That jerk friend.

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135

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  • sfbaumgarten
    sfbaumgarten Posts: 912 Member
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    I have a friend that's a total jerk when it comes to weight loss and I've learned that we just can't share that aspect of our lives. Weight loss aside, we're besties. No problems. It's weird, but not worth ending this particular relationship.
  • NutritionDivaRD
    NutritionDivaRD Posts: 467 Member
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    In for the pineapple whip recipe! And I completely agree with this post....she sounds hungry and cranky! :)
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Sounds like she is trying to convince herself of why she isn't successful. Placing the blame on everything but herself. Spreading lies about your success.

    Sounds like you are handling it well by having as little contact with her as possible. You don't need toxic friends like her.

    Best wishes for continued success for you!
  • candacet36
    candacet36 Posts: 353 Member
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    Someone once told me that "comparison is the thief of joy" and that is so true.

    It sounds like she is comparing herself to you. You can't control her but you can control you. You are the CEO of your life so fire the "jerk" and get on with enjoying your success!

    Congrats on all the positive changes you are making!!! YOU DESERVE IT!:bigsmile:
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
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    If someone says today is my cheat day, I offer them a cup cake and they take it; its THEIR FAULT for doing so. Everyday I have to walk past 30 restaurants, delis, bakeries etc on my way to work and I NEVER STOP (because I WILL LOOK DELICIOUS RATHER THAN EAT SOMETHING DELICIOUS). If I did stop, it would be MY FAULT and NOT DUNKIN' DONUT'S. To blame you makes HER look like a jerk. You don't need to say anything. Anyone who noticed this understand it immediately. I would find a new friend and go without until I did.
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
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    In all honesty, I would have told her off right there. Since the moment has passed, and if she's a good enough friend, I'd pull her aside and tell her that the comment really hurt my feelings since I don't really know where it came from. She mentioned it was her cheat day, etc etc and that it really hurt for her to even joke about being on 'team fail' because it means she doesn't have my back or any faith in me. Depending on her response to that, our friendship would either continue or wane. It sounds to me like she's jealous though.

    I, personally, think that kind of 'joking around' is unacceptable but perhaps you have a different sense of humor than me. There's a reason why I don't have many friends, and she's a prime example of it.

    Congrats on your positive changes and keep it up!

    (Also, Option B sounds like great motivation.)
  • perrinjoshua
    perrinjoshua Posts: 286 Member
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    I am in for Option B myself. A bit of passive aggressive revenge served cold. Why waste your breath on her? Seems to me like she said she was OK with a few indulgencies on her off days so no harm in offering her a cupcake. Personally though, unless you are my absolute best friend in the world and I know you are high on hallucinogenic drugs, I wouldn't tolerate anyone calling me fat and then thinking they were still my friend. I can beat myself up enough without outside help, so steer clear of that type of friend and good luck on your own journey. PS - I got the recipe for the whipped topping, thanks.
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    I wouldn't keep a snarky friend like that around OP. You seem like too nice a person to want to offend that jerk back. She doesn't deserve a friend like you. Distance yourself from her if you can.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
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    Just wait until you're successful and she's still yo-yo dieting.

    You're doing so well, don't let her get to you. And don't assume my above sentence means "keep her in your life for a year while you get to your goal weight, even if it makes you miserable, just so you can shove it in her face." Absolutely not. Dump her if that's what works for the situation you're in (maybe dumping her as a friend would just make things worse than if you just kind of keep her around as an acquaintance, like if you work with her or live in a super-small town where daily avoidance would not be possible).

    Keep it up - you've got this!

    Thanks for the pineapple whip recipe! I'm going to try it soon, for sure!
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
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    You really have two options:

    Option A
    The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."

    or

    Option B
    The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:

    This - option B is what I was trying to describe with my previous comment. :)
  • andreyadonna
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    Thanks Again everyone! I think I'll probably just pay her no mind. She's not a huge part of my life right now anyway. I think I'll keep moving, get myself set in my habits and then what she says won't be anything to me. I feel like she has a really unhealthy relationship with her food. I don't personally believe in cheat days but if it helps her so be it, you know? I think I'll keep her on the back burner until we have a make or break moment. I hope everyone enjoys the pineapple whipe recipe! It's marvelous. Just make sure your pineapple is ripe or it's a bit on the tart side.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...

    I would hope you would offer me a cupcake! I would know if there was room in my diary for that. :bigsmile:

    That was pretty rude of her, OP. Just keep doing what you're doing, and she'll see in time that you mean business!
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I would actually find this kind of funny, but that's just me. I have a friend who does the whole extended sarcasm that goes on for several hours based on the most ridiculous subjects, but I grew up with him, so maybe I am just used to his humor?
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,181 Member
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    Y do you allow a person who is failing to fail you?
  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
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    I had a friend that told my other friends behind my back that I wouldn't last till Wednesday when I started my bootcamp class...... 6 months and 45 lbs later she's eatin' her damn words.

    I just smile :smile:
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I hope everyone commenting realizes there's two sides to every story. The friend in question sounds quite a bit like the many, "MY FRIEND IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE" me threads we get three times a day.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    I choose friends who bring out the best in me.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    I hope everyone commenting realizes there's two sides to every story. The friend in question sounds quite a bit like the many, "MY FRIEND IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE" me threads we get three times a day.

    Well, she kinda outed herself as the saboteur. The other one was just a big meanie-pants.
  • pearlmorning
    pearlmorning Posts: 86 Member
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    That was just mean of her and I would say she is the one wanting to take people down with her. A change in lifestyle, foods and fitness is personal and I applaud you for making the decision to change. Don't listen to others because I'm hearing a person that can do it, but it has to be you. Friends that can help you make a difference can be found on MFP. Submerse yourself in them for life changes and keep your "at home" friends for talk, entertainment, and or history. I want to see you do this!!