Feeling beaten down and family is no help ...

blink14
blink14 Posts: 57 Member
in Motivation and Support
Anyone else feeling down about their weight? Mine had always fluxuated about 10 pounds and then about 6 years ago, I lost 20 pounds and managed to keep it off for approximately 2 years by calorie counting and walking.

Then came what I call the tonsillitis epidemic ... I had tonsillitis for 6 months straight,and was on so many medications and in so much pain that I legitimately do not remember the majority of that time period and suffered phantom ear pain for nearly 2 years after. I was put on a variety of steroids, and the last two rounds, higher doses, caused severe bloating, weight gain, and general discomfort. Its been nearly 3 years since the last of the side effects of the steroids have worn off, except the weight that I gained, and I can't seem to lose any of it. To clarify, due to some joint problems and asthma, I do not go to a gym as I feel its a waste of money for the small amount I can do, so my workouts have been walking, light weight lifting, and short circuits.

After quite a long time of being nagged by some family, I went to see a nutritionist who was completely unhelpful. I have a good diet, I've cut back a ton on carbs, I don't eat out much, and I cook from scratch almost everything I eat. I also am hypoglycemic, leaving me in a position where 1200 calories a day is very, very difficult to do and still maintain energy and concentration at work.

To make matters worse, my parents are both former college athletes who were blessed with good physiques from the start. I suffer near daily criticism - I am in my late 20s - and its just wearing me down at a faster and faster rate. My father and I have come to an understanding where we believe there is an underlying thyroid problem (genetic and not showing up on blood tests, meaning that I cannot be medicated for it) as well as lasting effects from the steroids on my metabolism. My mother, who suffers from the thyroid problem and works out like a maniac to "lose weight" that she doesn't even really have, grates on my nerves daily with her comments and does not understand what I am going through mentally on this.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and I also want to lose weight. I'm back to MFP to count calories and maintain 1500-1700 calories daily for the moment, as that is what I can handle right now. I need to lose about 40 pounds to be back to what i believe is the natural weight my body should be at, regardless of what the guidelines are for my height.

Any suggestions to get past this mental hurdle and start to feel better about myself? Any suggestions on what foods to cut out if I do indeed have a thyroid problem? I really think I am teetering the edge of depression with the criticism I am receiving from family members and from myself.

Replies

  • Vsera
    Vsera Posts: 10
    Sorry to hear about your health complications. I'm eating 1350 calories a day. I try to eat foods that give you natural energy. I also only usually walk. You can still lose weight by doing this but maybe at a slower weight. I know its hard to find the motivation, dont be overwhelmed by the number you want to lose. I give myself little goals. ex. I tell myself to lose 5 pounds and then another 5. Instead of saying i need to lose 25. I hope this helps a little bit! Good luck:)
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    I am hypothyroid and eat a few brazil nuts everyday for selenium and avoid raw cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower. Exercise is very important. I cannot lose weight without it. Good luck.
  • SB4Hope
    SB4Hope Posts: 23 Member
    I agree with Vsera, small goals work the best. I usually don't have a lose pounds goal, I have a don't gain pounds goal. I say I will not go above a certain weight. When I lose, then I lower my top weight. Also, set a goal for exercising. Walk some many minutes every day. Good luck and don't let your family get you down. You will do this for you and you alone.
  • blink14
    blink14 Posts: 57 Member
    Lizzy622 - can I ask what the downsides are to the raw cabbage, broccoli, and cauliflower? I don't eat much of any of those, but I am curious to know why you avoid them. thanks!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    I forgot what the chemical is but it gets destroyed with heating and it isn't good for you if you have thyroid issues. The is group on here for people with thyroid issues and they have more information.
  • CarlydogsMom
    CarlydogsMom Posts: 645 Member
    Your story tugs at me. I do not have the knowledge about thyroid issues to offer much help, but wow, I'm sorry to hear your family--of all the people in your life--is not supportive. They think they may "mean well" by pointing out the problems THEY perceive to be YOUR problems as a way of "helping" you see WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU--that sort of stuff drives me nuts! It inevitably backfires and results in you just feeling more miserable and powerless to do anything positive.

    Just know there is a terrific group on this site that can give you lots of positive feedback. Look, you are sincerely trying to do the right thing. Never forget that. You realize what may be some issues and problems (frankly, I think the steroid use probably has a ton more long-term effects than you think, matter of fact, it could be a significant reason why you're struggling so much; but that's just an opinion based upon not much knowledge on my part).

    If you feel you can strongly communicate with your parents, maybe request that they not point out "the obvious" (gosh, thanks for pointing out I'm overweight....); that you are trying, and would appreciate some support. That sort of behavior by your parents is, literally, toxic. Is there any way you can move out on your own? If not, you have a challenge ahead of you, which, if you can beat it, will help tremendously with your confidence and long-term health. Think of it that way--this is a challenge (dealing with your parents) that if you can overcome it, you can overcome anything that comes along your way in the future.

    Stick to your guns, communicate with MFP friends and other "live" friends for support, and take it one day--if not one meal--at a time. To be honest, 40 pounds is extremely do-able--you are stopping yourself from getting heavier at a good time.

    Every day, try to do one thing--one little thing--different. Have a different breakfast. Take a walk around the block. Try a different food. The act of simply trying something different outside of your routine will help tremendously in the level of confidence you have to deal with your parents. And, it may help you instill some future habits.

    I don't know, I guess I'm rambling. Mostly wanted to cheer you on, tell you you're on the right path, and say YOU CAN DO THIS. It's your life, not theirs, it's your choices, not theirs. Make this journey for you and you alone.
  • blink14
    blink14 Posts: 57 Member
    Hey CarlydogsMom, I'm just getting a chance to read your comment, crazy work week! Thank you so much for your support.

    I actually do live on my own (well, with roommates), in a major city that's about 2 hours from my dad and about 4 hours from my mom, but I see and speak to them regularly as my mom travels a lot and my dad's extended family is about an hour from me. I'm almost 29, and its like ... when is my life, my life, ya know? I understand they think they are being helpful, but its just going to make me snap at some point.

    I think my dad and have come to a meeting point on this so now the major issue is my mom. My whole life, certain medical issues I've dealt with she doesn't seem to get - asthma being one that she didn't take very seriously until I had a test done a few years ago as part of a research study that gave me some kind of disturbing numbers on my lung capacity.

    She also really nags my stepdad about his weight (very yo-yo due to weird diets, seasonal sports, and criticism) so when she does it to me, I know she's doing it to him too, and it makes me more angry because him and I very close and I hate to see him criticized so much. Unfortunately we have some major family issues going on with her side of the family, and I feel that momentarily I need to support her with that but its another source of a huge amount of pressure and weight on my shoulders to deal with a situation that has finally boiled over and has effected everyone.

    I do think I may still be dealing with effects of the steroid use and that also factors into it, which I think is part of what's kind of dragging me down because its an element that I have no control over, like diet or exercise.
  • flippy1234
    flippy1234 Posts: 686 Member
    Hi there,
    My sister had the same problem. She ballooned up because of steroids due to an illness. You need to get all of that stuff out of your system.
    I suggest, drink tons and tons of water. Eat as clean as you can...whole foods. Log your food so you don't take in too many carbs. Make sure you get enough protein and get out there and walk, walk, walk. It is so good for your head, heart and body. Focus on getting healthy and maybe take a break from talking to people who are negative. Take a mental health break so to speak. Do some stuff for yourself.
    Just take a step back from your family for a while and get yourself on the right track.
    You CAN do this.
  • swsays
    swsays Posts: 125 Member
    Your story tugs at me. I do not have the knowledge about thyroid issues to offer much help, but wow, I'm sorry to hear your family--of all the people in your life--is not supportive. They think they may "mean well" by pointing out the problems THEY perceive to be YOUR problems as a way of "helping" you see WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU--that sort of stuff drives me nuts! It inevitably backfires and results in you just feeling more miserable and powerless to do anything positive.

    Just know there is a terrific group on this site that can give you lots of positive feedback. Look, you are sincerely trying to do the right thing. Never forget that. You realize what may be some issues and problems (frankly, I think the steroid use probably has a ton more long-term effects than you think, matter of fact, it could be a significant reason why you're struggling so much; but that's just an opinion based upon not much knowledge on my part).

    If you feel you can strongly communicate with your parents, maybe request that they not point out "the obvious" (gosh, thanks for pointing out I'm overweight....); that you are trying, and would appreciate some support. That sort of behavior by your parents is, literally, toxic. Is there any way you can move out on your own? If not, you have a challenge ahead of you, which, if you can beat it, will help tremendously with your confidence and long-term health. Think of it that way--this is a challenge (dealing with your parents) that if you can overcome it, you can overcome anything that comes along your way in the future.

    Stick to your guns, communicate with MFP friends and other "live" friends for support, and take it one day--if not one meal--at a time. To be honest, 40 pounds is extremely do-able--you are stopping yourself from getting heavier at a good time.

    Every day, try to do one thing--one little thing--different. Have a different breakfast. Take a walk around the block. Try a different food. The act of simply trying something different outside of your routine will help tremendously in the level of confidence you have to deal with your parents. And, it may help you instill some future habits.

    I don't know, I guess I'm rambling. Mostly wanted to cheer you on, tell you you're on the right path, and say YOU CAN DO THIS. It's your life, not theirs, it's your choices, not theirs. Make this journey for you and you alone.

    ^^ this ^^ She said it exactly right. You can do this. Focus on small goals - one day at a time - and as you succeed, I know you will feel sronger and stronger, which will make dealing with other things (family strife is SO HARD) more do-able! Breathe, think positive, and know that you are doing great things for your body by eating right and doing what exercise you can. I also agree that your steroid treatments could still be giving you trouble and over time as your body recovers, maybe some of it will get easier in that respect too!
  • piercedee
    piercedee Posts: 59 Member
    I have been in a similar boat (on the family side at least... I have different health issues but I do have asthma as well). I told my family to stop with any comment about my weight. Even when my grandma would say "you look so much better" I would hear "you used to be fat and not good enough but you are getting better". I couldn't take it so I decided to take that topic of conversation off the table with my parents and grandparents. My sister and I still talk about it but she hasn't been making derogatory comments all my life so I guess that helps.

    As for your asthma, I know that I have been able to get mine further under control (and some of my friends as well) by doing cardio. Before I couldn't run for a minute without needing my inhaler. Last Friday I ran for 30 minutes while battling a cold (that is just hanging around at a little low level but I feel in my breathing) without my inhaler. You can make it better!

    I am also 29, and I am trying to lose 55 lbs so feel free to add me or pm me but I know you can do this!
  • dwalt15110
    dwalt15110 Posts: 246 Member
    Blink14, I will most likely be verbally throttled for this, but sometimes our vitamins and minerals are out of whack. That was the problem with both my daughter and I. After reading an article in First Magazine about Vitamin D, Magnesium and Potassium, we went to the Vitamin Shoppe. The staff who works there is so helpful and knowledgeable. Women are naturally deficient in Magnesium. Living where I do, I do not get nearly the amount of vitamin D I need to have and Vitamin D is essential in weight loss. Potassium is needed to offset all the sodium we happen to injest.

    It may be well worth your while to research vitamins and minerals.
  • blink14
    blink14 Posts: 57 Member
    Thanks dwalt15110! I have several vitamin levels tested every year due to low numbers in the past, and my vitamin D is almost to a normal level, I've been taking D3 for probably 3 years now? My mom has had some really whacky vitamin levels in the past so I try to keep an eye on certain ones with my doctor. I will definitely further research some additional vitamins!
  • blink14
    blink14 Posts: 57 Member
    Thanks piercedee! I used to do a variety of sports and even when I was in top physical shape I could never run a mile due to asthma, and throwing in a bad knee, its a severe trigger for me. I can do sprints no problem so my plan is to start doing intervals of walking and sprinting to build up some tolerance. Unfortunately I am just not built to run and I wish I was!

    and you really hit the nail on the head as to what I am feeling mentally - I feel like every time my family mentions it, it must be ALL they see is my weight and not me as a person.

Categories