Post Eating Disorder Panic... Any Help?!

bridgeycee
bridgeycee Posts: 4 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi, so I'm 5'4-5'5, small to medium frame, and 19 years old. I used to suffer from anorexia and bulimia and during recovery my metabolism shut down and I gained a lot of body fat. When I was sick I was about 110-115. Now that I've been working out 5-6 days a week and eating healthily (as opposed to too little- but still nutritious and little to no junk) I stepped on the scale for the first time since I was sick and had a breakdown. I've never weighed 142 pounds. But the crazy thing is:

- People say I look like I have lost weight recently
- I wear a size 2-4 in jeans and XS-S shirts
- I do more strenuous workouts
- Eat healthy and normal amounts

All of this is sending me into a a spiral- it's making it very hard for me to continue to be healthy and look good the "right way" . I don't want to make myself sick again, but I want to like my own body.

Any suggestions/explanations/anything.

Replies

  • catherinemaxwell566
    catherinemaxwell566 Posts: 75
    don't weigh yourself as this is clearly the trigger, stick to how your clothes feel on you
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    How many calories are you eating a day? Do you measure yourself as well? How do your clothes fit?

    You should really throw your scale away.
  • bridgeycee
    bridgeycee Posts: 4 Member
    I eat between 1200-1600 a day. (1600 I wouldn't dare to get close to before) and my clothes for kind of different than before. Still the same size- but they look different on me. But so many people think I have lost weight- when I have been gaining it
  • InspiredButter
    InspiredButter Posts: 1 Member
    You've probably been gaining muscle weight, which is good weight. It means you're stronger, and you still look good! Weight is just a number that doesn't dictate how awesome you look! And if your clothes fit you will, you feel better and you look great- then forget about the scale!
  • ClairePchc
    ClairePchc Posts: 1 Member
    Focus on the health... how do you feel when you eat healthy. Try a liver cleanse for three days. Costco carries one called Sambazon and it is inexpensive.
  • Jeffs_Jess
    Jeffs_Jess Posts: 28
    I used to be obsessive in that I weighed myself every day. If I saw a fluctuation, I'd panic.
    I've learned that it was so unhealthy for me to get down on myself like that. I weighed myself for the first time yesterday since September of 2013. It feels great not to be a slave to the scale and it's better for my overall attitude and feeling toward weight loss. A number is a number, but if you feel good, that's the most important thing.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    I eat between 1200-1600 a day. (1600 I wouldn't dare to get close to before) and my clothes for kind of different than before. Still the same size- but they look different on me. But so many people think I have lost weight- when I have been gaining it

    That's great! That's why I recommend getting rid of the scale. Go by how your clothes fit at this point. :smile:

    Stay healthy!!
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
    The reason recovered anorexics gain a lot of fat during weight restoration isn't because your metabolism shut down. During this time, you're actually hypercaloric and require a tremendous amount of calories to gain weight and repair the physiological damage. The reason is due to losing a significant amount of lean mass during restriction but recovering very little during weight restoration if strength training is not incorporated.

    But if scale weight can be a trigger, don't use a scale and go by clothing measurements and other metrics instead. I was shopping with a female friend the other day and an employee was surprised to hear how much my athletic friend weighed - she guessed about 25 lbs less. You can also adopt fitness related goals and measure progress that way.
  • RobsGirl_lds
    RobsGirl_lds Posts: 211 Member
    Focus on the health... how do you feel when you eat healthy. Try a liver cleanse for three days. Costco carries one called Sambazon and it is inexpensive.
    recoments a cleanse to someone recovering from disordered eating? This is not helpful and completely unnessary!
  • akjean
    akjean Posts: 7 Member
    Congrats! You are at a "healthy" weight! Your BMI is totally within the normal range, and if you are working out regularly and gaining strength, then you can count on majority of that weight gain being muscle which = LEAN weight gain! Means you'll look great and feel good too. You've done awesome. Now, throw away that scale! ;)
  • lbetancourt
    lbetancourt Posts: 522 Member
    i KNOW exactly how you feel. i FINALLY weighed myself yesterday, i think it's been over a year. I am 5'5, 142lbs. damn, it pinches a nerve exposing my weight, ha! anyway, yes that's how much I weigh. i am not ashamed nor embarrased. at my lightest, i was 117. I was rail thin & i WAS happy! or, so I thought. i had horrible eating habits and it was a vicious cycle of losing & gaining a few lbs from day to day cuz i was weighing multiple times a day. i was a size 2 and i wasn't happy cuz i wanted to be a 0. that's right, a nothing. i could go on & on. the BEST advice i can give you, is THROW out that scale. focus on being fit & healthy. LOVE your body for what it is & treat it that way with proper nutrition & exercise. AND, I HIGHLY recommend practicing yoga. yoga taught me acceptance, acceptance of self. you are so young, don't let this become a battle for many years to come. I have, i am 43.

    best of luck to you.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Though you are in panic, you are actually doing very well. If you are working out with weights/resistance, you are probably just gaining lean muscle - which you will end up looking healthy and strong and lean all at once. The scale is a big no-no as it is not accurate when it comes to muscle. Muscle adds weight, but you will still look thiner which is why people are noticing/voicing concerns to you.

    Congrats on your progress though...it is so discouraging hearing the stories of individuals with anorexia who just dont get it.
  • SexKittenlovesitrough
    SexKittenlovesitrough Posts: 486
    I think because you are eating right and exercising responsibly, you are putting on LBM.

    don't be so attached to the scale. Please don't, especially given your past with the eating disorder.

    that number can and does often mean NOTHING. You have made some serious points in your post,

    people commenting on your size (you look smaller to them)

    your clothes fit well and are small sizes

    don't let that number ruin what can be a fantastic time. People are saying you look good. Trust in that!

    Given that you are a recovering ED and are obviously on the edge of a possible break down I do want to say that you need to reach out to someone who has the background to professionally help you, and not a bunch of internet people.

    Look after you.

    and you look great.
  • wairam
    wairam Posts: 3
    I know where you're coming from. After I lost 125 lbs, I was extremely skinny, but because I still had loose skin, I still felt like I had weight to lose. It drove me crazy. I began working out extremely hard and reducing my calories to extremes. One day I realized that my weight, my extra skin, and my appearance in general does not define me. I realized that I am beautiful in my own way, that I'm intelligent, that I matter. I focused my energy on things that were in my control and started working on things that I was passionate about. It's hard, but you can realize this too. You ARE in control of your life. Once you realize that everyone has similar insecurities and that we're all just trying to be happy and do our own thing, you'll realize that you're focusing on things and making things so much larger and extreme than they really have to be. I hope that my words helped you, and if you need any support just message me. I just recently posted my 5 year transformation journey.

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