That jerk friend.
andreyadonna
Posts: 70
So, I've been quietly changing my life. Not mentioning it to anyone, I totally quit drinking soda (when I started over a year ago I was drinking a 2 liter of Mt. Dew a day minimum). And in the last couple of weeks I've really buckled down for the dietary changes. I haven't been able to get to the gym yet regularly. I feel like I'm really meantally into this. I'm making every decision independently, every meal is it's own opportunity to succeed and that is working very well for me.
And then came that Jerk friend. Who will remain nameless, that friend who talks constantly about her dieting. Even though she is always on a fad diet and never really loses weight. But I'm supporting and not judging her, it's not my place to lecture about good and bad choices. We all went out to dinner last night. I got myself a plate, filled it with as close an approximation to one cup of chicken with broccoli and rice as I could. We're sitting there eating and she mentioned that she takes wednesdays as cheat days. Which is whatever, that's not news to us. I mention to her that I had made cupcakes with another friend and I still had some left over if she'd like one while we hang out after dinner. And she scoffs at me and says "You know what you are? You are one of those team fail people. If you're going to be fat you are going to take everyone else with you." Now, I've known her long enough to know she was at least half joking. But it was borne with a sense of righteous indignation. And then of course when we got to the house she ate the cupcake, I had offered her some of my pineapple whip (a super low calorie delicous frozen treat). She opted for the cupcake and then talked about how when I was ready to get serious about dieting I should let her know.
It bothers me so much that she's taking her success or failure out on me. When I've already started making changes on my own. To say that I'm fat and trying to take everyone with me, it irritates me endlessly. But it's how she is and all pointing it out would accomplish is starting a fight. Does everyone have that jerk friend? Or is it just me?
And then came that Jerk friend. Who will remain nameless, that friend who talks constantly about her dieting. Even though she is always on a fad diet and never really loses weight. But I'm supporting and not judging her, it's not my place to lecture about good and bad choices. We all went out to dinner last night. I got myself a plate, filled it with as close an approximation to one cup of chicken with broccoli and rice as I could. We're sitting there eating and she mentioned that she takes wednesdays as cheat days. Which is whatever, that's not news to us. I mention to her that I had made cupcakes with another friend and I still had some left over if she'd like one while we hang out after dinner. And she scoffs at me and says "You know what you are? You are one of those team fail people. If you're going to be fat you are going to take everyone else with you." Now, I've known her long enough to know she was at least half joking. But it was borne with a sense of righteous indignation. And then of course when we got to the house she ate the cupcake, I had offered her some of my pineapple whip (a super low calorie delicous frozen treat). She opted for the cupcake and then talked about how when I was ready to get serious about dieting I should let her know.
It bothers me so much that she's taking her success or failure out on me. When I've already started making changes on my own. To say that I'm fat and trying to take everyone with me, it irritates me endlessly. But it's how she is and all pointing it out would accomplish is starting a fight. Does everyone have that jerk friend? Or is it just me?
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Replies
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I get rid of Jerk friends like that because jerk and friend dont really go together. Maybe you need to rethink that friendship if that is how she talks to you.0
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When you need motivation just remember her. That would motivate me. I'd so want to get fitter than her.0
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She was probably hungry haha. Don't let those peeps get you down. BTW, can I get that pineapple whip recipe? Sounds yummy!0
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Laugh off her stupid comments and focus on your goals. What she says should be taken with a grain of salt anyway. When you're ready to get serious about losing weight let her know as she shoves a cupcake in her mouth? Pffffft!! Do your thing, girl. :flowerforyou:0
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Dump her. She's is toxic!
You are worth more and deserve more than that.
Just because you have known somebody for a long time does NOT mean they can treat you like that :noway:0 -
I would have told her off and threw the cupcake in her face. How dare she come down on you for her failures. Be proud and tell her that you've been making better choices for yourself and it's paying off. Looks like you've lost some weight and doing a great job. A good friend would understand and support, not knock you down just to stack up her horse a bit more. Keep up the great work!!!0
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Yeah, that would be the damn day I'd have a jerk friend. I admit that my MOH is a b!tch, but I don't hesitate to tell her, and she's a little classier then to tell me I'm fat. If I do have a friend that gets snide and comments on my attempts at weight loss (which I have yet to have) then you're damn rights I'd go up one side of her and down the other. It would be polite the first time, after that she can stuff that cupcake up her *kitten*.0
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She was probably hungry haha. Don't let those peeps get you down. BTW, can I get that pineapple whip recipe? Sounds yummy!
^^This..so this...even the part about the pineapple recipe!0 -
I have a jerk aquaintance hahaha, She likes to point out the foods available in the lunch room that she knows I love and say ...you can have some just today ..lol but I don't ...now I noticed this week she is eating really healthy because when she first got here she was slimmer and I was huge and now we are pretty much the same size and um she's not liking it much . She has also stopped eating dessert every night .
I'll be supportive for her because I can .0 -
yep, that is NO friend.
sadly a ***** slap was in order.0 -
Sometimes kids say the darnedest things! Seriously, your friend is speaking out of ignorance, maybe she thinks she's helping, maybe she just blurts out whatever comes to mind, maybe she is trying to come up with an excuse for eating that cupcake...
Sounds like she's your friend and there's no need to judge her motives for what she said, and she shouldn't judge your motives either. You control your attitude, emotions and actions -- not the people around you. Good for you for making changes quietly and carefully. Keep it up!0 -
I have a friend like that also.....thinks its a joke bc I go to the gym and work out with a trainer and all. SHe thinks I will just fail like the last times and I pray that this is it for me . I am on the right track of finally losing and I am going to keep it off0
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If she called me part of Team Fail, I'd have said, "NO CUPCAKE FOR YOU!"
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That would just stiffen my resolve to smoke her *kitten*! I'd stuff it down till I got to the gym and burn that *kitten* up! And every time I sat to eat it would make every healthy thing I eat taste like Filet Mignon!
Then when she see you next, she'll say WOW! What have you been doing? And you should say "stuffing cupcakes and Ice cream down your F@cking throat!" And Then laugh like you just kidding!
And always try to remember, in every joke there is some truth! Maybe a little, maybe a lot! But always some truth!
True friends don't do that! Find a different one!0 -
I have no jerk friends... Partly why I don't have friends though.0
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wow she sounds..umm..awesome! ha!
but in all seriousness it sounds like her own insecurities and weight and diet issues she's taking out on you. it doesnt make it ok, but just know this that her comments have more to do with herself than anything about you..
u talk about quiet changes....quietly step back from this "friend" and as i tell my daughter "find a new friend to play with"
good luck!0 -
The Pineapple whip is Delish! Here's what you need.
1 whole pineapple (or equivalent of canned if you don't know how to chop one up)
1 cup almond milk
1 tablespoon honey
So you chop you pineappel into chunks and stick them in the freezer. Once they are frozen you toss them, the almond milk, and the honey into a blender and pulse that sucker until it's smooth. It's To die for. It makes about 8 servings if you dole it out in 1/2 cups or cups depending on your pineapple.
Thanks for the support! Sometimes I just can't make heads or tails of that woman.0 -
I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...0
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Friend: A person who I enjoy their company, is honest to me, supportive, and when saying something I need to hear does so out of respect for me and for themselves. This person normally knows I expect honesty and enjoys my quirky behavior in some areas, is willing to overlook faults in others but reminds me when I am out of bounds. I have accidentally hurt my friends, apologized when I discovered it. But sometimes I have intentional hurt my friends because I care. They, my friends, know I really care about them. For my friends my heart is on my sleeve and I will do what i can be supportive of them while overlooking their quirky areas. I am thankful for my friends. Measured by this...she does not appear to be a friend. She appears to be one of those toxic people we meet in life. I wish you the best in your journey toward a healthy lifestyle...if I might suggest? Thank her but forget her.0
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......I want to know about this pineapple whip.
That being said, the most awesome thing you can do is be successful for yourself. Her attention is only on herself, but she doesn't value that attention. You value yourself, and that's why you're making the right choices whether or not anyone knows about them.0 -
Dump her. You really don't need people like that in your life. She's not a friend - friend do not treat each other the way you have described her behavior.She was probably hungry haha. Don't let those peeps get you down. BTW, can I get that pineapple whip recipe? Sounds yummy!
Agree - I'd love that recipe since pineapples will be hitting our markets any month now.0 -
I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...
yes and no imo. if we caved every time someone offered us something, we'd all weigh 500lbs. my company buys breakfast/lunch for everyone's birthday, and it's never ever healthy. you just have to make smart decisions. :flowerforyou:
that said OP, you really should have mentioned that you shoved the cupcake down her throat...0 -
Sorry if anyone missed it! The pineapple whip recipe is up there^^0
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I have a couple jerk friends. But after 20+ years, they know where the bodies are hidden so they stay lol.
But, I do limit my contact and nod, agree and know that they/she is full of *kitten*.
I'm confidant in what I'm doing and instead spend my free time with my more encouraging and positive friends.
I also find that they lecture everyone about how to "Get their lives on track, quit *****ing, etc" but in all honesty I know there lives are train wrecks, so I figure they are just looking to knock someone else down to make them feel better.
In fact this is what my jerk friend posted on FB a while back, "Don't be pissed off at your life...if you don't like it do something to change it. sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to make it better, and no one wants to hear it anyways"
(FYI she just moved back in with her mom after dumping her 5th cheating, gold digging fiance after losing her job for whatever reason.)
Is she a toxic friend, yes. But so is a bottle of Jack.
Everything in moderation... even jerk friends!!0 -
You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:0 -
She's a jerk, not a friend. I would let her know I didn't appreciate her comments, and if it were me, I really wouldn't want to spend time with her.0
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You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:
Definately option B0 -
You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:
Definately option B
the best revenge is living well!0 -
Yeah, I don't think I'd have a friend anymore. I have enough negative self hate in my own head, what do I need with a "friend" saying something like that to me?
I don't agree that it's not nice to offer someone on a diet a cupcake, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating a cupcake on a diet. There are no bad foods, only bad eating habits. It's about moderation not deprivation.0 -
I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...
It wasn't sabotaging - the friend said that day was her cheat day. If she'd said "I"m trying to be so good, look at me eating my super healthy cardboard dinner!", then maybe offering her a cupcake would be a little rude. But she opened the door to "I can eat whatever I want today", so offering a cupcake in that situation is perfectly acceptable.0
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