I've passed judgment

sbox11
sbox11 Posts: 59 Member
in Getting Started
I'm so sorry for all of those whom I'm reading "need to lose 10 pounds".

I immediately read those words and judged you, when I don't want to be judged myself.

I'm over here thinking, "just 10 pounds? I would LOVE to only have 10 pounds to lose!" But as I'm going through my journey, I'm realizing that everyone has their goal weight, goal size, goal feeling they want to be at, and we all came to MFP for support.

I'm sorry for judging you; for thinking, "what are you doing on here" when, really, we all have the same goal: To get to where we want to be.

Please forgive me for being judgmental. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be.

We go through our daily lives with judgments from others already. I will no longer pass judgment to anyone. I will only provide support and encouraging words to keep us all going!

I joined this community to receive support and to give support. From anyone. To anyone. Including those who have over 100 pounds to lose and those who have less than 10. Not to mention, many of the friends I have are because of the inspiring stories I've read. I would love to be at the point where I can say I want to lose 10 pounds. One day, I will be where you are. Thanks for being my inspiration and motivation.

Keep up the great work and continued success! I'm here to cheer you on!

Replies

  • chunkybun
    chunkybun Posts: 179 Member
    That's very noble of you to admit. Thanks for posting this. It's good to see people learn from this community and can appreciate everyone's struggles.
  • awtume9
    awtume9 Posts: 423 Member
    :drinker:
  • carolinatx
    carolinatx Posts: 58 Member
    Great message - I think a lot of people feel that way and don't necessarily admit it, but you are correct, we all have our struggles and are looking for support, whatever our challenge.
  • mschicagocubs
    mschicagocubs Posts: 774 Member
    Thank you! I often feel like I am being judged for being a "normal" weight and wanting to lose 15-20lbs. My circle of friends, I'm the "skinny" one and it makes talking about weight loss goals uncomfortable.

    I just want to look better. The scale is the last of my worries. Just wanting to be a healthier, better looking me.

    You can be 125 lbs and not look "fit" or "skinny."

    Weight is relative.

    & on that note...I don't care if you want to lose 10 lbs or 100lbs. We are here to help :)
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    There are even folks here who **GASP** need to gain weight, or want to gain muscle, or even maintain their weight. I forget about them, too.

    Isn't it great, so very great, how this process isn't just about one thing? Omigoodness, the vulnerability and humility that comes from being part of a community like this opens me up to many other areas of transformation that I need to address.

    Thanks for sharing your heart. MWAH!
  • audram420
    audram420 Posts: 838 Member
    I admit that I have felt that way!! I have a friend who didn't need to lose much weight for her wedding and I was needing to lose a ton. But I realized by watching her, she had to work really hard to lose those pounds. I too, wish I only needed to lose 10, but we will get there!!!!!!
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    There are even folks here who **GASP** need to gain weight, or want to gain muscle, or even maintain their weight. I forget about them, too.

    ^^This! There are those of us here who are bulking as well!
  • sbox11
    sbox11 Posts: 59 Member
    There are even folks here who **GASP** need to gain weight, or want to gain muscle, or even maintain their weight. I forget about them, too.

    ^^This! There are those of us here who are bulking as well!

    Yes, that too! I always forget about the people whom are here to bulk, gain, and maintain. Probably because I'm not on those forums yet :)
  • MrsBooBear
    MrsBooBear Posts: 12,618 Member
    :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • jcast92
    jcast92 Posts: 144 Member
    Great post!

    Everyone starts somewhere, so I think it's also important to note that we're all on different parts of our journeys- and we all strive to support each other equally regardless. :)
  • keykey48
    keykey48 Posts: 51 Member
    great post, I've had the exact same reaction but then I think, if only I'd started when I only had 10 pounds to lose, I would never have gotten as big as I am. This is a good reminder to respect everyone's journey whether it's a short one or a looong one.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    I appreciate this as well. I also have an added perspective.

    I lost about 105 pounds a few years ago and have kept it off with little effort - I would just eat and work out a lot. No tracking, etc.

    I stopped when I got to around where I am now with the good intentions of taking a break over the summer. Those 3 months turned into about 3 years.

    I now have between 10-20 pounds to lose and it feel so much harder than the 100 lbs did. So. Much. Harder. The road for 100 lbs can be long but the road for 10 lbs has it's own stupid challenges!!

    Thanks for posting ;)
  • Finkerbell
    Finkerbell Posts: 154 Member
    Also, you never know WHERE a person is starting from.
    I was on here 5 years ago to lose weight for my wedding - lost some weight - got married - now 5 years later have a 2 year old.
    Went from 155lbs to 140lbs got pregnant at 144lbs and gained 55lbs!! The nurse was like oh well at least you didn't hit 200 (at 199) oh thanks. I've never adjusted my starting weight so it doesn't look as bad as it was lol. And for me - I had a lot of problems trying to lose weight + nursing so it took a lot longer for it to come off.
  • mmerry5
    mmerry5 Posts: 69 Member
    I’m here because I’ve always had a hard time maintaining. Many times I have yo-yo’d up/down 10, 20 or 30 lbs. Not a ton, but enough that I was unhappy. I’m a pear, so even 10 lbs always went right to my saddlebags! The weight was slowly starting to creep up again so I joined a year ago this month and I’ve learned so much. I was able to get back to a weight I am happy with, but most importantly, I feel like I finally have a great tool to help me maintain. Tracking food has been a HUGE EYE OPENER! I learned to make better choices and to budget my calories for the things I really want. I work out almost daily to earn more calories and I am just healthier over all. Whether you are losing, maintaining, or gaining, it’s HARD WORK to keep that balance between eating healthy, eating happy and being fit! MFP rocks!!
  • RowlP
    RowlP Posts: 7 Member
    The last 10 are the hardest! Especially after having kids that 10lbs makes you look 3 months ;)
  • walk757
    walk757 Posts: 96 Member
    :heart: Thanks for posting!
  • montana_girl
    montana_girl Posts: 1,403 Member
    I'll admit that I'm guilty of this too... or was.

    I started my weight loss with Weight Watchers (still go to the meetings) and as someone who had over 100 pounds to lose, I used to think this all time about fellow WW members. Then one day I was one of those people that "only had 10 pounds to lose." It was an eye-opener to me the first time a new member said, "why are you here? You look great!" Suddenly I was "that" person! :laugh:
  • klbennef
    klbennef Posts: 1
    I've felt the same way!! It's so hard sometimes to see the other person's point of view. I have a friend at work that desperately needs to GAIN weight. I'm so jealous sometimes that she can eat whatever she wants and not gain ANY weight!!! I need to lose around 80 lbs and its seems like my goal is soooo far away, but I am determined this time to get it OFF!!! :flowerforyou:
  • pamdsaul
    pamdsaul Posts: 17
    I too am guilty of passing judgement. I started with 100 lbs to lose. I saw pictures of people on here and I wished I was in their shoes. I though if I looked like that I wouldn't even think about losing weight. I understand now that we all look at our bodies differently. I have lost a little over 60 lbs and have people telling me I don't need to lose anymore weight. So I now understand that people that are bigger than you don't see the same person that you see when you look in the mirror. I am sorry for judging people that don't have much weight to lose. I'm sure your struggle is just as hard as mine, maybe even harder because the more I lose the harder it is for me to lose. So good luck to all those with a small amount of weight to lose. One day I too hope to be that person.
  • paulawatkins1974
    paulawatkins1974 Posts: 720 Member
    Thank you! I often feel like I am being judged for being a "normal" weight and wanting to lose 15-20lbs. My circle of friends, I'm the "skinny" one and it makes talking about weight loss goals uncomfortable.

    I just want to look better. The scale is the last of my worries. Just wanting to be a healthier, better looking me.

    You can be 125 lbs and not look "fit" or "skinny."

    Weight is relative.

    & on that note...I don't care if you want to lose 10 lbs or 100lbs. We are here to help :)
    This is so true. I remember back in the day after I had my first baby and I was about 15-20 lbs overweight and I would mention around my larger and sometimes older family and friends that I was trying to lose weight and they would roll their eyes and say things like "hmph if you're big what am I?" And that used to annoy the crap outta me. Just because they were 'more overweight' than me, didn't lessen the fact that I was overweight. Only problem with me was, I'd try every fad diet out there and pack on more weight when I'd quit. So ya, my point is, if you feel like you need to lose 10 lbs or so, I would never roll my eyes and say "oh wow big deal 10 lbs." because I remember those days. I wish I was there now lol. And I wish I found found a healthy way to lose weight back then.
  • 2dare2dream
    2dare2dream Posts: 104 Member
    I think most of us except for the angels amongst us [smiles], have at some point passed judgement several times in our lives, so dont stress too much.
    I for one put off my own journey as i had well over 100lbs to lose and kept telling myself it would take forever and i would never do it, so i put it off and off. In june 2013 i had enough and made a commitment to self to at least try. TBH yes its been 9 months but wow i have lost over 100lbs. and 50lbs of that since i joined MFP in october. The time has flown by and im the healthiest i have been in years and still have a bit to go but i understand when you have a long journey ahead of you it is easy to become despondant. The one promise i made to self was that i would allow myself to have the occasional stumble but that i would not allow myself to self sabotage.
    Whether your journey is losing, gaining or maintaining, i wish you well. To the writer of the original post, thank you for reminding me that we all have issues with weight here and we should simply support one another, life is hard enough without anymore judgement.
    Have a good day all:bigsmile:
  • Emi1974
    Emi1974 Posts: 522 Member
    *sigh* I guess I have to admit that I do judge people... but...but... when I see really skinny people ( not athletic but very very thin) running, I think to myself : "Oh, for crying out loud, sit down and eat something. You don't need to lose more weight"

    I realize they might not do it to lose weight... Sorry for judging you :blushing:
  • sbox11
    sbox11 Posts: 59 Member
    I appreciate this as well. I also have an added perspective.

    I lost about 105 pounds a few years ago and have kept it off with little effort - I would just eat and work out a lot. No tracking, etc.

    I stopped when I got to around where I am now with the good intentions of taking a break over the summer. Those 3 months turned into about 3 years.

    I now have between 10-20 pounds to lose and it feel so much harder than the 100 lbs did. So. Much. Harder. The road for 100 lbs can be long but the road for 10 lbs has it's own stupid challenges!!

    Thanks for posting ;)

    Congrats on the success! I hear all the time that the last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose. I wouldn't know from experience yet, but hopefully one day I will and I can ask you for tips :)
  • EmotionalEater84
    EmotionalEater84 Posts: 311 Member
    I'm guilty of this .. Thank you for keeping me humble, OP! Well said :)
  • sbox11
    sbox11 Posts: 59 Member
    I think most of us except for the angels amongst us [smiles], have at some point passed judgement several times in our lives, so dont stress too much.
    I for one put off my own journey as i had well over 100lbs to lose and kept telling myself it would take forever and i would never do it, so i put it off and off. In june 2013 i had enough and made a commitment to self to at least try. TBH yes its been 9 months but wow i have lost over 100lbs. and 50lbs of that since i joined MFP in october. The time has flown by and im the healthiest i have been in years and still have a bit to go but i understand when you have a long journey ahead of you it is easy to become despondant. The one promise i made to self was that i would allow myself to have the occasional stumble but that i would not allow myself to self sabotage.
    Whether your journey is losing, gaining or maintaining, i wish you well. To the writer of the original post, thank you for reminding me that we all have issues with weight here and we should simply support one another, life is hard enough without anymore judgement.
    Have a good day all:bigsmile:

    Congrats on your success too! I was hoping to be down some lbs. at this point (after all, it's been a month since I've joined), but I'm only down inches. While I'm happy to see success in some form, inches aren't going to get me out of the prediabetes stage I'm in right now. I've got to figure out how to get some weight off. I know I don't always make the best decisions when eating, but for the most part, I'm always under my calorie goal. It may be only 1-2 days a week I'm not. I hope to be able to say by the end of the year that I've lost 60 pounds. MFP is helping though! Great to have so many supportive people around.
  • lmjblues
    lmjblues Posts: 117 Member
    This is a great thread! Thanks for posting it and thank you to everybody that has responded. Very inspiring!! :happy:


    Lisa
  • ibjent
    ibjent Posts: 23 Member
    A few years ago I lost over 80 lbs, one day while out eating in a public place I overheard some say, "why is that skinny (insert ugly word here) drinking diet soda?"..... It made me remember all the times I wondered why skinny people were drinking diet soda. Only this time, I knew why... Crazy, huh.... You never know the road someone else has traveled.....

    Great post!
  • canadjineh
    canadjineh Posts: 5,396 Member

    Congrats on your success too! I was hoping to be down some lbs. at this point (after all, it's been a month since I've joined), but I'm only down inches. While I'm happy to see success in some form, inches aren't going to get me out of the prediabetes stage I'm in right now. I've got to figure out how to get some weight off. I know I don't always make the best decisions when eating, but for the most part, I'm always under my calorie goal. It may be only 1-2 days a week I'm not. I hope to be able to say by the end of the year that I've lost 60 pounds. MFP is helping though! Great to have so many supportive people around.

    What you may not realize is your body is using its fat stores but you may be building muscle (especially if you are doing exercise) as well. The fact that you are losing inches is a sign that your body composition is improving. I bet if you had a body fat % measure to start with, it is down a bit by now. Too many people focus on just the weight numbers... but there are many 'skinny' people who have an unhealthy amount of visceral fat and too little healthy muscle and bone and don't realize it. Call the inches lost your NSV and you can look at the 'glass half full.' You are on the right track to reverse your pre-diabetes so, Good For You! Hang in there!
    Liana
  • lilmisfit1987
    lilmisfit1987 Posts: 183 Member
    I've never really had a problem with this. Even though I come from a long line of husky people, my best friend since grade school is VERY thin and used to get called anorexic by jerks in school. (Not even close to true...trust me...this girl eats more than me.) I watched her all through high school desperately try to gain weight. My husband is also thin and he wants to DESPERATELY be one of those muscle men. Arnold Schwarzenegger is his hero. He even has his book and he was so thrilled when he made it to 180lbs at 6'2". We're all on our personal journeys to be the person we want to be and I think think it beautiful this site helped you see that. Whether you're here to lose weight, gain, or maintain I'm here for you guys! YOU GOT THIS!
  • jeeplovin
    jeeplovin Posts: 96 Member
    Great post, and replies........really makes you think, before you judge. Everyone is fighting their own demons. Sometimes, we forget that.

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