Seeing Yourself Through The Eyes Of An Honest Friend

Last Sunday, my hubbie took our camera with us to church. He wanted to get shots of folks in the church; but more importantly, he wanted a couple of shots of he and I together in our Sunday best. I would love to show you those photos, but I am having trouble with my Photobucket uploads at the moment.

I was wearing slacks (size 16)...looking a bit baggy. A knit top (size 1X) layered with a blouse that I have to admit looked mighty big in the photos. If you are one of my Facebook friends, then, you got to see those photos in my Monday photo post.

Getting back to the point of this post, everyone kept commenting how much weight I have lost. However, many of them wanted to know why I was wearing clothes that didn't fit me anymore. When I looked in the mirror that morning, I didn't think that my clothes looked 'baggy'; but in the photos, the truth was obvious.

Yesterday, one of my church sisters Sharon came over. She does housekeeping for me every week, and I asked her to skip the vacuuming to help me with 'something personal'...a reality check of my clothes. I love her, and I trust her opinion as an honest friend. We literally pulled out and bagged up half of my clothes in my closet, skipping the slacks, 'cause I don't want to replace all my size 16 pants right now. I have ordered 2 pair of size 14, but Sharon said that I am probably a size 12.

Oh my goodness! I can't remember the last time I was a size 12...maybe for short while in the Navy or in the 8th grade.

I didn't even need to try on many of those pieces of clothing, like the size 26/28 tank tops which I bought last spring and never wore, the old 4X tee shirts from our church in Nevada that I thought I couldn't give up for sentimental reasons, that last pair of size 32 pants and the 4X blouse that wore to that life changing surgeon's appointment in November 2012, when he told me that I had to lose 70 pounds to qualify for new knees.

What surprised me the most were the other oversized tops and blouses, because I just bought many of them in the last 4 months. I barely got to wear them, and Sharon kept saying, "That doesn't fit you. It is huge!" :noway:

At one point, I was between trying on tops, when Sharon really startled me. She told me that she couldn't help herself. She came over, grabbed my bra straps and pulled them straight up. "What size bra are you wearing? It's way too big and doesn't support you at all." I tried to explain that I just bought this bra a month ago..."and it is a 44C!" After lugging around 46DD's breasts for so many years, I'm not used to a bra that 'lifts me'. In the past, I considered myself lucky, if my old bras could hold my big boobs for a few hours without killing my permanently dented shoulders.

I DID notice that my new bra did seem a bit 'loose' in the cups. So, last week I ordered 2 more bras in size 42B. When I told Sharon about the new bras, she said, "They're probably too big. I don't think that you are a 42, and she grabbed the back of my bra to show me the obvious. I had plenty of room to tighten up some hooks in the back, and there were folds of loose fabric where I used to have rolls of fat under my arms pits. Instead of a spare tire and padding under my arms, I now have a rib cage. My goodness! happy

It is hard to look at clothes that I just bought and have to admit that though I love them, they don't fit me now...even after such a short time.

That's when Sharon brought me back to reality. "Why are you still wearing fat clothes? Why are you keeping all these clothes that don't fit you? Do you plan to wear them again?"

That was 'the whole point'. Was I holding on to them for security? NO! :noway:

I know...I really, truly know that I am NOT GOING BACK! I will never again be 280+ pounds. I know that as 'the truth'. I will not be eating my way back into those clothes. My problem is that I am still carrying around 'an old attitude', that clothes have to HIDE ME. I always wore clothes that were at least one size too big to HIDE THE FAT LADY inside them. Baggy clothes didn't show all the rolls of fat, the saddle bags, the Budda belly and fat arms. They helped give the illusion that my figure might not be so bad...or at least, that's what I thought.

Yesterday, I realized that I no longer need to wear clothes that are just one or 2 sizes bigger. I'm not hiding rolls of fat, saddlebags, Buddha belly or even the fat arms anymore. I have ribs, hip bones, a bony, little butt and a much smaller set of breasts that don't weigh down my shoulders. I can wear a bra that actually lifts my breasts, not just holds hanging sacks of chest fat. It's time to wear clothes that really fit me.

That honest vision from good friend brought out the truth. 3 big bags of nearly new clothes just got donated to our next church yard sale.

On a sweet note, I told Sharon that I had also ordered a church dress and slip this week; and she hollered "Hallelujah! We will get to see your legs." When I added that I bought tights instead of stockings to cover up the knee and ankle scars on my legs, she added, "You should have bought stockings. Your scars don't look that bad." That made me feel really good.

I am kind of looking forward to wearing that new raspberry colored, church dress...if it's not too big. I ordered a petite, medium. I'll get Sharon tell me, if it's too big and order smaller size, if I must. It has been a long time, since I went out in anything but slacks and slightly loose to very baggy tops. I guess, this old girl is ready stepping out from under a tent of oversized clothes.