Your strategy for dealing with big family gatherings
Rosie_McA
Posts: 256 Member
I have a big family birthday event coming up this Sunday and can be sure that I will be pressured into having more to eat and drink than I would like. As the only Brit in a large French family group I know just how these days pan out.
The usual format is the "apero" at around 11:30am (pastis, whisky, martini etc) together with nibbles before the main eating and drinking marathon starts. The whole thing will frequently go on for a least the next 12 hours. This consists of lots of smaller courses and plenty of chatting and coffee inbetween, but even so it will be nigh on impossible for me to keep even close to my goals. Given all the work that I know gets put into the preparation of each course it will be tricky to keep refusing. To compound matters I am very much in the minority when it comes to being around "ideal" weight of those who will be there.
So I'm interested as to how others deal with this type of awkward situation?
The usual format is the "apero" at around 11:30am (pastis, whisky, martini etc) together with nibbles before the main eating and drinking marathon starts. The whole thing will frequently go on for a least the next 12 hours. This consists of lots of smaller courses and plenty of chatting and coffee inbetween, but even so it will be nigh on impossible for me to keep even close to my goals. Given all the work that I know gets put into the preparation of each course it will be tricky to keep refusing. To compound matters I am very much in the minority when it comes to being around "ideal" weight of those who will be there.
So I'm interested as to how others deal with this type of awkward situation?
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Replies
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One tip is to say that you want to stick to savoury food only, for the start of the event. That way you can try to eat healthy and stay away from the sweet, high calorie foods.
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if it's not a regular occurrence, then just enjoy it and focus your energies into getting back on track the next day
if it's a regular occurrence then some of the following may help:
- still log everything, at least you know how much you overate by
- exercise before and after, if you do heavy lifting, then doing heavy lifting beforehand may cause some of the excess calories to do towards muscle building rather than just being stored as fat
- try to avoid drinking calories, stick to calorie free drinks like tea, mineral water, etc
- fill up on salads and foods high in protein, this will help avoid the temptation to mindlessly snack on foods you don't need to snack on
- keep your portion sizes small and eat slowly, other people won't notice you're eating less when you do this, have a little of everything to keep people happy, then eat it slowly
- if you refuse anything, say it's because you're full. if you bring "i'm refusing food because I'm trying to lose weight" into the equation, family members tend to think some evil doctor has forced this choice upon you and try to "help" you by "allowing" you to cheat aka repeatedly telling you to have some and don't worry about the diet etc... refusing because you feel full is usually just accepted
- asking to take food home to eat later is a good way to deal with food offered after you've started refusing because you're full... I've lived in the Arab world for a few years, and Arab hospitality means you can't just refuse food, but it's totally acceptable to take food home to eat later (or for the kids or other family members) and no-one ever checks whether you ate it or not... dunno if that would work with French people but I thought I'd mention it anyway0 -
I feel your pain. neandermagnon had some pretty good points
my two cents
- I have no breakfast and dinner on such days. You can manage the morning by very little food + water/tea and in the evening I'm still full anyway..
- walk home
- don't weigh in next morning
- regarding logging - I say *kitten* it - very often the home made cakes are impossible to log, so I just try to minimize the "damage" and don't log that day0 -
When something like that happens I usually just go for it. I plan for it in advance (say a week) by cutting or exercising an extra 100 calories a day which would result in about 700 extra calories to spend over your maintenance calories (not hard for me - since I'm big - because it would only mean an extra 20 minutes of walking). For me, this is more than enough to cover any excess. If I get the notice too late, I just do this the week after the event.
During that day I try to pick the dishes that required the most work, plus salads. This shows appreciation and chances are, if you say "I just had a lot of the delicious X and feel a bit too full to try Y just yet". Some would jump at my throat for suggesting a white lie, but it's way better than making the host feel as if their efforts are not being appreciated.
Another thing I try to do, is to be active at helping. If you are helping with setting up the plates, washing dishes, playing with the kids if any, people won't notice you are eating less than they are and would still see that you're enjoying your time.
Keep in mind that on such days your weight WILL increase by as much as 5 pounds and sometimes more in my case (water, glycogen, waste.. etc). Don't panic or feel guilty, it will balance itself out within a week.0 -
Thanks for the pointers. This size of family event is not that common (this particular one is an 80th birthday celebration) so I guess one bad day is not so terrible. At least the reason for such a big blow out has more value than my recent 2500 calorie one-hour binge (although there were specific reasons why this happened).
The hardest part will be getting through so much food and drink. Even when I was a lot heavier and not tracking such an eating and drinking marathon had me sick of the sight of food by midnight.0 -
Do you have to drive there? Be the designated driver, that way you can avoid the alcohol. In my country (Belgium) I feel it is hard to refuse alcohol unless you are pregnant, taking medication or driving. I think it's about the same in France.0
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Greatbadvice so far.
I often don't drink at parties, and amazingly, get peer pressured constantly. I've learned that if you always have a beer bottle in your hand, people will not pressure you to drink... beer bottles are great because no one can tell if it's empty or if you've re-filled it with water. Just don't peel the label as they will know you've been nursing the same drink all day.
I have a friend who would stop at the health food store and get ginger ale in these funky bootles that looked like beer. No one bugged he to drink if she was holding one of those, they just assumed it was an import.
If beer is not an option, stick to clear drinks and refill your glass with water. Put a slice of lemon or lime inside for show (and a nice flavour).
You can always bring a dish to share that is low cal, then mostly eat that, having very small samplings of the other foods so as not to insult anyone or deprive yourself. This is after all a celebration, so son't deprive yourself too much.
I agree with saying you're full instead of "dieting" as the will be less argument. I've had that one backfire though, and got "How can you be full, you've barely eaten anything?" A bit of fake heartburn is another good excuse to stop eating.
Isn't it aweful that our society pushes food and alcohol like it's crack?
Best of luck!0 -
When I first started on MFP, I was faced with this too. The way I handled it was to take my camera and begin shooting pictures of the whole family throughout the event. It really worked and believe it or not, no one thought to offer me any food while I was shooting the pictures. I even fixed a small plate, ate and then began shooting pics again. I still do this 2 years later. We have a family FB page where everyone waits for me to post now. It's fun, took my mind off the food, & has positive rewards. Plus - it keeps your hands busy!0
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In response to the last few posts:
I will be the one driving there and can certainly limit the alcohol greatly because of that. Avoiding the stuff altogether will be difficult because a) when the champagne and birthday cake is presented it isn't done to refuse it in France, b) as it will be a minimum 12 hour event I will be pushed to drink earlier in the day but not later on, c) French culture may not have the British obsession with binge drinking but for celebrations there is no holding back and for sure I'd be quizzed and pressured if I abstained completely.
Wine rather than beer is still very much the drink of choice in France so I plan to just accept a glass of red and not touch it for as long as I can get away with it. There is always a huge range of courses at such family days and me bringing my own dish would be frowned upon and viewed as an insult. I certainly want to enjoy the event but the low calorie option doesn't seem to be a concept that has much of a hold in France. Salads and greens will be limited and what is likely to be available will for sure be smothered in dressings and sauces.
We already have the keen photographer in the family who is always there with his SLR taking lots of shots, videos, and the traditional full group photos out in the garden. I'd need to find another distraction but no idea what.0 -
Eat all the foods!!!
Usually if I have a birthday party to go to or something, I stay away from the "snacks" and "Appetizers" UNLESS I know I have the calories for it. Otherwise, I just go for the main course and dessert.
I just use approximate calories from other entries in the database for the foods.
It doesn't have to be 100% accurate for times like these. They are far and few between and meant to be enjoyed. Just be mindful of what you put in, exercise beforehand if you can, log it and move on.
A few days out of the year are not going to be detrimental in the grand scheme of things.0 -
Here's your saving grace- while the french elevate their love affair with food to an art form, they're not known for gorging. So, take that to heart- nibble. Just have a *taste* of everything offered to you, and nothing more. If anyone asks or makes a comment, just say you want to make sure you have room for everything, since you know it's going to be absolutely divine!
And, one day is not going to ruin all your hard work. Perhaps be a bit more stringent with your food choices this week, or the following week; or add a little extra exercise in, if it makes you feel better?
Above all, don't stress about it- enjoy the amazing food! I'm jealous, actually!
Edited for awkward grammar.0 -
I would be eating all the foods
Just account for it, log it, exercise, and if you are still over, no biggie, cut 100 cals a day for the next few days if it is that big of a deal0 -
Ooooh have fun. I'm horribly jealous (I'm French).
I'd say, eat what you want in moderation. Only eat what you really want though. Unless it's a pretty common occurrence, a day like that is not going to derail you.0 -
Don't even worry. You are not going to gain 5 lbs fat over night from this day. Enjoy and get back on track the next day I would not even count calories on that day. Just eat and drink what you like until you are full (not overfilled).0
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If it only happens once in a while, just eat. I usually make sure I'm not already full myself, and I try to have very light meals the previous and next days. Just try to be more active during the following week and you shouldn't see much of a gain for a single meal, even if it's 12-hours long and very excessive in calories.
I don't think you can really control your intake during such an event without actually exceeding your manteinance (or weightloss) goal, but you can always try to limit your food choices to make least of a damage. Avoiding alchol, having water if possible (instead of soft drinks), smaller portions, not having the same food twice and so on might help. But it's just up to you. Considering that, unless you really don't eat much, you'll probably go over for the day, better enjoying it and making up for it later.
Just don't weight yourself during the next days, your weight might not be accurate (even if you gain).0 -
just eat and move on. you still have to live and enjoy the times with your family or all this work is for nothing, have a good time.0
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Drinking is a problem for me at family gatherings as well. I come from a drinking family. What works for me is to always have a nice tall glass of water between drinks. I hope this advise helps.0
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Oh Nice..heres what ive started trying>>
1. Say You are on a FAST...!! That way even if you have urge to eat you CAN NOT cz u have already told people you are fasting.
2. I Eat 4 Bananas (= 400-500 calories) just right before you have to go 2 eat, that way You ll be surprised to see that you aren't having any craving & are already Full.
3. In Big gatherings I try to mix up with number of people & groups, with Early 1s I say "Yes Yes i am just heading towards the Buffet"..... & towards the later stage i say " oh Food is Awesome.. Just had my stomach full..!!"
>:D<0 -
Just enjoy it! I agree with the saying that one day of overeating didn't make me fat, therefore one day of overeating now is not going to derail me. As long as it's infrequent, just take a break!0
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I have a very large family and when we are all together we eat and drink hordes of food.
What I typically do is take a bit of everything on a plate eat some of it or all of it and go back and get the stuff that I want more of...but it's never large amounts...
If you are pressured that usually helps because your plate is full and if you talk a lot well..you eat less...
Like when I go get pie I come back with a small slice of each one...:laugh: it usually adds up to about 3/4 of a whole piece but this way no one is saying "oh is that all, have more" because they look at my plate and see a full piece.0 -
I'm glad you posted this as our whole family's birthdays are centred across a two month period and I was wondering how I'd cope! My plan of action will be to accept tastes of everything but focus on portions and not going overboard. I know how hard my Mum will have worked on the cooking and I know how delicious it will be, I just have to have smaller amounts and remember not to feel guilty.
I also intend to be a bit stricter with my calories in the run up to the event so that I have more of a deficit for the week.0 -
Holding onto a glass of wine is good. You can always take it into the bathroom and dump it over the course of the day if you really don't want to drink it. If you want to drink it, just savor it slowly.
If you are sitting down at the table it can be harder to say no to dishes as they are passed around. Get up as much as possible to talk to people, offer to refill drinks, bring out more dishes, and so on. If you're hungry, eat. Keep portions small and spread them out of the plate. "Oh, I'll add more when I finish trying everything." "I need to save room for dessert." "I'm waiting on the ________ to come out." Ask about who made what dish, how they did it, ingredients. It can help you log later and people love talking about their own recipes.
I also second bringing a healthier option so that there is one there, such as salad with dressing on the side or something savory with a lighter cheese, like feta.0 -
just eat and move on. you still have to live and enjoy the times with your family or all this work is for nothing, have a good time.
This 100x. Celebrations are a part of life. Enjoy yourself.0 -
After all the considered replies I thought I should at least post as to how the family gathering went at the weekend.
Due to the unseasonally warm weather the event was pretty much 100% outside. This made it easier to abstain when it suited me.
When it came to alcoholic drinks I had a small glass of champagne to toast the newly crowned octogenarian and the rest of the time it was water. I ought to make it clear that my generally not drinking alcohol is a preference rather than for weight control reasons.
As far as the food was concerned I had a bit of everything particularly the seafood and white meats. Had some wonderful salmon and crab amongst many other super dishes. For the staples I had a small portion of rice, potatoes, and the like, but generally ate plenty of salads, shredded carrot, and coleslaw. Heck I was even eating fresh baguette with dollops of home-made mustard.
I side-stepped the ice cream and whipped cream (particularly as I have suffered episodes of binging on the stuff), but did eat an enormous piece of birthday cake washed down with numerous black coffees.
So in summary it all went very well, but I certainly didn't need a snack before bedtime once I arrived home a few hours later!
For the record the scales told me the following morning that my weight had jumped exactly 2kg (4.5lbs), which I'm sure was simply glycogen/water so I wasn't concerned at all by this. Thanks again for the advice.0 -
Even tho you already went to this party and any advice I would give would be moot but maybe for the next one, or for others looking for advice.
+enjoy the party. Have alot of water before you go/on the way so you feel full.
+adjust your workouts/intake in the days prior.
+adjust your weigh in date if needed. If you usually weigh in a day or two after the event, weigh in the morning OF the event all the while you spent the few days prior doing a little extra excercise. By weighing yourself a day after that event you are going to see an increase and it can be mentally challenging for alot of people.
This happens to me alot during the holidays. I sually weigh in on Friday or Sat AM. For thanksgiving I do so Thanksgiving morning and then not again until that following saturday. Set yourself up for success, not for failure. For many people, myself included, seeing a gain on that scale can be devastating so dont set yourself up for it.0
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