How to start over?

cathaea
cathaea Posts: 11 Member
in Getting Started
Hi everyone,

I'm a longtime MFP user but I've always used MFP inconsistently and, like many, have fallen victim to yo-yo dieting.

I was a normal weight through adolescence, although maybe a bit on the chubby side. In my early 20s, I realized that I didn't have the same body-type as my friends and resolved to do something about it. I lost a lot of weight but did so dangerously--eating under 500 calories a day, exercising to excess and just generally not taking care of myself. No surprise that I ended up regaining all the weight.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around the same time and now that I'm older and on anti-depressants, I find it almost impossible to lose more than 10 pounds before my mood bottoms out and my self-destructive patterns catch up with me. Combine this with the fact that my husband is a Chef and has a completely normal weight. He eats and prepares incredibly rich (and delicious) food. Since he doesn't struggle with his weight, he doesn't understand the point in eating supposedly "bland" (read: healthy) meals. I've put on a staggering amount of weight since we met. I tried really hard to lose weight for our wedding about six months ago but I wasn't able to.

Since then, I've been tried unsuccessfully to lose weight. I know I need to but I'm not motivated and my partner doesn't really support my goals. I tore my ACL right before Christmas which has even further reduced my mobility. I'm getting back to normal but I can't go to the gym yet. My eating habits are getting better but I'm still prone to binge eating, particularly because my partner is a late-night snacker.

Long story short, I stepped on the scale today and I am 30 pounds heavier than I was 6 months ago when I was already obese. I need to lose 60-80 pounds in order to be the healthy range and, frankly, this seems impossible.

I don't know how to start. Small goals never seem to translate into big ones. Since weight loss is all mental (and I struggled with motivation in general), I have no idea how to get over these hurdles. I'd love some support and some advice on tricks and tips that you've used, particularly in terms of getting through the first month of habit changing. Does it get easier? How do you force yourself to do something that you know you "should" do, but don't have the inner drive?

Replies

  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
    Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but you aren't going to be able to do this if you have no inner motivation to begin with. I motivate myself by sticking to my guns when it comes to willpower, exercising good choices when it comes to food and not making excuses when it comes to getting my *kitten* in the gym. I keep myself moving in the journey just by "showing up" and doing what I know I should be doing, even when I don't feel like it.

    I also have adopted my own policy that I like to call "anything goes on the weekend" and have found that it helps me stay on track. I eat my allotted calories (usually) from Sunday to Thursday, then Friday and Saturday I eat whatever I feel like eating. I still log everything as accurately as I can, but I don't sweat it if my red number has triple digits. It's not like I'm eating like an animal or bingeing on these days, I just end up having beer or wine and going out for dinner.

    I am losing between .5 and 2 lbs per week doing this, but I do both cardio and strength training about 3 times a week each. I'm not saying this will work for you or for everyone else, but knowing that I can loosen up on Friday night really keeps me on the straight and narrow throughout the work week.

    Just do it for a week: weigh your food and log everything, get moving doing an activity you can comfortably do a few times a week (I know you have an injury, but there has to be something you can do) and then see if you don't feel better about the possibility of your success and abilities.

    ETA: I forgot to mention your husband. My boyfriend is also somewhat of a chef and loves to cook, which is most of the reason I needed to lose weight in the first place! My situation is not the same as yours because my guy needs to lose weight as well and is now in this with me and has adopted new cooking techniques and habits. He used to cook rich, high-calorie meals and is now cooking us both dinners that generally amount to 700 calories or less. Lower calorie food does not have to mean less flavor or fun in the kitchen for your husband. Talk to him about it and express how important it is to you that you succeed.
  • Front_Runner
    Front_Runner Posts: 175
    I agree with levitateme - that it needs to come from within. Everyone is a little different in what it is that gets them going. I find that for me, I need a goal that requires a certain level of fitness to really kick me in the butt. The fact is, I love food... some of the most fun evenings I have with my husband are eating out (often sharing a pizza & beer or enjoying a couple margaritas with Chips & Salsa). We have a good relationship, we joke about being "fat & happy" - and in all reality, I'm at a decent BMI (higher end - but still okay). So, I often think "why the heck should I care?" I know: "being healthier," "feeling more confident," "looking better/more sexy" are all great motivators for SOME... but they do nothing for me. I know that dropping 15 lbs would be in my best interest - but I've searched high and low for a reason that is motivating enough for ME to get it going.

    I find that I need to look at my bucket list. I had to really think back to dreams I had as a kid, things that would inspire me then... and revisit those! As a little kid, I used to dream about being an Olympian, winning the Kentucky Derby, Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, Sailing Around the World, competing in the Rolex 3 Day Event...

    As a "grown up" I looked at these things (with a slightly more realistic vision). Okay - so at 37 years old, I'm not necessarily looking to be an Olympian or win the Derby - lol!! BUT... it IS still possible to be a competitive sailor or rider at my age. Heck, some of my sailing "heroes" are much older (and fitter) than I am! So why not me??

    The moral of the story is- take some time to really look at things you wanted to do in your life. Even look at those HUGE things you may have dreamed of as a kid (that now, at first glance, feel impossible) - and consider/revisit them. Yes - you may have to alter those ideas a bit - but I find it's in the innermost dreams of a child (that kid who pictured herself doing amazing things someday), that I can grab hold of that inspiration again.

    I know it may sound goofy to some of you.... but it works for me.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    You take charge of your life and just do it. Eat good food, not bland. Stay within your calories. When you reach you cals for the day, stop eating. Don't eat after a certain time (I don't eat after dinner).
  • HNull
    HNull Posts: 22
    I have had similar problems with motivation in the past (and struggled with depression) so I know how you feel. For me, the key to sticking with a plan is to take it easy on myself at first. I started by building the habit of exercising daily, just a short easy walk of a mile at first until my body got used to it. I also started tracking calories, not with the goal of restricting right off the bat, but just to get an idea of how many calories I was consuming and what sort of food I was eating too much of (cheese, as it turned out). Then I slowly started tweaking my diet, gradually cutting down on calories and fat until I reached my target level.

    About a month ago I set a goal of losing one pound a week, and so far it's working. The progress is slow and hardly noticeable, but feeling healthier and stronger, plus knowing how good I could look of I keep it up, has kept me from throwing in the towel.

    The most important advice I can give is to be kind to yourself. Even at your current weight, you are still worthy of dignity and respect. Dieting and exercise should be something you do as a favor to your future self, rather than as punishment to your current self. If you skip a day of exercise or have an episode of binge eating, that's okay, as long as you get back on the horse the next day.

    Feel free to send me a friend request if you'd like, and best of luck to you on your journey!
  • sassafrascas
    sassafrascas Posts: 191 Member
    I suggest Watching him cook and put his recipes into the recipe builder, so you have some idea of what you are about to put in your body. Then only eat a small amount of it and fill the rest of you plate with veggies. I have made the excuse "I dont have control over the food in the home" But since your hubby isnt going anywhere you have to work around him. Good Luck you are doing this for your health and your happiness So the only one who suffers from not trying is YOU. That my reminder you can do this.
  • sassafrascas
    sassafrascas Posts: 191 Member

    The most important advice I can give is to be kind to yourself. Even at your current weight, you are still worthy of dignity and respect. Dieting and exercise should be something you do as a favor to your future self, rather than as punishment to your current self. If you skip a day of exercise or have an episode of binge eating, that's okay, as long as you get back on the horse the next day.

    ^^^^ This^^^ :)
  • bloodhoundlady
    bloodhoundlady Posts: 80 Member
    I was in your shoes last June minus the bipolar and the 60-80 was 125- 150 lbs. Look you have the inner motivation it is there but you feel so beaten down it is down deep.
    I do know quite a bit about bipolar, fact being I am a nurse and grew up with two brothers with bipolar. First of all being on your meds and following your doctors advice is number one.

    Weight issue. Make a plan and don't look at this like its an all or nothing attitude. You need to detox your body for one. Eat as non processed as possible and befriend yourself with people that will motivate you, support you and push you and maybe give you a swift kick in the butt when you need it. There are some good challenges and great groups here. Realize you are in the drivers seat and you are not going to get there by someone else doing it for you.
    Today make a plan of attack, clean eating has worked for me but there are lots of plans out there that work. Log your food every day, not when you have a good day, every day even on those bingeing days. Exercise only do what you can do, if you are able to walk a little do it, don't push yourself but do what your body will allow. Feel free to friend me.
  • george7527
    george7527 Posts: 267 Member
    Hi i'm sure there are a lot of people who can relate to what you are going through but you have to want to change your eating habits. You can eat what your chef husband cooks just have smaller portions but i'm sure he could make small changes to how and what he uses to cook. Surley if he sees how unhappy you are he would be willing to help.
    But YOU have to want to make the changes and get passed the hurdles which will come your way.
    We all cope with problems in different way so you are not alone.
    Feel free to add me as your friend.
  • cathaea
    cathaea Posts: 11 Member
    ^^ Just wanted to thank everyone for your advice. I particularly like the reminder that it's not about punishing your current self but about doing a favour for your future self. I think that's something that will resonate with me for a while.

    I'm admit to being pretty guilty of doing most things in my life with an all or nothing attitude. While I think that will be a hard habit to change, that's obviously where I need to start.
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
    Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but you aren't going to be able to do this if you have no inner motivation to begin with. I motivate myself by sticking to my guns when it comes to willpower, exercising good choices when it comes to food and not making excuses when it comes to getting my *kitten* in the gym. I keep myself moving in the journey just by "showing up" and doing what I know I should be doing, even when I don't feel like it.

    I also have adopted my own policy that I like to call "anything goes on the weekend" and have found that it helps me stay on track. I eat my allotted calories (usually) from Sunday to Thursday, then Friday and Saturday I eat whatever I feel like eating. I still log everything as accurately as I can, but I don't sweat it if my red number has triple digits. It's not like I'm eating like an animal or bingeing on these days, I just end up having beer or wine and going out for dinner.

    I am losing between .5 and 2 lbs per week doing this, but I do both cardio and strength training about 3 times a week each. I'm not saying this will work for you or for everyone else, but knowing that I can loosen up on Friday night really keeps me on the straight and narrow throughout the work week.

    Just do it for a week: weigh your food and log everything, get moving doing an activity you can comfortably do a few times a week (I know you have an injury, but there has to be something you can do) and then see if you don't feel better about the possibility of your success and abilities.

    ETA: I forgot to mention your husband. My boyfriend is also somewhat of a chef and loves to cook, which is most of the reason I needed to lose weight in the first place! My situation is not the same as yours because my guy needs to lose weight as well and is now in this with me and has adopted new cooking techniques and habits. He used to cook rich, high-calorie meals and is now cooking us both dinners that generally amount to 700 calories or less. Lower calorie food does not have to mean less flavor or fun in the kitchen for your husband. Talk to him about it and express how important it is to you that you succeed.

    This! If you dont want it you wont do it! You control you! If you want it no excuses will stand in your way!

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