A bad, bad day

I have never written publicly about my issues but today was an exceptionally bad day. I'm 31, happily married (to a really fit guy), I have a good job, I've got a few good friends, and my family is pretty supportive! I'm also overweight. I don't even know how fat in pounds anymore, but I know my jeans are a tight 16 and my shirts are XL.

I think what made this day especially bad was that for a while now, I thought I was finally in a good place about who I was (self love and all). It is unbelievable how quickly that came crashing down today. Details are unnecessary, but it came down to this: one vulgar and mean jerk called me fat and suggested I should stop eating. Yeah, he was awful, but what hurt the most was when people came to my defence: 'she may be bigger but you shouldn't say that to people.'

She may be bigger

<heart breaks>

And it wasn't one or two people, it was a lot. I've never felt so bad about myself. I think that if it was just that jerk, I would not be feeling like this, I'd pass the name calling off as just some jerk. But all those nice people...I painfully realized, right then and there, so publicly, that I look fat to others.

I'm sure I've known this fact before today but I at the same time I didn't - if that makes sense? And now I feel like I'm back in my most insecure days in high school.

God I feel like crap.