Parenting/food advice need - 8 year old boy, ADHD
Val_from_OH
Posts: 447 Member
My son is 8, and has gained 13 lbs since last July, while growing only a couple of inches in height. He's now in the 94% for weight, after having been in the 75% since birth. I've had to buy him two new complete sets of pants because the waists are too small. (BTW, if anyone wants to buy size 10 pants in good condition, let me know) For comparison, my daughter is 5, is generally a good eater, and has always been on the small side.
My son has ADHD, and one of his impulsive behaviors is eating. I try to teach him to choose healthy snacks, like apple slices or cheese sticks, but he often sneaks food behind our backs. Meal times are always, always, a fight, because he is insanely stubborn, and picky. He often takes 2-3 bites of his dinner and then refuses to eat anymore because he doesn't like it. If I made mac & cheese every night though, he would shovel it down, so I do think he's hungry.
I don't know what to do for him now. I feel like I need to be feeding him more at mealtimes to help curb his snacking impulse, but I also feel that I it is my responsibility to teach him to eat balanced meals, and stand my ground that we all eat the same dinner. When I do make something he likes, he eats more than I do usually, and I feel like that is going overboard too. I don't know how to address this without giving him a complex about his weight, and eating in general.
Does anyone have any advice? My pediatrician has suggested so far to increase his ADHD meds, which we did based on a combination of all of his behaviors, and get his thyroid tested, which we have not done. I really think this is a parenting issue, and not a medical one.
My son has ADHD, and one of his impulsive behaviors is eating. I try to teach him to choose healthy snacks, like apple slices or cheese sticks, but he often sneaks food behind our backs. Meal times are always, always, a fight, because he is insanely stubborn, and picky. He often takes 2-3 bites of his dinner and then refuses to eat anymore because he doesn't like it. If I made mac & cheese every night though, he would shovel it down, so I do think he's hungry.
I don't know what to do for him now. I feel like I need to be feeding him more at mealtimes to help curb his snacking impulse, but I also feel that I it is my responsibility to teach him to eat balanced meals, and stand my ground that we all eat the same dinner. When I do make something he likes, he eats more than I do usually, and I feel like that is going overboard too. I don't know how to address this without giving him a complex about his weight, and eating in general.
Does anyone have any advice? My pediatrician has suggested so far to increase his ADHD meds, which we did based on a combination of all of his behaviors, and get his thyroid tested, which we have not done. I really think this is a parenting issue, and not a medical one.
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Or you could get a referral from the doctor to seek additional forms of treatment to address behavioral issues.0
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I have ADHD. I also have an 8 year old son who is a picky eater and likes to snack. First off I'd ditch the meds entirely speaking from experience. Second, find the fruits and veggies that he does like and keep them around. If he doesn't finish his dinner, wrap it up and save it for later when he want's a snack. Sometimes kids with ADHD just cant eat because there is something else taking priority at that moment that literally makes it impossible to think about anything else. It's rooted in compulsive behavior, and takes substantial time and effort to overcome, and it won't happen until he is old enough to recognize it. I was lucky and started to do so in my late teens, but I have family members who have gone into their late twenties and early thirties before they could control it.
Lose the meds, in the long run they will destroy him.
Rigger0 -
So sorry you are dealing with all of this. I know it isn't easy... for all involved. To some extent, the battle at the dinner table, I think, is a pretty commonplace thing for families. It may not necessarily be ADHD-based. I know that locally, we have a rehab center for children (for kids with adhd/autism/aspergers/etc.) and they can give referrals to "social skills" classes that are held within the community for children with autism. They say that those who have adhd and aspergers also can benefit from these. Maybe there are some in your area? I agree with you that there is probably a parenting issue here as well... as I can relate! I have a 7 yr old son diagnosed with adhd. Personally, I just think he's a super smarty pants, but that's just me.
Anyhow, I would advise this: take him grocery shopping... just you and him. Ask him to pick out foods that he would like to try or that he'd like to cook himself and there's only one condition: it has to be in the produce section. Tell him you'll fix it whatever way he wants. Bite your tongue at the dinner table and give him a few options (I know it's easy to be authoritarian when you are so worried about your child's health). Give him the feeling of more freedoms/independence, basically, and express only your joy for him finding something he likes, when he does. That is the best advice I can give. Hope it helps. 0 -
People on this website need to stop telling everyone to stop taking meds...you are not their doctor and it is NOT your place to tell anyone to stop taking drugs.
With that said, OP, some kids are just picky eaters. Provide healthy food, keep unhealthy food out of the house, and your son will eat better. He may refuse at first but he won't forever, especially since he's not a toddler anymore.0 -
do you have a medical degree? telling someone to ditch the meds when you have absolutely no idea about their medical history or diagnosis is really stupid.I have ADHD. I also have an 8 year old son who is a picky eater and likes to snack. First off I'd ditch the meds entirely speaking from experience. Second, find the fruits and veggies that he does like and keep them around. If he doesn't finish his dinner, wrap it up and save it for later when he want's a snack. Sometimes kids with ADHD just cant eat because there is something else taking priority at that moment that literally makes it impossible to think about anything else. It's rooted in compulsive behavior, and takes substantial time and effort to overcome, and it won't happen until he is old enough to recognize it. I was lucky and started to do so in my late teens, but I have family members who have gone into their late twenties and early thirties before they could control it.
Lose the meds, in the long run they will destroy him.
Rigger0 -
Or you could get a referral from the doctor to seek additional forms of treatment to address behavioral issues.
I second this.0 -
I have ADHD. I also have an 8 year old son who is a picky eater and likes to snack. First off I'd ditch the meds entirely speaking from experience. Second, find the fruits and veggies that he does like and keep them around. If he doesn't finish his dinner, wrap it up and save it for later when he want's a snack. Sometimes kids with ADHD just cant eat because there is something else taking priority at that moment that literally makes it impossible to think about anything else. It's rooted in compulsive behavior, and takes substantial time and effort to overcome, and it won't happen until he is old enough to recognize it. I was lucky and started to do so in my late teens, but I have family members who have gone into their late twenties and early thirties before they could control it.
Lose the meds, in the long run they will destroy him.
Rigger
That is terrible advice.0 -
Hello my friend I seen your post today and I also have a son that has ADHD we found out when he was 4 and he is now 15 1/2 years old he was also a picky eater some of the medication for ADHD stops them from feeling hungry and then they dont want to eat.my son was throwing away food all the time I had to force him to eat but days that we didnt give him his medication he would eat us out of are house.now he's 150 lbs I make him workout with me since he likes to snack alot and sit in front of the tv.keep offering healthy foods and get him involved with your workouts.Hope it all works out.0
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I don't have much advice on the possible ADHD components of this but my only advice would be to make sure that you're not treating his eating too differently from that of other members of the family. I remember when I was a chubby kid if I didn't like something it was pretty much tough luck for me, but my mom would make my thinner pickier brother something else to eat. You might think little kids won't know it's about weight, but they're pretty perceptive that way. So, if it's going to be healthier food in the house or more exercise it should be that way as a family. I suspect that the more he feels you trying to control his eating or disapproving of his weight (not saying you are, obviously you just have concerns about his health, but he likely won't perceive it that way) the more it will become an aspect of his life where he tries to gain some control and the sneak-snacking will worsen.
Not sure if that helps at all, but just my two cents. Best of luck, you seem like a great parent to me!0 -
Thank you everyone for the kind words. ADHD is only one of the issues that my son struggles with, but it makes all the others so much more challenging!
I know meds are controversial, and it was a hard decision to come to, but we have our reasons for choosing this path, and I plan to stick to it until we see evidence that it is no longer the right choice. My husband and I were both diagnosed ADHD as children, and neither of us medicated. For me, it worked, for him, not so much.
I had been seeing a therapist twice a month with my boy, but stopped because his behavior had improved so dramatically, but I think I will get back in touch with her.
Tralala - you really hit the nail on the head with what is concerning me, and the advice to treat him & his skinny sister the same is really helpful. I wouldn't have thought of it, and may have already done this. I will be sure to be more mindful.
I also just ordered a microwave from Amazon. When we got rid of ours 18 months ago, it didn't seem like a big deal, but it does make it really challenging to reheat a 1/2 eaten dinner, so maybe it will help to have this option.0 -
My daughter is almost 11, and she has ADHD, OCD, and anxiety. It's taken us 3 years to get meds right for her. She had been overweight since she was 6 or so, mainly due to compulsive eating. She would eat as much or more than my 6 ft 220 lb husband. The combo of therapy appts and new meds has been a. Blessing for us. I cannot tell you how many meds we have been through, let alone med combinations. I couldn't even get her on meds til she was 8 due to being gifted. It was when she was tanking I a cool that the dr realized that it wasn't just an OCD thing. I say just try to see how the doctor handles it. Can I ask, is your son under the care of a psycharitist or a general practitioner for medication?0
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I think it's great you're taking this into consideration, as someone who grew up with un-diagnosed ADHD, I always had unhealthy snacks easily accessible to me and not well-monitored. There is certainly that impulsive side that makes it hard especially when you're young. I think as he's young you have the ability to control his food, so I would try a few things.
One could be having a few snacks available through the day that are healthy so your son doesn't feel deprived or like he's on some sort of diet, etc. Have some fruits, veggies and maybe pre-portioned snacks like cheese and crackers available. The meals really are up to you at this point, and if others in your family have unhealthy snacks try to change this around to healthier snacks too, it's hard for an 8year old to watch others eat "junk food" and them to not be allowed, so try to plan in the less healthy snacks occasionally as well, but not all the time. Try to have less junk food in your house, or have it hidden.
Another idea could be to work with a dietitian or pediatrician that can help in creating a special diet if this is needed as well. Find the foods he likes, create a list and ask for help to create a food plan based on this, he can still have mac n cheese, but maybe as a side and not as the meal. Some foods you may be able to sneak healthier things in, cut up veggies very small and mix them in. Not the best example but I find steamed broccoli in mac n cheese a bit harder to taste than on its own. A better example of a way to sneak something in, you can mash 1/3 potatoes with 2/3 cauliflower.
Something else, if your son snacks a lot then try to find more activities you can do together, physical activity is good but anything that will be a good distraction could be helpful.
If your son or anyone else finds they eat unhealthy when doing things like watching TV or on the computer make some changes like only eating at the dining room table. This will help lower mindless eating.
I agree this is something you need to teach him, I'm not an expert on medication but I don't see how an increase will help, aside from the fact some medication suppresses the appetite which isn't necessarily a good thing either. I'm not really sure how to talk to him about his weight except for maybe making it a general family issue that you all need to eat better and take better care of yourselves, and express the importance of healthier choices and more physical activity. I'm sure it would be helpful to talk to him about his weight one on one but if you do try to do so lightly, it's hard for a kid to hear and he may become more self conscious, and you really want to try to promote being confident and healthy. 0 -
My daughter is almost 11 with ADHD, and I just started meds in October after putting it off since she was 5 and meds caused terrible insomnia. My daughter is also a picky eater. Sometimes getting her to eat meat is like pulling teeth. I have had to put partial meals in the fridge to reheat later that day or sometimes even the following day because she gets so occupied with toys or her tablet. Like someone else said, just put whatever doesn't get eaten into a container to reheat later. Also, try Lunchables... but the ones with the drinks, not just crackers, meat and cheese. They are small, and something he might pick at and finish. My daughter loves them.0
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I would put a lock on the pantry door and only have healthy foods available in the kitchen for snacking. Kids get over the "but I don't like that" being served food when you promptly cover it with plastic wrap, stick it in the fridge, and they are served it the next morning for breakfast, lunch, dinner or until it is finished. I have a "no negative comments" rule about what I serve in my house.0
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Not a mom, but I've been a Pre-K teacher & nanny. Something I've done that helped with over snacking is this:
1) Have regular snack (apple slices & pretzels for example)
2) Give the child a cup of raisins.
3) Tell the child that if any raisins are left in the cup at the end of a set period of time, then they will get to make their snack the next day special. In my case, I usually offer up a little carmel dip for the apples or add in a few yogurt pretzels with the regular kind. NOT a lot - you give them a choice ("We can have carmel dip tomorrow or 'chocolate' pretzels") but you control the choices.
I have found that this approach makes the child think about what they are eating instead of eating mindlessly (Even if it is just to leave one raisin & guard it like it's gold!). It helps them learn to pace themselves. It's not a perfect approach, & might not work for you, but I thought I'd share since its been successful for me in the past.
Best of luck to you!0 -
I have experience with ADHD but my kids go the opposite direction in weight - from thin to very underweight.
I try and have only things in the house that are acceptable to eat. Treats (and drinks) are purchased in an amount that is eaten and gone - not stored around the house. Of course - over eating is not something I deal with so not sure how helpful that is to you - but I do want what they do eat to count.
I have had a lot of success with removing the power struggles at meals. If I make something someone doesn't like - I plan on side dishes or left overs on the table that they do. I have also had a lot of success with saving the plate and warming it up later if they are not hungry or can't focus on eating during the meal. They have to eat that 'real' food before they get a 'snack' food - even if the snack food is healthy. Philosophies differ but I don't make my kid eat what they really don't like. They can make something else on their own as long as I approve of the choice.
How is his activity level? Is there a way to get more exercise in?0 -
"Posts by members, moderators and admins should not be considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy."
This is here for a reason. Trying to get advice from strangers on the internet for something related to your child that should really be discussed with your doctor is a really bad idea.0 -
It's allowed. And I like to hear other people's opinions and perspectives.People on this website need to stop telling everyone to stop taking meds...you are not their doctor and it is NOT your place to tell anyone to stop taking drugs.
With that said, OP, some kids are just picky eaters. Provide healthy food, keep unhealthy food out of the house, and your son will eat better. He may refuse at first but he won't forever, especially since he's not a toddler anymore.0 -
Or you could get a referral from the doctor to seek additional forms of treatment to address behavioral issues.
^^^ This. Most pediatricians are not equipped to deal with ADHD. Have your pediatrician make a referral to a pediatric psychiatrist for medication adjustment and a counselor or pediatric psychologist for the actual behavior issues. Taking a child off of medication, especially "cold turkey" is DANGEROUS! If you wish to attempt to taper him off of medication, do so with the advice and supervision of a physician, someone who actually finished medical school - not someone posting on message boards in a chat room.
I wish you the best. Raising children with ADHD certainly present their own challenges. :flowerforyou:0 -
I have a daughter who has adhd and we had her on meds for years with very unpositive results she was depressed could not make or keep friends school was not going well once she was 15 she asked if she could just try no meds that she hated the way they made her feel well with doctors help she was gradually taken off her meds now she is doing wonderful grades have increased greatly eating habits have improved she has friends now and keeps them but this was a good thing for her not all cases are the same never just take them off these meds do it under your doctors supervision never hurts to get second even third diagnosis as for now lock up the foods you dont want him to have or simply dont have them in the house hunger will make them eventually eat the good foods and they will soon come to love them hope it works out for you0
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I have ADHD. I also have an 8 year old son who is a picky eater and likes to snack. First off I'd ditch the meds entirely speaking from experience. Second, find the fruits and veggies that he does like and keep them around. If he doesn't finish his dinner, wrap it up and save it for later when he want's a snack. Sometimes kids with ADHD just cant eat because there is something else taking priority at that moment that literally makes it impossible to think about anything else. It's rooted in compulsive behavior, and takes substantial time and effort to overcome, and it won't happen until he is old enough to recognize it. I was lucky and started to do so in my late teens, but I have family members who have gone into their late twenties and early thirties before they could control it.
Lose the meds, in the long run they will destroy him.
Rigger
I agree with the majority of this ... some kids can do fine without meds, others need them at least temporarily (from experience as a child, sibling, mother, and teacher of individuals with ADHD). So that part I would think carefully about. But the rest ... makes a lot of sense. My son with ADHD has some sensory/ texture issues. Some foods he just can't choke down (or, now that he's a bit older, he'll give it another try, but really can't) For him, it's most white pastas and anything mushy. I agree to have just healthful snacks around. If stuff isn't in the house, he will have a harder time sneaking it. I've taught my kids that apples are fair game, they don't even have to ask, and that's the first thing they go for. Veggies with ranch dip are another favorite here ... you have to find what works for you.
As far as meals go, I agree that sometimes a child with attention deficit can have a hard time sitting still long enough to eat. Save it for later, and also again have healthy alternatives. I still fix some of the foods my son doesn't like (his siblings LOVE mac & cheese, for example, but he can't get it down), but it's only part of the meal, so he eats what he does like and I don't serve him what he doesn't. As long as there are healthy options, don't stress it too much.
What's his activity level like? It seems like a weird question to ask about a kid with ADHD, but the medicine may be making him enough less active that it could be having an effect on his weight. Get him outside and doing stuff - tossing a football or baseball, riding a bike, or whatever else appeals to him. Give him activity breaks during homework and chore time. It will help him focus on those tasks when he comes back, plus up the calories burned.
And finally, I know you were trying to give us some perspective, but be very careful of comparing him to his sister. He does that enough already, and always sees where he comes up short. Compare him to himself, his own progress, his own achievements (and his own growth curves ... that part is a valid concern). While this isn't specifically about diet, overhearing, or even sensing that there is any feeling that his sister is 'better' can definitely cause issues. And food may be one thing he feels like he can control; there are so many things that he struggles to control, that maybe he's reaching for one thing that is more sure. So try to help and support him in learning to control other small things.
I know I've rambled a bit ... I hope that you can find the important/helpful points. (Did I mention I also have some ADD)0 -
This might work as a strategy....I just did it last night with my almost 8yo's and I thought of this thread.
serve in a muffin tin. It is fun and they love to see such a plethora of options - even if one spot just has a little in it (like one spot had one marshmallow in it) then the good stuff has a bigger portion.. They think it is awesome for a change of pace, it builds in variety, and automatic portion control.0 -
One more thing, indirectly related... I couldn't afford a trampoline, but I started watching for one on craigslist and it didn't take long before I found one, used, for significantly less. Both of my sons love it, but particularly my son with adhd. Maybe this is something your boy would like?... And if he does, there's no doubt that it would be good exercise for him. Other things you can look for, used, on craigslist (or similar sites), that may motivate him to be more active: basketball goals, workout equipment, punching bags, boxing gloves, pull up bars. You may have already thought of all of this, but thought I'd throw it out there just in case.0
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I'm not a parent, but my sister does something with my nephew that might work for you.
Each day she sets his snacks in a basket on the table (using a post-it note with "cheese stick" on it for things that need to stay in the fridge) and he gets to decide when to eat which thing throughout the day. He cannot go rummaging through the pantry whenever he wants. If he really wants to eat something he must pick from the basket options. He likes having the choice and she likes being able to control the kinds of snacks he eats.0 -
You all have some really awesome suggestions, thank you so much! I really liked the idea about having the same snack every day, with an option to upgrade it, and the one about having a basket of snacks to choose from.
None of my friends have ADHD kids, so it can be hard to get relevant input from them- that's why I asked here, to get some additional perspective. I'm not looking for medical advice, just parenting strategies.
To answer some of the questions. We go to the pediatrician for ADHD medication, and I plan to stay with him. His son is 12 years old with ADHD, so he has lived through much of what I have, and he has made it a point to study this condition. We got very lucky that the first medication we tried worked, and we have just needed to increase the dosage as he grows.
We will go back to therapy with my son's psychologist, but I don't plan to add a psychiatrist at this time. Occupational therapy was helpful too, but I only have so much $/time to dedicate to therapy and doctor's visits each month.
My son is so much happier on the medication than not. Before medication he was so impulsive that kids did not want to spend any time with him, he was not able to complete any schoolwork without 1:1 support, and something as simple as playing a game of Sorry was so frustrating for him. With the medication, he has become very self aware and knows when he is doing a good job focusing as well as when he is struggling. Now that he knows the difference, he tries very hard to focus even when the medication is starting to wear off or if we forget it for a day. He has made a lot of friends, and his schoolwork is improving.
His activity level is too low in the winter, but the weight gain started well before that. I hate the cold & snow, so I haven't been the best about getting him outside to play. Recess at school is only 15 minutes, and has been cancelled for most of the winter due to everything being covered in snow. He takes an hour-long karate class twice a week, and we try to do one active family activity per weekend, like a hike or skating. Thank goodness baseball season will start soon, and it will be warm enough to ride bikes!0 -
Long cold winters are the WORST.0
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