Is or has anyone dealt with being a caregiver?

Never feel guilty! Your mom would not want you to stop your life! You can do what you can do and that is it!

Dementia never makes it easy on a caregiver and you have to remember that they're just angry for numerous reasons and it's rarely anything you did. We saw this when my grandma put her mom in the nursing home and we dealt with it from 2005-2008 when we had to put my grandma into assisted living. She got to be so difficult at times and then suddenly got docile as she slowly remembered less and less but she'd have never once accused my dad of not doing his best while dealing with all the crap between fighting the VA and paying her bills and taking her to the doctor. I swear those 3 years aged him 10.
You made the best choices you could to take care of him and nobody would hold it against you.

When I was 23, my grandfather was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and given 8 months to live. My grandmother had advanced heart failure and end stage kidney disease and was unable to care for him by herself. My grandfather was this strong, hardworking man..we had been preparing ourselves for years that my grandmother would be the first to go, and to find out he was sick was not only heartbreaking but shocking to say the least. At the time I was living in New York City, engaged to be married, and working a very demanding job in finance. My grandparents had been there for me my entire life, not helping out wasn't an option as everything that was good in my life was pretty much owed to them..and I loved (still love) them dearly and with every fiber of my being.

At first I started spending weekends with them, helping my grandmother do the cooking and cleaning and administering medication..or staying with Grandpa while she went to the doctor for her own health issues. But once he got worse, my social life completely stopped, I was laid off from work due to missing so many days and not being able to devote as many hours, and my relationship started to fall apart. I was also doing my best to stay strong for my grandmother, but it was tearing me up inside to witness my grandfather deteriorate so quickly. I'd sleep maybe 14 hours a week just to give my grandmother the chance to rest, while I stayed up with Grandpa in vain attempts to help him through the pain. Many nights he'd just scream and I'd hold him and he'd say "What have I become, I've become a piece if *kitten*"..you have to promise me you'll take care of your grandmother"..and I would assure him that I would. One night we were sitting in the living room and he said "Candi, I have to get dressed..they're coming for me" and I remember getting the chills but I thought maybe it was just the meds talking. I was supposed to spend that weekend with my fiance but opted to stay with my grandparents instead. An hour later, my grandfather took his last breath in my arms.

I held my hysterical grandmother up who'd just lost her partner of 46 years, while they wrapped his body and carried him away. Shortly after his death, my grandmother moved in with my fiance and I, I did my best to pick up the the pieces of her life...and watched her closely because she sank into a depression so deep she became suicidal. Her health also started to decline even more. Eventually she decided she no longer wanted to live in New York and moved away to Florida to live with my mother. At that point I remember my friends telling me "Well Candice, it's over..you're free" but I'd never felt more lost. It didn't take long for me to find out that my fiance had been cheating on me with a mutual friend while I was busy taking care of my grandpa, and between my relationship falling apart, me losing my job, my home, my dog., friends, my Grandpa who was like a Dad to me..I just sank.

I packed up my things and moved to Florida in an attempt to start over. My Grandmother moved out of my Mom's house and got a place just so I could live with her and she helped me find myself again. I gained a lot of weight during my depression and it was with her help i found the will to start losing the weight, go back to school, and get my life back. Slowly my heart started to heal a bit as well. But her kidneys were in really bad shape, and eventually she got so sick that she could no longer do anything. I took care of her, until one morning last Summer, I woke up with a feeling of dread and went into her bedroom to find our dog licking her face in an effort to wake her up. I knew..I went to her..laid down and put my head on her chest to listen for a heartbeat I knew would not come. It was a while before I was able to call anyone to tell them she died. I had never felt so empty.

I don't even know how I found the strength to get to where I am now, but I know she would want me to be strong. Both of my grandparents would want me to succeed..and keep going despite any obstacles thrown my way. So, even though my heart was broken..and it just felt so wrong to continue living life without them I kept on. I've been steadily losing the weight, I graduate from Nursing School this June, and things in my life are finally falling into place after 7 long years.