Dieting but I have an Anorexia Phobia

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krennie8
krennie8 Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know this may sound weird, but I'm curious if anyone else has a phobia of anorexia. Several of my (not overly close) friends growing up had issues with it, and one even went to a recovery center and gave a speech at school when she got better. Combined with several movies I watched while growing up and I admit I developed quite a fear of becoming anorexic. To the point where I lost maybe 5 lbs at college while training for soccer, unintentional side effect, and when relatives commented on how "great" I looked, I freaked out and stopped the training when I went home for summer break, and put back on the weight quickly. I was always in-weight, though at the higher end for my height, 135-140, 5' 3.5", 130 at my lowest over age 18.

Lack of exercise and a thyroid condition have led me to being about 30 lbs overweight, and at 27 that's not exactly a great thing. I finally have my thyroid under control, and I've been able to convince myself that I can diet without issue (though I admit I had a panic attack while watching the winner of the Biggest Loser recently; in general I've always found the show motivating b/c it promoted being healthy, however I did not feel the same way when I saw her).

I've been okay for the past 4 weeks, though I admit I'm worried that I may start freaking out when my weight gets below a certain point.

Does anyone else have fears like this? Also any ideas about how NOT to feel this way would be appreciated, thanks.

Replies

  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    Not to the point of having a panic attack, but I used to be bulimic in high school and went to therapy to help deal with that. I stopped going to therapy and decided I could deal with it on my own, but I was so worried that turning down food meant I was going to go back to old habits so I just ate everything. I got fat. It's taken me a long time to lose my excess weigh but MFP is incredibly helpful in showing me what a healthy relationship with food looks like. Hopefully it will be just as helpful to you.
  • SergeantNarwhal
    SergeantNarwhal Posts: 116 Member
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    I don't know if this is any help, but anorexia doesn't typically occur just form losing a little weight, liking the results and continuing, it's an incredibly deep-seeded issue with a multitude of emotional and psychological components. Developing it doesn't happen overnight nor does it happen with an aware mind. Celebrate your losses as they improve your overall health and wellness, keep your mind clear and optimistic and you'll be fine. XO.
  • thesevolatiletimes
    thesevolatiletimes Posts: 59 Member
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    Your weight is your mass' relationship with gravity. It doesn't describe your health, physically or mentally. Anorexia is a mental illness, and it has criteria outside of drastic weight loss (such as a preoccupation with weight/fear of gaining weight). So, if you find yourself upset by weight loss, keep that in the fore front of your mind. In all honesty, the mental symptoms occur long before the drastic and unhealthy weight loss does. So, you'd be well aware of such patterns if they emerged. Try not to live in a world of what if's though, because that means you can't truly enjoy the beautiful things happening in your life, right now!

    Since your weight is merely your mass' relationship with gravity, why keep a scale? Maybe you could focus on things like your activity level and the amounts of macro/micro nutrients you consume each day, as opposed to weight/measurement goals? It may help to ease the anxiety, until you get the chance to confront why you feel the way you do about this. It may be something you can conquer on your own, or it may not be. Regardless though, it's worth digging through your head to deal with. :3

    PS. I'm in the same mindset as you right now, but for a different reason. I suffer from both Binge Eating Disorder, and Anorexia. Each time I lose 5 pounds after struggling with BED, it tends to swing the complete opposite way, right into Anorexia. So I try to avoid losing weight, knowing that it'll easily trigger my AN. It's not a phobia, but it's a huge fear for me.
  • 30shauna
    30shauna Posts: 2
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    Ican understand your fear. I use to suffer from anorexia between the ages of 13 - 25 years of age. It wasn't until I separated from my ex husband that I gained 30 pounds. When I put on the first 10 pounds, everyone commented how great I looked because I was so underweight to begin with.
    When I lost 15 of the 30 pounds I gained, I received a lot of criticism. I do not know if it was motivated from concern or from jealousy, or both. All I know is that my weight loss was ill received as the comments I received were to put on weight. It didn't feel right to me and knew my body, mind, and soul were not happy at the heavier weight, but to not be citizen, I put on my gained weight. I am miserable, but am miserable if I lose the weight as other people become concerned and express their views and jealousy and I can't seem to deal with it. I am afraid that if I so lose some weight, I will begin to obsess about exercising the way I had before and overdo it everytime I eat. I was sleeping alot back then and ate very little. I know how to eat nutritious, but the feedback I receive is terrible. Why do people feel they need to express their views when they can only see half the story? You will get through it. Forgive yourself and trust in you that you are able to be happy and healthy. >hugs<

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