My partner won't exercise with me

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firelight4321
firelight4321 Posts: 60 Member
in Motivation and Support
I hate exercising. It's tedious, it's boring, I don't feel like stars and rainbows afterwards... I feel tired and sweaty and like I lost precious down time in my evening after work.

Now, it's not so bad if I have someone to work out with. I love it when my partner goes on long walks with me, or the couple of times she has done a workout video with me... But it's been a long time. She's 50lbs+ more overweight than me and haaaaates physical activity (even in the bedroom sometimes!). How can I convince her to exercise with me at home? We can't afford gym memberships or equipment, but here are plenty of free vids online. I want a buddy... I want to be more active. I went on a 4 mile walk a couple weeks ago, but it would have been so nice to share with her. She got all grumpy that I was gone for two hours when I came home. :c I have no friends in this city other than her... (moved here to be close to her family) ... What to do?
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Replies

  • donyellemoniquex3
    donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
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    Threaten to break up xD
  • Rachelc1992
    Rachelc1992 Posts: 246 Member
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    Say all of that to her! And if she loves you she will try. Relationships are about compromise! And if she does do the exercise with you, find something that she likes doing with her!
  • rjmelton
    rjmelton Posts: 37 Member
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    Tell her that you are doing it for your health and that you want to do it together for the health of the relationship as well. Make it about you and the relationship, but mention that she needs it and all bets are off. I'm sure if one looks online there is something somewhere that couples that work out together stay together (maybe)?.?.
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
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    You cannot change another person. You can express your desire to to make fitness a mutual activity. Then you either accept that you may need to exercise alone (or with the new friends you are going to make) or you decide to break up.
  • firelight4321
    firelight4321 Posts: 60 Member
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    Thanks for the advice everyone, I appreciate it.
  • HawkeyeTy
    HawkeyeTy Posts: 681 Member
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    Why don't you find something you enjoy to do together?


    *Walking
    *Running
    *Roller Blading
    *Kayaking
    *Canoeing
    *Biking
    *Skiing
    *Hiking
    *Softball
    *Basketball
    *Swimming
    *Sex
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    You can't. If you keep trying to convince her, you will likely create resentment.

    The one exception I can think of, and even then you could only offer, not convince, is to take dance classes together. Swing is a good one for beginners, but the best starting point is based on what kind of music you like.

    All you can do is find SOMETHING that you enjoy:
    -hula hooping
    -swimming
    -kayaking
    -basketball
    -biking
    -Active video games (ie, Wii)
    -weight lifting
    -tae kwan do
    -yoga
    -sword fighting
    -rock climbing
    -bollywood classes


    pick something and try it for one month. If you aren't hooked at the end of the month, pick something else. Repeat until you find something you enjoy. If you run out of ideas, start another topic to get more ideas.
  • aqualeo1
    aqualeo1 Posts: 331 Member
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    You cannot change another person. You can express your desire to to make fitness a mutual activity. Then you either accept that you may need to exercise alone

    Agreed
  • Jade0529
    Jade0529 Posts: 213 Member
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    I am in the same boat. My husband is morbidly obese and although he says he wants to get healthier is super resistant to everything. he also thinks that surgery will be the only way he could possible get healthier.

    I don't have any wonderful earth shattering advice for you. I try to lead by example and encourage him the best I can.
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
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    Hmmm do it in front of her :). If that doesn't work, do it again... Nekked...

    Just kidding. But seriously you have to do this for yourself. If she doesn't want to be involved, then okay but I hope you find some activities that you enjoy and then invite her to join you, and respect her answer one way or the other.
  • amanstewa3
    amanstewa3 Posts: 60 Member
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    No advice here. I deal with the same thing with my husband and know how frustrating it is. So sorry.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    I learned long ago that I'm in this for myself and need to be accountable only to myself. I go to the gym alone, plug in some rocking tunes and let my body work.
    You have to do this for you and not place the burden of your fitness on your SO.
  • jjking54
    jjking54 Posts: 113 Member
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    You cannot change another person. You can express your desire to to make fitness a mutual activity. Then you either accept that you may need to exercise alone (or with the new friends you are going to make) or you decide to break up.

    This :)

    Ultimately you're responsible for yourself, and yourself alone. Sure, it'd be great if she exercised with you, but she won't.

    You, however, understand the importance of it.

    If you love yourself, you have to take care of yourself, and that means exercise and eating right.
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
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    F' em .... You have to remember you are doing this for you .. Chances are when you are looking all hot and getting a bunch of interests from other girls or even her friends saying Daaaaaaaaaaayum your partner is looking good.She will want to start working out..

    As for working out being tedious ... what are you doing ? Just one thing? are you lifting ?
    Some one else mentioned a bunch of different activities you could do besides being a gym drone.. Find something you enjoy thats active...
  • michellewong699
    michellewong699 Posts: 98 Member
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    I can understand where you are coming from... My situation is a little bit different, but at the core, very similar.

    My boyfriend gained a lot of weight recently and he was depressed about it. At the same time, he couldn't find the motivation to lose it and eat better. Trust me, laying it all out in the open may not be the best way to approach it. When I did that with him, it just made him feel worse about himself. If you must talk it out, then do so with tact.

    I noticed that it really helped him when I started cutting out MY bad habits. This is where we differ since I realize that you want to be motivated by your partner too. If you have the stronger will, then maybe your partner will step up if you do too. I understand that there is a limit to what you can do, but what I did was cut out junk food and eat healthier.

    He now has more energy because he eats better. I cook for him and stopped picking up unnecessary things and that has made all the difference. Simply by doing this, he is already more motivated to do more for himself!

    As everyone else has stated, you can't change another person. All you can do is change yourself and be a good example for your partner to follow (:
  • rmdaly
    rmdaly Posts: 250 Member
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    Try to find a group to join. A walking group or hiking group. Sometimes athletic stores have them or rec centers, even senior centers. Or if there is a big run in your area, they might have training groups. Its a good way to meet people in your community who like to do what you like to do.

    My husband will say he is athletic. But over the years, I have tried to get him to run, bike, swim, snowshoe, cross-country ski, ballroom dance, hike, yoga, TRX, weight lift or just do meditation with me. He likes the idea but always finds a reason not to do them or find a reason he doesn't like doing them with me. I just do activities with other people. Many times the others are men and he gets mad at me. If he won't do it, I will find someone who does, male or female.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    You cannot change another person. You can express your desire to to make fitness a mutual activity. Then you either accept that you may need to exercise alone (or with the new friends you are going to make) or you decide to break up.
    BOOM.


    my boyfriend apparently doesn't give to rats whips about working out. he says he does- but he doesn't. it's quiet plain that he doesn't.
    He refuses to go to the gym- refuses to listen to anything I say- even if HE ASKS ME A QUESTION. It really is annoying

    it's exahusting. And frustrating- i don't want to work out with him- I just want him to work out and be fit.

    I HATE IT. But- it's on him. He knows if he gets fat- I'm leaving. So he can do whatever he wants and be squishy and not over weight all he wants- and the sex will be meh because of it. But that's on him.

    You cannot change someone else. You can support- encourage and express YOUR feelings- but you cannot make them do something they don't want to do. And if you get to the point where you cant' deal with it- you have a come to jesus talk. and if still nothing happens.... then either accept the fact they don't' care about your opinion or you leave.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I hate exercising. It's tedious, it's boring, I don't feel like stars and rainbows afterwards... I feel tired and sweaty and like I lost precious down time in my evening after work.

    Now, it's not so bad if I have someone to work out with. I love it when my partner goes on long walks with me, or the couple of times she has done a workout video with me... But it's been a long time. She's 50lbs+ more overweight than me and haaaaates physical activity (even in the bedroom sometimes!). How can I convince her to exercise with me at home? We can't afford gym memberships or equipment, but here are plenty of free vids online. I want a buddy... I want to be more active. I went on a 4 mile walk a couple weeks ago, but it would have been so nice to share with her. She got all grumpy that I was gone for two hours when I came home. :c I have no friends in this city other than her... (moved here to be close to her family) ... What to do?

    I really hate exercising. I mean HATE it. I don't think even HATE is a strong enough word for me really not liking exercise....I don't care if it's with somebody or not. To me, there's nothing fun about exercise, except for when I'm done doing it.

    Harshness alert:
    How can you convince her? Really, you can't. You've heard of the adage, "You can lead a horse to water....." right?

    Several years ago, my husband and I were trying hard to get in 10,000 steps a day. We tried walking together, but he's taller than me and walks at a different pace than I do. That made walking as a form of exercise really difficult. I've tried taking walks with my friends, and same thing. I even tried going to the workout room at the apartment complex where I used to live - my friend would take one treadmill, and I'd get on the other. Still didn't work out quite like we wanted it to.

    That's when it became obvious to me that if I'm going to exercise, I'm going to have to find something I can do on my own....unless it's something like getting in a sand-volleyball league or some sort of team sport thing like that.

    Cliché alert:
    This is your journey, and you have to find what works for you, and don't count on her being "in on it".
    What works for you likely won't be what works for her.
    I'm sure she's supportive of your efforts, but don't expect her level of enthusiasm to match where you're at.
    Ultimately, your success does not depend on whether or not she's willing to exercise with you...
    Which means you may have to be okay with exercising on your own until you can find someone who's willing to buddy up with you.
  • AlwaysInMotion
    AlwaysInMotion Posts: 409 Member
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    Sort of same boat here... The BF was never seriously overweight like I was, so he doesn't have the same drive/motivation that I do. (I had a come-to-Jesus moment and he hasn't.) Good for him for never having gotten so big, but he does have some serious hereditary health problems (heart) that should warrant more attention to his health as he gets older.

    That being said, the BF will occasionally indulge me and come along to the gym or go for a bike ride. It's totally frustrating, but I understand that I can't control him or make him do things - and even if I could, both he and I would be miserable and resentful, soooo... I just try to be positive and encourage him as best I can.

    I have a few approaches that might help:
    1) I *always, always* invite him to join me, even if 99% of the time his answer is "No, thanks."
    2) I'm always trying to suggest activities I know he likes or might like. (Ex: hiking & geocaching, walking around big expos or car shows, a pick-up tennis match at the park...)
    3) I take it easy with him when he joins me doing my favorite activities. (I'm an avid bicyclist and he's not, so we ride together just for fun. When we go to the gym together, I let him do his thing and we don't stay so long.)
    4) I'm not above resorting bribery/rewards to get him to join in. (Bike ride to Red Mango (froyo)? My treat!)
  • Kaylaef
    Kaylaef Posts: 194 Member
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    Get a dog. They love going on walks with you :)

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