After 1 1/2 week checkout, I'm back. And miserable.

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HappyTemple
HappyTemple Posts: 57
in Health and Weight Loss
So I went off track Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I think it actually started Tuesday, to be honest. Just kinda had the "Eff it!" attitude and it's dragged me down into a dark, spiraling mess. When I got on the scale today (first time in over a week), I'd only gained back my 3 pounds - I was afraid I'd gained a lot more than that.

I've been having sugar. Lots of sugar. Soda, pie, ice cream, more soda, blah blah blah blah blah. So I've got the mini-addiction going, self-loathing going, disappointment, hopelessness and sadness going. There's this crampy feeling in my chest when I think about it, and even coming here today after being gone for so long was more the work of an instant moment when someone sent me a message, I got it in my Gmail, clicked it without thinking at all about it, really, and here I was. When I really sit here and examine it, it makes me want to curl into a ball, and it feels like every molecule in my body is just struggling against it - I'm even frowning right this second. Gah.

Is it self-sabotage? Is it lack of desire/willpower? Is it laziness? What the hell is it? I don't know. But I don't like it.

Replies

  • HRgoldenlife
    HRgoldenlife Posts: 53 Member
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    ok girlfriend, this happens to everyone at some point I think. Has it happened before? What triggered it??? What I would do is go with how I wanted to eat until I got it out of my system, then get right back in gear. Or.....You could decide right here and now to start back, and fight the cravings, etc.

    Good luck, sorry you are feeling this one. It's a roller coaster for sure, and sometimes you cannot stop it.
  • Tallbrunette1980
    Tallbrunette1980 Posts: 20
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    I am just glad you are back!! Keep focused and you will do great, we are all in it together.
  • yellowfairy
    yellowfairy Posts: 207 Member
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    Don't worry! You can't take it back, nor can you change it. That is fine! Life is short sweetie-just do better starting now. Sometimes we will all slip-that is they way life really works. You can't expect to start and be perfect the whole time! Just learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't hate yourself-just pick up yourself, brush it off-and have a resolve to do better. YOU WILL SUCCEED!
  • LynnBirchfield
    LynnBirchfield Posts: 580 Member
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    Please don't let this get you down. It happens. Just start fresh tomorrow morning. We are all in this together. We can do it!!
  • Loseittoo
    Loseittoo Posts: 74 Member
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    You have to want to change. Seems like you are in that I should lose weight but don't really want to do it phase.

    Food is just food. You have to change how you look at food and yourself. Food is fuel. Nothing more. Next you have to really care about you. How much are you worth?
  • crystaldougherty
    crystaldougherty Posts: 59 Member
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    I had this issue this past week....I weighed Thanksgiving day and it was good, and then missed my usual sunday weigh in and we weighed me this morning and it wasn't pretty....I tend to fall off track with keeping count of my calories lately..
  • kathleennf
    kathleennf Posts: 606 Member
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    Welcome back!! Hang in there- this is going to be a lifelong fight for all of us! Just get up, brush off the dust and start over, with a smile. A year from now it will seem like nothing.
  • doris_day
    doris_day Posts: 159
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    The first thing - is you're back! Just start again - you can do it.
    I've realized that I must give up the sugar. I just can't eat one - one turns into 20 or the whole bag. I had yogurt pretzels and vanilla wafers for dinner a few days ago - how wrong is that? 600 calories of cookies and junk.
    I read that one Dr. thought they should have warning labels on sugar products like they do cigarettes - it's that addicting. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.
    A week and a half and you only gained 3 pounds is awesome. Good grief, I've gained back 3 pounds in a day!

    Make tomorrow a super healthy day and you'll feel a lot better.
  • MISTTIMG
    MISTTIMG Posts: 136
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    "Stuff Happens" I went AWOL for about 6 months and came back 10 pounds heavier, You're back and that's the main thing! Don't quit. : )
  • EmmieSu
    EmmieSu Posts: 136
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    It's a journey, not an over night fix, so there will be bumps in th road. Re-evaulate what your goals are, why are you doing this? How bad do you want the new lifestyle? What triggered your lapse,, was it the holiday? Were you emotional? Do you know you need to lose the weight but your' not ready, yet? I think we've all been there before. Your disappointed that's natural, don't turn to food, turn to exercise, or a favorite non-food hobby, and start fresh tomorrow. Mark it as a lesson learned and continue on in your journey. We didn't gain the weight all at once, we're going to have to change a little a time. You can do it!!!
  • qualitymama
    qualitymama Posts: 14 Member
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    whatever you do, don't EVER apologize for being human... :)
    Get up, brush yourself off and tell everyone to get the heck out of your way....cause your back !! :)
  • Ge0rgiana
    Ge0rgiana Posts: 1,649 Member
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    It's not about how hard you fall off the wagon; it's about how fast you get back on. :flowerforyou:
  • atatko
    atatko Posts: 1
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    I really started trying to lose weight again after I had read these two articles online. They really helped me make the decision to really, really do it. The first is here: http://www.examiner.com/business-news-in-ft-myers/decisions-without-procrastination-and-indecisiveness, and I'm sorry but I couldn't find the other.

    You have to make each and every bite a reminder of your current state, and a decision. Each bite you'll be deciding whether you want to stay the way you currently are, or whether you want to be that person you see everyday in your mind, the healthy vibrant person that isn't wasting their youth on cheeze-its (sorry, that was me being a little annoyed with myself). I was making those same decisions, telling myself it was okay, that I deserve a little happiness and I can run a little further later. But when later came, when I had to make that decision again, there would be nothing to stop me from using the same logic, postponing my weight loss even further.

    To put it bluntly, you have to make the hard decisions now, otherwise when the future comes.. you'll still be overweight. I was successful at losing weight once, and then I fell of track for a long time and put myself in the same position I was in before. That.. was a horrible horrible mistake, and if you're anything like me, neither of us can afford to make any more of those mistakes.

    Sorry for the diatribe.
  • Arynamber
    Arynamber Posts: 162 Member
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    Not sure if this is true in your case... but I believe I am addicted to sugar.. and lots of carbs. If I cheat one day.. well then I CRAVE CRAVE CRAVE more sugar and more bad-for-you carbs.. and its a cycle. Once I get the first few days of "withdrawl" Im a bit better. In the meantime.. to help cravings a bit I drink diet dr. pepper, eat frozen fat free whip cream.. Lately my obsession is ricotta cheese with just a sprinkle of choc. milk mix (taste like ice cream... kind of) GOOD LUCK
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    I know that you want to lose the weight and I feel you are ready. The worst thing is to "beat yourself up!" MFP is not some sort of instant success, fad diet. In fact, there is no particular diet here at all. It is a calorie/ nutrition counter and an exercise monitor. It's a great, effective program. But it is not magic.

    You have to do what we all are doing -- just take the program one day at a time, one step at a time. Try first to always be under your calorie goal. Next add exercise. Any exercise is good to start. You don't have to join a gym or buy any fancy workout equipment. Walking is a good start. Begin with 30 minutes a day and increase your pace and duration.

    Slowly try to balance your fats, sugar grams and sodium. It takes a lot of practice and experimenting, but you can do this!

    You will see the pounds drop off. Maybe not immediately, but it will happen.

    If you want, go to View All Blogs and look for my blog that I did about 1 week ago called: Why Do People Drop Off MFP. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback about it. Hope it helps you in understanding some of the things MFP offers that you can tap into.

    Lots of good luck to you! Stay with us! You can do this!
  • HappyTemple
    HappyTemple Posts: 57
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    Wow. Thank you all so much. I just realized how whiny it seems that I'm so depressed about being off for a week and a half and only gaining 3 pounds from it, when some of you have struggled way more. I guess it's the impatient "gotta have it now" thing. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one this is happening to because I feel so lonely IRL, not having anyone else in the same situation. But hearing from all of you really helped me pull my head out of my @ss. Thanks for the gentle shake, hug and pat on the rear.

    It's a journey, not an over night fix, so there will be bumps in th road. Re-evaulate what your goals are, why are you doing this? How bad do you want the new lifestyle? What triggered your lapse,, was it the holiday? Were you emotional? Do you know you need to lose the weight but your' not ready, yet? I think we've all been there before. Your disappointed that's natural, don't turn to food, turn to exercise, or a favorite non-food hobby, and start fresh tomorrow. Mark it as a lesson learned and continue on in your journey. We didn't gain the weight all at once, we're going to have to change a little a time. You can do it!!!

    Someone else asked what caused the whole thing, too. I think it WAS partly self-sabotage. Whenever I've dieted before, it seems like when I hit about 5 - 10 pounds lost, something in me snaps and I lose it. I don't understand. I don't know if it's a protective measure (hiding in my fat suit) from past sexual assault, and it scares me to think of being thinner and more attractive again, or if it's something else that I can't even begin to think of. That's all I've got right now, though. Whatever it is, I need to figure it out so it stops happening! It's so subtle and sneaks up slowly that by the time I know what's going on, I'm too far down the spiral.

    Thanks again to you all.
  • Neuroticwench
    Neuroticwench Posts: 115 Member
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    The important thing is that you're back and you realize that you're struggling. So start fresh, we've all got your back! :flowerforyou:

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