsueflorence Posts: 295 Member
    please make sure you get tested as well. What he did to you was wrong.
This discussion has been closed.