How do you deal with diet sabotagers?

Floricienta · December 2010

About 2 years ago I went to live abroad and lost 12 kilos, I was the lowest I had ever been in my adult life. When I moved back home after a year, people complimented me and told me I looked great. I felt good and motivated, I still wanted to get down 3-4 kg but what I really wanted the most was to tone up, I didn't really care about numbers. Time went by and compliments turned into comments or questions like "you're not planning to lose more weight, are you?" or "you would look too skinny if you lost more" coming from female friends mostly.

Living abroad I was never on a diet, I watched what I ate but I was unaware of calories, I never stopped eating or deprived myself. I just ate less and what really did it for me was that I actually exercised regularly, walked more and since I lived with other people I stopped binging in my room or overeating. When I got back home, college made it harder to exercise and I started gaining some weight. Of course I didn't want to gain weight, so I started watching more carefully what I put in my mouth, I thought writing down what I ate was the best way to keep track of the things I ate, so I started a sort of journal but I never really wrote down the calories because I wasn't too concerned about them, I just wanted to make healthy choices while still living my normal life.

One day a friend saw this journal and told some other friends of mine: they panicked. They thought I had some kind of eating disorder and that I was totally obsessed about food. They tried to talk to me about it, I tried to explain that I really did not have a problem, that I just didn't want to gain all the weight back, that I wanted to stay healthy and in shape. But of course, none of them understood that, please keep in mind that all of my friends have always been stick thin and have NEVER struggled with weight in their lives.

Since the journal thing I have felt that I need to keep weight related things away from them, so that I can be left in peace and avoid all those "why don't you eat this, it's not gonna kill you", "normal people eat anything", "you're going to get sick " comments if I ordered a salad while everyone else was having pizza or if I asked for a diet coke when everyone else was going for drinks.

Whenever I hang out with them I feel like I have to "fake" and eat the fatty things I don't want to eat because otherwise I will be drawing too much attention and I will not be left alone... When they make comments about diets or fitness things, and remember my "past eating habits" I just agree and I'm like "yeah it was a bit obsessive" because I don't have the energy to deal with them and try to explain something I know they WON'T UNDERSTAND.

What do you do in order to deal with diet sabotagers?

bstomel · December 2010

Hi, don't worry about your friends. Concentrate on yourself. But let them know the truth...that it's important for you to monitor what you put in your body simply because you want to take care of what you have. I also keep a food diary, and find that it's a bit embarrassing to advertise it to my friends and family, but the people who know are completely supportive.

trinityj1 · December 2010

You really just have to stay accountable to yourself and no one else.

I'd try to explain it's not all about weight, it's just that you want to eat healthful foods and it's a lifestyle not a diet. Ultimately it's your body, your temple, and it's right to care about what goes into it. Tell them you don't want to eat crap because you don't like the way you feel when you do, that you eat more than enough food that actually has nutritional value and you don't need an indulgence you aren't going to enjoy.

Jennplus2 · December 2010

Sounds to me like you need new friends. Being healthy is something you shouldn't have to hide. Friends IMO love and support you, not make you feel weird or feel shame. If you are thin and look sick and they worry for your health that is one thing, but to not understand your health goals is not the same thing. Drop them and get some friends who love you and want to see you happy and healthy.

Ely82010 · December 2010

You (I shoud say we) are not going to change people, you have no control over that but you can change yourself and have control (ok, most of the time), over your life, your eating habits, and above all on how you react to people negative comments

If I were you, I would not fake or give up and eat what other people want me to eat.. I would not say that I had an eating disorder unless I knew or suspected that I had one. I would not allow them to control or critize the way I eat. I would continue on my healthy journey.

Friends are suppose to accept friends and encourage them; if they don't do that they can not be called friends.

I wish you the best and congratulate you for your achievements.

iamstaceywood · December 2010

screw em. I am the diet snob in my family. I don't give a rats patootie what people say. And thats how you gotta be.

lutzsher · December 2010

Sometimes you just have to tell people that if you want their opinion you will ask for it. Well meaning people often think they know what is better for you than you do yourself.
Stick to your guns! Eat your salad while they eat crap and tell them it is not about weight at all, it is totally about health and you have decided that your body is a temple. If they want to introduce food that is full crap into their bodies that is their choice, but you prefer to have a healthy body, hair, and skin so will eat as healthy as possible for LOTS of reasons.

again . . . I would just keep repeating to them, if I need your advice I will ask for it . . . . maybe after some time passes and they see how happy these changes have made you they will back off.

Girls can be so caddy and competitive sometimes, even friends!

lutzsher · December 2010

screw em. I am the diet snob in my family. I don't give a rats patootie what people say. And thats how you gotta be.

O.K., I now change my response to this one . . . cause I LOVE it!

cjjohnson · December 2010

Your friends must not be that good of friends if they cant understand why you want to be conscious of what your eating. My brother grew up supper skinny always ate what he wanted, well he isn't so skinny now. People who pay attention to they body now and make good choices are far more likely to stay fit for their whole life and make it feel more effortless because they started younger. Not to mention the health benefits. They someday will run into weight issues. If they were better friends they would be supportive, My advice is don't worry about them will they be around in 10 yrs? Take care of yourself!

Delicate · December 2010

I usually roll my eyes, cause these same people are usually the ones eating unhealthy food in excess then complain they are gaining weight.

I think the main thing females in particular will get a bit offensive if their weight isnt how they like it and want others to join them.

Misery love company.

You shouldnt be put down simply cause you dont want to eat unhealthy food just to be 'part of the crowd', it takes a while they will get used to it, it took quite a bit of time for my work collegues to accept i dont eat cream buns not for diet purposes, simply because i dont want to eat them.

sublimechik28 · December 2010

ive had trouble w that a few times too. one time my friend made cheese sticks which is basiclly fried cheese and other friends were around and one of them offered me then this friend proceeded to comment "she doesnt eat that". hmmmm i was annoyed by this bc she is over weight and wants to lose weight but never follows through with it so i said actually i can eat whatever i want thank u very much i just know whats good and whats bad! but just to show her i ate 3 of them lol bad i know but i work out n i had the calories n i work out n why not that was so uncalled for. just bc u cant get control over ur weight doesnt mean u have to comment about mine. i know those where bad for me but i have control enough in my eating habits and i know what im doing. u have to let them know u want to be healthy n ur body isnt theirs.

ohwhataday · December 2010

I have had people in the past tell me I don't need to lose weight and say I "look great" when it's obvious that I could lose a good 30lbs. Ha to them because I couldn't care less if they think I look great after I've packed on some pounds after having a child. What I do care about is getting down to my goal and maintaining and throwing that in their stupid face. Cannot wait! And really it only motivates me even further.

KellyBurton1 · December 2010

Alot is coming from a lack of education. Meaning they dont know anythinng about healthy eating and what it does for you. I get it all the time. I still has another 50 lbs to lose and Im getting " your not going to lose more weight are you?" question! Its like if someone has a cigarette. And you dont smoke and they ask you to go out for a cigarette and they say " one wont hurt you". same thing in my boat. They're trying to force there bad habits on to you. Not thinking they have anything wrong with there diet.

Just explain that you always felt tired and by eating healthier that it helps give you energy and it really do. Maybe they would follow along with you!

Floricienta · December 2010

Thank you so much for your replies ladies! It's true, I need to focus on myself and if they don't understand, well... it's their problem not mine :-)

archiegirl · December 2010

you didn't say what you weigh now, so it's hard to say why your friends are worried. but if you were a body builder (and who knows, you might become one) or a mountain climber, or a vegetarian, or diabetic, wouldn't they understand your need to eat differently ? wouldn't they be supportive? if they are not the kind of people who would support you in your decision, maybe they are not the right kind of people. don't cave to peer pressure ...just a thought. .

How do you deal with diet sabotagers?

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