Dumping the old rules that were controlling my life.
![Hanfordrose](https://dakd0cjsv8wfa.cloudfront.net/images/photos/user/011b/47ec/ae70/569e/16dd/a930/c9fd/3533f9b08b896efe5bfd673fea83269804f3.jpg)
Hanfordrose
Posts: 688 Member
During the past year, I lost a lot of weight; and along the way, I learned to like myself better. I also started giving myself permission to break 'the old rules', overcome the negative messages that had limited and dictated how I would lead my life.
In June, I put on swimsuit for the first time in more than 50 years. I stopped believing the old message that I would be the laughing stock of the local swimming pool. I found joy again in the water.
During the past month, I bought my first jeans and stopped believing the old message that I was too old and too fat to wear those denim pants 'that were only for thin teenagers and cowgirls'. :noway:
I realized that those old messages were big lies that kept from living my life. No one laughed, when I got into pool and started swimming laps for an hour each day. Folks admired me for what I was doing, and I looked pretty good in my new jeans for a 69 year old Hot Mama.
About the same time that I bought the jeans, I made another big decision. I decided to dump another old message into the trash can marked "big fat lies". This message was related to one finger nail. That finger nail had been making me feel ugly and had kept me from even wearing my beautiful rings and bracelets for more than 10 years.
The problem began in 2002. I had been wearing acrylic nails for a long time. I loved those long nails and often let my manicurist put special designs on the nails for the holidays and other special occasions.
Then...one day, I booked a last minute appointment with a manicurist that I didn't know. She used an electric drill to file down my acrylics. To my horror, she drilled right through one of my nails and into the nail bed. It bled, and it hurt. The manicurist cleaned the nail with a cotton swab and some kind of liquid. Then, she put the new acrylic right over the wound in that nail bed. Within days, skin on the tip of that finger began to peel. It wasn't long, before the skin was peeling off the sides of my finger too.
I got worried and went back to the manicurist...only to find that the shop was closed. My next stop was my old manicurist. She and I were both horrified, when the acrylic nail was removed. My nail bed had turned green and was oozing some kind of infection. There was no choice. All the acrylic nails had to come off, and I needed to see my doctor right away.
My doctor put me on anti-fungal meds right away. The nail bed cleared up a little bit; but something had changed; and it could not be reversed. Each time that nail would begin to grow back, it would lift off the nail bed and would not grow back connected to the nail bed as it should. That nail could not or would not grow with the nail bed anymore. It only separated from the nail bed; and new, thin nail would peel off, before it grew much beyond the cuticle. Every passing month, the nail bed looked worse. It became a dry pit, not smooth pink surface.
When Ed and I married in December of 2004, a friend put acrylics on my nails...just for the wedding. One day later, the nail bed began to go green. There was no choice but to pull the nails off and begin anti-fungal treatments again; and again, that didn't help much.
After more than 9 years, all that remains of that horrible nail is a dead nail bed. When a new nail tries to grow over that dry hole, it is totally separated from the nail bed and peels off almost immediately. That one UGLY nail bed made me so self-conscious of my hands. I was sure that wearing any of my lovely rings would only bring unwelcome attention to this dead nail; so, I stopped wearing rings on that hand...and bracelets too.
Of course, putting on nail polish wouldn't help, because I only had 9 good nails. The one ugly nail would still look horrible. At least, that's what I thought. :noway:
Then, 2 weeks ago...I did something crazy. I called a local Avon lady and asked her to come to my home and help me select makeup. You see...I had thrown away all of my makeup about 4 years ago. Another old message...another lie went along with the decision to throw away my makeup. I weighed more 280 pounds at the time. So...what was the point of putting on makeup. The old message was loud and clear, "You're fat and ugly; and no amount of makeup can make you look thinner." That internal voice spoke of another rule that began controlling my life, "You don't put makeup on a pig." :noway:
Yeah. I had some really ugly messages that had trapped me in a world of low self esteem. I really needed to unload a bunch of garbage that was keeping me from leading my life...old messages that would not allow me even like myself.
With the help of MFP and my sweet MFP sisters, so much has changed during the past 14 months. I not lost 113 pounds, but I learned to like myself and realized that the old messages were just big, fat lies; and they were keeping me from enjoying my life.
I have a whole bunch of makeup arriving from Avon this week, including some nail polish. I made some big decisions that went against some of those old rules. I had all my beautiful rings sized to fit my new, skinner fingers...fingers on my right hand...the hand with the ugly nail.
Then...on Thursday, I went to a very nice manicurist who was willing to try and help me make that dead finger nail look better. These photos show my right hand, including that dead nail, before my manicure yesterday.
Yeah. That middle finger has an obvious problem.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore01a_zps3b21a5fe.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore01a_zps3b21a5fe.jpg)
This dead nail bed has kept me from wearing nail polish and my beautiful rings. I was ashamed of how it looked.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore02_zps76d95a93.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore02_zps76d95a93.jpg)
The dead nail bed collapsed inward as the layers of nails peeled off over the past 10 years. I couldn't imagine how my manicurist could fill the pit, but she did with just a couple of coats of gel.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore03_zps7e93ffd4.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore03_zps7e93ffd4.jpg)
These photos show my hands, after a manicure. My new manicurist put a gel fill on that old ugly nail...what was left of the nail bed. We are watching it carefully, hoping that the fungus will not return. I may not have a perfect nail, but my hands look good enough to wear my rings and bracelets again.
At least, the ugly pit is gone.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter02_zps88bb7a42.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter02_zps88bb7a42.jpg)
It is a joy to wear my lapis and diamond ring again after so long.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter01_zps55e7cc4e.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter01_zps55e7cc4e.jpg)
From now on, my lavender pearls and topaz rings won't just hold down a space in my jewelry box. They will now get to decorate my fingers, when I go church or out for some special occasion.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter03_zps7cd999f3.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter03_zps7cd999f3.jpg)
Even my coral rings will get a chance to be shown off, though I will go for coral colored nail polish, when I want to wear my pastel colored in the future. The short middle finger may not be perfect; but it doesn't make me uncomfortable, like the dead pit that used to be all too obvious in the past.
By the way, I got a pedicure too. My toenails are now the same color as my fingernails, a rich cranberry red.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter04_zpsf0790664.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter04_zpsf0790664.jpg)
Ed helped me take the photos of my hands, and he just couldn't resist snapping a picture of his girl Sue.
![03-15-14Sue01_zps3151cd4b.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14Sue01_zps3151cd4b.jpg)
Are you still letting old messages tell you how to live? Do you have rules that only apply, because those messages are telling you that you are fat, ugly, unworthy, undeserving or just not good enough?
Keep in mind. Most of those nasty, old messages were things that we decided were true. We didn't fight back against those lies. We let those ugly messages into our brains, where they could destroy our self esteem. Have you imposed rules that keep you from having the best that life can give you, because you decided that you didn't deserve any better.
It is definitely time to dump the old messages and old rules. I can tell you right now that I am so much happier with every change that has happened to me in this past year, and most of those changes simply meant that I finally fought back against the old messages and demanded something better for myself. You can too. :flowerforyou:
In June, I put on swimsuit for the first time in more than 50 years. I stopped believing the old message that I would be the laughing stock of the local swimming pool. I found joy again in the water.
During the past month, I bought my first jeans and stopped believing the old message that I was too old and too fat to wear those denim pants 'that were only for thin teenagers and cowgirls'. :noway:
I realized that those old messages were big lies that kept from living my life. No one laughed, when I got into pool and started swimming laps for an hour each day. Folks admired me for what I was doing, and I looked pretty good in my new jeans for a 69 year old Hot Mama.
About the same time that I bought the jeans, I made another big decision. I decided to dump another old message into the trash can marked "big fat lies". This message was related to one finger nail. That finger nail had been making me feel ugly and had kept me from even wearing my beautiful rings and bracelets for more than 10 years.
The problem began in 2002. I had been wearing acrylic nails for a long time. I loved those long nails and often let my manicurist put special designs on the nails for the holidays and other special occasions.
Then...one day, I booked a last minute appointment with a manicurist that I didn't know. She used an electric drill to file down my acrylics. To my horror, she drilled right through one of my nails and into the nail bed. It bled, and it hurt. The manicurist cleaned the nail with a cotton swab and some kind of liquid. Then, she put the new acrylic right over the wound in that nail bed. Within days, skin on the tip of that finger began to peel. It wasn't long, before the skin was peeling off the sides of my finger too.
I got worried and went back to the manicurist...only to find that the shop was closed. My next stop was my old manicurist. She and I were both horrified, when the acrylic nail was removed. My nail bed had turned green and was oozing some kind of infection. There was no choice. All the acrylic nails had to come off, and I needed to see my doctor right away.
My doctor put me on anti-fungal meds right away. The nail bed cleared up a little bit; but something had changed; and it could not be reversed. Each time that nail would begin to grow back, it would lift off the nail bed and would not grow back connected to the nail bed as it should. That nail could not or would not grow with the nail bed anymore. It only separated from the nail bed; and new, thin nail would peel off, before it grew much beyond the cuticle. Every passing month, the nail bed looked worse. It became a dry pit, not smooth pink surface.
When Ed and I married in December of 2004, a friend put acrylics on my nails...just for the wedding. One day later, the nail bed began to go green. There was no choice but to pull the nails off and begin anti-fungal treatments again; and again, that didn't help much.
After more than 9 years, all that remains of that horrible nail is a dead nail bed. When a new nail tries to grow over that dry hole, it is totally separated from the nail bed and peels off almost immediately. That one UGLY nail bed made me so self-conscious of my hands. I was sure that wearing any of my lovely rings would only bring unwelcome attention to this dead nail; so, I stopped wearing rings on that hand...and bracelets too.
Of course, putting on nail polish wouldn't help, because I only had 9 good nails. The one ugly nail would still look horrible. At least, that's what I thought. :noway:
Then, 2 weeks ago...I did something crazy. I called a local Avon lady and asked her to come to my home and help me select makeup. You see...I had thrown away all of my makeup about 4 years ago. Another old message...another lie went along with the decision to throw away my makeup. I weighed more 280 pounds at the time. So...what was the point of putting on makeup. The old message was loud and clear, "You're fat and ugly; and no amount of makeup can make you look thinner." That internal voice spoke of another rule that began controlling my life, "You don't put makeup on a pig." :noway:
Yeah. I had some really ugly messages that had trapped me in a world of low self esteem. I really needed to unload a bunch of garbage that was keeping me from leading my life...old messages that would not allow me even like myself.
With the help of MFP and my sweet MFP sisters, so much has changed during the past 14 months. I not lost 113 pounds, but I learned to like myself and realized that the old messages were just big, fat lies; and they were keeping me from enjoying my life.
I have a whole bunch of makeup arriving from Avon this week, including some nail polish. I made some big decisions that went against some of those old rules. I had all my beautiful rings sized to fit my new, skinner fingers...fingers on my right hand...the hand with the ugly nail.
Then...on Thursday, I went to a very nice manicurist who was willing to try and help me make that dead finger nail look better. These photos show my right hand, including that dead nail, before my manicure yesterday.
Yeah. That middle finger has an obvious problem.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore01a_zps3b21a5fe.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore01a_zps3b21a5fe.jpg)
This dead nail bed has kept me from wearing nail polish and my beautiful rings. I was ashamed of how it looked.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore02_zps76d95a93.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore02_zps76d95a93.jpg)
The dead nail bed collapsed inward as the layers of nails peeled off over the past 10 years. I couldn't imagine how my manicurist could fill the pit, but she did with just a couple of coats of gel.
![03-15-14FingernailsBefore03_zps7e93ffd4.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsBefore03_zps7e93ffd4.jpg)
These photos show my hands, after a manicure. My new manicurist put a gel fill on that old ugly nail...what was left of the nail bed. We are watching it carefully, hoping that the fungus will not return. I may not have a perfect nail, but my hands look good enough to wear my rings and bracelets again.
At least, the ugly pit is gone.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter02_zps88bb7a42.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter02_zps88bb7a42.jpg)
It is a joy to wear my lapis and diamond ring again after so long.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter01_zps55e7cc4e.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter01_zps55e7cc4e.jpg)
From now on, my lavender pearls and topaz rings won't just hold down a space in my jewelry box. They will now get to decorate my fingers, when I go church or out for some special occasion.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter03_zps7cd999f3.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter03_zps7cd999f3.jpg)
Even my coral rings will get a chance to be shown off, though I will go for coral colored nail polish, when I want to wear my pastel colored in the future. The short middle finger may not be perfect; but it doesn't make me uncomfortable, like the dead pit that used to be all too obvious in the past.
By the way, I got a pedicure too. My toenails are now the same color as my fingernails, a rich cranberry red.
![03-15-14FingernailsAfter04_zpsf0790664.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14FingernailsAfter04_zpsf0790664.jpg)
Ed helped me take the photos of my hands, and he just couldn't resist snapping a picture of his girl Sue.
![03-15-14Sue01_zps3151cd4b.jpg](http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w578/Hanfordrose/03-15-14Sue01_zps3151cd4b.jpg)
Are you still letting old messages tell you how to live? Do you have rules that only apply, because those messages are telling you that you are fat, ugly, unworthy, undeserving or just not good enough?
Keep in mind. Most of those nasty, old messages were things that we decided were true. We didn't fight back against those lies. We let those ugly messages into our brains, where they could destroy our self esteem. Have you imposed rules that keep you from having the best that life can give you, because you decided that you didn't deserve any better.
It is definitely time to dump the old messages and old rules. I can tell you right now that I am so much happier with every change that has happened to me in this past year, and most of those changes simply meant that I finally fought back against the old messages and demanded something better for myself. You can too. :flowerforyou:
0
Replies
-
Your rings are beautiful but you outshine them with your beauty! You are an inspiration to me, thank you so much for sharing!0
-
Beautiful!0
-
beautiful.
did you know they have a new laser treatment for those kind of nails? i saw it at the podiatrists office. one laser treatment, and about a year of growing (less for a finger i am sure, a year was for a toe) and you'll have a healthy new nail. i have the same issue with one toe. (i call it the ugly toe) i'm saving the money to have the laser done (it was $350 for the first nail, 100 each after that) i'm very excited about the new treatment, as i've lived with it since "96.
ETA: it's painless, and no side effects.0 -
beautiful.
did you know they have a new laser treatment for those kind of nails? i saw it at the podiatrists office. one laser treatment, and about a year of growing (less for a finger i am sure, a year was for a toe) and you'll have a healthy new nail. i have the same issue with one toe. (i call it the ugly toe) i'm saving the money to have the laser done (it was $350 for the first nail, 100 each after that) i'm very excited about the new treatment, as i've lived with it since "96.
ETA: it's painless, and no side effects.
I was told that the nail bed was dead, and there was no way to bring it bring. I think that I may need to talk to a podiatrist in the future. Thanks for that information.0 -
Thank you for a fantastic, inspiring post!0
-
Great!! LOVE IT!! I am 50-ish and was raised by a mom to always worry about what others thought was right/pretty/normal...it is great attitude you have and is obviously working for you....and by the way I think your hands look fine...keep up the good work0
-
By the way... I had a toenail do the same thing after dropping a dresser on it...(very important if you live in Florida and are open toe most of the year) and for months I put a flesh colored Band-Aid on and "painted" a toenail on it LOL....now like you I just paint what's there....0
-
You are one hot mama! Keep treating yourself like the beautiful queen you are, and don't let anyone say you deserve anything less. I've spent a lot of time fighting lies and i hope to have an inspirational post like yours one day.0
-
Milady, you have changed the rules and won the game of life! Congratulations.0
-
beautiful story.0
-
Beautiful , inspiring journey of self awareness .... And you have lovely hands and gorgeous rings.0
-
Fabulous post xx
Don't we tell ourselves the worst things - things that we'd never say to anyone else, but for some reason its ok to say them to ourselves?
Glad you dumped your old rules!0 -
Sue, I find you beautiful, with or without your fingernail problem or rings. You ARE a wonderful inspiration to us all!! I am going to be 67 years old soon, and I know those 'old rules' we tell ourselves. I am still battling many of them myself. You'd be surprised how many people probably never noticed your fingernail until you mentioned it. I say this because I have had a girlfriend for over 51 years (I know this because my soon just turned 50 two days ago and she is his Godmother). Well, we went to High School together and were totally inseparable after our marriages until we moved thousands of miles from each other. She must have been my friend for over five years when I happened to hand her something and when she grabbed it, I noticed her right thumb was missing. Without thinking I blurted out, "Bets, your thumb is gone! " (like it had JUST disappeared!). She laughed and said, " Wick, where have you been? It's been gone since I was born! I was born this way.". We discussed the disadvantage for her and I was amazed I had never noticed before that time...all we had done together daily. She told me that people never seem to notice because she never made an issue of it. She was able to function using her four fingers she had on that hand and because of that, few noticed. I am glad you were able to get your nail bed filled with the gel and I pray it won't cause an infection. But as I said, you are totally beautiful as you are and as one of your MFP friends, I get to see that beauty here daily on your posts. Thank you for inspiring us. Love, Wick0
-
your hands, and personality, are just beautiful. To think what a difference the things those hands have done must have made in this world in your 69 years.
They deserve to be adorned, and adored.
0 -
Good for you! What a great message to each of us. Your hands look lovely and I'm so happy you decided to wear your rings again.
What a happy day!
0 -
A beautiful post from a beautiful woman.0
-
You so beautifully put into words what I have been learning on this journey to better health:
Keep in mind. Most of those nasty, old messages were things that we decided were true. We didn't fight back against those lies. We let those ugly messages into our brains, where they could destroy our self esteem. Have you imposed rules that keep you from having the best that life can give you, because you decided that you didn't deserve any better.
It is definitely time to dump the old messages and old rules. I can tell you right now that I am so much happier with every change that has happened to me in this past year, and most of those changes simply meant that I finally fought back against the old messages and demanded something better for myself. You can too.
I am so thankful I am on the way to "dumping the old messages and old rules." Thanks for sharing!!! Your courage inspires me.0 -
your hands are beautiful, with or without nail polish and rings! One thing is for sure, you have to be careful with those acrylic nails, I have heard too many horror stories!0
-
I know that something so small can easily make someone so self conscience, I have a funky toe nail that use to keep me from wearing dark nail polish. Then last summer I figured screw it. Life's too short not to wear red nail polish.
You look fantastic and I loved your story! Thank you for sharing!0 -
Loved your story and your attitude Rose, and your hands and nail polish look very nice. Just like you!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.4K Fitness and Exercise
- 412 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions