How different do people treat you once you lose weight?
Filmlotus
Posts: 54 Member
I've lost about 30kg (66lbs) through a change in diet and weight lifting a couple years back and I still have a little bit left to go. I started noticing that people treated me more kindly, smile and made longer eye contact as I lost the weight and tightened up. I realize that it was also because I felt more energetic, confidence and happy, which contributed to this social change. However, the dramatic difference in how service people and strangers look at me even without interaction is something that I has taken me some time to process.
I am the same person on the inside looking out from a different shell, but all of a sudden, the outside world seem to treat you a little differently.
Some people now look at me like that "fit chick" who has no idea what it's like to have problems. Oh I really giggle at this.
Although weight loss can change the way some people perceive you, I think it is ultimately how you feel about yourself that matters.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
I am the same person on the inside looking out from a different shell, but all of a sudden, the outside world seem to treat you a little differently.
Some people now look at me like that "fit chick" who has no idea what it's like to have problems. Oh I really giggle at this.
Although weight loss can change the way some people perceive you, I think it is ultimately how you feel about yourself that matters.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
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Replies
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No I've never had that feeling. You are right it is ultimately about how one feels. Your before & after weight experience is a damning indictment on society and how it regards the overweight.
I'm lookimg forward to hearing others experiences.
Well done with the 30kg weight loss !!!0 -
The things I've noticed is that salespeople in clothing stores are more friendly and helpful and men in bars/clubs approach me more. People I know treat me the same.0
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I do get treated better in the fact of I don't attract attention like I did when I was extremely overweight. People staring and laughing making fun of me etc.0
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I lost over 100 pounds in 2003 and DEFINITELY noticed a difference. Guys in the mall would hand me party flyers. I used to get ignored in stores like Foot Locker where the staff were mostly male. All of a sudden 2 at a time would come and ask if I needed help. I was just separating from an unfaithful spouse at the time and really enjoyed the attention. But at the same time, it was very hollow.
When you're big, and people love you, you know they love YOU. When you're slim and "sexy" it makes you wonder what it is they actually want from you.
I was young and dumb, but it sure was fun :bigsmile:0 -
I've lost 40kg last year and also noticed a huge difference!
At works, women now ask me how I'm feeling, How was my week-end etc... Things that they never asked before! I also do sport and used to be with many (female) friends who are now more nice with me.
In the beginning I hated this feeling because I'm still the same... only my body has changed! But now I prefer to take it as a compliment and love that!
When I was big I was single and when I was looking for a girlfriend I was able to know if a girl is really interested in me or simply finds me sexy. Other good point, when you are not sexy and people let it you now you have to be an "interesting persons".0 -
Yes some people do treat you differently than they did before most have been mentioned in earlier posts But has anyone experienced friends being jealous of the new slim you? I have been quite surprised by two so called female friends who, although appear to be happy for me, actually say things like " I'll make sure you don't put all that weight back on" ie " hang on to some of your good big clothes just in case!" If I was a young woman I could understand this but as I am in my 60s find it quite amusing that they appear to be threatened by the new me!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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I've noticed very little difference. But that may be because although my body has changed, my death stare has remained much the same.0
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There is a big difference. I have lost 52lbs so far and peoples attitudes are very different towards me. Before I used to get comments from strangers when I was out; suggesting weight watchers, making pig faces, telling me to put food back when I was at the supermarket etc.sometimes my friends could be very judgemental and innaproriate too .I wasn't actually that big.
Anyway now I've lost weight I get a lot of comments from people esp at the gym asking me how much more weight have l lost since they last saw me, how much do I weigh now, people grabbing me to feel how small I am, also making assumptions about me. People assume I have always been big and i must feel so much better now im slimmer. I really dislike this kind of attention, its validating me because I wear a smaller clothes size, its like im suddenly a more worthy member of society, also its no ones business how much I weigh. I don't mind being told that I'm looking stronger or healthier as that's what I'm aiming for.
I have also been my ideal weight and also ,due to illness, been severely underweight ( 5'7 and weighed 7 stone) before and the reaction I got from that was very messed up. I was skin and bone and people thought it was great, I had people taking photos of me cos apparently I looked great and people asking to kiss my very prominent cheekbones .
I don't mind the occasional comment from people about my weight loss, the 'congratulations' or 'well done' is nice to hear, after all i have worked very hard and people understand that too. But it can be intrusive and unhealthy.0 -
flochocinco- That's a very interesting point. I often had trouble figuring out whether people were attracted to me because of shallow reasons, or because they liked me for my personality and brain. I guess you can't blame people for their instinctual reactions, even I get impressed by very good looking people
Its often the case that you figure out the answer when you chat to someone further.
honsi - I can totally relate. The compliments can be flattering, but up to a point it can get a little insulting. For example when people say "Wow you look so much better than you did before", "Wow you used to look HUGE, now you look great!".. Gee thanks, I didn't know you used to think of me that way but didn't say
Yeah, there's a fine line between a sincere "congratulations", and "good, now you're normal like the rest of us" feeling. 0 -
I've noticed very little difference. But that may be because although my body has changed, my death stare has remained much the same.
Same haha!0 -
I didn't really have much weight to lose so the only difference now is that whereas people used to assure me that I was "in a reasonable weight range," they now say I need to gain weight :laugh:0
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Yes. I had a very similar experience in 2011. I had was 182 pounds (83kg) and through diet changes and following an exercise program I dropped to 138 pounds (63kg).
People who were in my world before I lost the weight and loved me and knew me before treated me the same, but it was definitely strangers in the service station, grocery store and/or out to dinner that I noticed treated me differently. Where as before they would look right through me or not even notice me, at that weight they always seemed to be looking at me. Having said that though, I never felt like they were really seeing me for me. I felt like they were only responding to me because we live in a society where people are just naturally attracted to aesthetically pleasing things. My body was in very good shape and people responded to that .I also had people who weren't on my radar but that I had known from years a go wanting to get back in touch. It use to upset me, but now I realise that is just the society we have created and I pride myself on the fact that when I walk down the street I smile at people no matter what they look like. Tall, skinny, fat, short, lumpy, one leg, purple, pink, olive skinned, whatever, we are human beings.
I would even have regulars in the gym approach me and ask what I ate, what my exercise routine was etc etc and it was all because I had dropped kilos/pounds. I remember at the time thinking how good it would be if people were brave enough to talk to each other before noticeable changes and support one another as they were going through the change process.0 -
I didn't have to lose much weight. (I was 65kg. now I am 52kg.) But I did noticed difference. My family treats me the same (very supportive, although they are always worried about me) but other people that I know are always making me compliments. They say that I really changed for the past year (and not because of the weight only, but changed in the face I guess because I'm growing up ( from 18-19 years old.)) I'm really shy and sometimes I feel uncomfortable, but in a good way. Like I don't even know what to say to "Wow you've changed so much, you're all grow up now, you've lost so much weight" besides "thank you"0
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wow no, i never experienced that. how horrible.
Well I'm happy for you!!! :flowerforyou: 0 -
I realize that it was also because I felt more energetic, confidence and happy, which contributed to this social change. However, the dramatic difference in how service people and strangers look at me even without interaction is something that I has taken me some time to process.
your confidence is what people are responding too. even when I was fat I was a confident guy and people have responded to my personality in turn. nothing has really changed with my weight loss. One of my best friends is a big, fat, obese mofo but he has the charisma of god...people love him...chicks dig him...nobody really notices that he's fat.
conversely, i know people who are at perfectly healthy weights and look just fine, but their self esteem is nil and have zero confidence...people respond accordingly. I don't think it has anything to do directly with the weight itself...0 -
I argee with wolfman, how you act and feel about yourself gets more response than your appearance. When you feel confident in your appearance and feelings, it shows to people who notice. When you are embarrased and depressed about yourself, that comes out too.0
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I am not there yet, but seeing some of these posts makes me a little sad. It just shows how shallow our society can be if you are treated differently because of your current weight. When I get fit, I will be happy because I am healthier not because some stranger may be more likely to help me in a clothing store or offer to buy me a beer at the bar.0
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I have noticed that people seem to treat me more harshly actually, since losing over 100 lb in the past several years. I've found the biggest difference in the workplace. I think people assume that I'm smart now, which can be both good and bad. I am intelligent but I really think in the past some of my employers and coworkers viewed me as the "sweet fat woman" and did not have very high expectations of me. Whereas now I am just seen as a peer or as competition even. I think part of this is the way I carry myself has changed somewhat and I am more confident. I was never the miserable obese woman and have always had decent self-esteem but I truly think when I was heavier, I had more of an apologetic air about me and it caused some people to treat me with extra kindness borne of pity :-/
As for the positive (?) side, I find that when my friends or family introduce me to their other friends, I am more accepted and welcomed. For example when my best friend (a SAHM in her 30s) used to introduce me to her other friends they were like "oh hello" and that's it. Now the friends she introduces me to are more likely to friend me on facebook, ask me about myself and my life, and suggest I join them for various activities. It's kind of nice although I'm glad it's not the SAME friends who were less friendly before my weight loss or that would bug me.0 -
Yes some people do treat you differently than they did before most have been mentioned in earlier posts But has anyone experienced friends being jealous of the new slim you? I have been quite surprised by two so called female friends who, although appear to be happy for me, actually say things like " I'll make sure you don't put all that weight back on" ie " hang on to some of your good big clothes just in case!" If I was a young woman I could understand this but as I am in my 60s find it quite amusing that they appear to be threatened by the new me!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Mostly I've had friends who feel a bit threatened because they are used to me always being the biggest and now they are. Also, a lot of them have been dieting and doing various fads (shakes, programs, etc) for the past 15 years and I was just always fat and didn't care...until I did...then I lost 45 lb without saying a word and then joined MFP and lost 63 lb. So they're kinda like "WTF you didn't even try everything, it's not fair".0 -
Definitely but you just keep on going for you, yourself. People need to realize that it takes you to change your own life. Dont like something? Do something about it.0
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WOW ..I do get treated better in the fact of I don't attract attention like I did when I was extremely overweight. People staring and laughing making fun of me etc.
Just wanted to say GREAT JOB!!!!! 323 pounds lost is awesome!0 -
Yes some people do treat you differently than they did before most have been mentioned in earlier posts But has anyone experienced friends being jealous of the new slim you? I have been quite surprised by two so called female friends who, although appear to be happy for me, actually say things like " I'll make sure you don't put all that weight back on" ie " hang on to some of your good big clothes just in case!" If I was a young woman I could understand this but as I am in my 60s find it quite amusing that they appear to be threatened by the new me!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I definitely noticed this, and lost my best friend over it! She never tried to do anything about being overweight, as I continued to lose more and more and would talk about it, she would constantly degrade me for it. Going so far as to say I use weight loss to avoid my problems and in the same way alcoholics use alcohol (when in reality I had high blood pressure and serious knee/ankle issues, even though i wasn't extremely overweight). I lost my weight over 2 years, that is hardly an unhealthy accomplishment. She would also make snide comments about how she can't be friends with a skinny person so if I lose any more weight she couldnt go out with me. She said these things jokingly, but it still really bothered me. Meanwhile she does her fad diets of no carbs or anything, and two days later I see her walking to Jack in the Box on the way to work!0 -
Yes, I have experienced this several times. I struggle with it, because it makes me a little angry. I have lost a lot of weight on programs (which I am not doing, anymore, because I gained it all back). Each time, when I got below a certain weight, I suddenly became "visible". Yes, it may have had something to do with me feeling better about myself, but there is a definite connection to my physicality. The weird thing is that it even happens before I lose a lot of weight. If I go below a certain weight, but I am still heavy, people still react to me differently. There is flirting, people are friendlier, more polite, there is much more eye contact. There seems to be almost a more welcoming attitude, as if I am now part of a club that I was excluded from when I was heavier. Every time it happens, I struggle with it. It makes me want to cry. After a while, I stop reacting, but the feeling, inside, never goes away. The feeling that, "Hey, I'm the same person, why didn't you acknowledge my existence, before?" I am not interested in attention, my loving husband has treated me like a princess for thirty four years, through thick (literally) and thin. But, hey, be polite, people...just because I'm in my "thick" phase doesn't mean you should let the door slam in my face.
I know one thing...it has made a huge difference in the way I treat everybody...overweight people, people with disabilities, people who lack confidence. I have always known that everyone just wants to be treated with common courtesy and respect. Everyone wants to be affirmed and acknowledged. This experience has made me even more keenly aware of the beautiful people all around me, in every shape, size, and condition. I go out of my way, now, to smile and sincerely compliment ev-er-y-body.0 -
When going to vocal auditions, I now get comments about how "tiny" I am and actually get asked if I'm a dancer or how many years of dance experience do I have.0
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Yes def people treat me different - but I also treat myself different
I wear clothes that fit me and show off my curves,
I stopped hiding behind my long hair - cut it a little shorter- I'm not envious
of thinner , healthier people - because I am that person - I def am happier w
the "real " not the new me -0
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