Helping others get motivated

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carlbme
carlbme Posts: 1
in Getting Started
I've started going running at work during my lunch time (yes, we have showers on site), and due to this I've managed to drop a little weight. Normally this would be good, but instead it's actually put extra stress on my marriage.

My wife has gained a good bit of weight (she'd kill me if I mentioned how much) since we got back together a few years ago. And lately it's only gotten worse with more and more weight gained. She's now at the heaviest she's been in her life. It's made her INCREDIBLY depressed. And me losing has only made it worse.

I've tried to get her to start exercising and all she does is make excuses why she can't, and then go off on me about how I'm insensitive and being mean for calling her fat. Of course I've NEVER done that (not even when fighting), nor do I even mention how she needs to exercise to lose weight.

Here is an example of some things she'll say

"Just sick of being fat but can't do anything. Im getting fatter and fatter, it will never stop"

So how do I get her motivated?

Replies

  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    I've started going running at work during my lunch time (yes, we have showers on site), and due to this I've managed to drop a little weight. Normally this would be good, but instead it's actually put extra stress on my marriage.

    My wife has gained a good bit of weight (she'd kill me if I mentioned how much) since we got back together a few years ago. And lately it's only gotten worse with more and more weight gained. She's now at the heaviest she's been in her life. It's made her INCREDIBLY depressed. And me losing has only made it worse.

    I've tried to get her to start exercising and all she does is make excuses why she can't, and then go off on me about how I'm insensitive and being mean for calling her fat. Of course I've NEVER done that (not even when fighting), nor do I even mention how she needs to exercise to lose weight.

    Here is an example of some things she'll say

    "Just sick of being fat but can't do anything. Im getting fatter and fatter, it will never stop"

    So how do I get her motivated?

    As someone who was there and have finally seen the light, nothing you will say will make a difference. Concentrate on you and hopefully something may go off in her head. The more it seems as if you are nagging, the more she will resist.

    Keep exercising and eating healthy - start walking about naked in the bedroom - trust me something will click - hopefully.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    Just break up.
  • pancakemix16
    pancakemix16 Posts: 45 Member
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    Well I'm the heavy one in my relationship and my husband is always supportive. When i say that I'm getting fat, he says lets go for a walk or lets eat something healthy for dinner. Start small, don't start with big goals or say how about you do what I do. I need to decide for myself that its the right time for me and that I have support and understanding. Once she takes some small steps maybe she will be ready to start making bigger changes to a healthier lifestyle.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,542 Member
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    Unfortunately motivation has to come from within. One can encourage, inspire and support, but overall the person that needs it has to set it into motion for themselves or else it won't last long.
    You do what you have to do for yourself. She may do it or she may not. It may take a life changing event, or a health scare. But again, it's up to the person who needs it to decide.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • bitten2better
    bitten2better Posts: 39 Member
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    How about finding something active to do together?

    A hike/walk - even if it's a couple laps around a mall, it's better than sitting on the couch! Walk a bit faster to make her keep up maybe?

    Rent a paddle boat (weather depending) - I saw these in the tidal basin in D.C. this weekend - looked like fun

    A bike ride

    Starting is often the most difficult issue, and can be very intimidating. Making it a low-pressure and do-able situation may help her get started.


    Then there's the food issue - do you cook or does she?

    -Make healthy substitutions. I made lasagna this weekend with a homemade sauce, used turkey meat instead of ground hamburger, and a lighter cheese - my steak eating Texan boyfriend couldn't even tell the difference. What about baked sweet potato fries instead of French fries? Baked/broiled fish instead of deep fried? etc...
  • jessicapk
    jessicapk Posts: 574 Member
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    How about finding something active to do together?

    A hike/walk - even if it's a couple laps around a mall, it's better than sitting on the couch! Walk a bit faster to make her keep up maybe?

    Rent a paddle boat (weather depending) - I saw these in the tidal basin in D.C. this weekend - looked like fun

    A bike ride

    Starting is often the most difficult issue, and can be very intimidating. Making it a low-pressure and do-able situation may help her get started.


    Then there's the food issue - do you cook or does she?

    -Make healthy substitutions. I made lasagna this weekend with a homemade sauce, used turkey meat instead of ground hamburger, and a lighter cheese - my steak eating Texan boyfriend couldn't even tell the difference. What about baked sweet potato fries instead of French fries? Baked/broiled fish instead of deep fried? etc...

    ^^^
    THIS!!!
    I have had great results with my boyfriend simply by doing better myself and not hassling him about it. He doesn't show any insecurities or anything but has improved his own eating and often brings up the idea of a walk or bike ride all on his own.
  • mathjulz
    mathjulz Posts: 5,514 Member
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    Here is an example of some things she'll say

    "Just sick of being fat but can't do anything. Im getting fatter and fatter, it will never stop"

    So how do I get her motivated?


    "Honey, I love you no matter what. You are beautiful to me now, and you will always be. I just want to see you happy. What can I do to help?"

    Really.

    A lot of what women mean when they say things like the above is "I want to know that you hear me, and that you still love me." Ironically, often women don't want help or advice when it sounds like that's what they're asking for. If you assure her that you love her and she's beautiful in your eyes, no matter what, then offer to help, she will be more ready to listen when she is ready to actually make a change.

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