How do you handle the extra attention?

JackieRL55
JackieRL55 Posts: 144 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know I'm not the only one that has had to deal with this and it affects both males and females, but I've been receiving a lot more attention from people, especially the opposite sex and I noticed that it actually bothers me sometimes. I can't help thinking to myself, "this person would never have given me the time of day when I weighed 353 pounds (my highest weight)" and that will actually make me not want to even acknowledge the attention.

Case in point: I went out Saturday night and was pursued by a very attractive young man. That thought came into my head about how he wouldn't have even looked at me sideways when I was really heavy so I was very dismissive. Not disrespectful. I just didn't bother responding to his advances. I know that's wrong and I really don't want to be rude so I'm trying to find ways to handle it better. How do you all handle the extra attention?

Replies

  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    If you were dimissive but not rude, then you handled it correctly. If you are not interested then it's okay to say so.
  • JackieRL55
    JackieRL55 Posts: 144 Member
    If you were dimissive but not rude, then you handled it correctly. If you are not interested then it's okay to say so.

    Thanks. I am single though so I don't want to wind up dismissing EVERY guy LOL might as well just buy 13 cats now! LMAO
  • nineteentwenty
    nineteentwenty Posts: 469 Member
    You're not obligated to pay attention to guys who pay attention to you :) It's intimidating to be suddenly pursued, and if you are not comfortable with it, 'no' is always acceptable. One day, you'll meet someone you don't want to dismiss :)
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    If you were dimissive but not rude, then you handled it correctly. If you are not interested then it's okay to say so.

    Thanks. I am single though so I don't want to wind up dismissing EVERY guy LOL might as well just buy 13 cats now! LMAO

    Hopefully you'll get attention from a few in which you are interested. But maybe I misunderstood your question. If you are asking how you get over the feeling that every guy who shows interest would not have shown interest before you lost weight, I don't know the answer to that one.

    There really is no way to know that. It may very well be simply that you are now more confident and that is more attractive. But in a social situation it is often outward appearance that is the attractant since there usually is not time to really get to know someone.
  • bingo_jenn
    bingo_jenn Posts: 63 Member
    I think we have to remind ourselves that maybe that guy would have found you beautiful before, but you never met him then. :)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I know I'm not the only one that has had to deal with this and it affects both males and females, but I've been receiving a lot more attention from people, especially the opposite sex and I noticed that it actually bothers me sometimes. I can't help thinking to myself, "this person would never have given me the time of day when I weighed 353 pounds (my highest weight)" and that will actually make me not want to even acknowledge the attention.

    Case in point: I went out Saturday night and was pursued by a very attractive young man. That thought came into my head about how he wouldn't have even looked at me sideways when I was really heavy so I was very dismissive. Not disrespectful. I just didn't bother responding to his advances. I know that's wrong and I really don't want to be rude so I'm trying to find ways to handle it better. How do you all handle the extra attention?

    so you pre-emptively judged him?

    how do you know he maybe wasn't over weight in his past lift?

    Bask in it- you did the work- enjoy it. You never know where anyone is coming from and who they were before they met you. All you have is the now to work with- you can't tell if he would or would not have hit on you before.

    And the reality is you are NOT that girl before- and if we like it or not- what someone looks like plays a roll in the dating world.

    Enjoy your new found attention. Give attention to who you want- and those you don't- don't justify it or make up reason why or if or could of should of- it does no one any good.

    All you have to work with is the right now. So work it sister!
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I kinda know what your feeling, but in a different way I guess. After I gave birth I was @202 lbs (so I don't know how you feel as far as the drastic weight loss, but great job!! You should be very proud!!) But sometimes I think about that when mencome and try to flirt. I'm married, so it really makes no difference anyway, but I do think well you probably wouldn't have come up to me 70 lbs ago! LOL! But just try to remain polite and you'll know when it's the right person :-)
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
    Some people who would have hit on you before won't now, based only on your looks. Same if you dyed your hair a particular color, or dressed a certain way. People have preferences, that's not a fault.

    That said, if they're douchey or you're not interested for whatever reason, it's okay to be polite but firm in your dismissal. It's also okay not to respond at all to attention you don't want. Just don't cut people off at the knees because they ARE attracted to what you've put effort into becoming for yourself.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    Some people who would have hit on you before won't now, based only on your looks. Same if you dyed your hair a particular color, or dressed a certain way. People have preferences, that's not a fault.

    That said, if they're douchey or you're not interested for whatever reason, it's okay to be polite but firm in your dismissal. It's also okay not to respond at all to attention you don't want. Just don't cut people off at the knees because they ARE attracted to what you've put effort into becoming for yourself.

    This. I know my husband would not have been attracted to be 105 pounds ago and that's fine. He never would have hit on me and we never would be married now. And I'm fine with that. I wasn't his physical type and if he gained 50 pounds he wouldn't be my type. Now, obviously, since we're married and I love him for him it wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I probably wouldn't have pursued him either.

    Everyone is attracted to something different and that's fine. I, however, WOULDN'T give the time of day to someone who knew me when I was obese and knows me now and suddenly wants to be my friend. Those guys I am just downright mean to because I think they are aholes.
  • JackieRL55
    JackieRL55 Posts: 144 Member
    See, this is stuff I needed to 'hear' so I can keep it in mind. Everyone will have their preferences, which is fine. I shouldn't rush to judgement as to whether or not they would have been interested when I was bigger (they could have) and most importantly, it's my choice.

    Thanks everybody :) your feedback is helpful.
  • lemur_lady
    lemur_lady Posts: 350 Member
    I am not quite at the stage where this has been happening but it is happening to my friend. A lot of people we knew growing up didnt want to know her when she was chubby now she is stunning and they all want to know her and tbh get in her bed. She doesnt mind the attention though. I would hate to think someone only likes me for the way I look.

    Like you said though you cant say no to everyone lol
  • Staniel_2013
    Staniel_2013 Posts: 120 Member
    I've never had to deal with this but I'm not going to lie that I am looking forward to it. Guess it's harder to think of that siutation being a man instead though.

    Not sure how I will react.

    Honestly though, I'd say that as long as you weren't just a downright rude &&@#5, maybe just enjoy the extra attention. You've work hard enough for it, has to give you a nice confidence boost.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    That thought came into my head about how he wouldn't have even looked at me sideways when I was really heavy

    nm you got it
  • piratesluver
    piratesluver Posts: 105 Member
    I think we have to remind ourselves that maybe that guy would have found you beautiful before, but you never met him then. :)

    Excellent point!

    And I notice with the weight loss I gained confidence, which is also attractive!
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
    I should also say that I've called guys out on this: there was one in particular at my gym who ignored me when I was bigger, who as I got more svelte and strong would make a beeline for me when he'd see me in the gym.
    I straight up told him he'd only started chatting me up as I got smaller. He owned it. He eyes girls at the gym as they shape up, and goes after them when they meet his taste. I don't fault that. Some people put more emphasis on chemistry and attraction to physical attributes than they do to other qualities, and that's them.

    He later proved to be a gigantic racist bigot, but that's another tale. ;)
  • fairygirlpie9
    fairygirlpie9 Posts: 288 Member
    I know what you mean and it was one of the reasons why I decided to hold on to my weight for so long. I just did not like guys looking at me - I actually felt repulsed and it's also why I have so many gay friends as I still enjoyed male company without feeling like they were checking me out. It was really hard at first but its got easier - I still feel really insecure as I know more work needs to be done to get me looking how I should. The reality is that we are all shallow to a degree, the important thing is to be the best we can be in all aspects of our life and to embrace all positive attention.
    As for any unwanted attention I'm sure a slap in the face would do it. :laugh:

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