No one understands/supports me trying to lose weight :/

piejin · February 2014

Every time people find out I am dieting/trying to lose fat, the reaction is always the same—negative surprise. They always say things like, “You don't need to lose any weight; what's wrong with you?” or “I hope this is opposite day and you mean you're going to start eating more.” Nobody is supportive or encouraging, and everyone wants to know why I am “doing this to myself.”

I am at a healthy BMI, and I am not technically overweight. However, I have those last 5 pounds to lose to take me from looking just OK to looking fit, and I really want to make it happen. It is incredibly discouraging that everybody wants me to stop and is judging me for trying to lose some fat simply because I don't have a ton left to lose. I don't know what to say to convince everyone in my life outside of, “Have you SEEN me shirtless? If you had, you'd understand!” and I am tired of people thinking that I have some kind of eating disorder or that I am totally disconnected from reality. Just because I look OK with clothes on doesn't mean I don't need to lose weight, right?

Has anyone else had people react negatively like this? Especially for those of you who are close to your goal weight or don't have a lot to lose, what do you do? Is there anything you can say to get people to understand , or do you just have to ignore everyone and their criticisms? I feel like nobody wants me to succeed.

RekindledRose · February 2014

I've never had this, but I'm VERY overweight.

Here's my advice: Don't say anything to anyone about your weight loss goals. It makes you seem like you're fishing for those "Oh, you're not fat!" comments. Just... don't say anything, and they won't respond in a way that you think is negative.

quirkytizzy · February 2014

If it comes up, just say "Doctor's orders. Cutting down salt intake" or something. That usually works without opening up the whole "diet" can of worms.

knra_grl · February 2014

My question is - Do you actually want to lose weight or have more muscle definition? If you do strength training you will be leaner but not necessarily lighter - tracking calories is a healthy way to look at food and improve your choices but people do it for various reasons not just weight loss.

jordanlell · February 2014

I'll second not talking about it. Truthfully, you DON'T need to lose any weight. It's just vanity at this point, which I TOTALLY get. I don't "need" to lose weight either, but I'm trying to drop another 20-25lbs so that I'm closer to the mid-healthy range rather than the upper end. Also, if you're trying to look better naked, are you doing any strength training? It can make all the difference, really.

Nissi51 · February 2014

I hear it all the time!

Ignore it and move on.... unless you are underweight (and it's not a result of training for something specific), then that's an entirely different issue.

Desert_flower3 · February 2014

This is why MFP friends are here for
feel free to add me! :indifferent:

Mr_Knight · February 2014

...everybody...is judging me...

Concern offered by those close to you is not "judging".

I don't know what to say to convince everyone in my life...

Why are you trying to convince anyone? If you feel you need to do something - just go do it!

That's what DamePiglet would do!

GummyHuman · February 2014

Why do you need to convince anyone? It's nobody else's business.

GummyHuman · February 2014

I've never had this, but I'm VERY overweight.

Here's my advice: Don't say anything to anyone about your weight loss goals. It makes you seem like you're fishing for those "Oh, you're not fat!" comments. Just... don't say anything, and they won't respond in a way that you think is negative.

True dat.

AlongCame_Molly · February 2014

If you only have 5 lbs to lose, you would be better off starting a weightlifting program rather than dieting the weight away. Chances are you don't need to lose weight, you would like to drop body fat, am I correct?

Lift heavy weights. You'll thank me later.

pita7317 · February 2014

I have one friend that "used to" comment that I did not need to lose weight.
I guess because she was in disbelief of my actual weight...most people were.
But now , after a 30+ lb weight loss she has commented how much thinner my face is and knows how much effort I am putting into this and how important it is to me.
I have 10 lbs to go to be in the middle of my BMI range.
Which is where I want to be , no matter what anyone else has to say about it.

piejin · February 2014

Woah, thank you for all the thoughtful input! :flowerforyou:

I definitely try not to talk about my fitness goals or bring it up, but sometimes people just find out--it's hard to come up with excuses for why I always used to be the first person around to taste test cookies or go out for drinks or fun food or whatever and now never want to. I guess I feel like I need to convince people why I'm doing this when they find out because it sucks having nobody on my side!

I would ultimately like to gain muscle, but I know that means putting on some more fat, and that seems counterproductive when I can't even prove to myself I can lose all the fat in the first place. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of going the "build muscle, put on some fat" route and finding that I can't lose the fat later and end up worse than where I started... So right now my short-term goal is to get down to a lower body fat % so I know I'm capable of doing it and can pursue weightlifting without worrying. Right now my exercise is usually a mix of T25 in the mornings every day and in the afternoons I alternate between Insanity workouts and P90X's strength workouts. I also usually walk for 1-2 hours a day.

GummyHuman · February 2014

Woah, thank you for all the thoughtful input! :flowerforyou:

I definitely try not to talk about my fitness goals or bring it up, but sometimes people just find out--it's hard to come up with excuses for why I always used to be the first person around to taste test cookies or go out for drinks or fun food or whatever and now never want to. I guess I feel like I need to convince people why I'm doing this when they find out because it sucks having nobody on my side!

I would ultimately like to gain muscle, but I know that means putting on some more fat, and that seems counterproductive when I can't even prove to myself I can lose all the fat in the first place. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of going the "build muscle, put on some fat" route and finding that I can't lose the fat later and end up worse than where I started... So right now my short-term goal is to get down to a lower body fat % so I know I'm capable of doing it and can pursue weightlifting without worrying. Right now my exercise is usually a mix of T25 in the mornings every day and in the afternoons I alternate between Insanity workouts and P90X's strength workouts. I also usually walk for 1-2 hours a day.

Ah! Your friends miss you! You certainly don't have to stop being fun to lose 5 pounds!

I have lost 30 pounds (so far) and I have never once skipped an afternoon drink with the girls or a slice of office b-day cake. Go into the fitness forum and read the sticky post at the top about being a woman in the weight lifting section of the gym. Do a search for "sexypants". There is so much good info on this forum about lifting for women. You don't need to gain fat to gain muscle.

piejin · February 2014

I have lost 30 pounds (so far) and I have never once skipped an afternoon drink with the girls or a slice of office b-day cake. Go into the fitness forum and read the sticky post at the top about being a woman in the weight lifting section of the gym. Do a search for "sexypants". There is so much good info on this forum about lifting for women. You don't need to gain fat to gain muscle.

I'm a man, but your concern for my womanly figure is appreciated, lol. :bigsmile:

frodopuppy · February 2014

happens to me too.,I just tell people the truth that I'm in my weight range but have to try to tone up and turn my out of shape body into some lean muscle

cafeaulait7 · February 2014

You can say it's just a few vanity lbs for the beach/summer or whatever. I think people understand that. I'm usually happy that they can't see it in clothes and tell them so

ottermotorcycle · February 2014

I had that when I wanted to lose vanity pounds as well. People don't want you to get thinner/fitter than they are for fear that you will look better than you already do! People are jealous. Remember that. Think about your goals and phrase them in ways that people can't argue with - oh yeah I'm trying to exercise more, looking to get fit, want to eat healthier, etc.

I'm also on the "my weight is ok but I could look better" train. I'm eating at a very slight deficit (200 cals about) to the point that it might be maintenance, and doing strength training to build muscle. I know to really build muscle I have to bulk up but I just don't think I'm lean enough for it yet! So I'm really just getting into strength and cutting slowly so that I have enough nutrients for my muscles. I tell people I'm "monitoring my eating" and "going to the gym" so that they don't think I have unhealthy goals or anything!

Myhaloslipped · February 2014

Here's the thing---most people don't give a flying flip about your dieting or weight loss. In fact, it generally annoys people to hear about it. I only discuss it with MFP friends or if someone asks me specifically.

GummyHuman · February 2014

I have lost 30 pounds (so far) and I have never once skipped an afternoon drink with the girls or a slice of office b-day cake. Go into the fitness forum and read the sticky post at the top about being a woman in the weight lifting section of the gym. Do a search for "sexypants". There is so much good info on this forum about lifting for women. You don't need to gain fat to gain muscle.

I'm a man, but your concern for my womanly figure is appreciated, lol. :bigsmile:

Ah! Oops! There I go *kitten*-u-me-ing!

Well it works for guys too :blushing:

thesupremeforce · February 2014

Woah, thank you for all the thoughtful input! :flowerforyou:

I definitely try not to talk about my fitness goals or bring it up, but sometimes people just find out--it's hard to come up with excuses for why I always used to be the first person around to taste test cookies or go out for drinks or fun food or whatever and now never want to. I guess I feel like I need to convince people why I'm doing this when they find out because it sucks having nobody on my side!

I would ultimately like to gain muscle, but I know that means putting on some more fat, and that seems counterproductive when I can't even prove to myself I can lose all the fat in the first place. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of going the "build muscle, put on some fat" route and finding that I can't lose the fat later and end up worse than where I started... So right now my short-term goal is to get down to a lower body fat % so I know I'm capable of doing it and can pursue weightlifting without worrying. Right now my exercise is usually a mix of T25 in the mornings every day and in the afternoons I alternate between Insanity workouts and P90X's strength workouts. I also usually walk for 1-2 hours a day.

No one was telling you to go on a bulk. If you lift heavy, you can't possibly "put on fat" unless you're eating at a surplus (which you're not doing). Your weight won't go up (excluding temporary water weight, perhaps), but your body fat percentage should gradually go down.

brdnw · February 2014

i don't know why you care, i didn't tell anyone i was trying to lose weight when i did, i just did it. Right now people tell me that i don't need to lose anyweight even though i want to drop another 10 or so, and i just find them to be ignorant and it doesn't bother me for a minute.

cebreisch · February 2014

Unfortunately, I've not been in that position yet, but my husband has. My familiy started telling him he looked underweight and gaunt, that he didn't look healthy. He was at the low end of him BMI, and was trying to build muscle at the time, so I wasn't worried - I knew his goals. I knew he was finally able to show a 6-pack and was very proud of himself. Then like you said, people have to put in their two cents worth - that he looked underweight and unhealthy. UGH.

You're doing this for you. Not for the approval of other people. Don't let htem know you're trying to lose weight. Don't give the fools the time of day.

piejin · February 2014

I had that when I wanted to lose vanity pounds as well. People don't want you to get thinner/fitter than they are for fear that you will look better than you already do! People are jealous. Remember that. Think about your goals and phrase them in ways that people can't argue with - oh yeah I'm trying to exercise more, looking to get fit, want to eat healthier, etc.

I'm also on the "my weight is ok but I could look better" train. I'm eating at a very slight deficit (200 cals about) to the point that it might be maintenance, and doing strength training to build muscle. I know to really build muscle I have to bulk up but I just don't think I'm lean enough for it yet! So I'm really just getting into strength and cutting slowly so that I have enough nutrients for my muscles. I tell people I'm "monitoring my eating" and "going to the gym" so that they don't think I have unhealthy goals or anything!

It sounds like we're in the same boat! That's a really good way to approach it when I have to tell people about it, so I think I'll try that, thank you.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful suggestions! I thinnk I will just keep plowing ahead and try harder to make sure nobody finds out. To the people suggesting I do heavy weightlifting, I'm not sure how that would benefit me since I was under the impression people lift heavy to build muscle, which I'm definitely not going to do while eating at a deficit and trying to lose weight. I am doing strength training with dumbbells and bodyweight exercises for now, which I think is adequate when my main goal is losing body fat, but I will keep your suggestions in mind for when I eventually reach my short term goals.

fatgirlslove · February 2014

forget them! They don't have to live in your skin... you do. I say do what makes you happy.

CaitlinW19 · February 2014

Agree, don't talk about it if you don't have to. I get that you might be in situations where it's bound to get noticed that you aren't eating the free lunch or whatever it might be, so it situations where you might need to explain yourself, don't tell people you are trying to "loose weight". You are trying to attain a more fit, toned body, which is different. Tell people you don't "have to lose weight", you want to be fitter. Identifying that agreement that you don't "have to lose weight" should help people see that you aren't looking for drastic change (which is what people think of when someone says they are on a diet).

SeattleRaven · February 2014

I would ultimately like to gain muscle, but I know that means putting on some more fat, and that seems counterproductive when I can't even prove to myself I can lose all the fat in the first place. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of going the "build muscle, put on some fat" route and finding that I can't lose the fat later and end up worse than where I started... So right now my short-term goal is to get down to a lower body fat % so I know I'm capable of doing it and can pursue weightlifting without worrying. Right now my exercise is usually a mix of T25 in the mornings every day and in the afternoons I alternate between Insanity workouts and P90X's strength workouts. I also usually walk for 1-2 hours a day.

So, muscle is not fat. Having more lean muscle mass will make your body burn more calories. I feel like your focus on 5 lbs is misplaced, when it would "show up" more in results if you focused on being more toned. I recommend yoga...you'd lose inches, even if you don't lose pounds--your clothes would fit noticeably differently in 6-8 weeks. And you'd feel stronger.

RockStarlaa · February 2014

I wouldn't put it into the terms "I'm trying to lose weight, lose fat, etc..." rather IF anyone asks why you're not eating like you used to or you're exercising more just say "I'm trying to be healthier/make healthier choices." And notice I said IF. There's no reason to broadcast it to everyone. It's nobody's business really. And like someone else mentioned people tend to get annoyed with the ones that are constantly talking about dieting/losing weight/etc. Good luck!!

seltzermint555 · February 2014

As someone who has been overweight/obese since my early teens and even before, it is difficult to imagine this. However, I do understand and feel that your concern is a real one.

Approaching this I tried to think of times in the past (long before I joined MFP and so on) when I have known women and men who looked quite thin to me but wanted to lose weight/fat/etc. I really didn't pay much attention, UNLESS they talked about it constantly and in those cases I generally thought they were whiny and seeking attention for their already-lean bodies.

BUT - totally opposite...I thought they knew what they were talking about if they mentioned things that sounded more in the realm of fitness such as body fat percentages, stamina, agility, endurance, specific fitness goals and so on. Maybe if you come up with a few general comments such as that, it will ward off the negative comments? Or follow the advice of just not bringing it up.

No one understands/supports me trying to lose weight :/

Replies

Categories