Former Ana/Mia/BED trying to get healthy

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micahsmom91011
micahsmom91011 Posts: 26 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Here's the deal...I used to have an eating disorder. Actually if I'm honest I probably still have it. It just likes to change shapes. I've spent years in the world of anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. I've been 85lbs and I'm now over 300lbs. I could lose the weight weight ana/mia I'm sure. (I've done it before.) But then I'll just end up back her years later. So what I need to do is find a way to get healthy. Yes lose weight, but be fit, eat well, manage portions and stop eating so strangely. Not sure if I'm the only crazy person who has spanned so far int he world of eating disorders but if you've been there, even a little bit, would love some thoughts and insight as to how to lose weight without relapsing. I've set my goal at 120lbs as this is a "safe" number for me. Much thinner and it will be just too tempting to revert back to ana, much bigger and I'll revert back to mia to keep from gaining. It is not just about losing though, it's about being healthy and forming healthy habits so that I never have to worry about my son going through the same hell I have.

PS While encouragement is nice, I don't exactly thrive on it. I've always worked harder with a coach yelling in my face. I need a Jillian Michaels. lol Someone who will get in my face and tell me how it is and make me get off my lazy over-sized bum, but be there through this as I deal with the demons in my past that drove me to my eating disorder in the first place. Any Jillian clones out there?

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  • Aroura77
    Aroura77 Posts: 5
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    Hey :D (you can skip to the ** if you like ;) )
    I'm in a similar, but much less extreme situation as you. After starting at about 160 pounds (i know it doesn't seem much to people, but it didn't feel or look right on my straight 'up and down' frame) i went on a diet and went down to 138. I then felt better, then up to 158, then got stressed about work and scared, and went down to 109. This seems within the normal range, but the way i think about food, and the my eating is definitely disordered. (starvation, binges, laxatives, e.c.t)
    The way i am dealing with this now, is that my disorder (whatever it is) has now developed into a sort of orthorexic recovery. This is not by any means normal, but believe me, it's better than starvation.
    It basically entails trying to eat large amounts of healthy food and enjoy regular exercise. I think it becomes orthorexia when you dismiss certain foods because they are not 'pure' enough, and over-exercise, causing mal-nutrition. The good thing about me is, i'm kinda lazy (when it comes to this, which means i'm unlikely to go too far)

    ** basically, i'd like someone to talk about exercise with, like you, not encouragement, but I quite prefer harsher, truer words that mean something, and would be happy to hear about your demons (sounds odd, but I can't think of another way to put it) :)
    Btw, I'm losing weight too now (or trying to) the healthy way, through exercise and eating properly, and am trying not to fall back into Ana :)
    If you wanna chat, I'd appreciate a message (no friends on here :/ )
    if not, then good luck! :)

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