Taking photos of deceased in casket: Fine or WTF

donyellemoniquex3
donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
in Chit-Chat
Mom wanted me to take a photo of dad on the day of his funeral (valentines day). He looked nice but I was just so distracted with talking to family members after the service and listening to stories from his siblings that I honestly forgot until we were half way home. But I don't like the fact of the photo, because you want to remember them while they were alive. Not for the fact that they're dead.

Few days later, my mom's friend showed me photos of his wonderful dog who passed from old age (I've known the dog since I was a kid). He showed the body, nose, feet, and how the muscles in her legs / a55 were deteriorating because she just hurt too much to get up anymore.
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Replies

  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    ugh... grief is the worst thing!

    If it was a stranger or near stranger wanting the photo, then... yuck! what a freak!!!
    But with it being your mom... well, I can only say that it isn't something that I personally would choose, but different people react to grief differently.

    Photos of an ailing dog to highlight the ailment are just... no.

    Just to add... I have said and done things out of grief that I regret. I'm your friend if you want / need to talk it out.
  • magtart
    magtart Posts: 161 Member
    I've lost my husband, both parents, my two older brothers and numerous others. I have never taken a picture of any of them in the casket. It would creep me out.

    Sorry for your loss!
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
    Probably not something I would do but I wouldn't say it's "WTF." As a frame of reference, in the early days of photography it was actually common to take photos of loved ones posed with you (as in sitting/standing/etc).
  • will2lose72
    will2lose72 Posts: 128 Member
    I'm sorry for your loss.

    As a kid, I found pictures of my great grand-mother in her casket and seriously thought it was the creepiest thing. To this day, I do not like to visit funeral homes for viewings or to pass by the casket during the funeral.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Ok for some, not for others.
    Me I'm indif.

    However, if it upsets someone else, I would not do it.
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  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Working in a funeral home, I can tell you it happens more often than you think. Where I work we average roughly 6 burials a day and many times family will bring a camera. Sometimes it is just to have that last moment to remember. Sometimes it's because other family members can't make it. Other times it's because a wife or husband may have passed and the other spouse would like their arrangements to be as close as possible to the other who has passed. They will take pics of the casket, the flowers, yes the even the body in the casket. There are some spouses who want their clothing to closely match that of the other. For example, if one is wearing a blue suit, the wife may want to wear a blue dress. They will take pictures so the children doing the arrangements know what is wanted.
    I found it strange when I first started working here, but now it just seems normal.

    I am very sorry about your loss.
  • kamalelwa
    kamalelwa Posts: 44 Member
    First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I think the death of a parent is one of the most stressful and horrible periods in ones life. I have to say that I feel the casket picture is not appropriate. I know of people that have done this but I feel it is in poor taste. I would rather see a photo of Dad fishing or sitting in his recliner. I know that as far as I am concerned---cancel the casket photo and remember me vital and happy. Take care.
  • Sweetnothing78
    Sweetnothing78 Posts: 86 Member
    Oh my gosh. People in my family do this too. I don't get it. People deal with grief in their own way, so I guess to each their own.

    I'm sorry for your loss. :flowerforyou:
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    To each their own. I think it used to be common practice, but i don't know if i'd like a picture of my loved ones in a casket.

    Interesting tidbits: When photography was at it's very beginning, and still highly unavailable to the average Joe, taking pictures of a deceased loved one was a common practice. Those would usually be the only picture the family had.

    They used to dress the body and make it look like it was still alive for the picture. Oftentimes the family would pose with it, which took a while, since the process was longer. I believe they were called Memento Mori's.
  • dianeb613
    dianeb613 Posts: 121 Member
    My mother in law did that. I thought i was creepy. Never took a picture of anyone who passed away. I prefer to remember them alive and vibrant and my memory takes care of that for me.

    So sorry for your loss.:brokenheart:
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Ugh, no. Not how I want to remember someone.
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
    I never took photos of my mom in her casket but I can see why some people would want it. People grieve in different ways.
  • _AlabamaSlamma_
    _AlabamaSlamma_ Posts: 216
    I would definitely not want any of my loved ones to be remembered any way other than alive and happy.

    Sorry for your loss as well. I've know several people torn between what people have asked, and what they believe is the appropriate way to commemorate their loved ones.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    It's not something I would do.
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
    I SAY it'd be awkward, but I couldn't say until I was in the situation. I just lost my gram though and we were close--she raised me until I was 9 and even after, we were together all the time. It was very hard. I still have a hard time accepting things and she passed away in October. However, I have my memories and pictures that I had when she was here. For me, that's better than seeing her how she left us.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    I guess it depends on the person/situation, but when I was a nurse working labor and delivery we would take pictures of babies that had died for the parents. We would put them in a memory box with footprints, their ID bands, etc. There is a whole company dedicated to this type of photography. Again, I think it's specific to the situation.

    My condolences to your family.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think this is a regional, cultural, and/or personal thing. It does not appeal to me personally but I can understand why it may be helpful or comforting to some people.
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss..

    I can definitely understand why one might do that and I would never ever say WTF or judge someone for doing it (especially when they're grieving) but I would worry if it would be in their best interest to do that. They might start to remember only the corpse and the weight of the funeral and would always be shackled with grief.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    WTF
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    This is one of those things that is personal and it really doesnt matter what anyone else's opinion is.
    I am sorry for your loss
  • Iwantchange_22
    Iwantchange_22 Posts: 49 Member
    i think its fine. I wouldnt show them to people other than family.
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    Very sorry for your loss OP.

    I don't need a photo, I still remember how my mother looked in her casket and that was almost 51 years ago. I was next to my brother when he took his last breath almost 3 years ago, and I remember how he looked wrapped in a body bag on the way to the funeral home and when I saw his for the last time before cremation. I wish I could take those images out of my mind.

    My father was still alive the last time that I saw him and my last memory of him is of his blue eyes, still powerful at 81 years old. That is a memory that I want to keep forever. But we all grieve in different ways so we shouldn’t judge or criticize.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I have found that death rituals vary widely from one region to another. In the south, and especially in old-school Protestant church communities, open-casket visitations (or "wakes," as some people call them) and funeral ceremonies are traditional, but I cannot ever recall seeing a photo of a body in a casket. I personally don't believe in open caskets, tradition be-damned.

    Edited to remove a comment that I realize could be viewed as insensitive. Again, this is a very personal decision. If I were you and my dad had expressed his desire to me to have a picture taken of him in his casket, then I would do it. Otherwise, no.
  • SnugglePuggles
    SnugglePuggles Posts: 34
    As an adult, I have been to my sister's funeral (she was 37), my sisterin-law's funeral (she was 42), my mother-in-law's funeral, both my grandmothers, my best friend's son (he was 8) and another friend's husband (he was 32). Took pics at every single one. Maybe it's because the way we do funerals - a celebration of life. Took pics of the people, the flowers, the church, the reception, the dead people. Some people thought it was weird, but everyone I know cherished those photos. In fact, my friend - whose son died - hired a photographer to be at the funeral.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    100 years ago or more, people would do this, family photos or just the dead alone pictures were done quite often. They would look alive but were actually dead, especially with infants/children.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    WTF

    Is this in response to the OP in general or a response to taking photos of the deceased in the casket?
  • MusicInMyHeart
    MusicInMyHeart Posts: 179
    I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Your family is in my prayers.

    I guess people grieve in different ways...? Me, personally? I couldn't do that. But I do know that roughly 100 years ago it was the a normal thing. They would prop up their family members and take pictures.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    People have a variety of reactions to grief, and it's best to let people grieve in their own way without being judgmental.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    This breaks my heart. The loss that you and your mother must be feeling right now. I've never done this, but I would have done it for my mother if she had asked me to. I would send it to her and delete it because I wouldn't be able to carry around a picture of my deceased father. It would hurt too badly. But I wouldn't find it creepy. It is a loved one.

    People don't act rationally in grief.

    I'm very sorry for your loss.

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