From an over eater to a bulimic to where I am today.

I'm 20 years old, and started this journey as a 5'7" female weighing in at 305 lb at the beginning of January.

I was a compulsive over eater, then a bulimic. Two years ago, I was 280 pounds and lost over a hundred pounds by starving myself- but I was miserable and depressed and it wasn't sustainable, which is how I got back to 305 pounds.

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food. My parents are both obese, but that never stopped my mother from putting me on diets at a young age and giving me rewards for losing weight. I felt deprived and began to hide food. When I got to highschool, I was the fat girl and that's how my bulimia started. Now, some people will say differently, but you do NOT lose weight being bulimic. Not really. Not if you are a true "down 4000 calories in one sitting" kind of bulimic. Eventually I began to eat less and less and I didn't need to purge. Then I was eating 500 calories a day and working out and the weight came off, but I wasn't healthy. I had heart problems from starving my heart, I would pass out at the end of my workouts, I was sick all the time. But no one noticed a problem or helped me because I wasn't "thin" ... I still weighed 180 pounds. My mom bragged about how I had lost so much weight in such a short period of time (about five months). One day everything just collapsed and I started eating again. I was sick for days from eating so much but I kept going and kept going until I couldn't feel anything anymore.

And now I'm here.

Today I weigh 282 pounds.

I still have a lot to lose, but every time that I lose a pound, I vow to never gain that pound back. I have lost the 23 pounds through a variation of eating enough food, not eating enough food, and exercise.

It's a struggle and it's hard to not slip into "if you don't eat, you'll lose faster" mentality. I am trying. But I struggle. I had a big loss last week eating enough, and this week I ate around 500 calories per day and hardly lost a thing. It's those moments that put me back on track and make me realize that food is NOT the enemy. It's my brain against my body, not my body against food. Food is not the issue, my mentality is.

The main things that I have learned:

1. Learn to love water. I drink SO much water now. It has replaced virtually every other drink that I have.

2. Eat. Not eating does not promote a healthy body and you don't necessarily lose faster.

3. Exercise frequently but do not overdo it. For someone who is obese, I am reasonably fit. I can run a few miles easily, cycle around 20k, and I lift. But sometimes I think, just a little more, you can do it. Know your limits. Push yourself to your limits, and then a little past them, but NEVER overdo it. Overdoing it will just create injuries!

4. Our lives are not "the biggest loser". It's great to see huge losses on the scale. But they aren't realistic. You didn't gain 10 pounds in one week... so you aren't going to lose ten pounds in one week! And if you do healthfully, that's amazing! But don't expect it every week.

5. Protein is your friend. I eat limited carbs (I don't restrict carbs, but I have never really "loved" them so mostly my carbs come from fruit and veggies) but eat high protein and high fat (good fats).

6. Treat yourself. I try to have one small "snack" each day. Usually for me it is a frozen yogurt bar dipped in dark chocolate. If you don't deprive yourself, you will not hit those blocks of "must eat everything".




Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. It's taken me a very long time to get to this point in my life where I can accept that what I was doing, is NOT helping me. I have damaged my health, my metabolism, and my quality of life- and I am still in the same place that I was before. Fat and unhappy.

Today I am making a pledge to change my life and to hit my goal weight- by eating healthfully, eating enough, and living an active lifestyle. It will be hard, and I will have days where I feel like giving up and reverting back to my old ways. But I will not. I am strong, and I will succeed.

I just thought that I would share my revelation with you guys. If anyone needs a friend or someone to talk to, feel free to message or add me!