Workplace Obesity Hiring Ban
Replies
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Legally a 3-6 month "probationary period" is also a myth. Many companies are moving away from it and there's no legal requirement to have one formally spelled out.
Choosing against someone because of weight is discrimination, but it's not spelled out by law and illegal discrimination. I know it seems unfair, but you don't want to discuss the issue based on misunderstandings or assumptions about the law.
The ADA provides some protections under coverage for people who are "assumed" or "perceived" to be disabled even if they're not - i.e. assuming someone will get sick because they're obese.
But it's hard to prove that's exactly the reason you're not selected.0 -
All of these opinions and points have been amazing to read.
I guess my emotions about this stem from the fact that I was sick and couldn't do anything about my weight. Then as I desperately tried to loose weight, it wouldn't come off. If I was a single mom, trying to provide for my son and couldn't get a job in the condition I was in...the panic and fear would be unreal. I wouldn't mind paying more for healthy insurance or something along those lines as to make sure that others who were a normal weight could keep their cheaper insurance.
As much as its a right for me to work in this country, isn't it a right for the employer to hire who they want? Shouldn't they have responsible people who haven't abused their bodies? I seriously feel baffled between an emotional rage and a logical thought. But if they start discriminating something like this, what next? Always the what happens next question...haha!
Purrfect girl made an awesome point: Think about WHO is the working class in this country. Not people who can afford to get adequate rest, take vacations, purchase healthy foods regardless of cost, hire personal trainers, live stress-free. We are talking about AVERAGE, middle and lower class Americans who show up to work each day exhausted, eating whatever they could afford on their designated 30 minute lunch break - or, unpaid hour if they're really lucky.
And what about the skinny people? Mind you, I'm not against thing people at all! lol! But there is a huge difference say, between me and my sister. I've fought tooth and NAIL to be the size I am. My sister? Looses weight eating pizza, the jaw motion of chewing...the whole digestion process...she could LOOSE 3 pounds. She gets a job, I don't. My brain just can't wrap itself around it.
I see both sides. :noway: I just don't know which one is right.0 -
Obesity can be a tough battle to fight as there are so many physiological and psychological obstacles that come with excessive weight. However, it is in people's control and it is their responsibility to take care of themselves. I see it no differently than someone choosing to smoke. I'm not saying people choose to be overweight or obese, but they choose the things they put into their bodies.
I'm not saying it is right if its discrimination, but gender and race don't drive up health care costs. Something needs to be done to give people a kick in the pants to lose weight. It's sad to think how obese the children now will be in the future.
Of course gender makes a difference: if both the DH and I had been male (or female), we wouldn't have had 36,000$ of RSV vaccine for our twins.... or $900 for an IUD...or mammograms...etc...0 -
Obesity can be a tough battle to fight as there are so many physiological and psychological obstacles that come with excessive weight. However, it is in people's control and it is their responsibility to take care of themselves. I see it no differently than someone choosing to smoke. I'm not saying people choose to be overweight or obese, but they choose the things they put into their bodies.
I'm not saying it is right if its discrimination, but gender and race don't drive up health care costs. Something needs to be done to give people a kick in the pants to lose weight. It's sad to think how obese the children now will be in the future.
Of course gender makes a difference: if both the DH and I had been male (or female), we wouldn't have had 36,000$ of RSV vaccine for our twins.... or $900 for an IUD...or mammograms...etc...
A lesbian couple with children has to pay the same health care costs for their kids...and pay for double the amount of mammograms.0 -
Another reason for health insurance NOT to be tied to your job in my opinion...
Also... gender does drive up health care costs. Insurance companies charge more to insure women of child-bearing age... and older men. (Guess who worked in companies I worked at where I had exorbitant health insurance costs?)
Well put - thank you! Health care should be a human right, not one associated with employment -- having smokers, obese people, or any other people who engage in risky behaviors (drug use, promiscuity, extreme sport athletes for that matter) pay more out of pocket for their care is another issue.0 -
Damn. and this is where I say. THANK GOD I live in Australia. It scares me hearing how people in the US go untreated for health problems purely because they can't afford it.
It is scary. Private health care is expensive and discrimination is a part of its framework. I think i would choose death before putting my family into unrecoverable health care debt if I found out that I was sick and needed expensive treatment.... or if I could afford it, I would join the growing number of Americans who are traveling abroad to get life saving treatment/surgeries for a fraction of what they would have to pay out of pocket here in the US - even with insurance. As happy as I am to be living in the US (after living abroad for three years), I am embarrassed that we will be the last country on the map with private heath care before anything changes.0 -
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the most obvious of all. What will be considered obese? Are they going by BMI(biggest joke ever), waist to hip, personal perception? Will it be a standardised method or up to employer discretion?0
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I'm surprised no one has mentioned the most obvious of all. What will be considered obese? Are they going by BMI(biggest joke ever), waist to hip, personal perception? Will it be a standardised method or up to employer discretion?
I assumed they would use medical guidelines to determine is a person is medically obese. Now, the issue with that is that the charts can, and do, change and there is no way of saying what can, or will, be considered obese. Of course it won't be something we could all vote on... :laugh:0 -
I have already seen this practice being used. Cleveland hospital won't hire you if your overweight and more are following. With this new health care reform more and more things will be eliminated as covered. They actually have food police in some countries that check your fridge to make sure your not eating things you shouldn't be eating if your diabetic. Health care reform, ain't it grand. It does make losing weight and getting healthy more a necessity then ever before though.0
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Interesting thread. I am lucky to live in Canada so we have free healthcare, however we do have health and medical benefits through work.
I can see both sides of the issue. I don't think it is fair to equate bad habits (like smoking and overeating) with a disease that is outside of someone's control (like cancer). I think it is fair to charge people with known bad habits more than those without. That being said being overweight or obese would have to be shown to be due to the person't lifestyle and not related to other medical conditions. I also think there should be support and encouragement to help those people quit their bad habits. It might also help to phrase it as a reduction for the people without the bad habits rather than an increase for those with them.
I don't know. It is a hard subject. And trying to figure out what does and does not qualify would be very difficult to do.0 -
Wow I'm glad I live in Canada, we don't have to deal with that *kitten* here...that's what you get for a three tier health care system that is run by the pharmacutical companies, and the economy in the toilet...0
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I thought about the "what guidelines would be used" debate as well and figured for sure BMI because that's what the majority of the medical community uses nowadays. However, I'm sure appeal processes can be had through a body comp test of sorts.
For the record, this hiring practice has been used all over the place in several jobs that require physical activity. The military will not hire you if you are not within their height and weight regulations and do not pass a physical test. Same with police, firefighters, etc. I can think of several other occupations that should have this regulation as well due to strenuous activity that is likely to result in injury or death for a very overweight or obese person. In these jobs, if a person is measured and found to be overweight, they can appeal with a body comp test.
I don't have a problem with this hiring practice as many have said. I believe your weight is a choice. I know what it will take to get me to the weight I want to be, but I don't always feel like eating that way. For three years I didn't feel like eating that way and it got me where I am now. I have medical issues as well that got me to the weight I'm at, but I learned how to get around them to lose weight. There are options, not everyone chooses to use them. I agree with having to pay a higher premium for poor lifestyle choices. That makes sense. I also agree that it's an employer's discretion. Maybe the job requires more physical activity than thought and the employer has the right to make sure all of his or her employees are safe and healthy while on the job.0 -
I will tell you what .... I will start paying more for being obese and a burden on my health care provider when they start actually COVERING us. We pay more and more each year for the same (or less coverage) and STILL are left with a ton of bills at the end of the year that were NOT covered because of deductibles, co-insurance or whatever other bull**** the insurance companies can through.
The fact that I am 100 pounds overweight means jack when it comes to my insurance. I have NORMAL sugar, NORMAL cholesterol (hard to believe I know) and have had NO health issues due to my obesity (and I thank God for that and giving me a chance to change my health).
Then we have my husband... he has had cancer twice (15 and 24), he is an incureable blood disorder requiring chemotherapy when it rears it's ugly head (today he is on his current last treatment). He is not overweight, he does not smoke. So, to say that JUST because you are obese you need to pay a "Fat Premium" is stupid. Obese people may have higher risks but I know plenty of healthy weight people that are sick and incur more medical issues than others.
Sorry... but this is a hot topic for me. Especially when we pay nearly $600/month and so far we already have nearly $45,000 in debt to the hospital for my husbands treatments (and that is without receiving the Nov. bills yet).0 -
Sorry... but this is a hot topic for me. Especially when we pay nearly $600/month and so far we already have nearly $45,000 in debt to the hospital for my husbands treatments (and that is without receiving the Nov. bills yet).
The cost is a whole other issue! I have not been to a doctor's in almost 10 years (I'm 28) other than having my son. Just the hospital stay was $26,000. That was more than I earned that year! I did have one pregnancy-related ER trip. It was $1400 for 1 hour, 1 EKG, 1 saline IV, and a urine test. There was a $350 "surcharge" to the treating physician (on top of his fee) because it was between the hours of 9pm and 6am.0 -
I thought employers weren't allowed to ban hiring certain types of people because it is considered discrimination???
Shannon
this is true, if you are a member of a protected clas then discrimination is illegal. hard to prove in some cases, but definitely illegal. The thing is, obese folks aren't a protected class. Even sexual orientation isn't a protected class.
the protected classes are: race, religion, ethnicity, disabled, and elderly. Notice I didn't say you can't discriminate on age, because you can, just not against someone for being too old. You can refuse to hire all day long because they are too young and that's cool. (in the eyes of the federal law!)0 -
When I first started driving, my insurance was higher then it is now. I never got in an accident, but chances were higher that I would, and it wasn't fair to make other statistically safer drivers pay more for me and the other horrible 16 year old drivers out there.
How is this any different? Fat people being forced to pay more for insurance seems perfectly fair to me, as the statistics show that not only does it cost more to take care of them, but there is a greater chance that they'll have to go to the hospital in the first place.
Hell, I couldn't choose to stop being a 16 year old make at the time, but if most fat people want to stop being fat they can just put down the damn donuts and fried chicken. Hate me if you want to, but I did it, and they can too.0 -
When I first started driving, my insurance was higher then it is now. I never got in an accident, but chances were higher that I would, and it wasn't fair to make other statistically safer drivers pay more for me and the other horrible 16 year old drivers out there.
How is this any different? Fat people being forced to pay more for insurance seems perfectly fair to me, as the statistics show that not only does it cost more to take care of them, but there is a greater chance that they'll have to go to the hospital in the first place.
Hell, I couldn't choose to stop being a 16 year old make at the time, but if most fat people want to stop being fat they can just put down the damn donuts and fried chicken. Hate me if you want to, but I did it, and they can too.
Eating horribly is not always (yes, maybe mostly but not always) how people gain weight. But I firmly believe there is always a solution that will make it so that you can lose that weight from whatever the avenue it was put on. It's finding that solution, accepting it, and sticking to it that is the hard part.0 -
When I first started driving, my insurance was higher then it is now. I never got in an accident, but chances were higher that I would, and it wasn't fair to make other statistically safer drivers pay more for me and the other horrible 16 year old drivers out there.
How is this any different? Fat people being forced to pay more for insurance seems perfectly fair to me, as the statistics show that not only does it cost more to take care of them, but there is a greater chance that they'll have to go to the hospital in the first place.
Hell, I couldn't choose to stop being a 16 year old make at the time, but if most fat people want to stop being fat they can just put down the damn donuts and fried chicken. Hate me if you want to, but I did it, and they can too.
If that is the case though then what about those who have cancer or other disabilities ... since they are going to cost more in the long run should we increase the cost of the insurance that they have to pay? I understand that they didn't ask for medical problems such as cancer, etc. however.. I did not ask to be obese. Am I? Yes. Do I take responsibility for it? I do. But to say that one group of people cost more is ridiculous. What about certain ethnic groups that have higher changes of certain diseases and cancers? Should they also have to pay higher because they "might" cost more? And .... as a society we are obese. This is no longer an individual issue... it's a social issue. Everything is geared now a days to instant gratification, everything is drive through, kids are sitting on their butts playing their video games and glued to computers or TVs... because that is who the industry is targeting.
I say it is time to take a stand against the insurance companies and make them accountable to actually HELP their policyholders rather than ask for more money to still do nothing and still charge even more.0 -
They are trying to limit pre-existing conditions as a marker but once it's all socialized don't think "death panels" are a thing of myths. I saw it in the ALS community in Europe (NOT TO BASH EUROPE) but the care between socialized medicine and our private insurance for my husband was STAGGERING.
As someone who lives in Canada, death panels are a myth! My grandfather was on his death bed - he had late stages alzheimers, yet they still operated on him to improve his comfort in his last few days. There are wait times, yet I have NEVER found them to be horrible and have heard of worse ones in the States. My husband and I both have good jobs which would provide insurance, but if we lived in the States the co-pays alone for my infertility treatment and miscarriage care would make it almost impossible for us to have a family. Even at only $25 a pop, they start to add up. We could swing it, but things would be tight in our household, I cant imagine how Americans do it. I have actually told DH that he can take a job anywhere he wants in Canada or Europe, but I am not risking our health by moving to the States. While the care for those who can afford it might be amazing in the States, I believe, and will always believe, that basic health care is a fundamental human right. A child should never die because their parents can not afford care, yet it happens all the time in the States.
As for the obesity issue, I can see both sides of this one. I chose what I put in my mouth, and that was why I was obese and still am overweight. I chose not to exercise. Did my health issues make losing weight more difficult? Of course. Yet I am responsible for my own health. On the flip side, I look at family members who have struggled for years to lose weight and just can not seem to be able to do it. Is it fair to penalize them even though they are trying? I dont have an answer, but it is an interesting question.0 -
Just wait until they can run genetic tests to test your propensity to things like cancer, sickle cell, ALS, MS, or any other genetically tied disease. File marked. insurance set. Forehead stamped.
EXACTLY!
This again takes away from people's freedoms! If I want to be obese, smoke, paint my face purple and dip myself in chocolate on the weekends...my emoployer should not get to tell me I can't! Sorry but that is NOT what this country was found on! You can carry the 'they should pay more' all over the place with many situations. What about the woman who chooses to have 10 children and the woman who has none!
Stop infringing on my freedoms is what I say to that whole issue!0 -
Obesity does not necessarily mean unhealthy. I am obese but seldom EVER go to the Dr. I have normal blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar. I am trying to lose weight to keep it that way. I have a friend who weighs 135 pounds soaking wet, she is extremely active and is very unhealthy. Her cholesterol numbers are through the roof, she has high blood pressure and is on the verge of diabetes. It doesn't always make sense. When you start putting people in classes you are on the verge of prejudice. Obesity is the only thing that is still ok to be rude about, to make jokes on sitcoms about, and to talk about openly in public as if it were a disgraceful state. Being obese is tough issue. I used to smoke and I quite cold turkey 15 years ago. I have the ability to stay away from tobacco products completely. I do not however have the choice to stay away from food. Women on a whole pay more for health insurance than me, men pay more for life insurance. If you start charging higher rates for obesity then you have to charge more for those who have high blood pressure or cholesterol due to heredity and genes. And you can't leave out that those who drink need to pay higher rates due to the risks involved. And hey, let's charge more for light skinned people because they have a higher risk for skin cancer! And premature babies because they are usually plagued with more health issues for their entire life. The list goes on and on.
In the last 5 years I have been to the Dr. 5 times. That was for an annual check up with NO health issues or complications whatsoever. This year, I chose to start a healthy living plan to ward off trouble in the future. I hope and pray that I am successful. But at 43, to have had no more health issues than I have in the past, I feel very fortunate. Not everyone can say that and not all issues are related to health. Right now it's just the only issue that it's still politically correct to complain about.0 -
http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/Fourth+member+Alberta+Health+Services+board+resigns/3901149/story.html
i opened my mouth to soon...right after i replied to this post, I read this article...seems the damn Tories are doing the same thing in Alberta...0 -
I think that when it comes to hiring, only your qualifications should matter. If it is the kind of job where your weight/physical fitness matters, then so it be, like the examples somebody else already gave on here (federal agent, cops, etc.). If part of the job requirement is to be able to run a 6 minute mile, then anybody who can't is not qualified. Period, end of story.
However, for other jobs, weight/physical fitness/race/gender doesn't matter. And in those cases, there is NO way that we should hire or not hire based on those things. I'm a woman, and I'm going to be applying for jobs teaching at universities and colleges. I DO NOT want to be hired because I am a woman and they need to fill their quota. I do not want ANY job because I fit a quota- I want a job because I deserve it. And I don't think it is fair for me to LOSE a job because I'm white and they need more to hire more minorities, either.
For me, this issue is just so simple. Either you're qualified for or you're not, regardless of your race, gender, height, weight, whatever. NONE of those things should matter and people shouldn't be hired or not hired because of it at any point.0 -
I think that when it comes to hiring, only your qualifications should matter. If it is the kind of job where your weight/physical fitness matters, then so it be, like the examples somebody else already gave on here (federal agent, cops, etc.). If part of the job requirement is to be able to run a 6 minute mile, then anybody who can't is not qualified. Period, end of story.
However, for other jobs, weight/physical fitness/race/gender doesn't matter. And in those cases, there is NO way that we should hire or not hire based on those things. I'm a woman, and I'm going to be applying for jobs teaching at universities and colleges. I DO NOT want to be hired because I am a woman and they need to fill their quota. I do not want ANY job because I fit a quota- I want a job because I deserve it. And I don't think it is fair for me to LOSE a job because I'm white and they need more to hire more minorities, either.
For me, this issue is just so simple. Either you're qualified for or you're not, regardless of your race, gender, height, weight, whatever. NONE of those things should matter and people shouldn't be hired or not hired because of it at any point.
Well said!!!!0 -
Obesity can be a tough battle to fight as there are so many physiological and psychological obstacles that come with excessive weight. However, it is in people's control and it is their responsibility to take care of themselves. I see it no differently than someone choosing to smoke. I'm not saying people choose to be overweight or obese, but they choose the things they put into their bodies.
I'm not saying it is right if its discrimination, but gender and race don't drive up health care costs. Something needs to be done to give people a kick in the pants to lose weight. It's sad to think how obese the children now will be in the future.
Actually Gender Race and Age all drive up health care costs. Women cost more because of pregnancies, mamograms, and Gyno Doctors, Certain races are more susceptible to certain illnesses and health problems over others and Obviously age plays a huge factor in health issues.0 -
This is not a new argument. The topic you saw on TV at the gym has been replayed many times through the years. Companies have always profiled when hiring and have often terminated employment due to age, sexual preference, personal lifestyle choices, weight, and other illegal reasons.
Companies need only state some other reason. There is no way to stop this practice. I doubt legal weight discrimination could ever become law, or be used to increase premiums.
The insurance companies can always raise premiums for no reason. My (self-insured/single female) premiums have increased from $260 to $438 a month over a three year period, with no new illnesses or increased risk on my part.0 -
When I first started driving, my insurance was higher then it is now. I never got in an accident, but chances were higher that I would, and it wasn't fair to make other statistically safer drivers pay more for me and the other horrible 16 year old drivers out there.
How is this any different? Fat people being forced to pay more for insurance seems perfectly fair to me, as the statistics show that not only does it cost more to take care of them, but there is a greater chance that they'll have to go to the hospital in the first place.
Hell, I couldn't choose to stop being a 16 year old make at the time, but if most fat people want to stop being fat they can just put down the damn donuts and fried chicken. Hate me if you want to, but I did it, and they can too.
If that is the case though then what about those who have cancer or other disabilities ... since they are going to cost more in the long run should we increase the cost of the insurance that they have to pay? I understand that they didn't ask for medical problems such as cancer, etc. however.. I did not ask to be obese. Am I? Yes. Do I take responsibility for it? I do. But to say that one group of people cost more is ridiculous. What about certain ethnic groups that have higher changes of certain diseases and cancers? Should they also have to pay higher because they "might" cost more? And .... as a society we are obese. This is no longer an individual issue... it's a social issue. Everything is geared now a days to instant gratification, everything is drive through, kids are sitting on their butts playing their video games and glued to computers or TVs... because that is who the industry is targeting.
I say it is time to take a stand against the insurance companies and make them accountable to actually HELP their policyholders rather than ask for more money to still do nothing and still charge even more.
An insurance company is a BUSINESS. They don't have to help you any more then anyone else. They also SHOULDN'T "have" to give a policy to anyone they don't want to give a policy to. I had a broken wrist in high school. When I get new insurance, it's a certain amount of time before they will pay for anything that happens to my wrist.
By the way, if you already have cancer you DO have to pay more for insurance. If you don't like it, don't use their services. It's called a free market, and if there's anything we need to stand up for, it's what little freedom there is left in the current market. I can't control what happened to my wrist. People who have cancer can't control it. People who are a certain race that has a higher rate of certain diseases can't control it.
Almost anyone can lose weight.0 -
The original topic here was not hiring obese people- not insurance policies. That's the problem. If you say that you will not hire anyone who will raise your insurance rates, you'll knock out most of the population. You would hire only young males of normal height and weight with no history of health issues and no bad habits. I agree with the comment that if you are qualified for the job, you should get it. If you are not qualified then you shouldn't. I am morbidly obese by the charts. I work 2 fulltime jobs and have only missed 5 days of work in the last 10 years. Should I not have been hired?? I think they would have lost out on a very committed employee.0
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When I first started driving, my insurance was higher then it is now. I never got in an accident, but chances were higher that I would, and it wasn't fair to make other statistically safer drivers pay more for me and the other horrible 16 year old drivers out there.
How is this any different? Fat people being forced to pay more for insurance seems perfectly fair to me, as the statistics show that not only does it cost more to take care of them, but there is a greater chance that they'll have to go to the hospital in the first place.
Hell, I couldn't choose to stop being a 16 year old make at the time, but if most fat people want to stop being fat they can just put down the damn donuts and fried chicken. Hate me if you want to, but I did it, and they can too.
If that is the case though then what about those who have cancer or other disabilities ... since they are going to cost more in the long run should we increase the cost of the insurance that they have to pay? I understand that they didn't ask for medical problems such as cancer, etc. however.. I did not ask to be obese. Am I? Yes. Do I take responsibility for it? I do. But to say that one group of people cost more is ridiculous. What about certain ethnic groups that have higher changes of certain diseases and cancers? Should they also have to pay higher because they "might" cost more? And .... as a society we are obese. This is no longer an individual issue... it's a social issue. Everything is geared now a days to instant gratification, everything is drive through, kids are sitting on their butts playing their video games and glued to computers or TVs... because that is who the industry is targeting.
I say it is time to take a stand against the insurance companies and make them accountable to actually HELP their policyholders rather than ask for more money to still do nothing and still charge even more.
An insurance company is a BUSINESS. They don't have to help you any more then anyone else. They also SHOULDN'T "have" to give a policy to anyone they don't want to give a policy to. I had a broken wrist in high school. When I get new insurance, it's a certain amount of time before they will pay for anything that happens to my wrist.
By the way, if you already have cancer you DO have to pay more for insurance. If you don't like it, don't use their services. It's called a free market, and if there's anything we need to stand up for, it's what little freedom there is left in the current market. I can't control what happened to my wrist. People who have cancer can't control it. People who are a certain race that has a higher rate of certain diseases can't control it.
Almost anyone can lose weight.
First prior illnesses (or pre-existing conditions) do NOT factor into the health care costs that my husband is paying as he is covered under group insurance from his employer and I never said that they did. I never said that he was paying more because he has cancer. He is paying more because the overall industry keeps raising prices. The point that I think we are making (or trying to) is that to deny employment based upon weight (unless a physically demanding job) is wrong AND yes, insurance costs are going up but the LEVEL of care is going down. Yes, it is a business... but last I check their business was to insure the proper healthcare of those who PAY for their services.
Secondly, as a LICENSED insurance agent, I am well versed in what is / isn't going on in the insurance industry. Bottom line is that there are too many people who are not insured because they cannot afford it (or, some choose to stay in the public system so they don't have to) and unfortunately that drives up a large percentage of the health care costs.
And, if you broke your wrist and it was covered under insurance, there should not have been a pre-existing clause that didnt allow for treatments as long as you could prove that you had insurance for the 12 months prior to picking up the new insurance (if your wrist injury was during those twelve months).0 -
Interesting (sort of) related article. of course, the comments there are not as civilized as they are here
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2010/11/29/weight-job-search/?ncid=AOLDSN00280000000004
The one thing I would like to see more stats / facts on is the part about thinner women earning more money. I wonder what industries these include - ie, do they include tip-based industries where I can completely see this being a direct reflection on someone's looks (think Hooters / waitresses). But in the general business sector - is it because men are the ones hiring and doling out bonuses and promotions? Or is it because the thinner / fit women have more confidence in the workplace to go after what they want and get it? I imagine even just the confidence to ASK for a raise would possibly be easier for someone who perhaps their whole life has been given things easier for being pretty, praised just for looking the way they do etc, than someone who has learned, though bashing and losing all self-confidence to be quieter and blend in more. I know I am more the later than the former and very timid at work functions, asking for raises etc - though i do kick *kitten* at my job. Ironically, I am at a rather fit body type right now, though by no means skinny or model pretty.0
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