Discouraged - self esteem/Overeating - forever?
sage_444
Posts: 10 Member
I'm just feeling disheartened after about three months of really strong effort to get my life on track, and about a year and a half of trying to change the way I think about myself. Eating healthy and working on good self esteem take such a huge amount of energy - I feel like I'm in constant battle with my inner critic and my hungry lizard brain. Does it ever get easier? Am I going to be fighting with myself about how I look and what I eat forever? I don't even feel like I can do this another week. Does it ever just become something you don't have to think about (agonize over)? I just feel like I'm running out of energy and motivation and I can't understand how I can ever achieve my fitness, body, and psychological goals. I want to be able to do a pull up. I want to be able to do 10 proper full pushups. I want to go more than a week without a binge. And I want to stop feeling like I'm worthless and unattractive because that is definitely not true. I feel like every tiny, nearly invisible millimetre of progress takes an obsessive and exhausting amount of effort, like moving a mountain or pulling an entire train. How do you keep going when you're so tired and you keep failing yourself and you never see results? Is life ever going to stop feeling like such a struggle - does it ever get easy to just be the way you are?
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Hi notanna. I'm sorry you've been feeling down and unmotivated like this. But let me tell you, I've been there. I think we've all been there. We're not designed to go at 100% all the time, and this journey, the journey of fitness, is not one without road bumps.
But here's how I see it. I like to run, and I use running as a metaphor a lot. Your strength doesn't matter when you're running downhill. It's easy to run miles sand miles downhill. Your strength matters most when you're running uphill. The harder it is, the more you need it.
That's how I see life. A part of the journey of becoming more fit, no matter what it is, in your case for example, increasing strength so you can do a pull up, is not just to build the strength in your arms. In order to do that, you have to strengthen your mind. Why? Because of times like these, when you just don't wanna go on. When it's easy? That's great, but that's not when it matters. This is your opportunity to shine. This is your hill. This is when you need this the most. You need your mental strength the most, because it's your lack of strength that makes you feel sluggish, and it's this feeling of demotivation that will cause you to strengthen your mind. Because if you can get through this, you will find yourself on the other side of the hill feeling strong and proud. And that's some muscle memory you built right there.
We hit hills every now and then, I don't think we'll over stop. What we can stop is the way we treat it. Today, I had a really bad binge-fest after a few really great weeks. It was terrible. I felt so depressed. But I decided to look at this as my hill. Instead of avoiding it, I'm going to sprint up it. Bounce back even stronger. When it's least appealing, when it's least pleasant, when I want to be healthy the absolute least --- THAT'S when it'll benefit me most.
I wish you the best, I hope this helped.
Also, here's my post. You might find something you can relate to here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/minneni/view/post-binge-blog-post-6391840 -
Notanna, I feel like I could have written your post myself. I, unfortunately, don't have anything to help but I just wanted you to know you're not alone
Minneni, just great words 0 -
I feel the same!!
So very much the same. I've been thinking and feeling the very same way for a very long time.0 -
Hi :-)
I'm sorry your feeling down. As I was reading your post,I thought about a time period in my life where I felt that way. It was truly awful.aha its like daily torture...I know the feeling. But I'm happy to say that it doesn't have to be like thus forever, as now I'm happier then I've ever been. But it took lots of work. Mental and physical. But it can be done. I started with getting some help and confronting my feelings head on, next I started working on myself physically. And once I started to see results after a few months, I was hooked. I knew the harder I worked, the better id become. Now I'm happy and even a little bit arrogant :-) you can pull yourself out if this rut!I promise that there's happier days ahead, as long as you put in the effort.0 -
I am going to go out on a limb here and risk being torn limb from limb by the purists. Fighting to lose weight is a struggle. Regaining your confidence is a struggle. However.... LIFE is a struggle. Right now it seems you are struggling with everything.
I had this talk with my sister over a year ago and you would not believe the change it made in her life. (For some reason she listens to me.) There is what you want to become and then there is what there is. You are fighting two battles, and if you win one you will not necessarily win the other. The weight loss thing is an issue because you obviously feel you have a large mountain to climb and you see no end to it. Imagine you are actually climbing a mountain. Give yourself 3 cheat days a week for a month. Then drop it down to two on the second month, then one on the third. If you started mountain climbing today, you would not make it to the top, you would need to rest. When you look into the abyss and see you cant ever have a slice of cake again, you will say screw it and have a slice of cake. But, if you know you can on Thursday, maybe you won't have it Monday-Wed.
The second part is this. If you are not happy with yourself, losing weight won't help. But, one thing at a time, one thing at a time.0 -
If you are not happy with yourself, losing weight won't help. But, one thing at a time, one thing at a time.
Take each day one day at a time, and take each thing at time. Making small changes eventually the bigger picture shines through. Hang in there!0 -
I know how you feel, I have tried WW over and over again, just cant get with it any more. Am really tired of thinking about it. Thought I would give this site a try. Maybe I would get inspired by a little different approach. I know we can do it. Just don't be so hard on yourself. You are worth the effort.0
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For me, it doesn't exactly get "easier" but I have developed habits of eating mostly (not all) healthy food, logging what I eat, and working out -- habits that I don't have to actively work so hard to keep up with now. They were very hard mentally to do for a while, now they're habits. But it's not always easy for me to avoid sliding back to old habits. I'm healthy right now -- at a good weight, I'm fit, no significant health issues, all is well. You'd think it would be ridiculously easy to just keep everything going . But while I'm good now, I have this loooong history of struggling with food, body image, bad and distructive habits, so it's like there's this old river that sometimes wants to pull me back and I still do often have to fight that. What I think about often is how much harder and even more exhausting it was to be unhealthy, unfit and unhappy. I'm sure from the outside it looked "easier" as it mostly involved a lot of sitting, watching TV, and eating whatever. But on the inside it was killing me mentally and emotionally and that was harder, more exhausting and in many ways, more work to deal with every day, if that makes sense. By the way it took me a couple of decades to get from there to here and I never feel like I'm "here," I just try to head in that direction each day now.0
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Wow you started at a really tough time of year. I usually take Jan -Mar1 off, sorta I keep tracking and trying to eat under calories but don't push too hard on exercise. It is cold and snowy and it gets tough out there. Mid-March to October is much easier. The weather is better and I can take long walks outside. As stated before we are not on 100% all the time. I have been doing this for 3 years and it got easier for me when I started thinking more positively about myself. I looked in the mirror and found things I really liked about myself. I have a really cute smile. Focus on the good and the positive, once you do that everything isn't quite as much a struggle.0
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I reached that point before. It was just tired of thinking about weight, dieting, losing, gaining, it always constantly on my mind. I started diving back into sweets full blast, gained, and got sick of beating myself up for the gain.
I eventually let it all go. Stopped. My mind didn't stop thinking, but my efforts ceased.
I ended up regaining the 70 or so lbs I lost, and added an additional 70 to boot.
I had tons of fits and starts, but it would take me another 8 years before I really went after my goals again.
Now nothing can stop me. My fire doesn't burn out. I have lost almost all the weight I gained and in a matter of weeks will be at my lowest adult weight ever, and still will keep going. But, and this might be tough to hear, I wouldn't have gotten here if I hadn't fallen so hard, given up totally, and finally hit rock bottom in my self esteem and my relationship with food.
Sometimes you get so tired, so frustrated, with this journey that nothing will respark you but a massive fall, major failing, and getting back up again. Because at that point the desire to get out of the disgusting mess of your life, and body, becomes stronger than your desire to lie down and die.0 -
I used to feel that way too but in the past couple years I've learned to love myself and that has helped me tremendously. For me, I needed to love myself the way I was before I could change myself to the person I want to be. Now I don't feel as much pressure to lose weight. I still want to lose weight but I no longer feel like it takes a ton of energy. In fact I was just thinking this morning about how much easier it has been for me to stay on track this time than it has all the other times I tried to lose weight.
Obviously this is just my experience but I still believe that for everyone, no matter what your goals, it is really important to love and accept yourself the way you are before you try to change anything.0 -
I'm digesting this ....I'm digesting this...I am going to go out on a limb here and risk being torn limb from limb by the purists. Fighting to lose weight is a struggle. Regaining your confidence is a struggle. However.... LIFE is a struggle. Right now it seems you are struggling with everything.
I had this talk with my sister over a year ago and you would not believe the change it made in her life. (For some reason she listens to me.) There is what you want to become and then there is what there is. You are fighting two battles, and if you win one you will not necessarily win the other. The weight loss thing is an issue because you obviously feel you have a large mountain to climb and you see no end to it. Imagine you are actually climbing a mountain. Give yourself 3 cheat days a week for a month. Then drop it down to two on the second month, then one on the third. If you started mountain climbing today, you would not make it to the top, you would need to rest. When you look into the abyss and see you cant ever have a slice of cake again, you will say screw it and have a slice of cake. But, if you know you can on Thursday, maybe you won't have it Monday-Wed.
The second part is this. If you are not happy with yourself, losing weight won't help. But, one thing at a time, one thing at a time.0 -
Wonderful and encouraging postHi :-)
I'm sorry your feeling down. As I was reading your post,I thought about a time period in my life where I felt that way. It was truly awful.aha its like daily torture...I know the feeling. But I'm happy to say that it doesn't have to be like thus forever, as now I'm happier then I've ever been. But it took lots of work. Mental and physical. But it can be done. I started with getting some help and confronting my feelings head on, next I started working on myself physically. And once I started to see results after a few months, I was hooked. I knew the harder I worked, the better id become. Now I'm happy and even a little bit arrogant :-) you can pull yourself out if this rut!I promise that there's happier days ahead, as long as you put in the effort.0 -
Love this ....I'm so encouraged by this as it's so relatable!I reached that point before. It was just tired of thinking about weight, dieting, losing, gaining, it always constantly on my mind. I started diving back into sweets full blast, gained, and got sick of beating myself up for the gain.
I eventually let it all go. Stopped. My mind didn't stop thinking, but my efforts ceased.
I ended up regaining the 70 or so lbs I lost, and added an additional 70 to boot.
I had tons of fits and starts, but it would take me another 8 years before I really went after my goals again.
Now nothing can stop me. My fire doesn't burn out. I have lost almost all the weight I gained and in a matter of weeks will be at my lowest adult weight ever, and still will keep going. But, and this might be tough to hear, I wouldn't have gotten here if I hadn't fallen so hard, given up totally, and finally hit rock bottom in my self esteem and my relationship with food.
Sometimes you get so tired, so frustrated, with this journey that nothing will respark you but a massive fall, major failing, and getting back up again. Because at that point the desire to get out of the disgusting mess of your life, and body, becomes stronger than your desire to lie down and die.0 -
I was where you were before I started here. I realised I had to understand myself before I could hope to be successful. Why did I overeat, what were my triggers, what could I do to avoid those triggers, why did I really want to lose weight? etc etc. I needed to be honest with myself. Once I understood better my actions I could develop coping strategies, I could handle the fact that I needed to do this for a long time just to lose the weight and if I wanted to keep the weight off I needed to do something similar for life. This was about a new lifestyle and a newer me. Its not got rid of all my demons, I'm not perfect, sometimes its hard work but the further I go the easier it becomes as I don't want to screw up the work I've done so far. I look for small victories such as limiting myself on things I'd have previously binged on, better performances at the gym or running, dropping a clothes size. But ultimately it came down to wanting and needing to do this, once I understood that about myself the battles became smaller and less frequent. That said I do spend a lot of time and energy on what I'm eating, what exercise I'm doing etc but that is because it now interests me and helps me reach my goal so its not emotionally draining. Its also had the knock on effect of making me happier and more confident in the rest of my life as I have more energy, sleep better and people see me for me and not just as a fat person.
You need to decide why you want this and whether its worth the energy at this point in your life. Only you can make that decision. Those of us that have made it will tell you to go for it but ultimately it has to be something that you want and need and not just something you think you should do. Half hearted is probably worse than not at all as losing the weight then putting it back on again is doubly dispiriting. I know because I did it and it took me 10 years to try again properly by which time I'd put the weight back on plus another 60lbs!).
Good luck and hope you make a decision that you are happy with. :flowerforyou:0 -
Geeez it's easier to see your own issues when someone else is writing them.
I could have written that...and my problem (and part of yours) is that you are being too hard on yourself. This is draining for you because you're expecting too much. Every single thing you've listed is absolutely doable. But to make such a complete lifestyle change and expect so much to come so quickly is going to drain you completely.
What helped me is to write out my goals. What would be "perfection" for me. Each one in it's own category. Then I broke each one of those into smaller, more achievable goals.
It's hard to look at 50lbs (or 100, or 200) and see that as something realistic. So I looked at 5lbs. Each 5lbs meant I was making progress.
When I started running, I couldn't run for even 30 seconds without feeling like I was going to die. But it was easier to run down hill. I still felt like I was going to die, but it was doable, so that was my first goal. When I could do that consistently, I made it a goal to run one small loop on my track on flat ground. Then I would run around the bigger loop. Always pushing myself, but waiting to move forward until I had mastered the current goal.
With food, you track your calories...if there is a trouble spot, define it, and make a small goal. If that's keeping cake to one day a week, or not eating in front of the TV for one night a week...whatever your issues are, make a goal that's achievable. When you can do that, make a new one.
You'll be making progress on everything, but you're only looking at one small part at a time, so it's not as overwhelming as thinking of the fact that you have so many things you want to do.
The key is to not make this so hard that you will give up.0 -
I am going to go out on a limb here and risk being torn limb from limb by the purists. Fighting to lose weight is a struggle. Regaining your confidence is a struggle. However.... LIFE is a struggle. Right now it seems you are struggling with everything.
I had this talk with my sister over a year ago and you would not believe the change it made in her life. (For some reason she listens to me.) There is what you want to become and then there is what there is. You are fighting two battles, and if you win one you will not necessarily win the other. The weight loss thing is an issue because you obviously feel you have a large mountain to climb and you see no end to it. Imagine you are actually climbing a mountain. Give yourself 3 cheat days a week for a month. Then drop it down to two on the second month, then one on the third. If you started mountain climbing today, you would not make it to the top, you would need to rest. When you look into the abyss and see you cant ever have a slice of cake again, you will say screw it and have a slice of cake. But, if you know you can on Thursday, maybe you won't have it Monday-Wed.
The second part is this. If you are not happy with yourself, losing weight won't help. But, one thing at a time, one thing at a time.
Excellent words. I just want to add....you have to love yourself in order to want to change yourself.0 -
Such encouraging posts, notanna. Hopefully you can find something in all of this support that will help. I'd only add that one thing I realized years ago, was that if my best friend spoke to me the way I spoke to me, I'd slap her. Be your own best friend. What would you tell her? And then give yourself that much love and support. You're worth it. It takes time to reach that point, but look how far you've come!0
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I can only speak for myself. It's an on-going struggle, but it's worth the effort. When things get overwhelming, I take a deep breath, say a little prayer and ask God for strength and remind myself to take it one day at a time and one meal at a time.
You're young; do this now for yourself and for your current and future family.
carpe diem = seize the day0 -
Wow, thanks everyone for the kind words. I was pretty anxious about checking on this thread - this isn't the kind of thing I talk to anyone about, and online communities can be pretty rough - but you've all been lovely. Thanks for the reminders to take things a step at a time and not be too hard on myself.0
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hi notanna,
there is a way to break free from the struggle.
first is to learn to eat only for physical hunger. i dare say that you can eat whatever you want at first, as long as you are hungry. stop eating when you are no longer physically hungry. when you develop this trusting relationship with your body, you know that food is safe with you, you can then focus on what foods make you feel good and energetic and which foods make you feel sick and unhealthy. choose the ones that make you feel alive and energetic.
the second step is to find ways to fill your emotional hungers apart from food. when you want to eat when your body is not physically hungry, that is a cue from your spirit/soul/whatever you would like to call it......that you are craving self-love or joy. learn to give yourself this kind of love and joy, and you will no longer need food to fill that void.
exercise or movement can come in later, if you'd like. again, approach it from a place of wanting to take care of yourself, wanting to feel better, wanting to have energy and feeling alive. this positive motivation takes away all drudgery and obligation. eventually, you will want to move your body because you want to take such great care of yourself.
in short, eat for physical hunger, fill yourself with love when you have emotional hungers, and exercise when you want to feel good and have more energy. i promise it will no longer feel like a struggle.
xoxo!
~ally0
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