My depression has really bottomed out

Hey girl, I know how you feel. I started college a year late for a boy and was doing amazing, until another boy came around and i let my whole world sink because of him. i started doing drugs and drinking, skipping class, skipping tests, and just not caring... i eventually failed out of college and had to start all over. i have struggled with depression and anxiety since i was a teenager also and i always turn to food. there are no instant ways or easy advice i can give to get you out of this slump other than just finding that one thing that makes you happy and concentrate on it. focus all your energy on what makes you happy or what will make you happy. as you know exercise is a natural antidepressant and it really works! start small and maybe invite a girl from your dorm or class to jog with you? the only way to get yourself going is to just go! and it won't be easy, it will be really hard. but i promise if you just start taking the small steps to being who and what you want to be it will come. keep your head up!

KEEP SEEING A THERAPIST. And, very important, don't just stick with CBT. It helps, but for the love of God, FIND A PSYCHIATRIST WHO CAN PRESCRIBE YOU WHAT YOU NEED.

Brains are way different from each other, and the only way you can figure out if a medicine will work is to try it, wait a few weeks (which can be hell), and go "Nope" or "Yup, but this needs tweaking." And I know the prospect of trying one damn drug after another (and what if they don't work ohgod ohgod) is just awful, like a long dingy hallway with no light at the end of it, but you gotta. You just have to keep experimenting.

Some of us are born blind; some of us get chronic pain; some of us have crippling depression. At least with crippling depression there is the possibility of finding a patch. Unfortunately, finding the patch requires that you do the thing that crippling depression makes hardest: get up and try again, and again, and again.

Please take your original post to a therapist and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who can try some more meds. (FWIW, Lexapro is tailor-made for depressives with panic disorder.)

Trying to do that when you're in school is horrible, BTW. You're not imagining how horrible it is -- it really is hard. I know that being told "You're not crazy, this really does suck" might seem discouraging, but at least for me, it's remarkably freeing to know that, yes, not many people could handle it and yet somehow I am. Not many people could handle your burden yet somehow you are.

Clinical depression is a very serious disease. Please continue to seek treatment and don't be afraid to try medication again. Meds saved my life, and that's not an exaggeration.

Please be relentless seeking treatment. You CAN manage this disease and learn to live a healthy life. Don't give up!

ETA: Having depression does not make you a failure of a person. This is an outdated social stigma so please ignore people here or elsewhere who make you feel as though you're a failure. Keep working with professionals and doctors and heed their advice over others. Wishing you all the best.

Everyone is right; you need to continue to get professional help. You may need more intensive treatment than you are now getting. A lot of insurance companies mainly pay for the low-wage counselor and you only get a few minutes with the psychiatrist, or your primary care doctor ends up managing the drugs. Psychiatrists are specialists for a reason, and you may benefit from spending the money to see one who will spend the whole 50 minute hour with you if that 's not what you're getting now.

Beyond that, you're doing a lot of the right things. With a bad depression, just treading water is still a big achievement, because believe me, you're not really at the bottom. Keep forcing yourself to go through the motions of your life, so you keep getting brain stimulation from learning new things and having social interaction. Just don't beat yourself up when you aren't having the success you know you are capable of, because when you're depressed, large areas of your brain are just inactive.

Your therapists can help you get support from your parents. Most people aren't very skillful at showing support to seriously depressed/anxious people, so be patient with them. It may be best that you work an undemanding job with lots of people-contact and finish your degree part-time, and they need to be able to support whatever is best for you.

I'm so sorry. I had something similar my senior year of college; severe depression, anxiety, and insomnia. It was horrible. I probably attended less than half my classes that year. The decline in my performance was painfully clear. Luckily I had a professor who I explained my situation to because I was afraid of failing his class and he was sympathetic. I pretty much stumbled through that year. Consider taking some time off from school. College is incredibly stressful, which does not help your situation, and you're probably not getting much out of it right now anyway.

IT WILL GET BETTER! This is not who you are.

Keep seeing your therapist and I agree with everyone else, if it doesn't help get a referral to a psychiatrist. I've never personally done CBT; however, I kinda stumbled upon it myself when I realized how much worse I made my depression with my own horrible fantasies. Stopping that kind of thinking changed my life. Diet and exercise help, but they don't cure. A good support system is crucial. Don't hide it from those closest to you, they want to help. And tell them what you need, how they can make your life easier. Good luck and feel free to friend me.

I have been there.

Let your professors know you're dealing with depression, if you haven't already.

Talk to the school, as writergeek313 says, to find out what accommodations are already available to you. Take advantage of them. Depression is a real disease. Don't let it - or anyone else - tell you differently.

For myself, caffeine often helps, and too much sugar sometimes hurts. You may find you have similar foods that help and hurt your moods; keep track.

Focus on small victories, rather than the big picture, which can easily overwhelm.

You are not alone.

Feel free to contact or add me.

Dear Caffeinatedbookworm,

I think we've all been in a place at some point where we feel we just can't climb out of. I've never experienced the depression you're going through and I hope you continue with counseling and get the help you need. I don't know if you have a particular faith. I am a Christian and believe wonderful things come from prayer. I won't pour something on you that you may not want to hear, but I will just say that I'm praying for you, that you will find what you need to help you and understand that you do have the strong and are able to work through all of this. Stay strong and have faith.

I know what it's like to be so depressed you can barely function. Try to stay positive and take advantage of all the help you can get. You'll get through this and things will get better .

I'm so sorry to hear that!

Say, is there the possibility that you f.e. drop out of school for a year and gratuate one year later? Because.. I know this feeling when you are just so overwhelmed and it's just so much you don't even know where to start (and why even start after it's so incredibly much that you'll never finish even the half anyway, no matter how hard you try?)
And sometimes, it's necessary to get out of the stressful situation itself. I don't know if it's possible in your case etc. I'm not informed about school systems besides germany, but I wanted to mention it.

Besides this, I'd like to show you a topic I made:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1198789-how-to-stay-motivated-while-being-depressed-after-a-relapse

Especially after you're seeking a therapist, those points will propably not be totally new to you. But still I'd like to ask you to go through them. Sometimes we are so used to certain things, that we totally overlook others.

And two things came up in my head when I read your text:


1.) Maybe you are also overwhelming yourself sometimes.

College can be tough. College is much more harder, if you suffer from a mental illness like Depression (and especially if it's a hard case like this). And now you're struggling so much and now you ADD the goals weight loss and working out to your schedule and I wonder; how should that be done?!
I do understand that you struggled with the weight you gained, but is it so much of a priority of yours?

This kind of leads me to

2.) " I think I am just so used to failure, both with working out/eating well and academics that I just can't force myself to move past it "

(I know that your depression has a huge impact on this, but I'll continue writing about it anyway. CBT can have a huge impact on how our brain works, serotonin and other hormones that are fundamental etc.)

Maybe your problem has also to do with the fact, that you are striving quite high. You cannot (or should not) compare yourself to a healthy person. A healthy person maybe would be able to get college + food + working out etc., if they had interest in it.
But fighting against an illness like depression should never be underestimated. And maybe, you should set smaller goals.

"even things like trying to create a reward system, like getting my nails done or something after a week of no skipping classes or workouts, etc., but it clearly isn't powerful enough incentive to beat my depression."

Continue with the reward system. But think about what really is important to you, what needs to be done. In general, I support (of course!) eating healthy and working out. But in your case I'd strongly recommend that you try to get healthier and not focus on weight loss too much.
And seriously, I know lots of people who don't do any sports at all (which should not mean that you should join them). But.. maybe ignore how effective your workout is and think about what you'd actually have interest in. What could be fun?
Maybe yoga is something for you. Or spinning. Or climbing. Or dancing.
There are so many possibilities, for you alone, for you with a friend, for in a group, etc. Exercise is important for your well- being, but I wouldn't focus on it too much.

(and for example yoga: I personally am using an app for this and doing it in my room. Sure, there are yoga classes, but I am to self- conscious for them. And there are lots of YT videos and other completely free recources you could use. And this is not only with yoga! And especially after you suffer from anxiety.. I mean, crowded gyms are not even easy/nice for me. And I think, maybe saving some 'social energy' here gives you more strength to get up and go to the classes)

Unfortunately I cannot give you any tips or advice because of the medication. I just hope you'll find something that helps you. Please continue seeing a professional and continue working on your treatment plan.
It can only help you.
And please, if you need to talk or something, feel free to mail me. I don't know if I can help, but I can promise you to listen and to take you seriously and sometimes it's already good to know that there is someone.

Please, take cake :flowerforyou: