Relationship help!

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WhisperAnne
WhisperAnne Posts: 453
in Chit-Chat
I am very confused, and none of my personal friends and family are really any help..I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years ( broke up last summer, got back together after 3 months) and lately I've been bored and disinterested. Again..I do love him and care for him greatly but not seeing each other much and not having any common interests is starting to take it's toll I think..my question is, can this relationship be saved? he is perfectly okay being bored and not doing anything. He treats me good, and is super nice. But he never goes out of his way to do anything for me, he has no life goals..( we've only been on one date..a real date that doesn't include hanging out at each other's houses) I have no desire to date anyone else either. Ugh. I just need advise, anything really.
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  • Behxo
    Behxo Posts: 1,190 Member
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    nope, relationships have to have compatibility and you want a life partner that you can always have fun with. Having no life goals is another big no no for me, my last ex had ZERO ambition to do anything which means he'd come crawling to me if he had no money because he didn't work enough.
  • ND_Figgzie
    ND_Figgzie Posts: 1,480
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    Don't settle.......if it doesn't work now, it won't get better especially after 5 years.......you can find someone that challenges you, laughs with you, cares for you, loves you.........he is out there darlin'
  • WhisperAnne
    WhisperAnne Posts: 453
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    We honestly have zero common interests, and he is super into gaming. I'm not and could care less about games. But it's all he talks about and wants to do. I know this sounds childish but he is 21 years old. He takes no interest in my hobbies and never has much to say when I try to have a meaningful conversation.
  • ND_Figgzie
    ND_Figgzie Posts: 1,480
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    You sound like you already know it's not going to work.........what are you waiting for?
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
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    What are you doing, stuck with someone, who made you feel bored and disinterested? It wont be love and care ,if you already feel this bored and disinterested to someone you care.

    Best option: Move on, be yourself for awhile, find your own goals and purposes in life.

    Last option: Stay as it is ,if you afraid to hurt him emotionally, but since you mentioned "he is perfectly okay being bored and not doing anything. He treats me good, and is super nice. But he never goes out of his way to do anything for me, he has no life goals"
    I think he can move on perfectly fine by himself.

    You dont have to date anyone, until you are ready to care for someone greatly..if you have nothing to tie you down,like responsibilities.

    You are fine being alone,it is a much more carefree feeling than you ever feel, that's where you can think clearly and rationally. If you scare you might hurt him by telling I want some space, imagine in next 3-5 years, you still have the same feelings of boredom & stagnant,nothing much improvement being done, isnt that a waste of time for both of you two?

    You dont have to take my words into heart, if you not ready to move on.. its all depends on how you want it to be done
  • resistance_freak
    resistance_freak Posts: 899
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    you are clearly not into this guy. move on.
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
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    We honestly have zero common interests, and he is super into gaming. I'm not and could care less about games. But it's all he talks about and wants to do. I know this sounds childish but he is 21 years old. He takes no interest in my hobbies and never has much to say when I try to have a meaningful conversation.

    You both still too young ..Move on.. There's much better options for you. You will be glad to have made a better choice who share laughter with you, cares for you, understand of who and what you are.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Define work.

    If you mean can two people like you guys eventually get married? Sure. Will things magically change? Probably not. Will you end up divorced? Probably.
  • WhisperAnne
    WhisperAnne Posts: 453
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    Define work.

    If you mean can two people like you guys eventually get married? Sure. Will things magically change? Probably not. Will you end up divorced? Probably.

    In no way shape or form am I ready for marriage. I have thought of it, but know he is in no position to have the responsibility of being a husband and provider.
  • WoodenLamb
    WoodenLamb Posts: 21 Member
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    One of my best friends has been dading a guy for about 5 or 6 years. They don't have anything in common. He's actually into video games and cars, but is so lame he's never even done a doughnut in his car - and she is into fashion and baking. They are companions. But they do nothing adventurous. Nothing exciting. I think he has the personality of a cardboard box. I think they should break up, but they never do. I think when you have been with someone for so long it's hard to imagine starting over again with someone new or even just being single. If this sounds like your situation... i must say i recomend parting ways.
  • JenniCali1000
    JenniCali1000 Posts: 646 Member
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    Don't settle.......if it doesn't work now, it won't get better especially after 5 years.......you can find someone that challenges you, laughs with you, cares for you, loves you.........he is out there darlin'

    Agree!!
  • krisjackson31105
    krisjackson31105 Posts: 160 Member
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    Well looks to me u need to move on.I am sure it is hard for u to do so.If he cared enough about u he would bend over backwards for you but some people don't have that in them.If I like a female I would go out of my way to do stuff.Sometimes doing the little things matter the most.So good luck to u.
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
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    If there is no passion in the relationship and he doesn't make you want to be a better person, there is no reason to stay together.
  • bigbarnold
    bigbarnold Posts: 2,554 Member
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    Sounds like to me he really is not a mature person. Don't sell yourself short! You deserve someone who has dreams, goals and someone who will encourage you to pursue your own goals and dreams. Even though he is a "nice person" that just isn't enough! There has to be more! It a hard thing to do, but if your unhappy now it will just get worst with time. Now, if you really really LOVE him you need to talk to him about your concerns with your relationship. Sometime guys will get into a "everything is ok mode". They just don't see the problem, that is why IF he is important to you TELL him and then if he doesn't make a huge improvement, you have a choice to make... Good luck in no matter what choice you make!
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    We honestly have zero common interests, and he is super into gaming. I'm not and could care less about games. But it's all he talks about and wants to do. I know this sounds childish but he is 21 years old. He takes no interest in my hobbies and never has much to say when I try to have a meaningful conversation.

    OMG, you're dating my ex. zero common interests, all he wanted to do was game on the xbox (wearing the headset and talking to random people when his girlfriend was in the same room) and role play on the computer (secondlife and f-list...became...obsessions). when he wasn't doing this, we were either fighting or i was fighting to get him to at least say something meaningful in a conversation.

    Yeah. Did I mention he's an EX?
  • creativerick
    creativerick Posts: 270 Member
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    Don't turn this into attack of the gamers thread.



    Thanks.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    5 years in a boring relationship with a guy who is unambitious and has nothing in common with you

    Sounds like time for a baby.
  • Val_67
    Val_67 Posts: 23
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    You sound like you already know it's not going to work.........what are you waiting for?

    Exactly. I am actually married and have 2 children with the guy I'm married to, & I know that once he starts being so uninterested in making things work, & once you don't find him interesting anymore, it is done. You have nothing like children holding you back, so just move on to the next.
  • sarahc142
    sarahc142 Posts: 156
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    I just got out of a relationship like this so I know everyone saying "just break up already" don't know how hard that is if there's nothing obviously wrong with the relationship.

    What my mom told me is that if you're not feeling that spark in the relationship anymore, it's time to move on, and if you're meant to be together you will end up together again.

    Just tell him you need a break and start dating other people. You don't have to get in another relationship straight away but just play the field for a while, see what kind of guys interest you, see if you meet anyone who you feel like you have that spark with again.

    I felt sad for a long time after I broke it off with my ex, but I found someone who really means the world to me now. I found myself planning all these fun dates and buying couple clothes, something I was never motivated to do with my ex because we just didn't have the right connection anymore.

    I still talk to my ex and he seems fine now, he's moved on and I've moved on but we know we still care about eachother. It just didn't work out and that's fine.
  • WhisperAnne
    WhisperAnne Posts: 453
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    Thank you everyone for the helpful advice, it's saddening to know everyone sees how wrong we are for each other ( my family tells me all the time) he's just the first guy to love me, so I know that is some of my issue. But I need to do what is best for me..

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