Have you ever felt like a misfit?
losing270
Posts: 43
For years I have felt like a misfit. I never really fit in and now that I am morbidly obese it is that much harder to find anyone to trust or even try to make a connection with. When I have went out to eat (lets say a buffet) I can feel all eyes watching as I get my plate. I am very self consious. Has anyone else felt this way?
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I have felt that way many times, but have learned that the feeling is not always accurate. What I imagine others are thinking and what they actually are - are two different things. I know when I look around in a restaurant it is the food that I am checking out and not how large/small etc the people are.
You are a beautiful women and that fact remains no matter what your size. Congratulations on your weight loss goals!0 -
I feel this way ALL the time. However, I also feel like I am the only one who can change the way I feel like people think of me. Just because we think they are thinking that (i think that people stare and say mean things because I used to be like that towards other people bigger than me but do not anymore) doesn't mean that they actually are. I used to feel like this when I went to the gym...like everyone was staring at the fat girl that doesn't know how to use the machines BUT I realized, and especially today, that they do not care if I am 100 lbs or 800 lbs because learning is the first step. Use those feelings to keep you fueled to make your life better and make better changes
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I do all the time, especially with weight loss. People do not understand hypothyroidism and hashimoto's. I'm so sick of hearing, just try harder, the weight will come off. Stick with it! The weight will come off. It's not the case. I wish people would try and understand things like this before passing judgments and generalizations. I also hate that I'm so fat because of hashi and people look at me like I'm disgusting. It's like, hello, I'm pretty sure I'm aware I'm fat, get over it.0
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thanks and yes I know that is "me" that is feeling this way, but I suppose being heavy just makes me more self conscious.0
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I do all the time, especially with weight loss. People do not understand hypothyroidism and hashimoto's. I'm so sick of hearing, just try harder, the weight will come off. Stick with it! The weight will come off. It's not the case. I wish people would try and understand things like this before passing judgments and generalizations. I also hate that I'm so fat because of hashi and people look at me like I'm disgusting. It's like, hello, I'm pretty sure I'm aware I'm fat, get over it.
I too have the thyroid issue and I am disabled, so with my back issues doing many exercise stuff is hard. I am hoping getting the weight off will help with the pain and I can then do some exercise. Good luck to you.0 -
Feeling like a misfit was the main thing that made me decide to lose weight. I remember walking into a crowded lunchroom at work and feeling like I "offended" people just being there. Almost everyone at my work is thin so I was pretty much the only fat person in the room.
But hey, it got me on the right track for losing weight. Just use your experience as motivation. Won't it feel good to be able to walk around and just strut your stuff?
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One of my favorite quotes is:
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you, if you realized how little they do."
Chances are you're imagining 99% of those eyes you feel watching you. And that other 1% is more than likely benign. People naturally people-watch others, it doesn't automatically think they are judging you or staring at you.0 -
Sort of tends to go hand in hand with having Asperger's Syndrome, so yes, lifelong misfit here.0
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For years I have felt like a misfit. I never really fit in and now that I am morbidly obese it is that much harder to find anyone to trust or even try to make a connection with. When I have went out to eat (lets say a buffet) I can feel all eyes watching as I get my plate. I am very self consious. Has anyone else felt this way?
Always!! even although as some of the guys here have said, people at the party or whatever are probably not looking at me anyway but you get that idea in your head and nothing can change it, I have gone home from buffets starving as I will not go and get something to eat0 -
Have I ever felt like a misfit? Yes. Every single day for as long as I can remember. Every. Single. Day.
I was always singled out for something or another growing up. I was the smart kid, I was the red-haired kid. I was the kid that never spoke up, but was always watching and paying attention. I was the kid who was always serious. I was the nerd. After puberty, I was the kid with the boobs. And I was still the nerd. And then I was the runaway. Now I'm allegedly an adult, and I'm the fat lady (though I'm fixing that one). Life experience has also left me the assertive one. The extrovert. The alpha female. The one who finds humor in everything. Still the nerd, though. Still the smart one. The organized one. The practical one. The unemotional one.
Worse, I didn't and don't like the things that other people like. I barely watch TV (though there are a handful of things I enjoy). I find ketchup to be one of the most disgusting things mankind has foisted upon the world. I neither have nor want kids. I don't like chocolate. I hate driving. I hate the color yellow (meh, we all have our quirks). I loathe romantic comedies.
I like things that other people don't. I read. All the time. I like math. I love museums. I like to take the bus. I don't mind shoveling snow. I like to work. It gets worse, so I'll stop here... :laugh:
But yes, this has made me painfully, cripplingly, excruciatingly self-conscious. About everything. I have minimal self-esteem, despite long since having to learn to be sure of myself. I do what I can to embrace the fact that I stand out, have always stood out, but that's a defense mechanism as much as anything, even if it's very much a part of my personality after all this time. But the weight loss is helping, mostly (minus those weird shapes one gets on the way down!), and that's a start. Doesn't help that I've been in a bad place in life for too, too long. One that I had no control over, but have nonetheless managed to get almost fixed.
So, long story short (and that *was* short, trust me, lol). Yes. I have felt like a misfit.
But I don't have a problem with being a misfit, and I've long since decided it's preferable to (and infinitely easier than!) the alternative, anyway.
Misfits unite! :drinker:0 -
Yes and I've heard it called spotlight effect.
http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/selfhelpforsad/a/How-To-Be-Less-Self-Conscious-In-Social-Situations.htm0 -
It doesn't end when your thinner either. People have no problems making comments like "you're so thin you need to eat more, " why won't you eat the donuts, brownies, and pie in the break roon you can afford to eat it. " Then if you have one it's "have more look at you we don't want you to waste away." It's like how about let me just eat what I want and just leave me alone.0
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I want to be....a dentist!0
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You aren't alone! I feel the same way but hey that's why we are here we are trying to better ourselves 0
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For years I have felt like a misfit. I never really fit in and now that I am morbidly obese it is that much harder to find anyone to trust or even try to make a connection with. When I have went out to eat (lets say a buffet) I can feel all eyes watching as I get my plate. I am very self consious. Has anyone else felt this way?
Always!! even although as some of the guys here have said, people at the party or whatever are probably not looking at me anyway but you get that idea in your head and nothing can change it, I have gone home from buffets starving as I will not go and get something to eat
Me too. I wouldn't eat around people at work and stuff either.0 -
yeah. my whole entire life. But I reached a point in my adult life where I stopped trying to be like everyone else and found that most people like eccentrics, and those that don't aren't worth my time.
:drinker:0 -
I grew up a misfit. It sucked as a kid, but I've been lucky enough to find people in my adult life who like me for who I am.0
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I tend to become the leader of the misfits.0
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"What other people think of you, is none of your business" :flowerforyou:0
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Yeah... I know how you feel. I think that looking good and being thin certainly helps with "fitting in" (so to speak), but even when I was thin, I was still a misfit. 0
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Have I EVER felt like a misfit? Have I ever NOT felt like a misfit? Morbidly obese, artsy in a family of pragmatists, a musician, just the beginning of a long list here, but it's funny, the less I weigh the more I seem to morph into a quirky, funny, talented curiosity. I like that.0
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MIsfit and black sheep here! Remember "to thine own self be true", I've been working hard to make me happy and not worrying about "them".0
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happy misfit here :smooched:
i embraced my misfittedness years ago and ran with it - it made me into the wonderfully weird person I am today :blushing:
be happy with your unique qualities :happy:0 -
Only you have the power to change how you feel about yourself. If that involves losing weight I say get going. You know you will feel better each day.
Good Luck.0 -
All day every day. Sometimes to the point that it's crippling. I'm 31 years old and I am pretty sure I have never once been truly comfortable in social situations.
But I'm the only one that can make that better.
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Have I ever felt like a misfit? Yes. Every single day for as long as I can remember. Every. Single. Day.
I was always singled out for something or another growing up. I was the smart kid, I was the red-haired kid. I was the kid that never spoke up, but was always watching and paying attention. I was the kid who was always serious. I was the nerd. After puberty, I was the kid with the boobs. And I was still the nerd. And then I was the runaway. Now I'm allegedly an adult, and I'm the fat lady (though I'm fixing that one). Life experience has also left me the assertive one. The extrovert. The alpha female. The one who finds humor in everything. Still the nerd, though. Still the smart one. The organized one. The practical one. The unemotional one.
Worse, I didn't and don't like the things that other people like. I barely watch TV (though there are a handful of things I enjoy). I find ketchup to be one of the most disgusting things mankind has foisted upon the world. I neither have nor want kids. I don't like chocolate. I hate driving. I hate the color yellow (meh, we all have our quirks). I loathe romantic comedies.
I like things that other people don't. I read. All the time. I like math. I love museums. I like to take the bus. I don't mind shoveling snow. I like to work. It gets worse, so I'll stop here... :laugh:
But yes, this has made me painfully, cripplingly, excruciatingly self-conscious. About everything. I have minimal self-esteem, despite long since having to learn to be sure of myself. I do what I can to embrace the fact that I stand out, have always stood out, but that's a defense mechanism as much as anything, even if it's very much a part of my personality after all this time. But the weight loss is helping, mostly (minus those weird shapes one gets on the way down!), and that's a start. Doesn't help that I've been in a bad place in life for too, too long. One that I had no control over, but have nonetheless managed to get almost fixed.
So, long story short (and that *was* short, trust me, lol). Yes. I have felt like a misfit.
But I don't have a problem with being a misfit, and I've long since decided it's preferable to (and infinitely easier than!) the alternative, anyway.
Misfits unite! :drinker:
Thank you LaserOctopus your description could be about me, I too could add to your list. Dyslexics untie!0 -
Have I ever felt like a misfit? Yes. Every single day for as long as I can remember. Every. Single. Day.
<snip>
But I don't have a problem with being a misfit, and I've long since decided it's preferable to (and infinitely easier than!) the alternative, anyway.
Misfits unite! :drinker:
Thank you LaserOctopus your description could be about me, I too could add to your list. Dyslexics untie!
Glad to be of service.
And on that note, I probably should have added one other thing I learned from always being the outcast, always being the freak, always being the misfit: there are plenty of others out there, too. Maybe sometimes to a much lesser or much greater degree of freakishness, but they're out there. I would number all of my nearest and dearest among them, lol.0 -
I want to be....a dentist!
I got you, brother! joke didn't go to waste.0 -
Have I ever felt like a misfit? Yes. Every single day for as long as I can remember. Every. Single. Day.
<snip>
But I don't have a problem with being a misfit, and I've long since decided it's preferable to (and infinitely easier than!) the alternative, anyway.
Misfits unite! :drinker:
Thank you LaserOctopus your description could be about me, I too could add to your list. Dyslexics untie!
Glad to be of service.
And on that note, I probably should have added one other thing I learned from always being the outcast, always being the freak, always being the misfit: there are plenty of others out there, too. Maybe sometimes to a much lesser or much greater degree of freakishness, but they're out there. I would number all of my nearest and dearest among them, lol.
i'm kind of similar to you guys.... and I'm dyslexic. and I'm obsessed with the palaeolithic era.
the people who really care about you love your quirks and eccentricities0
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