Dealing with family?

Blossomforth13
Blossomforth13 Posts: 41
in Motivation and Support
My family is very glad that I'm trying to lose weight. My Da especially is being awesome in taking me to the gym and picking me up on the weekends. My grandmother, whom I stay with during the week, keeps saying how proud she is of me. However, my grandmother is the queen of mixed signals. I know she doesn't try to be, but she shows love through food. It's constantly a barrage of: "Do you want a brownie?" "Here, have some pudding!" "There are ice creams in the freezer!" "I baked a cake/pie/tart/cookies/scones" "Is that all your eating?" "Your stomach can't be full on that!" "Aw, have a bit more, luv."

And the thing is, I don't get full. I spent so long compulsively overeating that I never really feel full, so I really have to watch portion sizes, and not go for seconds. The thing is, she's always trying to give me seconds. Like my plate really doesn't need to be so full of pasta I can't see the bottom of the dish, and I don't need a cake slice that is half of the pan.

The thing is, I know she does it to show she cares about me. I know she does it because she remembers when they were on the farm and didn't have enough food for five people, I know she's trying to provide for us. I know feeding us makes her feel useful...but I feel like it's sabotaging me a little.

I don't know how to handle this. I don't know if I have the willpower to constantly say no to all my favorite desserts all the time, and there's at least one dessert every day. Any advice?

Replies

  • janiceclark08
    janiceclark08 Posts: 1,341 Member
    Tell your grandma that you really are trying to get healthy and lose weight and that you cant eat desserts like that because it is one of your trigger foods. Tell her you plan on cutting out traditional desserts and would like fruit instead.
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,703 Member
    Family can be a challenge! if you are comfortable with it give her a roll - maybe grandma and you could log your food together? and she could see how many calories you have to deal with and that could get her to show her love via salad and great veggie dishes instead of sweets? She may not really understand the whole picture.
  • Blossomforth13
    Blossomforth13 Posts: 41
    These are both really good ideas. Maybe it'd help, though I don't know if I could get gran on a computer. Still, pen and paper work too!
  • Blokeypoo
    Blokeypoo Posts: 274 Member
    These foods aren't going anywhere so you don't always have to accept it when offered. You mustn't feel as though it's your last chance or that you'll never be able to have it.

    Fit a few nice things into your diet anyway so you don't feel deprived and just keep saying no to unplanned extras, or not today thanks, it works. Practice makes perfect.

    Good luck :o)
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Sometimes parents/grandparents see that as a way to show love.

    You can either tell her it's not very food journal friendly, or that you appreciate the offer, but will pass. Or even that you've selected your own dessert that's better for your food journal because you have to be extra cautious because you're trying to lose....and unfortunately, those extra portions and desserts don't help.

    Remember, they can offer, but you aren't obligated to take it. Yes, I know it's hard to resist.

    I actually went to the drive thru this morning with the intent of ordering 1 bacon/egg/cheese biscuit. Haven't had one in a long time, and the yogurt in my fridge at work expired over the weekend. I had said "1", and they heard "2". I was at the window before I realized it. I just put the second one in the fridge for tomorrow.
  • eldamiano
    eldamiano Posts: 2,667 Member
    If she keeps on offering you desserts against your will, then she doesnt understand your situation.
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
    Been there. Enlist the help of someone you trust to tell Grandma she is hurting you by the constant offer of food. She may not even realize that she's doing it. It may just be her way, old habits are difficult to break, we know that, right? Reinterate your position as often as you need to make her comply with your wishes. She'll get it eventually and may actually be a good source of support. Like making things you can have. Give her some recipes or ideas on things you can enjoy together. Good luck.
  • MyRummyHens
    MyRummyHens Posts: 141 Member
    This is clearly as much as about your Gran as it is you, and her needs and desire to be a provider/be needed. I think if you go in to hard you could upset her. I would point her in the right direction with something like "Gran I'm really in the mood for fruit salad this week, do you have a recipe?", then when she makes enough to feed a small army congratulate her with "Wow Gran! That's awesome, you've made me enough to last the week" and follow through with kiss/hug. Make her feel wanted/needed and make her feel like she's getting it right. Same with meals/dinner, tell her you fancy veggies with your pasta (thus reducing the amount of pasta and calories in each serving), or ask her if she has a recipe for something more diet compliant?

    With regards refusing deserts, I'd go in with "Gran dinner was SO tasty that I'm still feeling great from that so I'm going to pass on desert for now". It's pretty hard to come back with a "yes but" when you've just been delivered a compliment.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    My family is very glad that I'm trying to lose weight. My Da especially is being awesome in taking me to the gym and picking me up on the weekends. My grandmother, whom I stay with during the week, keeps saying how proud she is of me. However, my grandmother is the queen of mixed signals. I know she doesn't try to be, but she shows love through food. It's constantly a barrage of: "Do you want a brownie?" "Here, have some pudding!" "There are ice creams in the freezer!" "I baked a cake/pie/tart/cookies/scones" "Is that all your eating?" "Your stomach can't be full on that!" "Aw, have a bit more, luv."

    And the thing is, I don't get full. I spent so long compulsively overeating that I never really feel full, so I really have to watch portion sizes, and not go for seconds. The thing is, she's always trying to give me seconds. Like my plate really doesn't need to be so full of pasta I can't see the bottom of the dish, and I don't need a cake slice that is half of the pan.

    The thing is, I know she does it to show she cares about me. I know she does it because she remembers when they were on the farm and didn't have enough food for five people, I know she's trying to provide for us. I know feeding us makes her feel useful...but I feel like it's sabotaging me a little.

    I don't know how to handle this. I don't know if I have the willpower to constantly say no to all my favorite desserts all the time, and there's at least one dessert every day. Any advice?

    why say no all the time.????

    There is no reason you can't have sweets and treats while losing weight...you are going to eat them when you are done right????

    Just stay within your goals...make room by giving up something else or exercise more...it's that easy.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Look up some healthy recipes for her to try. Let her know that you really appreciate her efforts, but that you need to eat a little less of certain foods, and you would really like it if she would try some new things.
  • gregs_gal
    gregs_gal Posts: 18 Member
    I second looking up some healthy receipes to try out. I don't know what your schedule is like, but it could be a bonding experience for you and your grandmother (and other family members) if you found some recipes to try and then made them together.

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