Doing good but stressed out.

I have 5kg to lose and my family tells me I'm skinny and is always watching me eat so I always eat around them even when I'm not that hungry to stop them worrying about me. My friends like to get drunk and eat fast food (I'm vegan and like whole foods). I like to exercise for an hour or two every day because I enjoy it and it de-stresses me, but people want me to hang out with them and stay over their places and dont understand that I like my workout time. My friends keep trying to get me to 'hang out' but I want to study . I have 2 jobs, study full time plus do a fitness course and like to see my boyfriend every day or two.

I've been doing really well and trying my best for the past couple months. I'm seeing results.
But my friends and family dont understand. they dont care about my goals and it is hard to bring myself to a lower slower level when I'm so used to zooming around. When I do hangout with my friends I feel angry and impatient with what they say. I am too tired and I can't be bothered having "fun" with chit chat. I hate chit chat. I want to go surfing again.
I feel like I'm doing everything right.
I can even see my abs and feel my hipbones which I've not had before.
But then why do I feel so depressed after being with my friends?
it makes me want to starve myself and workout excessively and I am resisting that urge very much because I knkw it is unhealthy.
I feel very distressed.

I am fine most of the time. But increasingly lately, I have been having panic attacks and now feel depressed as well. I don't want to lose my health.

Replies

  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    If this process of losing weight and exercise is starting to take over other aspects of your life in a negative way, it is starting to become a problem. (not wanting to hang out with friends, not wanting to be bothered with chit chat, feeling angry when hanging out with friends) In addition, your reaction of wanting to starve yourself and workout excessively is a big red flag. Is it possible there is a valid reason your family and friends are worried about you? Also, how tall are you?
  • Its not taking over my life, it just upsets me that my friends and family are unsupportive and working against my goals, rather than discussing them with me and being supportive. I am not interested in "hanging out" with friends and doing nothing, or getting drunk. I would like to spend time with friends if they woukd surf or do something fun, or study with me. but the only people who surf are guys and they try to act like surfing with me is a "date". Which is horrible.
    I know not eating is bad, an that is why I want to talk about it before I start an unhealthy habit. I like my health and fitness and dont want to get sick.
    I think my mum is insecure about her own weight and projects that on me when I eat less than her.
    I'm 168cm tall and 56kg. It goes up and down. My BMI is healthy but I am not skinny by any means.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Its not taking over my life, it just upsets me that my friends and family are unsupportive and working against my goals, rather than discussing them with me and being supportive. I am not interested in "hanging out" with friends and doing nothing, or getting drunk. I would like to spend time with friends if they woukd surf or do something fun, or study with me. but the only people who surf are guys and they try to act like surfing with me is a "date". Which is horrible.
    I know not eating is bad, an that is why I want to talk about it before I start an unhealthy habit. I like my health and fitness and dont want to get sick.
    I think my mum is insecure about her own weight and projects that on me when I eat less than her.
    I'm 168cm tall and 56kg. It goes up and down. My BMI is healthy but I am not skinny by any means.

    Well, what did you like about your friends before? I'm assuming that, at one point, you liked to hang around and chat with them.
  • I don't really have close friends anymore. I'm in the process of trying to build friendships with people who have good qualities. Its just so much effort. (effort I should be putting into study as I'm a little behind) and then afterwards I want to exercise to burn off the stress of not studying and wasting time.


    Edit: because my old friendship group fell into drugs and alcohol and I left that group. That was a few years ago, but my new friendships are taking a while to develop. and it is irritating.
  • amod_take
    amod_take Posts: 4 Member
    Friendships evolve naturally. Try not to force them, however a better balance may be necessary.

    It is highly concerning that you want to "not eat", and for that reason, your families concerns are valid.

    IMO, you need to take some time for yourself, figure out what you want in life, and how you can get there. Try to write is all down, like a goals section, and then a path to obtain goals (in a reasonable time frame). If you want to lose 5kg, what is your plan to make it happen (without starving yourself).

    You can also find groups that have similar interests as you, which may help with your self esteem. I use meetup.com (here in the states) to join new groups, (typically activity oriented groups like rock climibing or a hiking) with the goal of establishing friendships which I can take outside the group.

    I do agree with the other poster, do not let this take over your life in a negative way. You need to turn this around, find new, fitness oriented friends and recognize that your family just wants you to be physically and mentally healthy.
  • HungryasFuark
    HungryasFuark Posts: 463 Member
    Its obviously not about u .. its about the people around u .. did u try to talk about ur goals etc with ur family and friends ? and that u are really serious about achieving them ? ..
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Hmmm, well I can see why you wouldn't want to be friends with a group that fell into drugs.

    That being said, you do seem a bit preoccupied with your perception of "good" and "right." You need to be open minded if you want to build new friendships. Your comments here about people being "irritating" and "wasting your time" are not painting you in a positive light. As a non-drug using athletic person with healthy habits, I'm not even sure we would get along. You just seem very judgmental and I'm wondering if that is coming across all the time in your real life.

    Friendships, the real ones anyway, take understanding and selflessness. Perhaps you aren't looking for close friendships and you would have a better experience just finding a social athletic group to train with....Meetup is a good place to start.
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
    I am not interested in "hanging out" with friends and doing nothing, or getting drunk. I would like to spend time with friends if they woukd surf or do something fun, or study with me

    SO you don't want to have fun, or do anything that is not your definition of fun.

    Most people like to sit and around and chat, get to know each other and such. A lot of people like to go drinking. I understand your aversion to that from your description of your old group, but having a few drinks is normal for many people.

    I don't know what you consider "fun" other than surfing. Studying is not a "fun" activity. It can be more enjoyable when with a group, but usually people don't say, "Hey you know what? I want to sit in a group and ignore other people and read my books and take notes. That sounds like fun." No most people would say "Hey would you like to study for a couple hours and then hit the mall?"

    My friends and I sit around and chat, make meals together, play board games, go shopping, play video games together, rock climb and many other things. If you don't want to do things that make you sit still, then join some active groups. Hiking clubs are all over the place, but be warned people still might want to "chat" with you.

    Honestly it sounds like you don't want friends, because you are too absorbed in yourself. Everything you said was all about you. You gave us a schedule, and its full, I get that. I work, I have night classes. I make time to work out, see my boyfriend and hang out with my friends and my mom. I do this because I make them a priority in my life. Am I as far in my weight loss goal as you? No. But I'm not having panic attacks either.
  • Jacqsie
    Jacqsie Posts: 51
    She is not judgemental nor is she too absorbed in herself. this is just sounding like an opportunity to be openly nasty to someone is is stressed and worried because she can what is happening to her (thinking about starving, not wanting to hang out etc)

    Studying can be fun, i find it fun to learn something new and exciting gives a feeling of accomplishment and inner success a feeling we all love. Some people love shopping and wasting money on unneeded clothes but others don't so if she finds surfing fun then of course she will want to hang out with people who want to surf!

    Misses i'll email you later tonight before bed (you'll probably just be getting up at that time though lol) :) i just couldn't read this without saying something and i won't go into detail on this message board because 1....2...3......here comes the comments :/
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Everything that has been said here is pretty tame considering her own comments. Let's recap:
    It is hard to bring myself to a lower slower level when I'm so used to zooming around.
    When I do hangout with my friends I feel angry and impatient with what they say. I am too tired and I can't be bothered having "fun" with chit chat. I hate chit chat.
    I feel like I'm doing everything right.

    I think we can agree these comments are pretty brutal since she is talking about friends here...which is why I asked why they are her friends.

    Continuing on...
    It just upsets me that my friends and family are unsupportive and working against my goals, rather than discussing them with me and being supportive.

    Defensive. How are they actively working against her goals? Plus, why would they take the time to support her when she has made it clear here that she doesn't like chit chat, doesn't want to hang out and sees time with her friends as a waste of time?
    I know not eating is bad, an that is why I want to talk about it before I start an unhealthy habit. I like my health and fitness and dont want to get sick.

    So, she wants to talk about her problem with her friends, while at the same time calling them wrong and irritating? People can pick up on frustration all the time...I'm sure her friends are aware there is a problem.
    makes me want to starve myself and workout excessively and I am resisting that urge very much because I knkw it is unhealthy. I feel very distressed.
    I am fine most of the time. But increasingly lately, I have been having panic attacks and now feel depressed as well. I don't want to lose my health.

    She is spiraling here. I would suggest finding a counselor with expertise in ED recovery.
    I think my mum is insecure about her own weight and projects that on me when I eat less than her.

    Has she had this discussion with her Mom? That's a bold statement. Maybe her Mother is just concerned considering the eating disorder signs she mentioned above.
    I'm in the process of trying to build friendships with people who have good qualities. Its just so much effort. (effort I should be putting into study as I'm a little behind) and then afterwards I want to exercise to burn off the stress of not studying and wasting time.

    And, again, here she admits that friendships are too much of an effort. Thus, a few of us recommended finding a fitness group that does not require a strong social commitment.

    Now, as someone who has recovered from an ED I can tell you that these are all signs of an ED, especially the needing to control and inability to be around other people who are not as preoccupied with food and exercise. This is classic and it's exactly how I started down a really bad path. OP needs to get help from experts, not friends.

    The only thing I will defend her on is that she doesn't want to hang out with people doing drugs. That's understandable. Everything else though is highly indicative of a bigger problem that I hope she addresses with a professional.
  • HungryasFuark
    HungryasFuark Posts: 463 Member
    ^^ I don't think its a ED .. she just wants her friends and family to be supportive and respect her goals ( she is using working out to clear her mind and she is depressed so she doesn't wana eat .. its just how she acts when she is depressed doesn't mean its a permanent way of coping with stress and that's when u can say she has a ED ) ..anyways i think she should just let it out and express how she feels coz when she does that she will certainly know if they are true friends or not from the way they treat her afterwards .... i kinda agree with u on this part QUOTE:

    It is hard to bring myself to a lower slower level when I'm so used to zooming around.


    QUOTE:
    When I do hangout with my friends I feel angry and impatient with what they say. I am too tired and I can't be bothered having "fun" with chit chat. I hate chit chat.


    QUOTE:

    I feel like I'm doing everything right.


    I think we can agree these comments are pretty brutal since she is talking about friends here...which is why I asked why they are her friends.




    but lets not judge coz we don't know what does she mean with "what they say" coz it might be something that bothers/discourages her...
  • larrodarro
    larrodarro Posts: 2,512 Member
    As someone who has an anti social streak a mile wide, I can empathize with the OP. I do enjoy some interaction with folks, but usually a little dab will do me. And as far as loving to study, for three years when I was caught up in writing historical novels, I didn't read anything published after 1725. It bothers me when I have unexpected company, either at home or at work. And chit chat can drive me crazy. But if someone wants to talk about the tobacco trade in Colonial North Carolina in the early 1700's, I could talk for hours. Everyone is not made the same. Now that I'm in my 50's I don't mind telling people I'm anti social. But when I was a younger man I tried to hangout because it was what everyone does. Age has taught me you have to be true to yourself. At the end of the day, you are the person you need to keep happy.

    But I do agree with everyone that she should eat. Fruits, veggies and whole foods are fine, just eat enough of them everyday.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Wow. You guys are not reading what I am reading at all.

    I realize you want to be supportive of the OP. That's great. I support her finding people that can help her through a tough time. Sometimes, telling someone what they are doing is ok is not support. It's actually detrimental.

    OP - I'm not attacking you, I'm trying to help you. I've been there. I understand. If you are having thoughts of starving yourself, isolation and panic attacks please please please find someone you trust that you can talk to (guidance counselor, professional, etc.) BEFORE it becomes a major problem. These things spiral quickly. Seriously, life is too short and too great to go down a bad path.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    ^^ I don't think its a ED .. she just wants her friends and family to be supportive and respect her goals ( she is using working out to clear her mind and she is depressed so she doesn't wana eat .. its just how she acts when she is depressed doesn't mean its a permanent way of coping with stress and that's when u can say she has a ED )

    Sorry, but you actually have no idea what an ED is, how they start and how to recover. How do you know what is slight depression v. an eating disorder?

    EDs are extremely complex disorders that are much easier to address at the onset, before someone goes down the rabbit hole. The OP admits here that she is worried. She is right to be worried - that's a really good thing. If I could go back in time to where the OP is now and make a change then by finding help, I wouldn't have wasted so many years in angst and trashed so many friendships that I will never get back. Seriously. You have NO idea.