Please help me.....

ashekw11
ashekw11 Posts: 2
in Health and Weight Loss
Alright, I guess theres no other way to explain all of this then starting from the beginning. My names Ashley, I am 18 years old. When i was 13 I started restricting food & over exercising. Pair this with OCD and anxiety and the affect was 5'4 and 100 pounds at my lowest...which on my body frame is extremely thin. I should be about 115-120. Even though I had to deal with this, I was still happy & functional and graduated from highschool.

Lets fast forward to June 1st, 2013, the day that my entire life changed. I binged.....yep...something i had never done. To me the idea of a binge was absolutely barbaric and disgusting. " I am a thin, gorgeous woman...over my dead body am i going to binge." Well guess what...i did, and then i did again, and again and EVERY single day until September 1st, 2013. I went from 100 pounds to 133 pounds in that time. hadn't left the house... From September 1st to December 31st i dealt with the binge starve cycle everyday and went from 133-128 back to 133 up to 135, back to 132...you get the gist... basically stayed 130-135.

Keep in mind I have lost all friendships because of this and i live in my secluded bedroom at home. March 20th and i am now 151 pounds, last night i had a mental breakdown and butchered my gorgeous long hair into a absolute mess of a bob that will take years to fix and i am truly losing it. The most i am able to sleep is about 4 hours a night (that is WITH taking multiple sleeping pills) and I am so upset. This cost me college, this cost me my long term boyfriend, this cost me my best friends, this has taken EVERYTHING from me in less than 10 months. I truly feel that none of this is reversible, and the damage is done. As often as i think about taking my own life, I cant, because its selfish and cowardly to my family and i couldnt put them thru that.

I guess all im saying is i need help. I am begging, someone please help me.

I'd also like to add that this weight gain has not changed just my body, i don't even look like the same person. It has probably put 5 pounds or more onto my face and i am unrecognizable. That is the hardest part of it all...

Replies

  • laurakeens94
    laurakeens94 Posts: 13 Member
    I suggest you speak to a councilor, you need to get to the bottem of why you started binge eating and why the sudden change, what caused it?

    As hard as it may be, but try and put the last 10 months behind you as a totally different period in your life and start again. Work on building your body, mental attitude and life to how you want it, and then friends, relationships , social activities should fall into place around it. It is NEVER to late to do what you want to do.

    You are welcome to add me as a friend on here, and I am here to help and support you at any time you need it.

    Best of luck
    Laura
  • laurakeens94
    laurakeens94 Posts: 13 Member
    Plus I am 19 and also 5ft 4. I am currently 172 and my weight has yoyo'd my entire life. I used to be a twig until i started binge eating to cover my emotions!
  • ashekw11
    ashekw11 Posts: 2
    Thanks so much... I honestly have NO idea what "triggered" it...Things were going so well and i just happened to pick up a pint of icecream one day and thought after "that will never happen again" and it happened every single day for the last 10 months basically...Its been a true living hell. And butchering my hair really sealed the deal. I'm not sure if ill have to get a wig or figure out extensions...its all too much to deal with
  • jipsybird
    jipsybird Posts: 878 Member
    Sweetie, I feel for you. Coming out and asking for help is a great step. My suggestion to you is to talk to your parents, ask for their help. I don't know your parents, but if they are like most, they likely know that you are having issues and want you to come to them so they know that you are open to their advice. Then I suggest that you find some professional help if you feel you need it, have your parents attend with you if you want. It is nice to have support.

    I'm only about 5' 2". I'm currently about 133 lb. This is a Healthy weight for me (though I do want to lose more, goal of 120-125). When I got married I weighed about 150 (was eating out waaay too much with my fiance). I went into depression shortly after my first child and piled on 15 lbs in a month and a half. The heaviest I weighed was 173 lbs. I was terribly unhappy.

    What really helped me was my sister suggesting this site. I started 2 1/2 years ago at her suggestion, weighing in at 164. Logging in, tracking food and exercise, and participating in challenges helped keep me going.

    What I'm saying is, you can do this. Once you get a hold of yourself you can go back to your friends and boyfriend and tell them about your issues. If they are true friends, they will still love and accept you. Who knows, might make you closer than ever.

    Best of luck to you. I send you big Hugs. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Things will come about.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    Oh sweetheart I'm sorry you're going through this, but as others say I would definitely speak to a medical professional first if you can, my only advice is that your teens are the most traumatic time, I went through a hard time myself, you will eventually come to realise to love who you are and stop punishing yourself. But first step first speak to someone you've gone through several eating disorders and there is alot more underneath that that you have to sort out first. Once you start repairing your mental health then your physical health will become easier to manage. x Take care hun x
  • laurakeens94
    laurakeens94 Posts: 13 Member
    Thanks so much... I honestly have NO idea what "triggered" it...Things were going so well and i just happened to pick up a pint of icecream one day and thought after "that will never happen again" and it happened every single day for the last 10 months basically...Its been a true living hell. And butchering my hair really sealed the deal. I'm not sure if ill have to get a wig or figure out extensions...its all too much to deal with

    Sometimes people can even over eat when they are happy, i have put on a stone since being in my relationship. Also when I start I cant stop. Speak to your parents or a relative you feel you can confide in, they are most likely worried about you. Also, find a hair salon or home hair dresser who could give you advice on what to do with your hair, and they could cut it to make the best of what you have for the meantime. :)

    I have recently started the gym and this has really helped with my self esteem and stopped me from getting depressed. Its become a focus point in my life for me to concentrate on.
  • LauraFouhse
    LauraFouhse Posts: 115
    sent you a private message...

    Feel free to add me as your friend, if you like.

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