Having the "talk" with your child

My personal feeling on this was . . . .I would rather my kids hear about what sex is from me, rather then their friends. So, with my daughter, I asked her . . . Are kids in school talking about sex. She said yes, but she didn't really know what it meant. So I told her.

I started by saying, "You are going to hear kids talk about this a lot over the years, and most of the time, they are not going to know what the heck they are saying. It will be stuff they heard somewhere or even made up. So, I want you to know, you can always ask me anything, and I will always tell you the truth. I promise." That was about 4 years ago (when she was 9), and I have kept my promise. My daughter, does come to me to talk about this stuff. No subject is off the table.

One tip I can give you is, we had the initial conversation in the car, while she was sitting in the back seat behind me. She didn't have to look at me, and I think it made her feel less embarrassed. Probably me a little bit too. She did ask questions and I answered them honestly. My daughter happens to be pretty bright (high IQ), so her questions were more detailed then some other the kids might be. Give her/him the basics and let them ask what they want to know. But tell the truth. Eventually they will find out if you were lying or not. I don't lie to my kids. It's just the way it's been with me and them all along.

Good luck!

I had Prodigy and Compuserve by the time I was about 12 or 13. I figured it all out pretty quick.

ETA: That is not in any way helpful of course. And I don't have kids, so anything I say is no doubt completely useless. However, I think it's important for kids to understand that sex is not "bad," but to understand that sex can have serious lifelong consequences and that it must be done responsibly and safely.

We have the book It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie Harris & basically read through the book with our kids little by little. It's also just floating around the house in case they want to read it on their own. I think 9 is old enough to be fully informed. Our church also gives classes called Our Whole Lives: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives . It doesn't have any religious stuff in it as it is. Just check with the organization hosting it to be sure if that is not up your alley, because there is a section that does have to do with faith if they choose to give it. I highly recommend it if you can find it in your area. My 2 oldest have gone & it really does cover everything.

My parents never had the talk with me and I kept from having sex until I was in college.

I guess that approach doesn't always work out so well though.

Why is that a bad thing?:huh:

I never had "the talk" with either of my kids. Honest, open, age-appropriate discussion all the time. There was never a sit down, birds and the bees talk.

[I have a general recommendation: Don't tell the kid too much. By that I mean more than they want to know.

When they seem satisfied with your answer you can stop talking till they have another question. (at least pre puberty, there's stuff that needs to be covered around then whether they ask or not)

Sorta extreme example if a three year old asks where babies come from the answer is "They grow inside their mothers." They will be perfectly happy with this answer. Launching into a discussion of coitus and relationships, sexual pleasure and the responsibilities of reproduction would just baffle them.

For a 9 year old "What is sex?" You probably don't need to get into the precise mechanics. He probably just wants to know what kind of thing it is like...category wise. So the answer could be as simple as saying it's something couples do that can make babies.

"The Talk" goes a lot better if you don't try to have it all at once. Just talk to your kid as they grow up. Answer questions.

I like this post a lot. With that said, my kids still think babies come out of belly buttons, and I have no current plans to change that viewpoint.

My parents were always open about it; None of this "stork" nonsense... I was six years old when my mom had me watch a show on PBS and we had a talk about it afterward. Then my school required a class series in sixth grade which cleared up some misconceptions (no pun intended), and then again one final series during health class my freshman year in high school. I didn't learn anything new there except for STD dangers and how to put a condom on a banana. They also ran the video I had seen when I was six.

I don't see why this is considered a big deal, but denial of knowledge is never an answer to a fundamental question.

ETA: We also the words penis, vagina and sex gratuitously around the house. It embarrasses the hell out of her but at least she won't end up calling it a hoo hoo or some stupid crap like that.

^^^ Me too! It's hilarious to me that people make up stupid names. It's a body part, just like an arm or a leg.