fear of gaining weight

madisonpaige2411
madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
in Motivation and Support
I weigh... as of last .. maybe two weeks ago (the bathroom scale has been relocated and its probably for the best.) a solid 100 pounds.
I promise you that has gone down and I just dont know the exact number now.

one hundred pounds.
my problem is finding balance.
and this week, I have been preparing for the last day of february: for the purple project: eating disorder awareness month. friday, I will be shutting off my calorie counter for the day and focus on being happy than tethered to a disorder i further each and every day.

but recently i learned y father is making homemade burgers and corn on the cob for dinner this friday. it will be 7-8 at night. he makes these burgers with tons of thousand island dressing and hawaiian barbequie marinades (forguve my pelling errrors, im very frightened right now). i want so badly to be storng but thus is a fear food and i cant do it. i cant ****ing do it, im so scared. i'll hate mysefl if i eat that burger and it;s a deth trap, he will yell at me and not let me be healhty i ont want to eath that disgusting fat greasy food , pelase please tell me what to do. im sorry, i m just so scared.

Replies

  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    You say you're a self-recovering anorexic. You seem to be still on the verge, though, am I right? I suggest you meet with a doctor or professional. Most of us are just regular people here, we aren't too qualified to give you advice that can make or break you. My only suggestion is to perhaps try a vegetarian diet? You can get all the calories, protein, fats, carbs from a balanced diet of fruits, veggies, nuts, ect. Although, I suspect you're struggling with an emotional problem that can't be conquered with a simple diet change.

    If you want to eat meat, why not ask him to make you a small one? Tell him to make you a plain burger that you can put your own veggies and marinades on it.
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    I can hear your heart screaming out for help. You really need to talk to a professional qualified to help treat your anorexia, and know that your value lies in so much more than digits on a scale.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    You need professional help.
    It is quite clear self recovery is simply not a viable option for you. Food should not be putting this much fear into you, and nor should weight gain. Death should be a far more frightening prospect for you, given the path you are on.
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
    i am poor and cant afford any kind of professional psychiatry. please, i cant eat that burger, give me some advice, if i eat it, i will hate myself.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    i am poor and cant afford any kind of professional psychiatry. please, i cant eat that burger, give me some advice, if i eat it, i will hate myself.

    You're in college, yes? There are always free eating disorder groups that meet and there are people who can help you that are trained to help you. If we tell you not to eat that burger, we're only supporting your fear of food.
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    Free eating disorder hotline

    1-800-931-2237
  • donyellemoniquex3
    donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
    Free eating disorder hotline

    1-800-931-2237

    Also
    http://nedawareness.org/
  • ModQuad
    ModQuad Posts: 20
    Agree with the other posters that professional help is probably the best. If you have health insurance, you may be covered for ED therapy. If you're in school, you might find counseling resources through them. I'm confused about why you need to eat the burger. Presumably your father doesn't force you to eat what ever he cooks every day. What makes this particular meal any different? Ask for a smaller (reasonable) portion. Add your own toppings, marinades, and condiments. Eat half of it and make yourself some grilled veggie side dishes.
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
    that hotline is useless right now, im on the west coast; it says it has hours of availability.
    look if i eat that burger, I'll hate myself. i eat healthily, i do, i even treat myself once every other week i did this week. i had chocolate.
    are you all saying i should eat this burger,feel fat and gross and just stay that way?
  • kitza101
    kitza101 Posts: 99 Member
    Hi Madison,

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I can only imagine how the stress of this triggering food feels to you. I really do encourage you to see if you can access psychological help to assist you in healing from your eating disorder. I know money is a problem, but try to keep in mind there are options to help - some therapists will provide services on a sliding-fee scale and your doctor may be able to assist you with accessing lower cost or subsidised services.

    There are also hotlines you can call and (free) support websites with message boards and online chat - such as http://www.something-fishy.org/

    Maybe you'll find some of the tips at Something Fishy for coping with triggers and grounding yourself when you are anxious helpful too: http://www.something-fishy.org/reach/waystocope.php.

    Take good care of you.
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
    its a family gatehring dinner. he hates that im ttrying to be healthy and he will not allow me to alter his burgers in any way.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    You need professional help.
    It is quite clear self recovery is simply not a viable option for you. Food should not be putting this much fear into you, and nor should weight gain. Death should be a far more frightening prospect for you, given the path you are on.

    This is so true.

    My heart is breaking for you, my dear. Please go to your school counselor and please, please get help.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    that hotline is useless right now, im on the west coast; it says it has hours of availability.
    look if i eat that burger, I'll hate myself. i eat healthily, i do, i even treat myself once every other week i did this week. i had chocolate.
    are you all saying i should eat this burger,feel fat and gross and just stay that way?

    Your college has someone for you to talk to for free. You just need to ask and someone will help you. We can only do so much to help with what you're going through. I'm just a 22 year old kid trying to get into shape, I am not a professional psychologist. Every school has one for you to talk to for free and completely confidentially.
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    its a family gatehring dinner. he hates that im ttrying to be healthy and he will not allow me to alter his burgers in any way.

    He doesn't hate that you are trying to be healthy. Your perception of "healthy" is skewed. I am sure your father loves you, and he's probably having a hard time seeing how you struggle with food.

    A burger once in a while is not unhealthy, even with thousand isles dressing and whatnot on it. You got some really good advice on here, please do your best to get help. If you are in college it's very likely that your school offers free counseling. Look into that.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    I had to find this information for you. I wasn't able to go to sleep tonight until I did.


    Psychological Counseling

    Psychological counseling is available to all currently enrolled Cerritos College students. Usually you can meet with an individual counselor from one to six times a semester, to clarify and resolve your issues. Issues that are commonly discussed include relationship problems, adjustment to college life, depression, anxiety/stress/panic attacks, text anxiety, anger management, eating disorders, depression, sexuality, self-esteem, abuse (current or past), and drug and alcohol use/abuse. The first session will allow you to orient yourself to the therapist and to the therapy process while the therapist is given an opportunity to assess the issues presented. If your needs and goals would be best addressed by other agencies or professionals, or if you desire/need additional counseling beyond the six sessions, referrals to community and/or campus resources will be provided. All records are confidential within legal constraints and are NOT part of the student's academic records.

    APPOINTMENTS/QUESTIONS

    Please contact the Student Health Center at (562) 860-2451, ext. 2321 if you have questions about the groups or would like to schedule an appointment for counseling. Appointments are currently available on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Please arrive 20 minutes early for your first appointment, so that you may fill out the intake forms. For this and subsequent sessions, please call at least 24 hours in advance if you want to cancel or reschedule. Two cancellations will be permitted per semester. Failure to keep an appointment will count against the 6 session maximum. Failure to keep two appointments will result in suspension of the privilege to utilize counseling services.

    http://cms.cerritos.edu/shs/services/mw.htm


    That is what you need right now. I spent time finding it for you, now it is your turn to take care of your body. Call that number tomorrow and meet with someone that can help you. You need to do it.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    I had to find this information for you. I wasn't able to go to sleep tonight until I did.


    Psychological Counseling

    Psychological counseling is available to all currently enrolled Cerritos College students. Usually you can meet with an individual counselor from one to six times a semester, to clarify and resolve your issues. Issues that are commonly discussed include relationship problems, adjustment to college life, depression, anxiety/stress/panic attacks, text anxiety, anger management, eating disorders, depression, sexuality, self-esteem, abuse (current or past), and drug and alcohol use/abuse. The first session will allow you to orient yourself to the therapist and to the therapy process while the therapist is given an opportunity to assess the issues presented. If your needs and goals would be best addressed by other agencies or professionals, or if you desire/need additional counseling beyond the six sessions, referrals to community and/or campus resources will be provided. All records are confidential within legal constraints and are NOT part of the student's academic records.

    APPOINTMENTS/QUESTIONS

    Please contact the Student Health Center at (562) 860-2451, ext. 2321 if you have questions about the groups or would like to schedule an appointment for counseling. Appointments are currently available on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Please arrive 20 minutes early for your first appointment, so that you may fill out the intake forms. For this and subsequent sessions, please call at least 24 hours in advance if you want to cancel or reschedule. Two cancellations will be permitted per semester. Failure to keep an appointment will count against the 6 session maximum. Failure to keep two appointments will result in suspension of the privilege to utilize counseling services.

    http://cms.cerritos.edu/shs/services/mw.htm


    That is what you need right now. I spent time finding it for you, now it is your turn to take care of your body. Call that number tomorrow and meet with someone that can help you. You need to do it.

    You are a really sweet guy. Just thought I would say that. :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,022 Member
    Gonna be straight with you here and say that you're not looking for solutions. You're looking for someone to agree with you on justification of your stance.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • madisonpaige2411
    madisonpaige2411 Posts: 11
    im so sorry. i feel awful and i cant be here right now. im sorry for wasting everyones time.
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    that hotline is useless right now, im on the west coast; it says it has hours of availability.
    look if i eat that burger, I'll hate myself. i eat healthily, i do, i even treat myself once every other week i did this week. i had chocolate.
    are you all saying i should eat this burger,feel fat and gross and just stay that way?

    You can just call tomorrow. The family gathering isn't until Friday, so you have plenty of time to talk to someone first.

    It makes zero difference to me whether or not you eat the burger. What is important is that you are less than 100 pounds and terrified to eat a single meal, along with a self-worth of zilch. You are worth so much more than that.
  • c2111
    c2111 Posts: 693 Member
    I hope the op gets the help she needs and uccon the guy who found out that info, you a amazing I do hope she follows your advice

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