How do you accept success?
lj5109
Posts: 81 Member
I am 33 lbs down from my heaviest, 223 lbs. I keep stepping on the scale expecting it to read the weight I was plateaued at for 2 months, or worse, my start weight.
I guess most of this anxiety comes from the fact that I thought I lost about 20 pounds my sophomore year of high school, 4 years ago, after using the Lose it app and exercising daily. When I told my mom I had lost 20 pounds over the course of a few months she told me that "no, that scale is broken. It's been acting weird for months. It's not right. You don't look like you lost 20 pounds."
I think this moment in my life has effected me more than I let on. It's causing me to feel like I haven't made progress and not to believe any of the numbers that I see. Worst of all, its making it hard to see any physical changes in myself. When I went home for winter break, I had lost over 20 pounds. One of my mom's friends told me how great I looked and that it looked like I had lost so much weight (my mom stood silently next to her). I didn't believe her. I thought she was just saying it because she knew I was trying to lose weight and wanted to encourage me. I felt really guilty that I couldn't just accept her comments and praise.
Has anyone else gone through this? I am at a loss. I don't want to keep stepping on the scale expecting it to say a number 20-30lbs heavier than it said last time and I want to be able to enjoy this journey fully.
I guess most of this anxiety comes from the fact that I thought I lost about 20 pounds my sophomore year of high school, 4 years ago, after using the Lose it app and exercising daily. When I told my mom I had lost 20 pounds over the course of a few months she told me that "no, that scale is broken. It's been acting weird for months. It's not right. You don't look like you lost 20 pounds."
I think this moment in my life has effected me more than I let on. It's causing me to feel like I haven't made progress and not to believe any of the numbers that I see. Worst of all, its making it hard to see any physical changes in myself. When I went home for winter break, I had lost over 20 pounds. One of my mom's friends told me how great I looked and that it looked like I had lost so much weight (my mom stood silently next to her). I didn't believe her. I thought she was just saying it because she knew I was trying to lose weight and wanted to encourage me. I felt really guilty that I couldn't just accept her comments and praise.
Has anyone else gone through this? I am at a loss. I don't want to keep stepping on the scale expecting it to say a number 20-30lbs heavier than it said last time and I want to be able to enjoy this journey fully.
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Replies
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Honestly, your mom sounds jealous of your success. I'm sure its noticable, especially to people who have not seen you in awhile. Don't get her negativity get you down. You didn't lose the weight over night and you won't gain back the weight over night. Just don't give up.0
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Oh, yes. Even when I look in the mirror after having lost almost 80 pounds I still see the fat, "before" me.
What I do to combat this anxiety is take monthly pictures of myself, totally naked. Then I use an app to make a side-by-side comparison pic. When I get anxious or depressed because I don't feel like the scale is moving fast enough I whip out that picture and look at it for encouragement.
Keep going!! You're doing GREAT.
-Laura0 -
Get out the tape measure.
Seriously, it changed my life when I was obsessing about the inaccuracies of weighing scales. I still weigh myself every so often but otherwise if I know I'm eating right and my measurements are consistently going down then I must be losing (even if I feel like a lump that day).
Good luck!
ETA: If your mum sees you every day she might not notice how much weight you've actually lost. Try not to let it get to you. You're doing this for yourself so go with the numbers not other people's perception of you or you'll end up in an endless, fruitless battle for approval.0 -
There is no success. At least nothing that I can experience. It's just another day. Another battle in the war. I don't even care how much I weigh, or how much I can lift, or how far or fast I can run anymore. I've gotten to the point where I just enjoy the battle. Maybe success, for me, would be stopping.0
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If you are worried about the number on the scale then start taking pictures of yourself and take your measurements. But honestly, I think it is just part of the weight loss process. I have lost 70lbs and I still expect to look in the mirror and see the person I was 70lbs ago. Same thing when I try on clothes. I expect them not to fit, but when they do it's exciting.
As far as your mom, sounds like maybe she's jealous of the changes you are making. Don't let that discourage you from continuing on this journey. It takes awhile for the ones we love to see the change in us. I believe I was down about 25-30lbs before my family and co-workers could really notice. If people see you everyday it's harder for them to notice right away. Hopefully that is all it is with your mom. Maybe once she's sees how great you are doing she will become more supportive!0 -
Oh, yes. Even when I look in the mirror after having lost almost 80 pounds I still see the fat, "before" me.
What I do to combat this anxiety is take monthly pictures of myself, totally naked. Then I use an app to make a side-by-side comparison pic. When I get anxious or depressed because I don't feel like the scale is moving fast enough I whip out that picture and look at it for encouragement.
Keep going!! You're doing GREAT.
-Laura
I loved reading this. I have found myself doing the exact same thing lately. I am always worried that when I see changes, I see them and no one else will, and that they don't really exist. I sound way to stuck in my own head and stubborn! I really liked how you worded that you still see the fat "before" yourself. I can completely relate.0 -
I relate to those feels. my "thank yous" when someone says, "wow, you're doing great!" are usually meek and timid. I don't know why. I think I'm my worst judge, because I see the most of me.
try not to put too much stock into what others think. thank the supportive people, dust your shoulders off when it comes to haters. keep doing what you do, and love yourself for all the amazing things you can do and are making happen.
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Old hurt is hard to get past, especially form those who are supposed to love us the most. It will come with time and self confidence. Eventually, you will begin to trust yourself and to do these things for you and only you.
When you get there, the opinions of others will just be a footnotes.
Unfortunately, we often need our parents to be happy for us and supportive of us, and sometimes they just aren't capable of it. I struggled for many, many years trying to please my mother, but I could never quite measure up. Eventually, I told her how I felt. How she was never happy with anyone or anything. That was very difficult, I didn't want to hurt her, but it needed to be said. Mind you it took until I was 39 to get that courage, but it did lead to some changes.
Some people are very unhappy and are more interested in finding fault in a situation than they are in finding the beauty. I can truly tell you that this is their problem, not yours. Do not let it rule you.0 -
I'm so sorry about what your mother said and how it has affected you. I know exactly how you feel. Sort of.
I was at my mother's house in 2012 and found my high school ID cards; one from each year of school. She immediately plucked my 10th grade ID out of my hand and announced that that one was "from when Christina was fat!" -- just for everyone's reference, I was 5'2" and weight between 98 and 100 pounds. I was not overweight by any standards. -- She later went on to say that she thought I was soooo overweight all throughout high school. I was so incredibly hurt by her comments, even though my aunt and boyfriend (who were both there for this event) continually tried to convince me that she was wrong.
Between that day and January of this year, I gained almost 30 pounds. I'm not blaming her, I gained weight because I was eating crappy high-calorie food and getting NO exercise, but I've finally realized why I have always had such little confidence in my body. While I was growing up, she would make snarky, back-handed comments about my weight. I never noticed it then, but I do now.
I recently told her I was down to ~125 pounds (this was before I started keeping track here) and she said "It's about time. You need to lose those thunder thighs now if you're ever going to." This, coming from a woman who hasn't exercised since she graduated from high school in 1980; I know for a fact she hasn't exercised a day in my life, save for walking the dog once a day when I was younger (that job was later passed on to my brother and me, because it was "too much work" to walk him around the block). A woman whose solution to her own 'thunder thighs' is "Cutting out all carbs, forever!" (which to her means cutting white bread and baked goods, but I digress haha) yet continuing to drink like an alcoholic 2-3 nights per week and eat whatever else she pleases.
Anyway (sorry for the rambling -- I don't mean to hijack your thread haha) just know that there are others who have had similar family experiences to you. It sure as hell makes it difficult, and it will be a struggle to regain your body confidence, but it will happen. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
Feel free to add me for support.0 -
I know exactly how you feel.
However, you shouldn't let your mama get to you.
SHE LOVES YOU. Always remember that...
I use to think my mom disliked me..but then I realize that mother's want their daughters
to be successful & healthy.
Please don't let her words affect you, she loves you. Even though she has a tough time showing it.
I went through the same thing with my mom when I was younger. Then I ate into oblivion now that I choose to change my lifestyle.
She's been very supportive.
Sooner or later your mother will be there for you.
All the best! ^_^0 -
I'm so sorry about what your mother said and how it has affected you. I know exactly how you feel. Sort of.
I was at my mother's house in 2012 and found my high school ID cards; one from each year of school. She immediately plucked my 10th grade ID out of my hand and announced that that one was "from when Christina was fat!" -- just for everyone's reference, I was 5'2" and weight between 98 and 100 pounds. I was not overweight by any standards. -- She later went on to say that she thought I was soooo overweight all throughout high school. I was so incredibly hurt by her comments, even though my aunt and boyfriend (who were both there for this event) continually tried to convince me that she was wrong.
Between that day and January of this year, I gained almost 30 pounds. I'm not blaming her, I gained weight because I was eating crappy high-calorie food and getting NO exercise, but I've finally realized why I have always had such little confidence in my body. While I was growing up, she would make snarky, back-handed comments about my weight. I never noticed it then, but I do now.
I recently told her I was down to ~125 pounds (this was before I started keeping track here) and she said "It's about time. You need to lose those thunder thighs now if you're ever going to." This, coming from a woman who hasn't exercised since she graduated from high school in 1980; I know for a fact she hasn't exercised a day in my life, save for walking the dog once a day when I was younger (that job was later passed on to my brother and me, because it was "too much work" to walk him around the block). A woman whose solution to her own 'thunder thighs' is "Cutting out all carbs, forever!" (which to her means cutting white bread and baked goods, but I digress haha) yet continuing to drink like an alcoholic 2-3 nights per week and eat whatever else she pleases.
Anyway (sorry for the rambling -- I don't mean to hijack your thread haha) just know that there are others who have had similar family experiences to you. It sure as hell makes it difficult, and it will be a struggle to regain your body confidence, but it will happen. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
Feel free to add me for support.
No worries, I really enjoyed reading that. My mom has bad backhanded comments like that my entire life, usually in front of company. We would be sitting at the dinner table with friends and she would point out my sister's acne and starting lecturing to her about how she never washes her face and how disgusting it is to look at. There are many times when I would point out what she is doing, that she is purposely embarrassing us in front of her friends or ours and pointing out our flaws. She would make excuses, say that I was taking it wrong, etc. It got to the point where she once teared up and walked away from the table because she felt as though I was attacking her....
That's how the parenting thing goes I guess...0 -
I've had similar experience with my grandmother making her own comments from a young age. I didn't realize it then but as I grew up I began to understand more. I would always go with my grandmother to buy bathing suits for the summer and she would always make me try on the black or dark blue ones (because they make you look smaller) and they always had one of those little 6 inch skirts attached to the bottom because they would hide my legs. As I got older I started to hear things like "you eat as much as a man" and "don't you have a shirt that fits?" when my shirt would raise up as I picking something up off the floor. I never wore that shirt ever again because it carried that bad memory for me. The only advice I can give you is to try to find other supportive people.0
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I've had similar experience with my grandmother making her own comments from a young age. I didn't realize it then but as I grew up I began to understand more. I would always go with my grandmother to buy bathing suits for the summer and she would always make me try on the black or dark blue ones (because they make you look smaller) and they always had one of those little 6 inch skirts attached to the bottom because they would hide my legs. As I got older I started to hear things like "you eat as much as a man" and "don't you have a shirt that fits?" when my shirt would raise up as I picking something up off the floor. I never wore that shirt ever again because it carried that bad memory for me. The only advice I can give you is to try to find other supportive people.
I really related to this comment, I've had experiences like that as well. Believe me, I have a drawer of shirts I will never wear again because of a bad memory like that. You reminded me of when I went bathing suit shopping with my mom when I was maybe 15, and she made me try on a one piece. Which I never wear because tankinis exist that cover my problem tummy and there's no need to wear a one piece when you're 15 and no one else is wearing one. Anyway she made me try on this dark green one piece bathing suit and she told me I looked so good in it. I hated it, with a passion. I felt as though I looked huge and she wanted me to look bad. I don't know, I was young and emotional. I felt like wearing a one piece that displayed all of me, although in reality is probably hid my tummy nicely, was like putting my fat on display. For some reason in my young mind I felt like tankini was more active, I could wear boy short bottoms and hide my FUPA lol. I just felt more comfortable and hidden in those types of bathing suits. I ended up not getting that dark green one piece because I truly could not believe her that it was extremely flattering on me.0 -
Ditch the scale and track your progress via measurements.0
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I am going to try and straddle the fence a little . . .
As a mom, I don't know if we say things that we intend to be hurtful or if when we say things it's not what you to hear from your mother so it hurts more! I am not defending your mothers comments, I would hope nothing like that would every come out of my mouth towards my daughter.
As a MFP member I can note things that my mother has said to me that were hurtful but I have to wonder as to what have I really been saying to her. For example, I stress over my butt (because I have been told how big it is) so while I may vent to my mother regarding this from time to time - when she said to me "keep working out, you'll eventually you will be as flat as a board" that was very hurtful to me. It may have just been her venting in response to my venting - now I keep the subject of what I am doing in regards to my weight to a minimum
But I will say that I do think that some of the things our mothers say are things that they may say to their friends and don't realize that we as children are not in that category - I hope that makes sense
While it does hurt, sometimes we have to remove certain people from areas of our lives, this may be an issue you will never come to see eye to eye on with your mother.0 -
I am still often caught off guard when I see myself in the mirror. My scale has been slowly creeping back up lately but I know it is because I have been lifting weights and the excess will eventually melt off. I always look at before and after photos to help myself feel better when I start to think I am getting stuck!0
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