I Don't Believe in the Progress I've Made

lj5109
lj5109 Posts: 81 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I am 33 lbs down from my heaviest, 223 lbs. I keep stepping on the scale expecting it to read the weight I was plateaued at for 2 months, or worse, my start weight.

I guess most of this anxiety comes from the fact that I thought I lost about 20 pounds my sophomore year of high school, 4 years ago, after using the Lose it app and exercising daily. When I told my mom I had lost 20 pounds over the course of a few months she told me that "no, that scale is broken. It's been acting weird for months. It's not right. You don't look like you lost 20 pounds."

I think this moment in my life has effected me more than I let on. It's causing me to feel like I haven't made progress and not to believe any of the numbers that I see. Worst of all, its making it hard to see any physical changes in myself. When I went home for winter break, I had lost over 20 pounds. One of my mom's friends told me how great I looked and that it looked like I had lost so much weight (my mom stood silently next to her). I didn't believe her. I thought she was just saying it because she knew I was trying to lose weight and wanted to encourage me. I felt really guilty that I couldn't just accept her comments and praise.

Has anyone else gone through this? I am at a loss. I don't want to keep stepping on the scale expecting it to say a number 20-30lbs heavier than it said last time and I want to be able to enjoy this journey fully.

Replies

  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
    Just breath and be proud of your success. Do YOU notice changes? Yes? then that is all the proof you need! Enjoy it! You did it! You go girl :)
  • Tangosgrandad
    Tangosgrandad Posts: 36 Member
    Use someone elses scales. Compare them to your own. Or, buy another set. They are very cheap. All the best with your progress though, I've a feeling you are doing well.
  • lj5109
    lj5109 Posts: 81 Member
    Use someone elses scales. Compare them to your own. Or, buy another set. They are very cheap. All the best with your progress though, I've a feeling you are doing well.

    I do use the scale in the locker room at my gym pretty often. It usually reads about the same. It's just the anxiety I have that if I step on a scale it's going to tell me I am still who I used to be.
  • aimladuke
    aimladuke Posts: 60 Member
    Sometimes I feel like this too. If I get on the scale and see that I have lost a lb. I will get on 3 or 4 more times just to make sure the scale doesn't change its mind. For this reason I also take measurements of my thighs, hips, and waist once a month as well as using a body fat analyzer weekly. I figure maybe 1 or 2 of my "devices" might lie, but the chance of all three lying is slim to none.
  • GlitterrMagpie
    GlitterrMagpie Posts: 302 Member
    Take some photos and compare them to old photos of you. Try on some old clothes and see how loose they are now.
    It takes a bit of getting used to, I'm still sometimes surprised when I look in the mirror and see a slim girl lookinjg back! Well done on your weightloss so far, you're doing great :smile:
  • BritBrit515
    BritBrit515 Posts: 18 Member
    I don't care for scales. Track your measurements instead and focus more on how you look and feel. In the end it's all about how you feel.
  • explorationerin
    explorationerin Posts: 36
    Im exactly the same, I expect the scales to start laughing at me and say 'ha these last 3 months have all been a lie!' I dont see a difference in me at all, yet lots of people from work and friends do and the tell me ive lost weight and im looking better ect, but theres the voice in my head that says they are only saying that because they know im trying to. I also take measurements and have lost considerable inches of my body, and take regular comparison pictures. When looking at the pictures i can see the differences, so i know that its real but i still havent quite got my head to believe that.

    Im just going to keep going until i look in the mirror one day and think 'holy cr*p, i really did this!'
  • JenR_
    JenR_ Posts: 104 Member
    I've felt this way too. It is a mental/emotional process and a physical one. I am down just over 17lbs. I look in the mirror, I can't see a difference. But my clothes are fitting different, the scale shows a loss and I have gotten compliments from people who have noticed a difference. However, when I look in a mirror, I can't see the change. I actually took a selfie (never had before!) to see if I could see it then, I could see a difference in my face. But I find that each day, is so different and sometimes I really struggle more than I thought I would to accept that the person looking back at me in the mirror is changing. I know how you're feeling.

    You are doing amazing - 33lbs down is incredible!:)
  • lbrown73
    lbrown73 Posts: 31 Member
    I agree with taking some photos of yourself now, and compare them with old photos. Being overweight can cause problems mentally and emotionally, not just physically. We all know that! I have a friend who is very overweight, and her weight fluctuates a lot. She doesn't accept compliments from anyone, because she simply believes she is ugly and disgusting to look at. She never believes me when I tell her she looks good in a certain outfit or she looks especially pretty on a certain day. I always tell her the truth, but she insists I'm lying just to make her feel better. I encourage you focus on how you FEEL in your clothes and about yourself, rather than depending on the scale to define you. And when someone pays you a compliment, smile and say thank you. Whether or not you think they're being genuine! That's my advice. Keep doing what you're doing and believe that you are worth it. Because you are. And congratulations on your progress thus far. Get it, girl!
  • lcfairbairn74
    lcfairbairn74 Posts: 412 Member
    If you haven't already, start taking progress photos. It often takes a while for our brain to catch up with our weight loss when we look at ourselves in the mirror, but comparing photos side by side you will see differences much more clearly. As for your mom's comments affecting you, I know where you are coming from. You need to realise this is your journey, and has nothing to do with whether or not your mom chooses to ignore the changes you are going through or not. You know, logically, that your scale is correct and it's the emotional side of you that is doubting it, because of what she said. By any chance, does your mom have weight issues herself? I know the comments I received stemmed from an insecurity on her part, that I was making progress and she wasn't.
  • Shanel0916
    Shanel0916 Posts: 586 Member
    To me it sounds like you and your Mom may have some deep rooted issues. I would think about addressing her on the issue because she seems to be the one with the problem.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    Maybe stop using the scale for a bit and just go with how you feel and how your clothes fit. Don't use the number as your method to determine if you're successful since it has such a negative effect on you. Eventually you should get past that when you notice other changes.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    don't worry about that number....worry about inches, BF% and how you feel and look

    Take progres pics and compare them month over month

    Because guess what scales do lie...they show water weight which isn't real...they could read heavier if you move them to a different spot, they can get broken...but guess what doesn't lie

    Pictures...worth a thousands words
    Measuring tape...it is what it is
    BF%...when it is going down that is a fact.
  • lj5109
    lj5109 Posts: 81 Member
    If you haven't already, start taking progress photos. It often takes a while for our brain to catch up with our weight loss when we look at ourselves in the mirror, but comparing photos side by side you will see differences much more clearly. As for your mom's comments affecting you, I know where you are coming from. You need to realize this is your journey, and has nothing to do with whether or not your mom chooses to ignore the changes you are going through or not. You know, logically, that your scale is correct and it's the emotional side of you that is doubting it, because of what she said. By any chance, does your mom have weight issues herself? I know the comments I received stemmed from an insecurity on her part, that I was making progress and she wasn't.

    You hit the nail on the head. My mom has her own set of weight issues. When I was 12 I told her I was afraid she was going to die because of how heavy she was in a big emotional fight. Since then, it's been "You hate me because I am fat" and I can see why she might have thought that--I have been overweight my whole life and all through my teenage years I was upset and confused and angry because I didn't understand why I was overweight, actually obese. I blamed my parents, mainly my mom. And it caused a whole lost of problems. My mom ended up losing 60 pounds on her own and then stopped. People would tell her how great she looked and honestly I hated it. I felt like she was selfish. She had caused such huge weight problems for my sister and I and now she was losing weight and people were giving her compliments. I was a long emotional battle that I walked away from when I moved away to go to college.

    At the end of my freshmen year of college, I had my gallbladder removed. I had over sixty stones.
    My sister is 18 and had her gallbladder removed a week ago, with a large number of stones as well.
    This brought back all of emotions I had thought I had forgotten and all of the anger I thought I had let go.
    My parents made excuses, that my aunt and grandmother had gallbladder issues and this was genetic. I told them that genetic predisposition increases your risk of getting this problem when you are in your forties, not when you are a teenager. My father's response was "You're right. Must be bad parents." Comments like that make me feel like all of my anger and emotions are invalid! And that I am the b*tch daughter.

    To add on to all of this, my mom had gastric bypass surgery over a month ago. That also brought up a lot of anger for me. She has a genetic heart condition that this surgery could reverse as well as obesity. She had to be told that she would need open heart surgery in order to get pushed into having gastric bypass. I don't know. I feel anger because I feel as though she is doing something for herself that she wouldn't have done for us, or maybe that she is cheating by taking the surgery route. I'm not really sure. It's just a lot to deal with.
  • kilverstone
    kilverstone Posts: 89 Member
    There are some great tips and ideas in this thread. It sounds like there are a number of things going on here, not just physical changes for you but changes in your relationship with yourself and others. I want to congratulate you on taking steps towards a healthy and fit life.

    The suggestion having progress photos taken is an incredibly powerful one, being able to see the physical changes is so important to your emotional well being! Seeing the progress helps cement all the great things you're doing to change your life. :) Feel free to add me if you would like more motivation and support. I love helping others with their fitness and life goals.
  • cingle87
    cingle87 Posts: 717 Member
    This is something alot of people who lose weight don't really think about before or after starting their journey. For me like you have always been overweight for as long as i could remember, one of my primary school memories was having to go to the school nurse on a montly bases to have my weight check etc. Both my parents I would have guessed were overweight, one more than the other so being fat was part of our family.

    I have lost close to 50lbs since may last year and sometimes I can't believe what my scale is showing me, yes my clothes are looser, I can run quicker and further and claim that several flights of stairs without getting out of breath. It only hit me this year how fair Ive come, I havent needed other people acknowlegements on my progress i just needed to realise it myself. I just happen to catch my face in the mirror at a certain angle and i said "wow I have a jaw line, not chins" and since that point ive been noticing more and more parts of myself that weren't there 9 months ago. However there is still times when I press the wrong part of my thigh or look at my belly from above and still see what i was like 50lbs ago.

    When I finally reach my goal weight in 20ish lbs time I will need to have a good chat with myself just to get it all straight in my head, you are no longer fat you are a healthy adults go out and enjoy life.
  • lj5109
    lj5109 Posts: 81 Member
    This is something alot of people who lose weight don't really think about before or after starting their journey. For me like you have always been overweight for as long as i could remember, one of my primary school memories was having to go to the school nurse on a montly bases to have my weight check etc. Both my parents I would have guessed were overweight, one more than the other so being fat was part of our family.

    I have lost close to 50lbs since may last year and sometimes I can't believe what my scale is showing me, yes my clothes are looser, I can run quicker and further and claim that several flights of stairs without getting out of breath. It only hit me this year how fair Ive come, I havent needed other people acknowlegements on my progress i just needed to realise it myself. I just happen to catch my face in the mirror at a certain angle and i said "wow I have a jaw line, not chins" and since that point ive been noticing more and more parts of myself that weren't there 9 months ago. However there is still times when I press the wrong part of my thigh or look at my belly from above and still see what i was like 50lbs ago.

    When I finally reach my goal weight in 20ish lbs time I will need to have a good chat with myself just to get it all straight in my head, you are no longer fat you are a healthy adults go out and enjoy life.

    I can't wait until I see the large physical changes, like a jaw line. I can't wait for that. I notice my stomach sticks out far less. My boobs have somehow gotten bigger. The workout clothes I bought 6 months ago are falling off of me. I guess I keep making excuses, that there must be another explanation. It's so hard to believe that I did that.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I am at the lowest, healthiest weight I have ever been in my adult life, and sometimes I am amazed how all of my hard work has paid off.

    Never allow anyone to quench your spirit regarding your weight loss journey. Accept compliments. Know that you have done/are amazing and taking very good care of yourself. Believe in yourself.
  • Eric_DeCastro
    Eric_DeCastro Posts: 767 Member
    congrats. I know how much a win on the scale feels. keep up the good work.
  • lcfairbairn74
    lcfairbairn74 Posts: 412 Member
    You sound like you have a few different issues going on with your mom, with the weight issues being just one of them. You could try and discuss how you feel with her, but only you know how well that would be received. I wouldn't bring up anything related to weight loss if you feel she wouldn't be receptive to having a mature, reasonable discussion about it. Perhaps you are angry that she has chosen what you perceive to be the 'easy way out', whilst you have decided to go down the route of dietary changes and exercise, but please remember that she will need to make major life changes in order for the surgery to be successful. I think, if you can't talk to her, it may be useful to speak to someone about how you feel so these feelings don't fester. Ultimately, though, my advice would be to realize one thing. YOU are making the changes required in order to change your life and become healthier. YOU are making these changes very successfully and will reap the rewards of your dedication and persistence. YOU are doing a fabulous job so far and will continue to do so! Keep up the good work and replace your mom's voice in your head when you stand on the scales with your own. Even try saying it out loud. I have lost another XXX pounds! Woohoo! Well done me!! :flowerforyou:
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    I hate to say it, but, I'm guilty of not seeing change in overweight friends. I don't say anything, but, I'm surprised when they say how much they've lost. As you get closer to a healthy weight, each pound will look like more an more.

    20 is a lot and you should be proud. Just keep at it.

    If you think about mass, a 14" pizza is much bigger than a 12" pizza. Like 50% bigger. Now think of your body as pizzas (lol... im loving this analogy)... If you go from a 14" pizza to a 12" pizza you still may look like a nice delicious pizza, but, a lot is gone. When you're a 9" pizza youre gonna be like "Whoa, I'm a small pizza"
  • YouAreYourChoices
    YouAreYourChoices Posts: 64 Member
    I have read that when people lose a significant amount of weight they often times still see the person they were. And that it helps to make changes to your appearance. Maybe change your hair? Or even your wardrobe. Just create something new to see so your mind isn't stuck on focusing on who you were but in fact on who you are. Congrats on the loss. :)

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