how to deal with jealousy of weight loss
justagirliusedtoknow
Posts: 13
Long story short, the past 2 yrs I've seen a different person than the man I married 26 yrs ago. He has decided he wants to be able to look/ogle/gawk at other women so that's what he has been doing and I'm suppose to be ok with it. I've decided I'm better than that and deserve better than that so I decided to go on a diet, which I've never done cause I didn't think I ever had a reason to. If you can't beat em, join em right? In less than 4 wks I've lost 23 lbs and no one, including hubby and children have said one word to me. Maybe they haven't noticed I keep telling myself. I've noticed!! My husband hasn't said **** about my weight loss. The one person I want to notice. He can only make wise cracks, like she won't eat that it has a calorie in it. I've been very strict with my calorie in take. I keep track of EVERYTHING I eat and MFP is a god send to me. He makes fun of that. He gets irritated when I am looking at labels at the grocery store. Absolutely no support whatoso ever! This is so hard to keep going. At one point in my life I would have said **** you and been very determined to do this but part of me just wants to quit dieting so he won't say bad things about me dieting. He isn't nosaint him self. He weighs 214 & is 5"6'. He had told me before I look like I'm pregnant but then quickly follows it with I know that's not what you want to hear, ya think??? I have no reassurance from him, never ever any compliments, just says I'm nit good at that kinda thing. But won't hesitate to point out a pretty girl! He's even went as far as to look down another women's shirt as she bend over in front of him right in front of me. Then when I confronted him says, what was I suppose to do, look away.....did you really just say that to your wife??? I've suspected something was there for awhile but he denied it. I've always been very tough, never let anyone get me down and a very determined person, why the change now?? Is it because in all my years being queen this man he never have me one ounce of a reason not to trust him and now I notice every little thing he does when it comes to other women?? He had made sure I'm aware that he isn't going to look at the ground when women are present. Btw, I've cried more over this man the past year than I've cried my whole life and he doesn't even have a clue. I've tried talking to him about my insecurities and his infidelities and he said he isn't doing anything wrong. I've looked up infidelity and you dint have to be physically touching to be cheating. He still maintains his innocence. I'm at my wits end 
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Replies
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Not a single perks on on this board is going to tell you anything other than that you need to leave this *kitten*.
Why on earth would you marry him in the first place? Not too late to rectify that situation. Is he really worth all the drama?0 -
you could always follow up anything he says with
"yeah but you'll still be short"0 -
Let me see. First of all: I agree with the other poster, perhaps it is time to rethink this relationship. I have always believed that "looking good is the best revenge." Your spouse is very insecure, and apparently knows how to hurt you. Keep taking care of yourself, be healthy, be strong, and for God's sake trade in that "old model" for a new one. "You is Kind, you is smart, you is important," and you is much better off without someone who treats you badly!!!!!0
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If he wants you to know he's more interested in other menu items then do the same. Sounds like he's the insecure one and decided to take up bullying instead of doing something about his health. You are stronger, smarter, and more loyal than him and you don't need that in your life.0
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tell him to GROW a few inches & any man that is 5'6" has issues about not being tall enough and can very well be teased bout his package so tell him to shut the bleep up!0
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If you feel the need to go on a diet because your husband looks at other women, you are the insecure one.
Trying to lose weight for someone else will make it very hard to stay motivated. It sounds to me you and your
husband have a communication problem. Rather than accusing him of infidelity try to find out how he is feeling.
Maybe he loves you the way you are and feels threatened of losing you? Try to be open and non judgemental
and you might find out why he is showing an interest in other women. Maybe he just wants to make you jealous
because he is insecure himself. If it turns out he really lost interest in you than no diet is going to change this.
Lose weight and be healthy for yourself and nobody else.0 -
You should NEVER be with anyone who deliberately hurts you.
Would you want that kind of relationship for your daughter?
From the things you have reported, it sounds like he is sabotaging you in your weight loss and your confidence as a woman. He is seeing how much you'll take.
For what it's worth, I don't think he'll physically cheat on you - not secretive enough for that.
But he is showing a blatant disrespect for you and nobody deserves that. If you want to keep losing weight, then do so. I would say that there's a whole 214lbs that you could shift pretty easily, if you know what I mean...0 -
You should NEVER be with anyone who deliberately hurts you.
Would you want that kind of relationship for your daughter?
From the things you have reported, it sounds like he is sabotaging you in your weight loss and your confidence as a woman. He is seeing how much you'll take.
For what it's worth, I don't think he'll physically cheat on you - not secretive enough for that.
But he is showing a blatant disrespect for you and nobody deserves that. If you want to keep losing weight, then do so. I would say that there's a whole 214lbs that you could shift pretty easily, if you know what I mean...
another very real possibility is that he realizes that at 5'6 AND 216 pounds he doesnt have many options for straying no matter how much he looks unless he's rich and/or has a personality like every disney prince (which sounds like he doesnt). then he realizes that his wife is getting hotter and will improve her options of straying so he's trying now to attack her self-esteem and make her think that she's lucky to have him.0 -
He sounds insecure to me. In fact he's screaming 'I'm insecure!!!'
He's putting you down, making you feel inferior and making you feel insecure about the relationship through his actions toward other women. All of this is designed to 'keep you in your place', so to speak. He's so open about his ogling that I can only conclude he's doing it for your 'benefit'.
All men ogle - but if they are with their ladies they do it discreetly! (Actually, if they are worth their salt at all, whether they are with you or not they should do it discreetly).
He's the one with the problem here! If this is a relatively new thing, you mention a year - did anything happen around that time? It could be something very small that's triggered off his behaviour.
I think the only way you are going to keep your own piece of mind over this is to be absolutely 'out there and honest'. Tell him how his behaviour is making you feel and tell him you are not going to put up with it. Could you guys go to couple counseling or something? 20 odd years is a big investment to throw away without a fight. Thing is, he has to realise he has to fight too - or he'll lose you.
You are worthy of this, you are worthy of his better treatment of you. Muster up your courage and change this situation.0 -
Why are you in such an awful relationship? Surely you can do better.0
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If he wants you to know he's more interested in other menu items then do the same. Sounds like he's the insecure one and decided to take up bullying instead of doing something about his health. You are stronger, smarter, and more loyal than him and you don't need that in your life.
I couldn't say it better:happy:0 -
Clear out the bank account and do one!0
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Clear out the bank account and do one!
this!0 -
There's a method for losing 214 pounds in a day and feeling 200x better about yourself. xxxx0
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He sounds like a right douche bag.0
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There's a method for losing 214 pounds in a day and feeling 200x better about yourself. xxxx
+10 -
Relationships are complex and not black and white like everyone wants you think.
Have you tried directly telling him "Honey it hurts my feelings when you tease me about my diet. I could really use your support or positive encouragement."
If you say it in a non accusing way and genuinely want him to support your weight loss I'd be surprised if he might not change his tune.
I had something similar happen. Just be sincere with your mate. If he's a jerk after that, you'll know what needs to happen.0 -
wow...... i think its time to move on sweetie. having to deal with that is just ridiculous0
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Clear out the bank account and do one!
Ditto!
Domestic abuse comes in many forms. Bullying, belittling, yes, he is insecure, but thats HIS problem to solve. Make a plan - work towards it and dont look back. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Day in, day out, month in, month out, year in year out- Contact a Woman's Aid group - they will help you with the logistics - its easier to stay, but takes guts to walk away - You need some support - get some - and do one!0 -
With the info being given he sounds like a douche. I've been with my wife for 22 years and wouldn't disrespect her like that.0
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You should NEVER be with anyone who deliberately hurts you.
Would you want that kind of relationship for your daughter?
From the things you have reported, it sounds like he is sabotaging you in your weight loss and your confidence as a woman. He is seeing how much you'll take.
For what it's worth, I don't think he'll physically cheat on you - not secretive enough for that.
But he is showing a blatant disrespect for you and nobody deserves that. If you want to keep losing weight, then do so. I would say that there's a whole 214lbs that you could shift pretty easily, if you know what I mean...
^^^Exactly this dont let him put you down he is insecure and making you feel the same way!
Talk to him tell him how you feel it is not ok for him to make you feel less attractive and blatantly oggle women infront of you infact he should be doing the opposite! Yes all men like to have a little look at other women and even fancy them but he sounds like hes rubbing your nose in it which is not fair at all :noway:
if YOU want to lose weight do it for yourself, you will get so much support on here! and then rub his nose in it when its you being oggled by other men
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Best commentThere's a method for losing 214 pounds in a day and feeling 200x better about yourself. xxxx0 -
Clear out the bank account and do one!
+ 1 more!0 -
I can tell you that if my husband treated me the way yours is treating you, we'd be having a serious "Come to Jesus" meeting about it - he could straighten up, or I'd be moving on, but I won't tolerate being treated like that. It did take about 7-8 months for him to decide to do something about his weight and start logging on MFP, though he only had about 40 pounds to lose.
He treats you that way because you let him get away with it. Unfortunately, you can't make him act like a decent human being. The only person you have any control over is yourself.
You can try having a candid conversation with him, but it doesn't seem as if he's willing to listen. If you do decide to talk to him, be blunt and direct.
** "This ogling of other women has to stop. Now."
** "If you can't be supportive of my efforts, keep your mouth shut."
He can either comply, or not. What are you willing to do if he chooses not to?
The real questions you need to ask yourself include:
Am I willing to endure the completely disrespectful and abusive way he's treating me? (It really is abusive.)
Since I know my child is watching, Is this the best example of how a man should treat his wife?
Do I want my daughter marrying someone who will treat her this way? (She will gravitate towards it & accept it because you did.)
Is it likely that he will change his behavior?
You're the only one who can answer those questions. And no "Yeah, but.....'s". Those are yes or no questions, not based on what he was like 26 years ago, but based on who he is TODAY.
Consider your options, determine what your needs are, and whether or not he can be supportive to you and your efforts to lose weight.
Go forth with your eyes wide open, being completely, blatantly honest with yourself. The path you need to be on will show itself.0 -
I seriously hope this is a troll post......if not, then the OP needs to get the hell out of that so-called marriage and get herself some therapy because that is blatant abuse and mental torture.0
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I seriously hope this is a troll post......if not, then the OP needs to get the hell out of that so-called marriage and get herself some therapy because that is blatant abuse and mental torture.
^^
These threads are popping up all over the place!!! Come on, ladies!! And gents, possibly! Why are you taking this **** from your SO's?? Goodness gravy. I know you probably have history, but honestly, that's all it is at this point. This is ridiculous.0 -
Sounds like you know what the problem is," Him " ...Problems are unneccesary...Drop it and move on...you have a while longer in this life...get some good health..and have a great life0
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Thank you everyone!!! I hear everyones opinion and know what I have to do and believe me he is making it easier every time he makes a snide remark, comment or nothing at all. This is man that cant even remember our anniversary, 27 yrs this June!!! and he wouldn't even be able to tell you that. We are all each other has known. I have been with him since 1985 my sophomore year of high school.
Please believe me when I say at one time I could have put him in the middle of a room with 50 sluts and he wouldn't do a thing with them. Not because he has a wife and kids at home but because he wouldn't do anything because of his personality but now, I wouldn't trust him with a 10 ft pole.
The change came 2 yrs ago when we bought the Harley, I see this bad *kitten* Harley image and I hate it. I hate that he has done this to me. Never have I ever seen him pay attn. to another women in all our years and then BAM!!! its all hitting me at once. He does not think he is doing anything wrong, Ive tried talking to him he buttons up and wont say anything which pisses me off more and if there were counseling involved he would lie and say he hasn't done anything.
Im losing weight for me, im a diabetic and dr said do or die. ive decide to fight fire with fire. I just wish I could hear you look nice today just once but I never have
BTW, I bought myself a Harley!!! 0 -
Sounds like you would be better off with out him. So sad for your troubles.0
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Sounds like he's having a midlife crisis. No offense, but if I had only ever been with one person my whole life, I'd go crazy too. But that doesn't mean you should take this harassment.
I'd give him an ultimatum: lose the attitude or lose me. You have 2 weeks to shape up or ship out.0
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