How to be okay with where you're at? (embarassing pics)

firstsip · February 2014

I can't recommend a therapist enough. I feel like a broken record a bit sometimes recommending it so often, but our perception and our behaviors are rooted completely in our brain; if you got a doctor to fix something wrong with your body, why wouldn't you go to a professional to help you fix things off with your mind?

If by "professionals" you cited, you mean therapists: find a new one. Look around until you find one that helps you deal with the mindset you've developed. Being told, "You don't need to worry! You're fine!" sounds like a non-psychiatric doctor speaking, however, so I'm assuming you haven't gone the mental health professional route yet.

I feel you. Completely. I gained weight very quickly (your "2lb a week" struck a note with me when I was bloating up, almost completely in my stomach, back, and face, at a rate of 5lb a week for a short period of time with medications and recovery from some endocrine issues), and once I was given the "okay" to diet and exercise again, I jumped in immediately, wondering what to do with myself in the meantime. Unfortunately, I didn't start going back to therapy until far along this process; I had over a year's worth of your experiences. Crying in front of the mirror. Self-mutilation because I was so disgusted. And regret at how I had treated my body before my health crisis.

So find a therapist our counselor who meshes with you well. Who won't say, "No, you're fine!" and instead will ask you, "Why do you feel this way?" to help figure out how to get you to cope with your self-perception while you try to lose weight (in a healthy manner!).

firstsip · February 2014

I think it would help to volunteer at a hospice or go to a third world country and volunteer in a place where people would be overjoyed to swap "problems" with you.

I totally get that you find it unpleasant to be overweight after having been so thin but to me it's like having a bad hair cut and thinking it's the end of the world, just like hair would grow, weight comes off.

I don't think it's a big problem so my suggestion is to find a way for you to see that it's not a big problem.

The one thing I do regret about my holiday in France is that I was so busy being upset about being a bit fat, I didn't enjoy the vacation. Wish I had just had fun and had trusted that the weight would come off. It spoilt the vacation for my husband and shortly after my dog died, if only I had treasured that time, enjoyed my amazing life and known the weight would come off.

There is no point being miserable, you are a healthy young woman, your friends are right, you're not that big.

Just trust the weight will come off, love your life, love yourself right here and now, you look good. Wear clothes you feel nice in and get the weight off in a healthy way.

Hope this is read in the loving and kind spirit in which it was written.

I hate this mindset. Hatehatehatehate.

Comparing one's self to say, third world problems or someone's terminal cancer, can help *some* people feel better. But if there's a condition at play beyond just general self-pity (say, BDD, or clinical depression, etc. etc.), that's just an incredibly dismissive thing to say.

If something is uncomfortable or life-changing to OP, then it is. I'd also argue that a bad haircut is probably a poor analogy for "on a stream of intense medications that essentially strip my control over my body."

I'm sure you mean well, but OP, it's okay to feel the things you are. Putting guilt on someone for feeling bad is probably the least productive way of dealing with any sort of mental issue, ever. Yet somehow it still persists, "Ah, you're depressed? Well at least you don't live in a third world shanty town! What's wrong with you?"

OP, again; I recommend finding a mental health professional that fits well with you. It may take a few sessions to figure out if you click with someone, but it's very, very worth it to keep trying.

SapiensPisces · February 2014

I was an athlete all through my high school years (track and field) so I was in great shape, and a size 2-4 for most of that time.

In college and grad school, I put on 100 lbs, but unlike you, it was entirely my own fault and it came on over about 6 years. My body didn't do this to me. I wasn't sick, but a lot of why I overate was due to major depression. I'm not blaming the condition really, but it was a contributing factor.

Once I got treatment for the underlying problem, my weight started falling off. I was happy about this, but it also made me feel horrible about myself. How could I have let myself go THAT badly? I did irreparable damage to myself. I still sometimes struggle with the guilt and the embarrassment of it all.

I can tell you, from personal experience, that focusing on your past will make it much much harder to move forward. I compared myself to my fit lean just-out-of-high-school body for a long long time, and I always felt like a failure no matter how much progress I made.

What worked for me is looking forward. Instead of comparing who I was to who I am now, I'm working to improve the person I am now and though I may never look like I did before, I can be a healthier size, have a healthier relationship with food, and be more fit than I am now, and that's what I'm striving for.

What you're experiencing here is powerful and can be overwhelming emotionally. Don't discount it or let anyone tell you that these feelings are trivial. They are not, but do try to see if you can focus on some goals you'd like to achieve in the future. Give yourself something to look forward to not back at.

page8040 · February 2014

You look better on the right (In my opinion) You got a donk. Lol I bet most men would prefer it as well. And to be honest, you don't look happy on the left either. You have to love yourself. There is no other answer. Love love love. Love yourself girl, or nobody will. I hope you can find self-love. When your mind is healthy, your body will follow suit. xoxo

Maleficent0241 · February 2014

I'm trying to understand why someone would censor half the pictures. My over-thinking brain tells me the person on the left isn't you. Dont really matter though. But, it did sidetrack me from giving any type of useful response. meh.

I don't want to be rude, but I had to reply to this specifically. The pictures on the right aren't censored, and the picture on the left is indeed me. I had no one home to help me take the new pictures and setting the camera on the table cut off my head. I know I am just a random internet person, so I can understand the the skepticism, but it is me.

Thanks to everyone else for your responses. Interesting to hear from others with med problems too. Prednisone was one in the cocktail. I'm glad I'm not on that one anymore, I always felt like a raging b*** on it!

Maybe I should try another therapist. The previous ones were of no help at all, but maybe getting a referral from the endocrinologist or something might lead me in a better direction. I looked up the last one (I know, should have done it prior to seeing him), and his specialty had nothing to do with my issue.

seltzermint555 · February 2014

I don't have any really helpful advice for you because I am big and have always been big. But I just know how some people (doctors, friends, etc) can be when you're at a weight that is considered healthy or just slightly overweight. I've seen friends go through that and I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. I'd imagine for you that feels like I would feel if I regained the 67 lb I've lost in the past year...I'd be horrified.

Hang in there and you will get back where you want to be!

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · February 2014

I'm trying to understand why someone would censor half the pictures. My over-thinking brain tells me the person on the left isn't you. Dont really matter though. But, it did sidetrack me from giving any type of useful response. meh.

I don't want to be rude, but I had to reply to this specifically. The pictures on the right aren't censored, and the picture on the left is indeed me. I had no one home to help me take the new pictures and setting the camera on the table cut off my head. I know I am just a random internet person, so I can understand the the skepticism, but it is me.

Thanks to everyone else for your responses. Interesting to hear from others with med problems too. Prednisone was one in the cocktail. I'm glad I'm not on that one anymore, I always felt like a raging b*** on it!

Maybe I should try another therapist. The previous ones were of no help at all, but maybe getting a referral from the endocrinologist or something might lead me in a better direction. I looked up the last one (I know, should have done it prior to seeing him), and his specialty had nothing to do with my issue.

I wondered if Prednisone might be in the mix.

It's a double edged sword for sure. I'm also glad I don't need it anymore. Good riddance!

I hope you find a more helpful therapist. :flowerforyou:

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · February 2014

I think it would help to volunteer at a hospice or go to a third world country and volunteer in a place where people would be overjoyed to swap "problems" with you.

I totally get that you find it unpleasant to be overweight after having been so thin but to me it's like having a bad hair cut and thinking it's the end of the world, just like hair would grow, weight comes off.

I don't think it's a big problem so my suggestion is to find a way for you to see that it's not a big problem.

The one thing I do regret about my holiday in France is that I was so busy being upset about being a bit fat, I didn't enjoy the vacation. Wish I had just had fun and had trusted that the weight would come off. It spoilt the vacation for my husband and shortly after my dog died, if only I had treasured that time, enjoyed my amazing life and known the weight would come off.

There is no point being miserable, you are a healthy young woman, your friends are right, you're not that big.

Just trust the weight will come off, love your life, love yourself right here and now, you look good. Wear clothes you feel nice in and get the weight off in a healthy way.

Hope this is read in the loving and kind spirit in which it was written.

I hate this mindset. Hatehatehatehate.

Comparing one's self to say, third world problems or someone's terminal cancer, can help *some* people feel better. But if there's a condition at play beyond just general self-pity (say, BDD, or clinical depression, etc. etc.), that's just an incredibly dismissive thing to say.

If something is uncomfortable or life-changing to OP, then it is. I'd also argue that a bad haircut is probably a poor analogy for "on a stream of intense medications that essentially strip my control over my body."

I'm sure you mean well, but OP, it's okay to feel the things you are. Putting guilt on someone for feeling bad is probably the least productive way of dealing with any sort of mental issue, ever. Yet somehow it still persists, "Ah, you're depressed? Well at least you don't live in a third world shanty town! What's wrong with you?"

OP, again; I recommend finding a mental health professional that fits well with you. It may take a few sessions to figure out if you click with someone, but it's very, very worth it to keep trying.

I completely agree.

ErinMLB · February 2014

I can COMPLETELY relate, like 100%. I used to be stick thin, had abs, was healthy etc. I moved to university and ended up getting a really bad stomach illness, I could barely eat but ballooned up about 50-60 pounds in year, which made me go from about 120 at 5'8, to 185 at 5'8. I went to dr's numerous times before they realized there was something seriously wrong with me and I got the meds I needed. By that time my self-esteem was shot, I couldn't look in a mirror without bursting into tears.

Since then I've lost weight, only to gain it back AGAIN due to a separate medical issue, and am now about 1/2 way to where i want to be, it is a grueling frustrating proces which I don't wish upon anybody. But as far as just being okay with where your at, you've got to be okay with YOU, not your body, it's just a shell that contains you!

Feel free to add me!

turtledove773 · February 2014

I can totally relate! I never ever worried about my weight and then my 30's hit and it slowly started creeping up on me and BAM there it was on day IN MY FACE! My 5'6 157 lbs self so misses my 130 -135 self but I'll settle for the 145-45 me!

AABru · February 2014

We must always meet the body that we have where it is and take it where we want it to be. For some people it is a short journey, and for others it's a long road. It doesn't make it any easier for any person that deals with weight issues. I wish you a short journey though...:flowerforyou:

queen_ofjacks · February 2014

I feel ya, girl. I've gained (due to medications) a whopping 100 pounds over the last year and a half, and it. Is. HARD. I was about 150 at my smallest, and that was almost skin and bones for me, and now am almost 260.

I think it's harder knowing that the cause was half meds, half me. I know some of the weight gain was because I just got depressed from being so large, in my world, and then the pills didn't help. We switched mine, too, and hopefully I'll be able to lose. But finding out how to love myself as I am is a DAILY struggle. I constantly want to eat now, as a result of the emotional eating, but then I beat myself up for it, then beat myself up FOR beating myself up. It's a terrible cycle.

I try to find one thing about myself, physically, that I love every day. Today I was thankful for my legs for being strong enough to carry me. Yesterday I wasn't thankful for them because I thought they were terribly fat, so I tried to think of something good about them. This helps me, so maybe it will help you.

If you want a friend, I'd be happy to help with motivation. And I think you look lovely both ways.

Kevalicious99 · February 2014

I know this all too well .. I gained well maybe as much as 40 lbs and was just overweight and depressed.

I found my inner spirit and strength and am now not looking back. Time to undo the damage. I am midway in my journey, but I am now learning that fitness and taking care of yourself is a life long process.

First ... realize that you made mistakes in the past, but you must know that you can get to where you want to be. It will take a lot of work .. and dedication. Don't kid yourself .. it will be hard but if you keep progressing you will get there.

My pics are more embarrassing at least to me, but yes it is good therapy to actually see what we have done, and great motivation.

I started at about 37% body fat and am about 19% right now. I want to get to 12%, which I will do. Give me a while.

So there is always hope .. and I do understand how you feel. It is not a comfortable place .. but we all have the power to improve.

Good luck .. you can do it.

How to be okay with where you're at? (embarassing pics)

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