Intro_back to square one

Hello all,

After reading some of the posts I can see I am not alone. I spent 2011 eating less, eating much more nutritiously, going to boot camp, and walking to running. I lost over 60 lbs, well on my way to goal weight. Then things just began to fall apart. I began eating fast food again (and I don't even like most fast food), I was missing boot camp classes, and then my running began falling off because ARRRGGGG I started smoking again. Having gained it all back, I am sitting here, typing, laughing a little. How can we, those of us, that do all the good for our bodies, turn around and let it all go? When I watch it happening in someone else, I want to grab them, hold them, and just say 'stop, you have to stop treating yourself like garbage.' So why is it impossible for me to see it happening in myself until that moment when I can't button my pants or wear my favorite sweater? It almost seems a form of insanity.

So I didn't give myfitness much time when I originally signed up. Now I am going to use this site/apps consistently. I am not smoking (a little over 6 weeks) and ready to get back on that horse. But I am afraid...I mean I lost so much last time and gained it all back, what is to stop me from gaining it back again. But here I am, posting, setting goals, and helping myself be the person I want to be.

For myself, it's not about the weight, it's about health (ok, it's half about the weight). I come from a family of overweight smokers. I have watched so many die of smoking and/or weight related diseases. Emphysema, stroke, cancer, heart attack, diabetes, you name it, one of my family has gone through it. I recently had surgery for 3 cervical vertebral disks and I am only 46. The surgeon said that the abnormal bone growth between two of the vertebra had to have a heavy genetic component as he hadn't seen that much growth in someone my age. After the surgery, my weight went up even more as I am trapped in a neck collar (at least for another 2 weeks).

I am smiling. I won't give up, I won't give in and I will never stop trying. I would love to find some friends for support and to cry with when I back slide, support to help me through the bad times.

Thanks!