how to deal with jealousy of weight loss

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justagirliusedtoknow
justagirliusedtoknow Posts: 13
in Motivation and Support
Long story short, the past 2 yrs I've seen a different person than the man I married 26 yrs ago. He has decided he wants to be able to look/ogle/gawk at other women so that's what he has been doing and I'm suppose to be ok with it. I've decided I'm better than that and deserve better than that so I decided to go on a diet, which I've never done cause I didn't think I ever had a reason to. If you can't beat em, join em right? In less than 4 wks I've lost 23 lbs and no one, including hubby and children have said one word to me. Maybe they haven't noticed I keep telling myself. I've noticed!! My husband hasn't said **** about my weight loss. The one person I want to notice. He can only make wise cracks, like she won't eat that it has a calorie in it. I've been very strict with my calorie in take. I keep track of EVERYTHING I eat and MFP is a god send to me. He makes fun of that. He gets irritated when I am looking at labels at the grocery store. Absolutely no support whatoso ever! This is so hard to keep going. At one point in my life I would have said **** you and been very determined to do this but part of me just wants to quit dieting so he won't say bad things about me dieting. He isn't nosaint him self. He weighs 214 & is 5"6'. He had told me before I look like I'm pregnant but then quickly follows it with I know that's not what you want to hear, ya think??? I have no reassurance from him, never ever any compliments, just says I'm nit good at that kinda thing. But won't hesitate to point out a pretty girl! He's even went as far as to look down another women's shirt as she bend over in front of him right in front of me. Then when I confronted him says, what was I suppose to do, look away.....did you really just say that to your wife??? I've suspected something was there for awhile but he denied it. I've always been very tough, never let anyone get me down and a very determined person, why the change now?? Is it because in all my years being queen this man he never have me one ounce of a reason not to trust him and now I notice every little thing he does when it comes to other women?? He had made sure I'm aware that he isn't going to look at the ground when women are present. Btw, I've cried more over this man the past year than I've cried my whole life and he doesn't even have a clue. I've tried talking to him about my insecurities and his infidelities and he said he isn't doing anything wrong. I've looked up infidelity and you dint have to be physically touching to be cheating. He still maintains his innocence. I'm at my wits end :(
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  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Not a single perks on on this board is going to tell you anything other than that you need to leave this *kitten*.

    Why on earth would you marry him in the first place? Not too late to rectify that situation. Is he really worth all the drama?
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    you could always follow up anything he says with

    "yeah but you'll still be short"
  • emmullins55
    emmullins55 Posts: 21
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    Let me see. First of all: I agree with the other poster, perhaps it is time to rethink this relationship. I have always believed that "looking good is the best revenge." Your spouse is very insecure, and apparently knows how to hurt you. Keep taking care of yourself, be healthy, be strong, and for God's sake trade in that "old model" for a new one. "You is Kind, you is smart, you is important," and you is much better off without someone who treats you badly!!!!!
  • ezloshead
    ezloshead Posts: 167 Member
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    If he wants you to know he's more interested in other menu items then do the same. Sounds like he's the insecure one and decided to take up bullying instead of doing something about his health. You are stronger, smarter, and more loyal than him and you don't need that in your life.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    tell him to GROW a few inches & any man that is 5'6" has issues about not being tall enough and can very well be teased bout his package so tell him to shut the bleep up!
  • suja66
    suja66 Posts: 4 Member
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    If you feel the need to go on a diet because your husband looks at other women, you are the insecure one.
    Trying to lose weight for someone else will make it very hard to stay motivated. It sounds to me you and your
    husband have a communication problem. Rather than accusing him of infidelity try to find out how he is feeling.
    Maybe he loves you the way you are and feels threatened of losing you? Try to be open and non judgemental
    and you might find out why he is showing an interest in other women. Maybe he just wants to make you jealous
    because he is insecure himself. If it turns out he really lost interest in you than no diet is going to change this.
    Lose weight and be healthy for yourself and nobody else.
  • gem192
    gem192 Posts: 39 Member
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    You should NEVER be with anyone who deliberately hurts you.

    Would you want that kind of relationship for your daughter?

    From the things you have reported, it sounds like he is sabotaging you in your weight loss and your confidence as a woman. He is seeing how much you'll take.

    For what it's worth, I don't think he'll physically cheat on you - not secretive enough for that.

    But he is showing a blatant disrespect for you and nobody deserves that. If you want to keep losing weight, then do so. I would say that there's a whole 214lbs that you could shift pretty easily, if you know what I mean...
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    You should NEVER be with anyone who deliberately hurts you.

    Would you want that kind of relationship for your daughter?

    From the things you have reported, it sounds like he is sabotaging you in your weight loss and your confidence as a woman. He is seeing how much you'll take.

    For what it's worth, I don't think he'll physically cheat on you - not secretive enough for that.

    But he is showing a blatant disrespect for you and nobody deserves that. If you want to keep losing weight, then do so. I would say that there's a whole 214lbs that you could shift pretty easily, if you know what I mean...

    another very real possibility is that he realizes that at 5'6 AND 216 pounds he doesnt have many options for straying no matter how much he looks unless he's rich and/or has a personality like every disney prince (which sounds like he doesnt). then he realizes that his wife is getting hotter and will improve her options of straying so he's trying now to attack her self-esteem and make her think that she's lucky to have him.
  • minibandit
    minibandit Posts: 77
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    He sounds insecure to me. In fact he's screaming 'I'm insecure!!!'

    He's putting you down, making you feel inferior and making you feel insecure about the relationship through his actions toward other women. All of this is designed to 'keep you in your place', so to speak. He's so open about his ogling that I can only conclude he's doing it for your 'benefit'.
    All men ogle - but if they are with their ladies they do it discreetly! (Actually, if they are worth their salt at all, whether they are with you or not they should do it discreetly).

    He's the one with the problem here! If this is a relatively new thing, you mention a year - did anything happen around that time? It could be something very small that's triggered off his behaviour.

    I think the only way you are going to keep your own piece of mind over this is to be absolutely 'out there and honest'. Tell him how his behaviour is making you feel and tell him you are not going to put up with it. Could you guys go to couple counseling or something? 20 odd years is a big investment to throw away without a fight. Thing is, he has to realise he has to fight too - or he'll lose you.

    You are worthy of this, you are worthy of his better treatment of you. Muster up your courage and change this situation.
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    Why are you in such an awful relationship? Surely you can do better.
  • MoiKarina
    MoiKarina Posts: 139 Member
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    If he wants you to know he's more interested in other menu items then do the same. Sounds like he's the insecure one and decided to take up bullying instead of doing something about his health. You are stronger, smarter, and more loyal than him and you don't need that in your life.

    I couldn't say it better:happy:
  • Shedding4Wedding2014
    Shedding4Wedding2014 Posts: 93
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    Clear out the bank account and do one!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Clear out the bank account and do one!

    this!
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
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    There's a method for losing 214 pounds in a day and feeling 200x better about yourself. xxxx
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    He sounds like a right douche bag.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    There's a method for losing 214 pounds in a day and feeling 200x better about yourself. xxxx

    +1
  • courtkizer
    courtkizer Posts: 15 Member
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    Relationships are complex and not black and white like everyone wants you think.

    Have you tried directly telling him "Honey it hurts my feelings when you tease me about my diet. I could really use your support or positive encouragement."

    If you say it in a non accusing way and genuinely want him to support your weight loss I'd be surprised if he might not change his tune.


    I had something similar happen. Just be sincere with your mate. If he's a jerk after that, you'll know what needs to happen.
  • sierra_12
    sierra_12 Posts: 249 Member
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    wow...... i think its time to move on sweetie. having to deal with that is just ridiculous
  • avm1962
    avm1962 Posts: 32
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    Clear out the bank account and do one!

    Ditto!

    Domestic abuse comes in many forms. Bullying, belittling, yes, he is insecure, but thats HIS problem to solve. Make a plan - work towards it and dont look back. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Day in, day out, month in, month out, year in year out- Contact a Woman's Aid group - they will help you with the logistics - its easier to stay, but takes guts to walk away - You need some support - get some - and do one!
  • rayfu75
    rayfu75 Posts: 209 Member
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    With the info being given he sounds like a douche. I've been with my wife for 22 years and wouldn't disrespect her like that.

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