Trying but being defeated
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xaltei
Posts: 4
I've struggled with my weight since 6th grade and my self-confidence and esteem have been always low and going jeans shopping has been a nightmare for me where I burst into tears if the jeans won't fit none will. I'm overweight and my mom is too but she feels fine the way she is so she won't exercise with me and neither will my aunt. My cousin is already thin so that's not really a good motivation for me. I did start Focus T25 but it is hard to stick to it since it's only me that has think "Hey I can do this and will push through it" but before I know it I'm sore and thinking that no I can't do this anymore.
I don't have the excuse that I don't have time or that my children keep me busy since I don't have any, no friends to hang out with, no permanent disability, no excuses literally yet they show up.
My doctor told me that in 10 years I'll be 300 pounds and I seriously don't want to be there and yet she won't offer any help whatsoever except eat the right food and exercise that's it nothing more.
I would love for someone that I can talk to that can help me stay motivated that can even become my friend. Once I left high school all my friends disappeared and I no longer have contact with them so I'm mostly just home all the time. I am very shy and am prone to anxiety a lot but I'm trying.
I currently weight 213 pounds but I want to be at 120, I do get discouraged when I don't see progress and that makes me feel horrible inside.
I don't have the excuse that I don't have time or that my children keep me busy since I don't have any, no friends to hang out with, no permanent disability, no excuses literally yet they show up.
My doctor told me that in 10 years I'll be 300 pounds and I seriously don't want to be there and yet she won't offer any help whatsoever except eat the right food and exercise that's it nothing more.
I would love for someone that I can talk to that can help me stay motivated that can even become my friend. Once I left high school all my friends disappeared and I no longer have contact with them so I'm mostly just home all the time. I am very shy and am prone to anxiety a lot but I'm trying.
I currently weight 213 pounds but I want to be at 120, I do get discouraged when I don't see progress and that makes me feel horrible inside.
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Replies
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Hey xaltei and welcome to MyFitnessPal!
You've made step in the right direction! Jean shopping for me has always been a nightmare as well including clothes shopping in general. I try to remember that I'm making choices for myself not for others. Never compare yourself to others, I know its hard not to, but when you do you end up feeling defeated.
Don't use excuses but remember why you're doing this journey each time you feel like giving up!! Perhaps instead of starting with T25 maybe start with walking for 30 minutes each day and do light weights and work up to using the T25. Remember to give your body a break now and again, there is no shame in taking a 30 second break if you need it while working out.
I probably don't live near your but I'm willing to be your friend and help if I can. How about starting with a smaller goal first with your weight of maybe 180 and then go from there. I'm not saying you will not reach 120 but by breaking it up into small goals it will seem more reachable instead of way out there. :-) I started where you are at now but have lost 18 pounds and now I'm looking to lose another 30-40 over time. You'll reach your goals but remember every thing does take time.
If your doctor won't help you with your weightloss goals, get a different doctor. One that will help you or contact a dietician that can help you plan out healthy, filling meals. Also you could join a gym and work with a trainer that can help you design a workout plan that help you achieve your goals too.
Hope this helps you out! :-)0 -
When I was a senior in high school I weighed 215 pounds. So I know how you feel. I was kind of a loner and sat at home reading books and eating snacks staying in my comfortable fantasy land. I got down to 185 once I joined Americorps after high school. It kicked my butt into shape because I had no other choice and the weight dropped right off. 20lbs in the first month. Since then ive been struggling with getting the rest of the weight off. In the past ive found it hard to stay motivated and let my efforts go after only a couple months. I know it can seem like I hard thing, and like you will never change or be the person you want to see in the mirror. But you have to find it deep within yourself the strength to make a change in your life. So im here if you would like to talk. I love to have friends here on MFP. Its great to have a support system. This site is unlike any other ive tried before. But the way I look at it now is, this is a lifestyle change for me, because I dont want to be overweight and unhealthy when I get older like my family. You are young, and now is the best time to make a change.
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Listen, losing weight isn't about your mom, your aunt, your cousin or anyone else. It's about YOU. YOU have to find your own motivation. Dig deep and think about what you want and why you want it. You have to want it more than not doing it is easy.
Then go take a walk. Put on some music and dance. Or put on some music and dance while you walk. LOL Go to the park. Learn a new hobby that makes you be active. There are so many fun things you can do that don't feel like exercise. As kids we ran around, jumped rope and rode our bike without ever considering it exercise.
For your nutrition plan, pick out some easy changes you think you can stick to in the long term, like switching regular soda to diet or flavored water. Start measuring out your portions so you learn what a single portion looks like. Log everything you eat, every day, so you can start to see where certain foods may be troublesome for you.
Then stick to it. As long as you are eating at or slightly below your goal, you'll start to see results. Good luck!0 -
It is really hard for me to try and get out the house since I'm not much of a person that goes out. The weather has been changing here lately and it's still too cold for my tastes brrrr. I still am waiting for it to get warmer in order to go to the park though that hasn't started yet. It would make me happy if I was at 180 now though I haven't seen that number in so long that it really does seem like an impossible dream.0
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Sometimes at home I turn on the music very loud and clean while dancing and singing and do sweat when moping the floor and cleaning my guinea pig and ferrets cages.0
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It is really hard for me to try and get out the house since I'm not much of a person that goes out. The weather has been changing here lately and it's still too cold for my tastes brrrr. I still am waiting for it to get warmer in order to go to the park though that hasn't started yet. It would make me happy if I was at 180 now though I haven't seen that number in so long that it really does seem like an impossible dream.
Some great advice from the above posters but you have to make the effort and right there where you use the excuses to not go out is something you really need to try and change.
No need to wait for the weather to get warmer. Join an exercise class and you will be inside in the warm and don't be afraid to go on your own, if you are friendly with people they will respond and before you know it not only are you exercising regularly but you could be making friends as well.
Only you can change you :flowerforyou:
Good luck0 -
I really hate to do this, but you need a little tough love. I am going to tell you the best thing someone said to me when I was at the sane place as you, you are not ready to learn how to care for your body. This is not meant to be mean, but you are throwing down every excuse in the book. I've done it. We've all done it. You either choose to make the change or you don't. Feel free to read my success story if you want to find out how my story turned out after my friend told me I wasn't ready.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/918358-they-cut-my-head-open-your-excuse-is-invalid
Good luck!0 -
I really hate to do this, but you need a little tough love. I am going to tell you the best thing someone said to me when I was at the sane place as you, you are not ready to learn how to care for your body. This is not meant to be mean, but you are throwing down every excuse in the book. I've done it. We've all done it. You either choose to make the change or you don't. Feel free to read my success story if you want to find out how my story turned out after my friend told me I wasn't ready.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/918358-they-cut-my-head-open-your-excuse-is-invalid
Good luck!
and I'd like to add:
Take it one step at a time. Here are plenty of tips to help. Take them. Use them. Avoid excuses.:
1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
2. Make sure you eat enough.
3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines. This is great for steady state cardio (run/walk/etc)
8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
12. don't set time restrictions.
13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
14 BE PATIENT.
15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
16. If you ask a question on the forum, give as much information as you can ("yes, I have a food scale and weigh my food" is worlds better than "I eat a palm full of miscellaneous boiled chicken parts..sometimes.")
17. Be honest with yourself and honest with us.
18. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.
pretty much that.
...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:
the typical MFP users does this:
1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
9. Argument ensues about who is right.
Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.
I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.
Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.
Find out what you need: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
and make sure to read: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
this could help.
make changes, not excuses.0 -
My first, and really my only suggestion, is to not focus on a specific weight. Instead, focus on a particular look. In other words, work out, track your calories, be honest with yourself about your food and the amount. Be honest as possible about the amount of calories burned during a workout, and eat those calories back (that is, if you are using myfitnesspal the way it's designed).
If you obsess about a weight goal, then you are focusing on a number that may, or may not be what is ideal for you. As you work out, your body changes with the increase in muscles and drop in fat. Instead of getting to a point where you look good and healthy, you could end up dropping more weight than you actually need.
Start out slow, take your time, understand that this is a process and don't obsess about the "right now" but instead, look at this as a continual process. Once you lose the weight, you'll have to maintain, and that's actually the hard part. Training yourself how to eat in a manner in which you can maintain over a lifetime is more important than doing anything that will drop the weight immediately.0 -
I approve of the posts by trogalicious and cmcollins0
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I really hate to do this, but you need a little tough love. I am going to tell you the best thing someone said to me when I was at the sane place as you, you are not ready to learn how to care for your body. This is not meant to be mean, but you are throwing down every excuse in the book. I've done it. We've all done it. You either choose to make the change or you don't. Feel free to read my success story if you want to find out how my story turned out after my friend told me I wasn't ready.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/918358-they-cut-my-head-open-your-excuse-is-invalid
Good luck!
and I'd like to add:
Take it one step at a time. Here are plenty of tips to help. Take them. Use them. Avoid excuses.:
1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
2. Make sure you eat enough.
3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines. This is great for steady state cardio (run/walk/etc)
8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
12. don't set time restrictions.
13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
14 BE PATIENT.
15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
16. If you ask a question on the forum, give as much information as you can ("yes, I have a food scale and weigh my food" is worlds better than "I eat a palm full of miscellaneous boiled chicken parts..sometimes.")
17. Be honest with yourself and honest with us.
18. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.
pretty much that.
...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:
the typical MFP users does this:
1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
9. Argument ensues about who is right.
Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.
I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.
Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.
Find out what you need: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
and make sure to read: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
this could help.
make changes, not excuses.
^ That, for when you decide to change.0 -
I really hate to do this, but you need a little tough love. I am going to tell you the best thing someone said to me when I was at the sane place as you, you are not ready to learn how to care for your body. This is not meant to be mean, but you are throwing down every excuse in the book. I've done it. We've all done it. You either choose to make the change or you don't. Feel free to read my success story if you want to find out how my story turned out after my friend told me I wasn't ready.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/918358-they-cut-my-head-open-your-excuse-is-invalid
Good luck!
and I'd like to add:
Take it one step at a time. Here are plenty of tips to help. Take them. Use them. Avoid excuses.:
1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
2. Make sure you eat enough.
3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines. This is great for steady state cardio (run/walk/etc)
8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
12. don't set time restrictions.
13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
14 BE PATIENT.
15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
16. If you ask a question on the forum, give as much information as you can ("yes, I have a food scale and weigh my food" is worlds better than "I eat a palm full of miscellaneous boiled chicken parts..sometimes.")
17. Be honest with yourself and honest with us.
18. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.
pretty much that.
...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:
the typical MFP users does this:
1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
9. Argument ensues about who is right.
Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.
I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.
Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.
Find out what you need: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
and make sure to read: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
this could help.
make changes, not excuses.
^ That, for when you decide to change.
^^ This0 -
Hi, Sol. As you can see, you're not alone here on MFP. I started in a similar place in my 20s. Your goals can certainly be reached, but you have to be patient and understanding with yourself. Sometimes you'll make progress, sometimes you'll backslide. You'll learn things that work, and probably a whole lot more that doesn't. Remember that self-improvement is a process. I wish I could encourage you to not be so hard on yourself for starters. (I know, easier said than done.) I think as long as you try to do at least one positive, healthy, or loving thing for yourself every day (not matter how small), you'll come out ahead in the long run. IMHO making small, but lasting changes over time is much better than making a lot of extreme or unsustainable changes in short order that don't stick. Try to pick a few simple changes at first. A little success goes a long way. For me, I gave up soda at first. Then I vowed to get 30 minutes of movement every day… Then I tried to get more fruit & veggies in my diet. I tried to pick mini goals at first that didn't seem so challenging. And it worked. Healthy changes seem to have a snowball effect. Good luck!0
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Hello! You've gotten some really great advice above, especially from Trog. If you apply it, that information will get you started and carry you a very long way!
I definitely know how you feel. When I started MFP, I was 5'6" and 235 pounds. I wore a size 20 and had a very difficult time finding jeans that fit me. I grew up with 3 painfully gorgeous cousins, and I had no one to exercise with me or motivate me. I started in January of 2013, so it was much too cold and miserable to go outside and exercise. I had no knowledge of what I was doing or where I should start.
All I had was MFP, a set of 5lb and 8lb dumbbells, and my living room. Lucky for me, that's all I needed!
For months, the only workouts I did were ones I could find on YouTube. I did Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred (all 3 levels are only 20 minutes long and available on YouTube for free) and lots of "cardio yoga" videos. Then I started buying a bunch of workout DVD's to do at home (you can get them on Amazon or even at Target, and they only cost $10 - $15 a piece). When it got warmer, I walked outside and rode my bike a lot.
As far as food goes, I plugged all of my info into MFP and let it assign me a calorie goal. I didn't restrict any foods or cut anything from my diet. I ate anything I wanted to hit that calorie goal, but tried to make sure I was meeting my nutritional needs. I always ate my exercise calories back, but I logged my burns conservatively or rounded down a bit.
There's no need to make any drastic changes. Eat foods that you like, measure/weigh and log them accurately and consistently, and hit that calorie goal every day. Do physical activities that you enjoy. If you can make small changes in the right direction and stick to them, you will see progress.
You can do it. 0 -
Lots of good advice on here.... but the bottom line remains: YOU have to be ready to change. You have to want it enough to change yourself. You have to decide that you love yourself enough to take care of your body.
It's hard. It's damn hard at times, but the fact is, it's worth it. Like Nike says- just do it.
PS- and if you fall off the horse, GET BACK ON! Every day. Every single day until you stay on that horse! What's that saying? Practice makes perfect? Yeah, that one. :flowerforyou:0 -
I really cant add more than this, lose the weight for yourself. Go buy a jacket that is a size or two too small. Try it on. You know its too small, but now you have a goal to not only fit into that jacket, but to look good in it also.. Make it your goal for that jacket to either fit you well, or be too loose for you .
2.Listen to the folks on here. A lot of folks were doing this thing before MFP got big time so listen to them they know what their talking about.
3.If t25 is too intense for you to do it everyday, then do a day of t25 then rest or stretch or go walking the next day. No need to kill yourself.
4. Believe in yourself. No need to go further
5.Although I do have issues with the UNIVERSAL LAWS, the law of attraction and the law of action. Look them up and read them.
6. Be patient . This is a life long battle but a fufilling one as well. Small victories eventually equal big victories
7. NEVER QUIT. It will make you more depressed
8. Find friends on here to encourage you besides on the board. You might be surprised on the advice they will give you.
9. As a long time DOCTOR WHO GEEK I MUST CLOSE WITH THIS Y.A.N.A.
(YOU ARE NOT ALONE). A lot of us are or were in your shoes at one point in time. If we can fight and improve ourselves, you can to.
10. I have tried and failed at fitness many times. But I keep trying, and I know I got it right this time . Just keep going at it .0 -
As others have said, you are throwing out excuses. There is no excuse, by your own admission.
When you want the change enough, you will put yourself out there and do it.
I have COPD, which means my lungs only function at 68%, which means the intense workouts I engage in can be incredibly difficult and unncomfortable. But, I do it. I often wake up feeling sluggish and wanting nothing more than to just curl up and go back to sleep, because my hypothyroidism is not fully under control currently, but I get up and I get in my gym gear and I go. I have gone cycling in -3 temperatures. I did not allow the cold to stop me from keeping active. I love to eat (in spite of having once been a 5'11, 72Ib anorexic) and I know that my body responds well to both that, and to being decently active. The alternative is to sit around, letting myself get more and more out of condition, and the longer you put it off, the harder it becomes.
You just have to get up one day, and give yourself a damn hard push to get active, somehow, anyway. There are plenty of options, from videos on youtube/fitness blender, to walking, cycling, weights, skating, swimming, jogging. Just start. Just tell yourself you will do 10-20 minutes, which is no time at all, and build from there.
Imagine the strain you are putting your poor body under... you only get one, you know. You won't find anywhere else to live once your body gives up under the stress of all that excess weight.0 -
I was the same weight you were, I would suggest to get a meal plan together something you can stick with, make sure your eating your calorie amount for your body. I workout with jessicatv.com, her workouts are manageable, something I think you would like. For me I have to plan, if I don't plan I fail. Plain your meals, plan your snacks, plain your water intake, have one day a week that you can have something you desire, eat it, like it and move on. The very next day get back on plan. When we go out to dinner, if I don't finish I bring home, however I make sure I eat it before midnight I am not going into next day with that meal, if you cant eat it THROW IT OUT. Hope this helps. You have to try and figure out what will work for you, and KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR GOALS.0
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Do not drive yourself crazy and make small changes. Still, do NOT give up and find your motivation sooner rather than later. too many of us on MFP have lost and gained weight for their whole lives, and still battling it. You do not want to do that.
I wish I could go back and kick my own butt into action!
I wish you all the best0 -
Your not defeated unless you have already quit...0
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