Frustrated with everything

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Jkn921
Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey, bit of a rant and also need advice on how to handle things.

I lost 21lbs and am now 140 (5'5", 21 y/o female), while I have worked hard to get where I am at, my family have always chimed their opinions in my progress, it's becoming extremely frustrating as I'm being pressured to lose the last 5lbs which for me is extremely difficult right now. I'm more concerned with losing inches than a number on the scale at this point because my stomach has the greatest region of 'fat' on there and losing 2-3 inches is my aim which isn't working out too well either.

Firstly the problem is the pressure, I never involved anyone in my weight loss journey but I get told how I'm meant to eat 1000 cals a day (ridiculous), do TONNES of exercise and never touch junk food for as long as I live...despite all the gems of golden advice, my mother who gives me the most grief yo-yo diets and never has lost more than 10lbs and kept it off for a year or so. It's easy to say to ignore, which I do for the most part but when I move back home and my every bite is judged, it really does my head in.

Secondly, I started the 30 DS and it is PAINFUL. I've been at Level 1 for 6 days sparsed out, I don't do it consistently as each time I do, my body is quite sore for 2-3 days to carry on. I understand this is making my body stronger but I'm not enjoying exercise like I used to before so I'm not sure whether I should persist or find something else.

The pressure specifically is really putting me off the whole weight loss thing because it is truly making it miserable for me, I have tried to talk to everyone and ignore but it doesn't work.
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  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
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    Oh dear, I'm sorry your family is being so negative!

    At your height I'd have thought 140 was pretty close to a healthy weight. You are absolutely right to focus on inches rather than the fairly meaningless number on the scale, and good on you for sticking with the 30DS (it does get easier, I promise!)

    You'll just have to remind your family that you are a grown woman, making your own decisions - thank them for their advice, but you'll make your own mind up.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    When they bring up dieting just say "I have a plan I am sticking to, I will let you know if I need/want your imput" Your diet is really nobody elses business unless you want it to be. Sometimes you just gotta set boundaries and protect your own sanity.

    Being sore sucks but you really need to push through a just workout even with the soreness. You will get to the point where you muscles will not be sore anymore and you will be ready to move onward and upward, but right now you have trapped yourself in the viscous cycle of getting sore, taking time off, getting sore a gain. Gotta get them muscles used to consistant work.
  • terbusha
    terbusha Posts: 1,483 Member
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    Thank you for reaching out. There is absolutely no way anyone can maintain 1000 calories/cay and never reward themselves with some treats in their life. I agree with you in that you should focus on inches, since you are most likely pretty close to your ideal weight. It sounds like you need more of a support structure. If you're interested, I help to run weight loss support groups through Facebook. They're full of people who are committed to changing their lives for better health and fitness and who want to help others do the same. It's sure a great resource to go to if you are struggling.

    I'd be happy to chat with you about it and answer any questions you have.

    Allan
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    It is harder when you see them every day. I remember telling my family, especially my mother, "Do you have a physiology degree or other certification that qualifies you to counsel people trying to lose weight? No? Then talk to the hand."

    It's really hard to tune people out. I remember a thanksgiving where my brother-in-law's brother asked me about how I had lost the weight. At one point their mother chimed in about, "All your family does is research things to death. (From me saying I was looking into possibly doing lap-band surgery.)..." And she went on to say some other things. I thought to myself, "She doesn't have a clue." I just wrote it off. She doesn't have a clue what struggles I've gone thru to get here, and therefore has no right to render her opinion....not one that I have to listen to anyway.

    The longer you're on this road, and the more you have your groove on, the easier it is to develop your suit of armor.
  • Jkn921
    Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
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    I'm perfectly happy with my weight reading as it is, my main focus now is the inches as I'm not bothered if I lose any more weight but would like to lose the belly fat and tone up. I am away at University, and I have not had spoken to my mother for 3-4 weeks, the first thing she asks is if I've lost any weight which to me is offensive. Everybody is always concerned with it and it's getting on my nerves now as it does make me very conscious about my body and how everyone is judging me = low self-confidence. That is the sole reason it bothers me.

    Exactly how it is with me - I'm tired of people who get nowhere lecturing me about what I eat, how I look amongst other things. Nobody has any idea of how much work it took to get where I'm at now, I'm probably the only one of the people who talk the most who actually pushed themselves outside of their comfort zone instead of talking about how they 'want' to lose weight but never do so. I'm just sick of the whole judgement thing, it shouldn't even be an issue but I feel a bit of resentment towards family members because of it already.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    Well since you want to lose inches and are happy with your weight you should probably get into a weight lifting routine if you are not. Be sure to tell you mom you are gonna bulk up and become a body competator too, love to hear how she freaks about that :laugh:

    But in all seriousness you should do weight and that will give you the change you want, and no you will not turn into one of those women without years of serious work towards that goal, but you can get hot hot hot!
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    My advice would be to politely ask everyone who brings up your weight to stop. "Mom, your criticism and advice is not helpful or motivating for me. In fact, it makes me feel bad and causes stress, which contributes to weight gain and poor health. I have my own plan and am doing the best I can. Please don't discuss diet and exercise with me any more."

    Since we all have a mother, we know that she probably won't be deterred by a polite sensible request and will persist with the advice and criticism. I would then elevate my response to, "Mom, if you continue to criticize and pick at everything I eat, I will start doing the same to you. Would you like me to point out every fault in your body? Would you like me to comment on every bite you put in your mouth? Please stop."

    At that point I would do my best to ignore, or I would respond to her criticisms with one of your own. When she tells you that you should lose 10 pounds, I would say, "Mom, have you looked in the mirror? You could definitely lose 20 pounds. That pasta you ate last night is terrible for you. You're increasing your risk of diabetes. Have you exercised today?"

    Every time she criticized me, I would meet it with equal criticism. I would bet that it wouldn't take long for her to stop.
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 664 Member
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    Being sore sucks but you really need to push through a just workout even with the soreness. You will get to the point where you muscles will not be sore anymore and you will be ready to move onward and upward, but right now you have trapped yourself in the viscous cycle of getting sore, taking time off, getting sore a gain. Gotta get them muscles used to consistant work.

    ^^This.
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
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    Really, it is your journey. No one else's. They can have opinions, but you shouldn't take them to heart. Do what makes you happy!
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Ask them how their own weight loss is going. When you see them eating something that "isn't healthy" ask them if it fits into their diet.
  • beenbad43
    beenbad43 Posts: 17 Member
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    I am outspoken and would say something like " I am better about my diet goals when I don't hear comments from others" or "stressing me causes hormones to be released that made me gain weight, so please stop" say it every time ( not angry not in a mean way, just say it) when they realize that they can't hurt you with the comments they will stop

    If you don't want negative behavior to repeat, stop rewarding it...I bet someone in your family likes to make you mad...when you get mad you reward them...stop rewarding them..

    good luck and all this fuss about five pounds? I have about fifty to go...so I admire your dedication!
  • Jkn921
    Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
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    Hmm the sarcastic approach doesn't seem too bad. My family are impossible to "talk to" it is seriously like talking to a brick wall. They are so stubborn and ignorant of the things they say a lot of the times. Thanks for the replies.
  • CMB1979
    CMB1979 Posts: 588 Member
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    You are absolutely right to focus on inches rather than the fairly meaningless number on the scale...

    You'll just have to remind your family that you are a grown woman, making your own decisions - thank them for their advice, but you'll make your own mind up.

    This. Inches inches inches and how you feel. Even after nearly 100 lbs lost, I see the same person in the mirror. Without my pants falling off me, I'd swear I haven't lost an ounce. Perception is NOT reality....at least when it comes to weight/fat loss.

    ...and challenge your mom to do better.
  • beenbad43
    beenbad43 Posts: 17 Member
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    or option B: be a total ***** and say " you are saying this based on your extensive weight loss success?
  • UsaJewels05
    UsaJewels05 Posts: 229 Member
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    I am sorry your family is not being supportive! I would tell them if you wanted their advise you would ask for. Sure you could be on a 1000 calorie a day diet and lose that 5 lbs, but that is not sustainable! You do what is right for you. We are meant to have treats or else we would fall of the wagon! If you want to tone up then focus on that.

    It is your life and you are an adult. They can not live your life for you. So stick with what you want to do and forget about everyone else.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    or option B: be a total ***** and say " you are saying this based on your extensive weight loss success?

    +1
  • k1inoregon
    k1inoregon Posts: 10
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    Unless they've walked a mile in your shoes, they don't have the ability to commentate. That's my opinion. If you are happy with how you are approaching living a healthy and fit life, then be happy and don't let others bring you down! Enjoy the fact that you OWN this. Let them know that this is your journey and you have confidence in your approach.
  • Jkn921
    Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
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    I am outspoken and would say something like " I am better about my diet goals when I don't hear comments from others" or "stressing me causes hormones to be released that made me gain weight, so please stop" say it every time ( not angry not in a mean way, just say it) when they realize that they can't hurt you with the comments they will stop

    If you don't want negative behavior to repeat, stop rewarding it...I bet someone in your family likes to make you mad...when you get mad you reward them...stop rewarding them..

    good luck and all this fuss about five pounds? I have about fifty to go...so I admire your dedication!

    Thanks, I am generally a quiet person but rarely do I lash out - I did once haha. I know right, they don't understand how hard it is at this stage either because they've never got that far. I think I'll go the sarcastic response approach now as nothing else seems to be working.

    My belly is where I have the most stored fat which I don't find attractive but AM working hard to lose inches - I'm not God though, I can't decide when it'll go so when they put a time-frame on me, they don't understand it's not in my hands. They are now used to seeing everything else slimmed down except my stomach as that will be the last thing to decrease, so whenever they see me it's like I have not changed at all until one day my stomach would have shrunk. I'm perfectly fine with the time it may take, I don't dedicate and define my life to diet and health, it's important to me and a priority but not the top one. But makin me feel bad about it constantly really puts me off as I can't do anything about it...
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Kill two birds with one stone. Stick to 30DS, don't push yourself so hard at first. I got really sore the first couple of days I did it but repeating it actually helped with the soreness. I just didn't push myself as hard until my body got used to it. For example, I took 5 second rest breaks and water breaks the after the first day when I thought I couldn't walk.

    Second if you lose the inches it will look like you lost over 5 lbs so you mother will get off your back about your weight.

    As far as her criticizing every bite you take, if it looks like you lost weight maybe she will back off. Just tell her you have to feed your massive amounts of muscle you have built up.
  • CEThornton
    CEThornton Posts: 45
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    Really, it is your journey. No one else's. They can have opinions, but you shouldn't take them to heart. Do what makes you happy!

    *^^^^* this!!

    I have a similar family situation, Luckily my mom is very supportive but at family get-togethers (there are many) my grandmother and aunt can be brutal! They have both dropped significant (>50 lbs each) weight over the past 18+ months due to family/emotional stressors.
    Suddenly they forget that they were ever heavy or struggled with weight; and view my "pudge" as a weakness or character flaw. Every menu choice out or serving at dinner is dissected, examined, and discussed openly at the table. Never mind if i get grilled chicken with steamed veggies, i should be eating the all-mighty "Salad" according to them...
    It really is more of a reflection of them than anything to do with me, or my weight, or my eating habits. It makes them feel better about whatever they're lacking to pick at me (and my mom). It's taken quite a bit for me to accept this and not let it affect me anymore.
    Keep doing what's best for you!! if you can push through the sore on 30DS GO FOR IT! (I actually get to like it after a week consecutively) If you'd rather try something else do that... Getting healthy shouldn't feel like punishment. It sounds like your dedication is admirable and enviable!

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