Fear of Losing Weight

Is anyone else afraid of losing weight? What is holding you back?
I am very afraid of the attention, both good and bad. I have handled the jealousy and hate that comes with a fit body as I uses to be quite active and health conscious. You have to hold your head up and not be pulled down into the convicted trenches of others.
What I am truly afraid of is the positive attention from fellows. My heart was torn to pieces by my exhusband. I now work at an all-ladies gym. I am terrified of allowing my heart to be vulnerable to men again. I have since gained 30 lbs. I DON'T want the attention from men. I no longer receive the attention I once received from men and it's a breath of fresh air. I can enjoy myself how I used to while I was married without worrying about the attention of men. However, I am not feeling so great with this extra weight. I am now limited at the physical activities I once was able to do. It sucks. How can I trust myself in guarding my heart so I can lose this weight? I don't want to be vulnerable. This weight brings security. How can I have this security without the weight?