HOW TO ACCEPT YOU ARE FAT DURING A WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY?

liftsforchocolate
liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
in Motivation and Support
I wrote more here:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1198151-what-i-learned-from-failing-gaining-back-more-weight

but does anyone else feel like "its going to take a long time" during the beginning of their journey and feel kind of depressed when realizing none of your clothes fit, friends/family think you're fat etc. How do you stop caring what other people think?

I'm telling myself, that I'm no longer going to punish myself with crazy diets and everything will be okay like before but it will take atleast 4-5 months. But I feel like I don't truly believe this. I'm still fat-shaming myself in a way and not actually convinced that I can lose the weight. I guess I'm kind of scared that somehow I'll be this weight forever, despite taking the first steps to a better lifestyle today.

Even at the gym, I'm always thinking about how people are staring at my fat jiggle when really, they probably don't even care. I think about my old friends that saw me when I was skinny and now look at me differently, but they probably get over it.

Any tips on how I can get over it though? Thank you so much :)

Replies

  • morgan_mfit
    morgan_mfit Posts: 58 Member
    First and foremost: We all have fat, no-one IS fat.

    It is an overgeneralization with no supporting fact. No one can be fat because we all have muscles, organs, fluid.. etc. etc.

    I think it's important to remember that whenever someone makes a statement like "you're fat" that it is truly a reflection of their own feelings and has no mark on what you are, because it is in no way actually true. There is no specifics and it's meaning is more about character than body type.

    Only you can decide what you are to be.

    All that being said, staying objective when it comes to weight loss is terribly difficult. Emotions are linked so strongly to food and to our appearance that every day is like a roller coaster. I just think it's important to give ourselves a reality check every once in awhile.
  • liftsforchocolate
    liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
    Okay, thank you for your response :) I think I did phrase my question wrong, but I guess I meant to say "out of shape", which cannot really be "quantified" either though.

    You're right about the reality check. Maybe if I didn't feel this way, I would never realize I need to change my ways to achieve my goals. I would be okay with eating m&m's for breakfast.

    But it is hard though, not going to lie. After a couple of days of doing everything right, I feel like I should look like I did at my goal weight, but that took 4 months! I definitely didn't put on the weight in 4 days, so cannot expect it to fall off that quick. The hardest part for me is when I have to get dressed to go out every morning.
  • morgan_mfit
    morgan_mfit Posts: 58 Member
    Yea I agree, it's really hard.

    My point was that we attach feelings to words which have no truth behind them. Really it comes down to emotions and emotions can change.

    What I do to get over these feelings is kind of have an argument with myself. Here's an example, sometimes I say these things out loud if I'm in a safe place but mostly I say them in my head.

    Original thought: "I'm gross"

    Follow up thoughts:
    -"what if I'm really not gross?"
    -"what if I only think I'm gross because of something that happened a long time ago?"
    -"maybe it's not this way anymore"
    -"maybe I've changed"
    -"I'm not the same girl that was teased for her body all that time ago"


    I've found this is really healing and helps to change my mentality.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    From reading your other post, I think you need to work on your head more than your waistline. Because at 5'6" and 140lbs, you are within a healthy weight range. Sure, you weigh more than you once did and you may not be in your ideal body, but you are not overweight by any medical definition. It sounds like your family did quite a number on you with body shaming and in my professional internet opinion, I think talking to a counselor to fix where your head is at could help tremendously. You seem to equate happiness with a number on the scale or a specific body type, and have a history of binge eating to cope with stress and emotions.

    I'm not saying don't continue on your weight loss journey or striving for the body composition you want, I would just like to see you be able to love and accept yourself no matter what size you are, and not judge your character or value by the number on the scale.
  • aliceinweightlossland
    aliceinweightlossland Posts: 30
    Most of us are hardest on ourselves. We are also the only ones who can make or break our choices.

    This journey is about you - not about anyone else. The moment you allow someone else's judgement to factor into your own view of yourself, you've given some of your power over yourself away. Be in the moment and allow yourself the opportunity to appreciate everything you're doing. The small steps, the big decisions. They all count. The opinions of strangers or the stretch of a pair of pants is so incredibly minuscule in the grand scheme of things.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    During this journey, I no longer keep my mind focused on where I am right now, but I often look to who I will be in the future. I think like as if I am already at my goal. How I would act, the way I would dress...working out, eating healthy.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    You don't need to accept that you're fat. You need to accept that you are someone who is a healthy weight (not even borderline overweight) who isn't happy with their appearance. Reducing body fat a little may go some way to address that issue, but I suspect from your posts that it isn't going to fix everything. Realise that weight loss isn't the answer to everything and learn to love yourself. :flowerforyou:
  • emmullins55
    emmullins55 Posts: 21
    Great Advise!
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
    From reading your other post, I think you need to work on your head more than your waistline. Because at 5'6" and 140lbs, you are within a healthy weight range. Sure, you weigh more than you once did and you may not be in your ideal body, but you are not overweight by any medical definition. It sounds like your family did quite a number on you with body shaming and in my professional internet opinion, I think talking to a counselor to fix where your head is at could help tremendously. You seem to equate happiness with a number on the scale or a specific body type, and have a history of binge eating to cope with stress and emotions.

    I'm not saying don't continue on your weight loss journey or striving for the body composition you want, I would just like to see you be able to love and accept yourself no matter what size you are, and not judge your character or value by the number on the scale.

    QFT
  • karlospiklington
    karlospiklington Posts: 143 Member
    Bump.
  • charlicee
    charlicee Posts: 53
    I don't believe in fat acceptance, even though I am ~78 pounds over weight. Obesity strains our resources: planes to burn more fuel to carry fat people, the extra weight in cars ruins mileage, the increased chances of disease and injury strains our hospitals and the insurance companies. Being overweight is a lifestyle choice in most cases, and it is very rarely the side effect of medication or an actual disease. If you don't have time for exercise, make time and re-prioritize your schedule. If your diet sucks, sulk it up and start making healthy choices and actually cook. If you hate veggies, get over it and eat the stuff. Set up your DVR and get off the couch and do something.
  • dianesheart88
    dianesheart88 Posts: 111 Member
    From reading your other post, I think you need to work on your head more than your waistline. Because at 5'6" and 140lbs, you are within a healthy weight range. Sure, you weigh more than you once did and you may not be in your ideal body, but you are not overweight by any medical definition. It sounds like your family did quite a number on you with body shaming and in my professional internet opinion, I think talking to a counselor to fix where your head is at could help tremendously. You seem to equate happiness with a number on the scale or a specific body type, and have a history of binge eating to cope with stress and emotions.

    I'm not saying don't continue on your weight loss journey or striving for the body composition you want, I would just like to see you be able to love and accept yourself no matter what size you are, and not judge your character or value by the number on the scale.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    I don't think your weight is an issue at all. You are exactly where you should be. Please reconsider your goals... I see you looking to lose 30 pounds which I think on a 5'6 frame would not look very healthy at all.

    Take care of your mind first and the rest will take care of itself.
  • liftsforchocolate
    liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
    Thank you so much for all the advice/responses! I know that my perception of how I 'should' look like is pretty messed up because of all the ups and downs. I think what also makes me think of this is my clothes. When I lost weight last time, I started to fit into my middle school clothes, which obviously don't fit me at all now. I keep thinking of trying to fit into those old clothes but now that I think of it, why not put those clothes away and buy new clothes that will actually flatter me?

    I'm too focused on my weight to the point of me thinking about it constantly. Instead of looking to the future, I'm fixating on the past. I know I can look/feel better than I did before, and learn from my mistakes. Now that I'm eating right I can see my progress with lifts also, not just the number on the scale.

    I didn't mention that I used to be bulimic, but the transition from bulimia to eating normal after my first year of college is what mostly caused the bingeing. Now the bingeing is just a habit, and I've tried counseling but it doesn't really help.

    Today is good so far (and diary is open), and I'm going to focus more on my confidence and inner self than anything else. Being thin and food should not be the only two things that make me happy.

    Thanks again :)

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