why change is so important

It has been a while since I have posted up a topic but here goes:

At the age of 26 my heaviest weight ever was 372.6 pounds. As of now I have 208 pounds left to lose. I can go on about why I got so heavy but that is not what important anymore. what is important is How and why I am going to take this very long and probably very difficult journey to become healthy.

For right now my goal to track everything that I put into my mouth and measure the food so that I am not lying to myself about how much I have consumed. Knowing me I could say that I had 2 cups of pasta and in reality I probably had 1/2 the box. (been there and done that)

There are many different reasons why I want to lose weight besides doing it for myself. I see how my life style is effecting my husband and my kids. my son is a very active 3 year old boy. unfortunately his activity level is dropping because mommy dearest cant seem to get herself off the couch and take him out to play. at night when he is playing he asks me to play on the floor with him and I give him every excuse in the book not to because I don't want him to see me trying to get up. For everyone who has been big you can understand what I mean.

This week he said to me he cant walk because his knees hurt him (that was him imitating my husband). however I noticed that when we are outside unless Im standing still and watching him run up and down the driveway he wont run anymore. Its heartbreaking to watch a healthy weight 3 year old not running and playing because Mommy is so heavy.

I have a daughter who is turning 1 this week and I never want to see her become heavy and obese. For me it was humiliating and I want to protect her from having to defend or be embarrassed because her mom is fat. Lets not kid ourselves here I was embarrassed by my mom being fat and I just don't want to do that to my daughter.

My husband is an amazing source of motivation. He supplies tons of it however he also is very sensitive to my ups and downs and when I'm down he watches helplessly as I drown my self it too much food and junk.

I'm tired of people staring at me when I walk down the street or when I get on a bus. I sit down and all of the sudden I have 2 seats on either side of me empty. everyone says its not important what people think of you however the stark reality is that people judge you by your looks and being heavy and obese closes a lot of doors for me.

I will never be stick thin but neither do I want to. I just want to lose the weight and feel that I belong. I used to be active believe it or not and I loved it. lately I feel like I look on my past and all I see is what I was instead of thinking what I could become.

with My knees hurting and my feet killing I vow to move more and begin eating better
This is being done for me and my family

AND TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO TOLD ME IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN

'YOU CAN JUST STUFF IT'
Healthy girl is waiting at the end of the line with the banner that says welcome home and great going

OK I guess that's the end
have a great and healthy day everyone