Really sad

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mangin76
mangin76 Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
Tonight my husband got me a pre-birthday gift.. a hoodie from Life is good.
He got me a medium and i knew it wouldn't fit.. He insisted i try it on and did..
He told me..Wow you really need to loose weight! I was devastated.. I've been trying with my fitness pal for a week now to get my weight down and with all my hard work i've lost almost 3 pounds. For the first time in my life i feel educated and in control of what i eat and how it influences my weight. I told him how his comment hurt me and his reply was.. why do you have a double standard you can talk about loosing weight but i can't.. I am speechless, sad, and really feel like crap.

Replies

  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
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    That was very insensitive of him whether he intended to be or not. You know you're not comfortable with your body and you have already begun to make changes. *hugs*
  • ebayaddict0127
    ebayaddict0127 Posts: 523 Member
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    That's a pretty thoughtless thing to say. But if you're telling him he's fat, then maybe that's why he said that.

    Also, it's "lose."
  • bradXdale
    bradXdale Posts: 399
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    Tell him to get off his high horse.

    This is your battle not his to make snide comments about.

    He should be supportive and motivated. Sometimes people that are close to you have the need to feel like they can be unfiltered with what they say and it's just pure rude. Until he's fighting his own battles alongside you he should keep is negative attitude to himself. Make it clear to him that it's not acceptable. Keep pushing forward and don't let his hair brained comment derail you.
  • feelin_gr_8
    feelin_gr_8 Posts: 308 Member
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    Yay for having a goal to fit into :) Boo for him being insensitive! If my husband were to say something like that, I'd tell him that I do enough criticizing of myself for both of us, his job is to support my efforts!

    Keep going!
  • mangin76
    mangin76 Posts: 3
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    Thank you so much for your uplifting words!
    Also,this is my first time reaching out on a message board and it feels nice to know that there are kind people out there!
    By the way, ebayaddict012 i would never tell my husband he's fat not that he is..that would be unkind.
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
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    That sounds like something I'd say to my husband. Oh, wait. I did say that recently. I think my exact words were " wow! Your belly got really big!". I hope he isn't posting a thread about how I hurt his feelings, but it is possible now that I think about it?! I wasn't trying to be mean. I love him to bits! But after reading this I see now that these sort of comments could be a tad insensitive.:ohwell:
  • marilynlineseverett
    marilynlineseverett Posts: 4 Member
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    I am so sorry for what has happened. I don't know if this will help, but I have spent the last seven years dealing with double standards with my husband. It sucks!!! Thankfully, he is willing to change them now when he recognizes them. It has been quite the communication journey with him though. One tool I have gained through this journey with him is the ability to ask questions. I have a quick temper and am a hot head. Believe me when I tell you that when I get my feelings hurt, the last thing I want to do is to be level headed and ask questions. Here is an idea: "Honey, you told me I have a double standard. That I can talk about my weight and you can't. Explain to me please how telling me I need to lose weight is "talking" to me. You know I am losing weight and am in the process. How are your snide comments going to help me?" I don't know your husband and this may not work for him. Obviously, change the wording to fit your style. I have found that sometimes, a softer, more "back door" approach gets me more results than the direct approach.

    I hope some of this helps. Hang in there and keep believing in yourself! You can do this!
  • thutch40
    thutch40 Posts: 26 Member
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    Omg what an awful thing to say!! You poor poor dear. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Take your hurt and anger and make that hoodie your goal and once you do strut in it with pride right by him. Wish you all of the best and maybe your hubby is just nervous and scared if u lose the weight you will leave. Bullying comes from insecurity.
  • mangin76
    mangin76 Posts: 3
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    That's what i told him..let me keep the hoodie and the way i'm headed i'm sure it will fit in a couple of months.
    And as for my husband insecurities goes i think you're right because he often tells me what a waste of a beautiful women…
    Wow i'm realizing how horrible it sounds… even if he means it in a nice way : /

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