Do you even lift? Yes, I do (bikini pic)

Ok, so this isn’t a success story of a huge profound weight loss. I’ve never been obese or even extremely overweight. It is, however, the story of losing a person I wasn’t so fond of and finding one that I can truly love and appreciate.

Pics first for the tl:dr crowd:



Very pregnant about 2 weeks before I had my daughter. Weighed about 185



Before I started lifting. About 145



Today (yeah, I said I would post it on my birthday but I was too busy eating yesterday) About 140



For the OMG BULKY crowd


So here goes. I’m not going to bore you with my lifelong struggle with body image. We all know what that feels like, so fast forward to 2010. I was about to finalize my second divorce and was full of emotional crap and self loathing, so I self-medicated with drugs, namely prescription pills and marijuana. I was still in a very dangerous spiral. But I was skinny! Very skinny at 128 pounds on a 5’8” woman and remarkably unhealthy. I won’t go into the details of my rock bottom, but it came, and somehow, with a lot of help and love from my guy, I managed to survive it.
I started eating healthy food, fresh fruits and vegetables, and other stuff. In obscene quantities. I’m talking a whole cantaloupe or pineapple in a day, along with lunch and dinner and all the regular meals. But it’s healthy food, right? Not so much. I was still self medicating, but in a slightly less destructive way, but all in all, I gained right at 30 pounds. I know, still in healthy bmi for my height but not healthy for my small frame. Anyway, I started paying a little more attention to how much I was moving and reducing the sheer volume of food I was hoovering down.
Abridged version of the next year: gall bladder removed, appendix removed, getting my head right and getting pregnant.
I had a very healthy pregnancy and was very conscious of what I ate and how much I ate. I managed to gain 30 pounds total, putting me at 186 pounds right before I had my daughter. I joined MFP in August 2012 when she was 2 months old at 170 pounds. WOW! What an eye opener! I was eating a LOT more than I realized, and while I was breastfeeding, that didn’t warrant an additional 1000 calories a day. Yowza!
So I got serious about the gym. Cardio cardio cardio!!! The elliptical was my best friend! I netted 1200 calories a day. And I lost weight. I lost about 20 pounds but I wasn’t happy with how I was looking. Can we say doughy? I started reading about eating a bit more, so I adjusted my calorie goals and lost another 5 pounds. THEN, I discovered lifting. I fell in love with the gym as opposed to trudging through my workouts. I got (and am getting) stronger. I ate the food. I was happy. And I didn’t lose much more weight. In the last 6 months, I haven’t lost a pound. I’ve lost 2% body fat and a few inches, and I’m happy with that. I’ve learned to love my body for what it can do, what it is now, and for what it will be. It was really hard to change my mindset from wanting to be skinny to wanting to be healthy and strong, but it was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I don’t punish myself or medicate with food. Yes, I still have the occasional binge, and yes it messes with my head, but I’ve accepted the fact that a red number at the bottom of my food diary doesn’t make me a bad person. Just one that has another chance for good decisions tomorrow.
Anyway, if you read all this, thank you. If not, I hope the pictures were entertaining. Much love to my MFP friends, I couldn’t do this without you all. Thanks for cheering me on and keeping me honest. And I promised you I would post a bikini pic on (or near) my 34th birthday!

Edited to resize gigantic pics.