Starting out all over again

Hello!

I've had weight issues my entire life. I started life as a fat little butterball and lived that life through my mid-20s. Growing up, my mom --who had come from an enormous family--always cooked enough for a small army even though it was only 4 of us. It led to pretty extreme overeating. It was pretty much built into my personality.

In my mid-20s, when I moved away from home, my weight began to fluctuate. I had started my 20s at near 300lbs and by 24 I'd slimmed down to about 250. It became a roller coaster for awhile, I'd drop down to 230, back up to 260, etc, etc. Then I decided to get serious about not being so heavy.

I went from 250 to 180 in 7 months. I busted my *kitten* every single day making sure to work off every single calorie I ate.

Naturally, as that's just really stupid, I started finding myself experiencing some pretty extreme dizzy spells and eventually got to a point where I began passing out sometimes. Of course, at the time, I was like "Whatevs ... I look awesome!"

Anyway, I held onto 180 for about 3 years. Then some life happened and I was forced to move back home with mom ... which led to overeating again ... and all of a sudden I found myself above the 200 lb line.

I didn't get myself in check ... and slowly, but surely, it all came creeping back.

Last year, I was hovering at around 230. I wanted to get in better shape again, so I began running. And while it was great exercise--and why, really, I felt healthier than I'd ever felt in my life--I just couldn't take off any weight. I was running up to 8 miles in a single run ... and found the weight just impossible to come off.

Then winter came and the running stopped ... and now, here I am, starting my 34th year, back at 250.

I'm embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted ... the whole works. Mostly, I'm angry at myself. I worked so hard to lose that 70lbs and here I am, right back at where I was ... except older with much less youthful testosterone ripping through my system.

Anyway ... recently my wife and I decided we'd like to have children. And I'd really like to not die before their adults. So, I've decided to try a little harder this year and really refocus my weight loss efforts--and to do it in a healthy, sustainable way ... instead of the quasi-anorexic way I did it the first time.

I'm hoping that posting about it will add an air of accountability to the whole ordeal.

So, looking forward to being part of the community ... and looking forward to getting into my sexy clothes again!

--
AP