trying to get back on the wagon........again (long sorry)

Mikki80 · March 2014

I've been a lurker for a couple of years now and have always found the forums a great place for motivation and information. About 8 years ago I lost 40kg (90ish lbs) over two years. Felt and looked great and really got interested in nutrition and working out. Fast forward a few years and two kids later and I have gained........ and lost..........and gained.............and lost.............and gained 10kg.

The yoyoing is doing my head in. I am so addicted to food. Even with my fascination with clean eating and nutrition and strength training I just can not seem to stop binge eating. It is my vice of choice (as is writing huge posts apparently). So I lose a few kg, then binge and gain, and round and round on the cycle I go. Currently I feel gross. Clothes not fitting comfortably and I'm feeling like the "fat girl" I once was again. For some reason this time, I am having such a hard time staying on track with clean eating more than a day or two. I start out the day with the best intentions and before I know it find myself throwing back chocolate like it's about to be made illegal.

Before everyone makes the very sensible recommendation to stop keeping chocolate in the house/work I should probably mention what I do for work. I own a confectionery business and spend all day everyday literally elbow deep in chocolate. Yes, my kids think it's pretty cool to have a Mummy Willy Wonka (even though I am all (hypocritical) nutrition police lady with them), and it is fun and creative and blah blah blah - HOW DO I STOP EATING CHOCOLATE IF IT'S ALL I SEE EVERYDAY???

Most people assume I hate chocolate now. I hoped this would happen but unfortunately it seems to have gotten worse with time. Never had a sweet tooth as a kid and when I got pregnant it reared its ugly little head and now it has a life of its own. Not to mention that I actually have to taste all the new products we constantly test. So, embarrassingly there have been days (and weeks in the December chocolate work frenzy) that I have subsisted solely on chocolate.

Now my body seems to have gotten jack of my treating it like a never ending day at Disneyland and has a tantrum if I consume any sugar. I literally can not lose weight if I eat any sort of chocolate or lolly. Even if my calories and macros are spot on or under. I work out Body for Life style. 3 x weight training and 3 x HIIT a week. I generally also go for a uphill walk/run every night with my dog (half an hour away from small screaming terrorists, sorry, children). I'm 33, 5'9 currently weigh 165. Not enormous, but my daughter just started school and amazingly every Mummy dropping her kid off is a supermodel. Seriously, when I was a kid the mothers were lucky to not have pajamas still on at school drop off, now there are 200 Giselle Bunchen's standing at the school gate waving her kid off with a bag packed with gourmet organic homemade gluten sugar dairy free lunches. I'm quite pear shaped, so from the top I don't look too bad. Was hoping I would never have to get out of the car and I could pretend waist down matched waist up. Hyperventilated when I realised I had to actually walk my daughter into her classroom everyday and was quite relieved I had decided to get fully dressed instead of leaving on my pajama pants and slippers and just putting a top on (had been up all night working on a big order).

Sorry for my novel of a first post. Who knows, maybe there is someone with my exact problem and the miracle solution for it??!! Would much prefer not to have to muzzle myself at work if I can avoid it. Would make it quite awkward to converse with customers and staff I would imagine. Second thoughts suggest staff may actually like the idea.....

Thank you kindly in advance (unless you are rude then I would say something else).

Lizzy622 · March 2014

Climb on board with the rest of us. We are all in a similar wagon, although I have to admit being around chocolate all the time would be difficult for me too. I have had success using good quality unsweetened cocoa powder with a banana in a smoothie to curb the craving with less calories. You've made the first step by making The decision to change things around.

baileysmom4 · March 2014

First off, how old are you? If you are in your 40s I would say you have hit pre menopause. Welcome to the club! There is a group on here about that if you care to search. It might help you with the binging as that is one of the lovely side effects I have found as well - I love chocolate and if I eat one piece, I'm looking for it all the time!

Second, I used to do Body for Life. It worked really well the 2-3 rounds of it I did then it didn't do much for me so I bought the book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle by Tom Venuto. I really like his plan. The weightlifting is different and the cardio is longer but the food is pretty much the same.

I'm fighting the uphill battle as well so your definitely not alone! I'm 49 and my weight has stopped dead in its tracks. I'm hoping the strength training I'm doing will be my savior!

Have you ever thought of another food business that focuses on nutritional foods? I know that is a big idea but just a thought!

Good luck to you!

royaldrea · March 2014

Hi, the best suggestion really is discipline.

If you want it bad enough, you'll do what you need to do to get what you need to get. If you don't want it that bad, you'll continue to overeat and binge.

I think given your career you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Log everything you put into your mouth. Especially when you're testing. Once you realize the phenomenal number of calories (I'm assuming) you eat, it'll be easier to put the excess chocolate down.

Clean eating isn't the worst thing in the world. The real problem is that it's so restrictive that most people can't maintain forever, or even for a long time. Because they haven't developed a healthy relationship with "unclean" foods, meaning learning to eat them in moderation, once they stop eating clean they fall back into their old habits and re-gain. Because of this, I would suggest eating the foods you like in moderation and practicing self-control. Develop your willpower. Work on it as if you're exercising your muscles. At first it will be difficult, and after a while it will get easier.

Good luck on your journey!!

elghee123 · March 2014

I don't know if this applies to you but in order for me to function at home - I don't bring work at home. If your work is at home, then don't mix work with home.

What I mean is, treat chocolate as work. It stays part of work and should stay at work.

When you are at home, then be a mom, not hypocritical but as a mom. You would not want your kid to go through the path where most of us have been.

Just my thought.

christygb · March 2014

You are in the busiest, most stressful time in your life!! That is the sweet spot for binge eating and food addiction. I agree with the other poster about the use of good unsweetened cocoa in smoothies, but also, take a few moments each day, even during your walk, to stop and take some deep breaths. Refocus your attention on you. Something that helped me was to make an inspirational playlist. This wasn't an exercise playlist, but rather songs that were personally encouraging to move forward towards my goal of good health. The internet is full of great song suggestions, and I've posted my list on my blog optifastadventurer.blogspot.com. I called it "Cultivating the Soil - The Playlist". I've shared the link below. You'd probably pick the music most meaningful to you. I'm 46 so some of my selections reflect my age :-) Best of luck to you!!!!
http://optifastadventurer.blogspot.com/2014_01_01_archive.html

RRB2000 · March 2014

Hi, the best suggestion really is discipline.

If you want it bad enough, you'll do what you need to do to get what you need to get. If you don't want it that bad, you'll continue to overeat and binge.

I think given your career you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Log everything you put into your mouth. Especially when you're testing. Once you realize the phenomenal number of calories (I'm assuming) you eat, it'll be easier to put the excess chocolate down.

Clean eating isn't the worst thing in the world. The real problem is that it's so restrictive that most people can't maintain forever, or even for a long time. Because they haven't developed a healthy relationship with "unclean" foods, meaning learning to eat them in moderation, once they stop eating clean they fall back into their old habits and re-gain. Because of this, I would suggest eating the foods you like in moderation and practicing self-control. Develop your willpower. Work on it as if you're exercising your muscles. At first it will be difficult, and after a while it will get easier.

Good luck on your journey!!

Totally agree with above post. If and when you want it bad enough, nothing will stop you. I have been the same way...up and down, up and down. I feel WONDERFUL when I'm "down" but yet for some reason, go back to old habits and then gain it all, and usually more, back. I lost 30 lbs in 2011, gained all of that plus about 7 more back in 2012/2013 and hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror. FINALLY, it hit me, again, that I wanted to feel good about myself again, and beginning in 2014 it has stuck again....18.2 lbs down so far. I LOVE chocolate, crave it, and actually usually have something chocolate at least once every day. I buy the Weight Watchers candies.....but I keep it in my calories. You might only be "testing" your latest and greatest creation, but all those "testings" are adding up I'm pretty sure, and on top of what you are already eating throughout the day, I have a feeling your farther over your calorie intake as you might expect.

As far as the clean eating, if it works for you then great. I on the other hand, can't do that. I can't take out certain foods, and expect to make this a lifestyle change. I prefer to eat "basically" the same as I did before, but all in moderation. I have always found once I am losing weight and feeling better I don't want the "crap" I ate before as much. I still go out to eat, but I just make room for it in my calories for the day. That's the only way I can stay on this and think of it as a lifestyle change, vs a diet.

Losing weight is really quite "simple" if your mind is in the correct place. Calories in vs calories out. Eat less and move more. You can do it.......you can do anything you put your mind to. And if I can do it, and I LOVE sweets more than the average person, then anyone can do it. GOOD LUCK....you got this!

Kristinab22 · March 2014

First things first, congratulations on that previous big weight loss! That is amazing!! You should be proud of yourself. Secondly, I think you are too hard on yourself. You are 5'9", weighing 165 lbs, that still has you at a normal weight for your height. Yes, it is getting close to the margin of being overweight, but you are still in a healthy range. Don't compare yourself to the other mom's. Sounds like you have a very "sweet" life.

You have a family, career & and still keep up with your workouts. I say that you are doing a good job!!
As far as the chocolate, that is a part of your life. You can't really deprive yourself of that. My recommendation would be to maybe mentally limit yourself on how many "samples" you will allow yourself per day & how big they are. I think everyday trying to tell yourself to not eat any is crazy! You do this for a living!! Of course you are going to try some everyday. Just try your best to keep it to a minimum. Also, maybe tell yourself that every time you eat a piece of chocolate, you have to drink a full glass of water to wash it down. You may get so full with the water that you will be less tempted to shove extra pieces in your mouth. Other than that, I would say, keep up with the exercise routine, eat healthy meals & if you do have a crazy chocolate day, force yourself to push yourself harder in your workout. Exercise is key & that you are still doing it is fantastic!
I know others may read my response & think it may not be the best advice. But, I am 43 & killed myself for a long time trying to look like that "supermodel". I have finally realized that as long as you are healthy, happy & loved, you are much better off.
Good luck with however you proceed, and when you see those "supermodel" moms, just remember how truly " sweet" your life is!!

msdeb424 · March 2014

Suppose tonight, while you slept, a miracle occurred. When you awake tomorrow, what would be some of the things you would notice that would tell you that your problem was solved? What would you feel like? What would be different about you? How would your daily routine be different? What would your kids notice? How would your husband know? What would your staff hear and see you doing differently? Is there one small thing you could do today that you notice you're doing after the miracle happened? :flowerforyou:

kuderstadt · March 2014

I love chocolate too, it's a major downfall!!! But, what about just 'tasting' the chocolate, and not actually eating it? My 2nd oldest son used to have problems eating, when he was little, 2ish? He used to just keep food in his mouth, never swallowing it… eventually he'd spit it out. We used to say he just liked to 'taste' his food… not actually eat it. So he's 6 now and eats just fine, but that's what popped into my head when I read your story… could you do your taste test, and then just spit it out? I know it's wasteful but at least it's not waist-full. Ha Ha. ;-)
I really hope you can see some progress. I know the feeling of not being huge, but still struggling with weight….

bigmamabird · March 2014

This might sound REALLY gross, but here it goes. I had a friend whose poison of choice was candy. The office we worked in had an evil snack machine and she'd get her afternoon candy bar every day. Then she was diagnosed with Diabetes and had to change her eating habits. One thing she found that really worked for her was, every time she was tempted by the snack machine she'd imagine that all those delicious looking candy bars were amputated toes. If Diabetics get out of control they risk losing toes, so that was the connection she made in her head. I know, it's pretty nasty. But she trained herself to think about long term consequences rather than short term gratification.

I realise you have to taste for your job. That's pretty much built into the work you do. But maybe focus all your energy on those quick little bites, licks and tastes. They add up quickly. One step at a time! You CAN do it.

trying to get back on the wagon........again (long sorry)

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